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Bad math day after bad math day


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Math meltdown today.  Math meltdown last week.  We have changed curriculum.  I have made it clear that he must allow me to teach him and not give me crap.  If he gives me crap, I will need to either put him in a simple, self-led computer math (and everything in me rebels against this because math is his clear strength so I want to offer the best math possible) or pay someone to tutor math for him.  He is not capable of understanding algebra without a teacher.  I am not too bad an algebra teacher for a humanities gal.

 

There are no easy answers.  I think I mostly need hugs because I want to sit in a corner and alternately scream and cry.  I remind myself that being a 14 year old boy must really suck in so many ways.  I kinda get it because being a perimenopausal middle aged woman is no picnic!

 

I'm sorry I gave up drinking so early in life.  Thank you for listening.  Please send chocolate, hugs, gift certificates for massages, and math tutors to Texas.

 

That is all.

 

Edited to add the famous Oxford comma because at least I am not an idiot at that. 

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Huge hugs, buckets of chocolate (some are spiked), and an all day massage are on their way.  

 

Day going lousy here, too.  Dental appt and family health problems caused a lot of interruptions and it spiraled down from there.  At the kids' suggestion we resorted to watching School House rock videos while I tried to pull things back together.  We are currently watching Little 12 Toes.  Moving on to Science Rock once Multiplication Rock is over.  At least no one is crying/moaning/snapping/sulking anymore.  I guess even 10 and 14 year olds like School house rock upon occasion.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  How frustrating! 

 

Feel free to discard since this is a JAWM, but I have had periods with my son (ASD) where we've had to let math kind of simmer on low. It's made me sure he'd get behind, but then he makes a great surge forward in spite of keeping a low profile or doing very little math at all. It makes no sense, but neither does ASD half the time, lol! 

 

Anyway, I hope you are able to come to some kind of working arrangement soon.

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LOL!  I remember being at points where I wanted to alternately cry and scream.. MANY times I wanted to go out on my deck and scream at the top of my lungs!!  

 

I want to say up front, I'm sharing what comes next "just in case".. You may very WELL have the perfect matching program for your DS, but I've consulted with lots of parents that haven't really given "matching" much thought before.  So if you're already aware and have a program that matches your DS' learning style well, please feel free to totally ignore my post! ;-)

 

So what comes to mind for me: Does the curriculum you are using for math suit your DS' learning style?  

 

If he's a hands-on learner and it's an auditory program (or any other mismatch) there could be unnecessary difficulty or tension due to the program.

 

We had to ditch a program or two (or three or four or more) along the way before I really started to pay attention to how well the individual program fit with my son's learning styles.  Better matches did equal less contention over lessons...

 

And it was difficult for me because some of the program choices were NOT ones I would have preferred.  One in particular, turned out to be a great choice for my son, but I never would have gone there if I hadn't been solely focused on what worked best for my DS.

 

I just wanted to share that thought in case it helps reduce the scream or cry dilemma.

 

In ANY case, HUGS!! BTDT!!

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Is math still that bad at 14?    Yikes, my DS is just 12 and I deal with the same issues.    I've told him already that I'm outsourcing math to a co-op next year (with a highly regarded curriculum, and a MAN for a teacher).    "Allowing mom to teach me" is a weakness here too.    No read advice, just know that you're not alone.

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Thank you, ladies.

 

This is my second drive down the teenager path, and I had such high hopes that  my older ds, who has been so mild mannered his entire life in direct opposition to his siblings, would be my "easy teen".  Nope.  His hormones have taken him over, and I gaze in awe of the mustache appearing more every day.  I think he grows an inch every night.  I can't wait to like him again.  :)

 

I went outside in my pajama pants for some fresh air and sent him to wipe his nose and get a drink of water.  "Why do I have to get a drink of water?"  "Because I freaking said so!" (I wanted to say.)  What I said was, "It pushes your reset button.  I went outside to push mine."  Then he wanted to persist with math.  I had give up for the day.

 

Interestingly, he is going very slowly through this curriculum.  He did about 5 word problems today.  Granted, they were multiple computations word problems, but without all the meltdowns, he could have finished in one day what will now take us three days.  I let him do as much in a day as he wants.  I offer to stop when he is overwhelmed.  What kicks my ever lovin' rear end is the rudeness and the refusal to admit that his mother (who somehow obtained a masters degree) is not stupid and incapable of understanding and teaching beginning algebra.  I actually understand this quite well and intuitively know how to explain it.  He is resistant to translating the words into an equation.  When we got over this hurdle and he grudgingly agreed to do this, he then plugged in the numbers in a way that was obviously wrong.  So I explained it again and the whys and such.  I am considering doing buddy math with him and having him watch me do a problem and then he can do one.  I can do every other one.  There are plenty of problems to do this and for him to still get ample practice. 

 

We started the year with AoPS (I know, I know...his choice.  He did fine with AoPS pre-A.)  Eight weeks in, he crashed and burned and was not only not grasping the concepts, he had taught himself incorrectly so this needed to be unlearned.  We did Saxon A for a week while I researched and ordered Foerster's Algebra.  I like it a lot, and I think it is a good fit for this child of mine.  If he would drop the crappy attitude and just allow his mother to teach him, this would go a lot easier. 

 

We lost three days of schoolwork due to my other son being hospitalized late last week and then yesterday was little girl's bday.  We don't do school on bdays so this was our first day back at math in about a week.  Maybe this was wholly predictable.  Sigh.

 

Thank you all very much for the hugs, chocolate, BTDT, suggestions, etc.  I appreciate them all.  I will now sing quietly in my head "We Shall Overcome" and persevere.  I do hope that tomorrow is a new day.  :)

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Is math still that bad at 14?    Yikes, my DS is just 12 and I deal with the same issues.    I've told him already that I'm outsourcing math to a co-op next year (with a highly regarded curriculum, and a MAN for a teacher).    "Allowing mom to teach me" is a weakness here too.    No read advice, just know that you're not alone.

I'm moving where you live so I can do this.  lol

 

We are actually heavily considering a university model school for math and science for ds next year so he can have a "real" teacher for these subjects and more instruction.  It is a three day a week class.  I don't know if this will work better for him, and I remain nervous, but he has such a horrid reaction to me teaching him that it could very well work better to step out of this role.

 

My older dd was a pain in the tookus from about 14-16.  Yikes.  And I didn't have to teach her since she attended private school.  I was so hoping for better with this one.

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Have you run him through something like Hands on Equations or the Khan Academy videos?  Or both?

Don't have any experience with Hands on Equations.  Tell me more.  We have looked at Khan, and we have also watched plenty of Richard R. (AoPS) videos in pre-A and A.  He poo poos Khan.  Sigh.  Resistance galore.  I swear if we could get to the end of his chest bumping and posturing with me that would solve 50% of our issues.  It's like it is a personal affront to his burgeoning manhood to have me know something about math that he doesn't.  Well, duh.  I know a LOT of things you don't.  So weird to me.  I am not a dude.   Does being a man in training mean that you must fail to respect your mother?  Weird.

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Well if he resists Khan Academy then Hands on Equations might or might not work, depending on how receptive he is to any new suggestions from you.  I love it, though, and have read great review after great review from parents here and elsewhere.  It comes with a DVD so it would not be you teaching the material but it is a great visual, auditory and kinesthetic way to explain basic Algebra.  It comes in a kit.  Sometimes it is on sale at Home School Buyer's Co-op.  

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

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I remind myself that being a 14 year old boy must really suck in so many ways.  I kinda get it because being a perimenopausal middle aged woman is no picnic!

 

:lol:

 

:grouphug:

 

I'm tutoring an ASD kiddo who turned 13 Saturday. He doesn't really like having the tutor teach him any more than my kids liked having mom teach them at that age. They just know everything and if they don't, then it must not be worth knowing. :svengo:

 

I think you should go for chocolate with plenty of liquor in it! Eat while enjoying a hot jetted bath. If you can't do it, indulge in a little fantasy time on me.

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:grouphug:

 

Texasmama, this sounds like my situation too. Except I did the outsourcing thing. Ds is doing an AoPS class and has a tutor to help. :D

 

It could be a Mommy-thing, tween/teen hood or not. Ds always thinks he's right, even if the answer book tells him otherwise. :svengo: But a lot of time spent on Alcumus has been good in that he can't argue with the computer :D. That aside, ds likes to read the text and does not want help from me, despite the fact that he sometimes comes away with an inaccurate or incomplete understanding. But it's different when it comes to his tutor. Ds is one of those who thinks much better when discussing with another person. His tutor, whom he loves, fulfils this role perfectly. It's also curious how he sometimes talks out the solution with his tutor with little or no cues, when minutes before the tutor arrived, he's befuddled. I've come to terms with the fact that sometimes, us moms are not the best people to bring forth this aspect in our kids. At least not in my case.

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I am sorry for your math struggles. Is he ASD? DS and I don't struggle like this with math because son knows that math is a major weakness. Writing is our challenge.

 

DS will be 15 yo in a couple of weeks. He has dyscalculia and we are using the Foerster's text. DS can handle no more than 30 minutes of algebra. I sit with him and stop him once he starts making mistakes. With that level of direct teaching, I have to stop too.

 

I realize your DS wants some space, so perhaps you can agree to demonstrate the problem and then back up once your DS proves that he can perform the problem solving. As a reward for no attitude, maybe take him and his friends bowling or allow him to have a friend over. You could also supplement with Tablet Class. There is a sample online. My DS thought it was dry as dirt; however, I have seen it recommended.

 

Hang in there, Mom. My DS is three inches taller than me. I get the mom and boy hormones, and they are not pretty.

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Agree the age is terrible for learning from Mom.  DD14 was butting heads over and over with me for trying to teach her math and math related things (including reading a clock and a calendar) even though she desperately needed one on one instruction, scaffolding, and multiple modality exposure.  She was fighting me far more than she did when we were afterschooling before her tween years.  It made lessons really a pain for both of us.  

 

In fact, when I finally stepped her all the way back to basic subitization skills it got worse for a while because we had to work together constantly.  She liked the on-line and worksheet Dynamo Math stuff but hated it when I had to sit with her for the one on one part of the remediation program, or with the Ronit Bird stuff, both of which were actually the really critical components.  We muddled through and now that she is doing CLE it has been a huge help.  We do some together at the beginning to introduce something new or do a quick review of a newish something, but the rest of the lesson she can do almost completely independently since so much is a tight spiral review.  I cannot let us go more than 2 days without doing a lesson, though, or she starts to forget the more recently learned items.  She loves CLE.  And now that she sees that the book is saying the same thing as me she is sort of accepting that Mom isn't an idiot.  :)

 

Hugs again.  I was thinking about you this morning and just wanted to send more support.  :)

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All I can say is thanks for this thread.  I've got a 14 ds, too, and it helps to objectively look at the age and the difficulties inherent with that age, for boys and their moms, in particular.  I've taken a bit of a back seat and have let him do more independent work these days, really wishing I could help him more, but I guess this is a common problem.  We need group hugs, and to persevere and keep on telling them we love them no matter what...

 

It's too bad you weren't using Saxon, though, as I think Art Reed is a masterful teacher with boys and his lessons average only 5-7 minutes per day!  Math is no longer a big problem for us here, but we have other subjects, especially logic and latin, that require a lot of patience, too!  I love latin, but he does not want to let me help him much with it.  Sigh....

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Thank you all so much!

 

I think no matter what curriculum we use, this will be an issue.  Oddly, he does not fight me with other subjects.  He was very engaged and willing to answer questions yesterday during our logic.  He is not a huge talker, but he will make comments about history.  He accepts feedback about writing.  It is math that slays us so I think I should be glad it is just one subject. 

 

He is not quite ASD, but he is not quite NT, either.  Math is his clear strength, as evidenced in multiple rounds of testing over the years.  He does have anxiety about tests, but I think the anxiety he describes is within the normal range.  It is not paralyzing, and he does well on tests.  Tests are part of his science co op experience every other week.  He has always had a negative reaction when he does not immediately understand everything in math.  When he was little, he cried when I told him a problem was wrong so I would have to point at it and say "Look at this one again", which was less upsetting.

 

Last night I had a nice talk with him about college, initiated by him.  He asked a lot of questions about how it works.  I will work on ways to shore up our relationship and bring more positivity into it, as there seems to be so much negativity and conflict lately.  I suggested the buddy math concept, and he did not refuse it.  I will bring it up again.

 

I don't think this is curriculum-related, though I am very open to using other programs like Hands on Equations or Keys to Algebra to support the Foerster's text.  At this level of math, he is not able to self-teach, I don't think.  He makes assumptions and leaps and doesn't read carefully and ends up with odd, incorrect thinking and answers.  He needs me (or another person) to teach him.  When I have suggested a math tutor (a friend of mine or a smart 18 year old college student), he is horrified.  This is worse than me teaching him.  He accepts a teacher in a class, though, because that is different somehow.  I think he would do fine in the university model class with some support at home.  They do offer additional tutoring, as well.  He wants to do well on his work.  He works slowly and diligently.  He has no ADHD.

 

Thank you all again for helping me think and talk this out.  It has been helpful to me, and I will start to implement some of these ideas and see if that improves our math time.

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One other helpful tip...

 

I am finding that if I send my ds an email or write down my ideas for him correcting his work, it goes a lot better right now than if I try to work with him directly.  So when I check over his math homework, I write him notes.  When I check his latin, more notes.  He seems to take it better from me when things are written down than when correction is verbally expressed.  Plus I am learning to find what he has done well and point that out, too...rather than only remarking on what needs to be corrected.  And timing is everything, as well. 

 

Blessings,

Brenda

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I don't think this is curriculum-related, though I am very open to using other programs like Hands on Equations or Keys to Algebra to support the Foerster's text.  At this level of math, he is not able to self-teach, I don't think.  He makes assumptions and leaps and doesn't read carefully and ends up with odd, incorrect thinking and answers.  He needs me (or another person) to teach him.  When I have suggested a math tutor (a friend of mine or a smart 18 year old college student), he is horrified.  This is worse than me teaching him.  He accepts a teacher in a class, though, because that is different somehow.  I think he would do fine in the university model class with some support at home.  They do offer additional tutoring, as well.  He wants to do well on his work.  He works slowly and diligently.  He has no ADHD.

 

Thank you all again for helping me think and talk this out.  It has been helpful to me, and I will start to implement some of these ideas and see if that improves our math time.

According to Sousa, my go to author for math,

 

The pre-frontal cortex develops very slowly and is not fully mature until the age of 22 to 24.  Thus, children and adolescents are prone to impulsive decisions while problem solving...Students must resist the automated and meaningless responses and proceed to thoughtfully analyze the stituation and select the appropriate calculation algorithm for the problem at hand.  

 

 

Your son's impulsivity and subsequent incorrect answers with math are common.  My DS does the same thing, and I am milliseconds away from drawing and laminating a sign that reads "Stop...Think...Choose..."  Heck, I may have shirts made.

 

I don't know how to tackle the incorrect assumptions and leaps issue other than to raise my son's awareness to how the brain works. DS is reminded constantly that he must understand and accept his own learning in order to learn and regulate his own frustration.  I don't know if that makes sense.  These boys do have positive control, they just need to realize and seize it...No matter how frustrated they may be, it is not OK to take that out on Mom.  Am I clear as mud?

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According to Sousa, my go to author for math,

 

 

Your son's impulsivity and subsequent incorrect answers with math are common.  My DS does the same thing, and I am milliseconds away from drawing and laminating a sign that reads "Stop...Think...Choose..."  Heck, I may have shirts made.

 

I don't know how to tackle the incorrect assumptions and leaps issue other than to raise my son's awareness to how the brain works. DS is reminded constantly that he must understand and accept his own learning in order to learn and regulate his own frustration.  I don't know if that makes sense.  These boys do have positive control, they just need to realize and seize it...No matter how frustrated they may be, it is not OK to take that out on Mom.  Am I clear as mud?

lol  Send me a tshirt.  ;)

 

You are clear, and I am behind this 100%!  Yes, things are frustrating, but it is not okay to use mom as a verbal punching bag.

 

Today went better.  We started with me doing the first word problem.  He did the second.  He got frustrated because he skipped an interim step.  This lead to a long explanation from me on the need from here on to "show your work" and why we do simple problems so systematically even if we can do parts of them in our heads.  He is a hard sell and said it was the stupidest thing ever.  I told him it was universal so he must adjust.  I am also trying to stuff him into a mold of doing things "the typical way" because he tends to make odd changes to problems which lead to careless or other errors.  If I can drill the algorithm into his head, the process of writing the formula and then carefully substituting information and then solving for the variable, he will do much better.  I showed him how.  He was completely unaware of the middle step.  He got the correct answer but had no idea how.  I framed it that he intuitively understood math and that is great but he needs to be able to show HOW he gets an answer and also to practice NOT skipping steps because in the future, when the more complex problems are presented, he will not be able to skip steps and the process needs to be automatic.  He was able to get frustrated and then be talked down, though.  Go, us!

 

In the last problem, he was left with 2X = 36, and he subtracted 2 from both sides.  This not infrequently happens to him in spite of a long time drilling the fact that an invisible multiplication sign exists between the 2 and the X.  We had just done several problems in which both sides were divided by a number to isolate the variable, and he looked at it like it was written in German.  This I do not understand.  Maybe I need to read a Sousa book. 

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What chapter are you on? Chapter three teaches the algebraic properties and identities, and the student has to do proofs.  That chapter really solidifed some concepts in a way that I did not imagine.  

 

Sousa just explains math learning. HOE would definitely help to explain the concept of 2x=36.

 

Good luck!

 

ETA:  DS works really well with manipulatives and can visualize problems.  His issue is that falling back on that type of problem solving runs completely counter to the schooling he has received to date.  When DS stops to visualize, he performs so much better.  Unfortunately, that type of thinking runs counter to how algebra is traditionally taught.

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What chapter are you on? Chapter three teaches the algebraic properties and identities, and the student has to do proofs.  That chapter really solidifed some concepts in a way that I did not imagine.  

 

Sousa just explains math learning. HOE would definitely help to explain the concept of 2x=36.

 

Good luck!

 

ETA:  DS works really well with manipulatives and can visualize problems.  His issue is that falling back on that type of problem solving runs completely counter to the schooling he has received to date.  When DS stops to visualize, he performs so much better.  Unfortunately, that type of thinking runs counter to how algebra is traditionally taught.

We are just finishing Chapter 1 due to our false start with another curriculum.  He knows the 2x=36. He just has the brain farts in which he randomly subtracts rather than divides.  I don't understand it at all.  I look forward to Chapter 3!  :D  I'm great with using whatever helps him to understand the concepts.  Manipulatives, video teaching, whatever it takes!  I am open to any and all.  He does need incremental and explicit instruction at this point.  And he does have some intuitive math skills, though they do not always guide him correctly at this juncture.

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No further insight. But it's heartening to read what Heathermomster quoted. We need the tshirt too!

 

Fwiw, Ds' math tutor is on a break while rethinking his math PhD, and has had a very successful academic career thus far. He thinks he was as impulsive as Ds at the same age. His advice? "Take a deep breath before answering." He remembers disliking it when told to do that, and he couldn't do it either. Well, he's outgrown this tendency to rush, so our kids have hope yet. They need time, perhaps more than most.

 

All the best.

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Hands on Equations.  Not as a switch but as a supplement.  Hands on Equations.  Really, really helpful.  Works through all the steps in a way that might stick.  Great program.

Can you link me to what you think I need?  There seems to be several parts to this program.  I found a game, but I think that is not what you refer to.  (This always happens to me...I get lost in the "pieces".  ;) )

 

Likely it would be helpful for my other son, too.

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Can you link me to what you think I need?  There seems to be several parts to this program.  I found a game, but I think that is not what you refer to.  (This always happens to me...I get lost in the "pieces".  ;) )

 

Likely it would be helpful for my other son, too.

http://www.homeschoolbuyersco-op.org/math-supplemental/

 

should be at the top of the list.  when I ordered it there I got the whole kit

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Texas, I've stayed outta this because, well, you know I really respect anyone whose relationship is such that they can make it work.  I gave up and put her in TT. 

 

I know what it's not, but we still did it.  Oddities abound.  Creekmom, Sandy in Indy, somebody I know privately, there are these people with bright kids who did TT, are good anyway at extending concepts, and it works out.  I'm not saying it's brilliant stuff, but it ended the conflict in our house.  Math that gets done is better than not done.  And frankly it turns out the dorky dude on TT is really good at connecting with our wacky kids!  ;)

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Hi OhE!  I might end up giving up and putting him in TT.  We are just not quite there yet.  ;)

 

Today went well.  He is on the end of chapter test.  He did a little over half of it and got all problems correct except for one in which he made a brain fart fractions error.  His attitude was good.  My attitude was good, too.  We all get chocolate.  :D

 

I tried this morning to order HoE from the HBCo op thingie, but I never got the code.  It showed the order in my account but the code was not there.  I will try again later.  I was busy with dh out of town, my elderly father calling a lot for help with his credit cards, doing school with the children, and a job interview.  I am JUST finishing school with dd now!  (Started long division today, and I will pay one of you ladies to come teach that evil thing...I barely made it through twice with the boys.  It is the weirdest thing ever.  I have no idea how I ever learned it myself.)

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Well if he resists Khan Academy then Hands on Equations might or might not work, depending on how receptive he is to any new suggestions from you.  I love it, though, and have read great review after great review from parents here and elsewhere.  It comes with a DVD so it would not be you teaching the material but it is a great visual, auditory and kinesthetic way to explain basic Algebra.  It comes in a kit.  Sometimes it is on sale at Home School Buyer's Co-op.  

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

Re the bolded, I plan to make everyone participate and watch it/do the program.  :D  Then it will not be about just him.  I will make sure that I prep him for not making negative comments about it.

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Today we had a goofy time repeatedly singing "All I want for Chrisrmas is Procedural Memory" to the tune of "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth". It was good spirited and with emphadis on LD boy being able to get math answers without following procedures but being trapped from progressing in his math book because of not following necessary procedures. LD boy found it hilarious and it helped him to understand there are many other LD kids struggling with procedural memory problems. It's funny in 5th grade but I suspect it won't be so cute when he's older.

Love this!  So cute.  It's good to laugh when you can.  :)

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  (Started long division today, and I will pay one of you ladies to come teach that evil thing...I barely made it through twice with the boys.  It is the weirdest thing ever.  I have no idea how I ever learned it myself.)

We learned short division in RightStart, and I thought that was worthwhile.  Long division, well that's why there are calculators.   :lol: 

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