Expecting others to travel long distances to a birthday party?

[Laura Corin]

We are definitely taking Hobbes to the party - we can afford the petrol and will be able to share the driving duties with another family - but I'm just curious.  

 

A friend of Hobbes (who lives near us) has decided to have his party at a facility that is over an hour away.  At 9am on a Saturday.  This seems to me a) a long way to expect the parents to travel and b ) early!  We will have to get up at 7 on a weekend morning.

 

What do you think?

 

FWIW, Hobbes has camping parties in the garden; I'm not joining the arms race.

 

L

[Tap]

How far is reasonable for just a basic causal kids party? 15 minutes.  I drive 1500 miles per month, so I am not averse to a bit of a drive, but anything over 15 minutes or so would make me consider how good of a friend the party is for.   

 

IF there is an extra special event attached to it that is specific to the location, then I wouldn't think much of driving 30 minutes for a casual friend.  Like going to a water park or special performance. 

 

 

For a true BFF friend, I would drive an hour without much thought.

 

 

 

 

How early? If I am driving an hour.....11 would be reasonable, 10 would be acceptable, 9  would be pushing the limits, and 8am is unlikely to happen if I am the driver, unless there is a darn good reason for it to start that early. 

 

[Mrs Mungo]

I voted an hour, but that is often the norm here. I *often* take my kids to parties an hour away because of how this crazy island is set up. But, I don't like to leave my house before 9 if I can help it, *especially* on the weekends.

[lailasmum]

I think an hour is ok, but everywhere around here seems to take an hour if it's not in our town. I think 9am is very early though.

[Cammie]

Anyplace here is an hour...so I wouldn't blink an eye.  I wouldn't like to do very early but then we have been invited to hiking parties that did have to start really early.  However, the norm here is that the whole family is invited to the party...and lots of food available.  We were served breakfast at a roadside place before the hike, lunch and snacks on the hike, cake after.

[Ellie]

I have always lived in big cities, where I can expect to have to drive at least 20 minutes to half an hour to get most places, so I voted 30 minutes travel time (and I could push that to 45 minutes). I would *not* schedule something before, oh, 11 a.m. That's just not right.

[Joules]

Huge metro area, so an hour is a normal drive here. I drove nearly an hour to ds's party, but that was because we chose a location closer to most of his friends, so I do think it's important to be considerate of guests.

The time is hard. I said 10 because most things open then, the zoo, the museum, etc. I can definitely see the point in dong it early, before things get too crowded or traffic gets too bad. And the families can spend the rest of the day at the venue, usually for free. (I'm just assuming it is at some venue since it's an hour away for both guests and host.)

[linders]

I voted "other." The distance thing would depend on the degree of friendship - we have travelled 2 hours for the bday of a close childhood friend, but for a casual school friend - maybe 30 minutes.

 

But the event would matter, also. If it is just a general party, I would be less inclined to go a distance (or go early). If this is a special celebration (e.g. turning 13, doing an all-day paintball party at a facility a distance away), distance and time answers would be different. And if it was a case of the whole family being friends, and parents staying to socialize with other parents, answer would be different.

[saw]

I think it depends on what a "usual" drive is where you are. We often travel an hour to get to lessons or similar, but that's just because of where we live. I wouldn't be thrilled about a 9 a.m. start but maybe that has to do with the nature of the party? I remember once DS was invited to a paintballing party at a venue located far from us, and I think the times were set by the facility. He ended up staying the night at his friend's house because that made it easier. I hope Hobbes has a great time at the party!

[Haiku]

My kids play hockey. We routinely get up at 5 am on weekends to travel 1-4 hours for games. To me, driving an hour to be somewhere at 9 am is peanuts. And it's the kid's birthday. Perfectly reasonable, imo.

[Hannah]

In our area people generally drive between 15 and 30 min to get to activities.

 

We have had birthday parties go to a specific venue in the big city just over and hour's drive away.  Usually the parents then both drive and offer or arrange lifts to parents who don't mind their children (aged around 12) driving with someone else.  The party generally starts at the venue at 11h00.

[Carrie12345]

I can't decide how to vote!

Where I live, it takes at least 30 minutes to get anywhere interesting and an hour to get anywhere REALLY interesting, so my perspective may not be normal.  We also live about 2 hours from any family, so it wouldn't be unusual to accept from or invite to that distance.

My husband took the kids to two (home) parties FOUR hours away this summer. Now that is beyond my comfort zone, but I didn't have to go.  They did get there late for both, but that happens with a 4 hour trip!

 

[LaxMom]

We also drive all over the place for activities, and recently had our boys' birthday party over an hour away, playing laser tag at a venue where they play indoor lacrosse in winter. Most of the party goers were lax chums, so I don't think the parents gave it much of a thought.

 

9 a.m. seems insanely early, though. Most parties are afternoon affairs, some evening. I guess the time wouldn't be insane if the venue/activity was obviously a morning thing, but I can't think of anything that would be firmly attached to 9 a.m....

[Kerileanne99]

Hhhmmm, one thing I would also note is that in the US, almost everything requires longer drives. An hour is really nothing. We regularly drive 2 hours EACH WAY on Saturdays just to drive to the bigger city for things to do, shopping, etc.

In the UK, driving an hour I think is a much bigger deal. Maybe more on par with people in the US traveling 2-3 hours? My FIL and BIL live 2 hours apart in the UK and see each other about 3 x per year because of the 'distance' and the price of petrol.

 

Would Americans drive an hour for a party if gas costs rose 3-4 times as much?

 

Regardless, what were they thinking on the time on a Saturday morning?!

 

ETA: according to this BBC fuel calculator, current average UK prices for petrol would be about the equivalent of people in the US paying $7.75 per gallon where I live. Other places in the US would be almost $1 more.

http://m.bbc.com/news/business-21238363

[Laura Corin]

Would Americans drive an hour for a party if gas costs rose 3-4 times as much?

 

 

That's a good point.  It costs me £60 (US$90) to fill up my Ford Focus Hatchback.

 

L

[AimeeM]

I don't have an issue with it.

Last year, when DD13 was attending the private school, many of the children lived far from us and far from the school. When birthday parties would come up, and they were 45 minutes to an hour away, usually one of the school personnel would offer to meet everyone at the school and take those interested to the party in the school SUV.

I can see certain destination parties being far away, and I would try my best to make sure my kiddos were able to attend. Of course, I say this as someone whose closest family is over 2 hours away, and they make it a point to try to come to our birthday parties.

[mumto2]

I have driven an hour for birthday party in the UK so voted that I would. I admit the early start time would give me pause. If they had to start early because it is a popular activity like laser tag I would be OK with it. Especially something that my kids need a group of friends assembled in order to have the experience. I hope he has a great time at the party!

[Sherry in OH]

An hours’ drive for a teen outing would be normal here.  The host family either provides transportation or arranges carpooling.    

 

If an event for younger children is that far away, parents and siblings are usually also invited. 

[Alessandra]

I would drive if there were a reasonable reason, say the location was the nearest rock climbing gym. Or if there was a special early morning tour of a zoo or museum.

 

I would also expect food and something for the parents/ drivers to do.

 

We are in U.S. suburbs. People are often looking for party locations that have not been used again and again, so often they end up going further afield.

 

I voted 45 minutes and 10 am, though I would do the one you describe anyway.

[Farrar]

I had to pick other for the drive. If the activity is extra special then it can be worth a longer time. I also think the close-knitness of the families in the friend circle sort of makes a difference - a massive everyone's invited party is different from a just the four best friends sort of thing and seems to deserve more attention. And clearly the cost of gas and the average time spent driving to regular activities has to make a difference.

 

Making anyone leave the house before 9 am seems cruel to me so I picked 10. But I'm sure cultural norms make a difference there in terms of what time things start. The nature of the activity would also make a difference, I guess. Some activities need to start early. But not others. There's no reason to be out bounce housing at nine in the morning.

[catz]

We live in the middle of a large US metro area. Driving an hour for a birthday would be really unusual unless someone stuck something in the middle of rush hour. And 9 am on a weekend? Yikes! Unless this was a bestie, we would probably decline. We have driven up to like 45 minutes for a birthday, but I am never happy about it.

[FaithManor]

Hmmmm.... people can plan what they want, but they should not have expectations.

 

I think that a pa r th that starts before 11 am on a Saturday regardless of distance can be a bad idea because many people do really savor a later, leisurely Saturday morning.

 

It wouldn't be my idea of "well thought out".

[KungFuPanda]

  

Hhhmmm, one thing I would also note is that in the US, almost everything requires longer drives. An hour is really nothing. We regularly drive 2 hours EACH WAY on Saturdays just to drive to the bigger city for things to do, shopping, etc.

In the UK, driving an hour I think is a much bigger deal. Maybe more on par with people in the US traveling 2-3 hours? My FIL and BIL live 2 hours apart in the UK and see each other about 3 x per year because of the 'distance' and the price of petrol.

Would Americans drive an hour for a party if gas costs rose 3-4 times as much?

Regardless, what were they thinking on the time on a Saturday morning?!

ETA: according to this BBC fuel calculator, current average UK prices for petrol would be about the equivalent of people in the US paying $7.75 per gallon where I live. Other places in the US would be almost $1 more.

http://m.bbc.com/news/business-21238363

This is very dependent upon where you live. I'm spoiled for most things in my life involving a 10 minute drive. An hour is a huge deal for me. That puts me past one of two cities and into rural areas where I don't often have a reason to travel.

 

Even though the US is huge, most people live in urban areas. I think an hour in the car, even for a work commute, is considered tedious my most people. I get cranky over sitting on the car too long, so I may be projecting a bit here.

[wintermom]

I think a lot depends on the activity being done, and when the facility is available, and the people involved. If this particular event is for teens, I really can't see a parent intentionally booking it for 9:00 am Saturday morning an hour away unless there is a good and logical reason. I guess I assume that friends who plan and organize parties put some serious thought into what they are inviting people to, and that they wouldn't plan something unless there was a logical reason. I know that this isn't always the case, but most of my family and friends do tend to think things through, and try to be considerate for others if they have a choice.

 

The OP didn't say what the activity is and why the distance was so far. I would assume that if a 14 yo boy was invited, that maybe it's laser tag, paint ball, wall climbing, high-ropes activity or something like that. These facilities would be at limited locations and the times available for parties could be limited. 

 

I would have no problems at all driving an hour in the early morning to get to a party with specialized activities. 

[Truscifi]

We did a party an hour away once, but coordinated transportation to make it easier on the other families. Also we had it much later in the day.

 

An hour is not uncommon in our area. We live in a rural area with everything pretty spread out, so if a party isn't at home or the park, it is probably at least a 45 minute drive.

[Guest submarines]

For a good, friend--sure. For a casual friend--no way.

[Dory]

I had to say other because if it was a close friend or a family, I'd gladly travel a few hours for it. If it was just a casual friend then no. Up here if we didn't travel at least an hour and a half for birthday parties we wouldn't go to very many of them.

[Dmmetler]

I don't expect it, but realistically, if we only socialized within a 15 minute radius, DD would see maybe 2 people. Homeschoolers are just really, really spread out. DD's party next month is a small group of kids beading bracelets and playing with legos at our house, with pizza and cake, but the guests are coming from 15 minutes-3 HOURS away-and that's how far these families regularly drive. We'll make similar length drives for their parties or just general social activities.

 

 

 

 

[Arcadia]

9am would be ok for my boys because they will sleep on the car ride there. However its too early for whoever is the driver in general. My hubby would be ok with driving that early but I would be half awake at the party.

Traffic jam is so bad nowadays an hour's drive might be somewhere not that far.

[JoJosMom]

I voted "other" and 11 am.  We live in a rural area with only a very small town nearby.  There are few party options here if one wants to have an organized party "event."  On those occasions where we've opted for that type of party, we've limited the number of invites to the number of seatbelts available in my/our vehicle(s).  Gas is expensive and time is valuable; I don't want to put other parents in the position of having to spend a lot of both to attend my child's party.  (Of course, this only works because the circle of friends is small and the parents all know one another.)

[redsquirrel]

We are definitely taking Hobbes to the party - we can afford the petrol and will be able to share the driving duties with another family - but I'm just curious.  

 

A friend of Hobbes (who lives near us) has decided to have his party at a facility that is over an hour away.  At 9am on a Saturday.  This seems to me a) a long way to expect the parents to travel and b ) early!  We will have to get up at 7 on a weekend morning.

 

What do you think?

 

FWIW, Hobbes has camping parties in the garden; I'm not joining the arms race.

 

L

 

An hour for a one off party at a special place? Maybe, especially if it is good friend. 9am for said party? Not going to happen.

 

Edited to add: Laura, you are in the UK, correct?  My delightful now ex-BIL was a Brit and he had a very different concept of driving distance than I did. For me, driving an hour was a commitment but not a huge big deal. There are LOTS of people in the US who drive that far and more to work and home every day. My mother commuted about 45 mins to work and back every day for 30 years and no one thought twice about it. He saw driving an hour or two as being a big outing that warranted snacks and possibly a lie down upon arrival . We found it quite amusing

[SKL]

It depends on how cool it is.  ;)

 

I have driving over an hour to family birthday parties, but so far I don't think I've done that for friend parties.  I'd probably drive about 45 minutes or less for a party at a paid fun place such as Little Gym / Bounce House etc.

[Cinder]

I voted 30 mins, 10:00. We're in a large metro area and most activities/friends' houses are within 30-35 mins from our house. There was really only one birthday event that was much farther away. One of ds2's friends had a kayaking/campout for his birthday. It was about 1.5 hours away and the dads (b-day boy and my dh) drove the boys up the afternoon before; they went straight after school. They camped overnight, spent the next day kayaking, grabbed dinner somewhere and then met the other parents at school for pickup.

 

 

[lailasmum]

From experience the thing with driving here in the UK and many people not routinely driving far, is that in the middle of the UK there are so many cities and large towns so close together that you don't need to. On the rural extremities of the UK it's a different story, everything that's not just the basics of life is an hour plus drive and most people drive that far routinely but fuel is very expensive. 

[chocolatechip]

I voted 45 minutes and 10am. However, I only go to parties of close friends. I'd be fine with driving farther for a friend. An acquaintance? I'm an introvert. I would be probably reluctant to go. A drive of 30+ minutes wouldn't be making me any too eager. 

 

10 am is the earliest I'd prefer, friend or no.

 

[Beth S]

I didn't read all the responses, but why can't you drive your son over to the birthday boy's house & have THEM drive your son to & back from the party?

 

We carpool with others all the time, as many of our kids' activities are quite far from our home.

 

 

[vonfirmath]

Huge metro area, so an hour is a normal drive here. I drove nearly an hour to ds's party, but that was because we chose a location closer to most of his friends, so I do think it's important to be considerate of guests.

The time is hard. I said 10 because most things open then, the zoo, the museum, etc. I can definitely see the point in dong it early, before things get too crowded or traffic gets too bad. And the families can spend the rest of the day at the venue, usually for free. (I'm just assuming it is at some venue since it's an hour away for both guests and host.)

 

Around here you do outside parties early to avoid the heat.

[dzingirl]

For me, how far I would be willing to drive or expect others to drive depends on the closeness of the relationship. If I have a party for my kids I am expecting my family to drive between 1-2 hours. I would not drive more than 30-45 minutes for a kids' party. Where I live there aren't many party location possibilities, so I would expect that any non-home party would be that far away.

[Garga]

I'm adventurous. I'd drive a long way early in the morning. It's one day out of the tens of thousands of days in my life. No biggie.

[Laura Corin]

I didn't read all the responses, but why can't you drive your son over to the birthday boy's house & have THEM drive your son to & back from the party?

 

We carpool with others all the time, as many of our kids' activities are quite far from our home.

 

Too many children invited.  We will be sharing the driving with one of the other guest families - otherwise we would be hanging around an hour from home for five hours (or something - they forgot to put the pick up time on the invitation, so I need to call to get that).  Or spending most of the day driving back and forth.

 

L

[displace]

We are definitely taking Hobbes to the party - we can afford the petrol and will be able to share the driving duties with another family - but I'm just curious.

 

A friend of Hobbes (who lives near us) has decided to have his party at a facility that is over an hour away. At 9am on a Saturday. This seems to me a) a long way to expect the parents to travel and b ) early! We will have to get up at 7 on a weekend morning.

 

What do you think?

 

FWIW, Hobbes has camping parties in the garden; I'm not joining the arms race.

 

L

Just wanted to say I love the? marks in the poll!

[DawnM]

For a special occasion where my child really, really wanted to go?  Yes, I would.

 

However, we also just bought a hybrid vehicle in March of this year and it has made our gas bill fall drastically!  I went from regularly driving a Sequoia (17mpg) to driving a Hybrid (usually over 40mpg).

 

 

Dawn

 

 

Hhhmmm, one thing I would also note is that in the US, almost everything requires longer drives. An hour is really nothing. We regularly drive 2 hours EACH WAY on Saturdays just to drive to the bigger city for things to do, shopping, etc.
In the UK, driving an hour I think is a much bigger deal. Maybe more on par with people in the US traveling 2-3 hours? My FIL and BIL live 2 hours apart in the UK and see each other about 3 x per year because of the 'distance' and the price of petrol.

Would Americans drive an hour for a party if gas costs rose 3-4 times as much?

Regardless, what were they thinking on the time on a Saturday morning?!

ETA: according to this BBC fuel calculator, current average UK prices for petrol would be about the equivalent of people in the US paying $7.75 per gallon where I live. Other places in the US would be almost $1 more.
http://m.bbc.com/news/business-21238363

 

[Wheres Toto]

Definitely too early in the morning.

 

The drive is hard to say.

 

My in-laws live 2 1/2 hours away. We've driven down there for birthday parties but we usually stay with MIL so aren't doing the round trip in one day.

 

Kids who are known through school, sports, activities usually will have parties fairly local so less than 30 minutes is typical.  We don't have to drive far to find a large variety of things in our area.  Oldest dd's dance studio was 30-45 minutes from home (depending on traffic) so she often had parties with those friends farther away but they were often sleep overs, so again not a round trip in a short amount of time.   When we planned her parties, we would try and do them about 1/2 way between her school and her dance studio so no one had to drive very far.

 

Older kids occasionally have parties that either involve skiing or going into NYC.  Either is a longer drive but usually the parents of the birthday child drive in those situations and are only taking a small group of teenagers.

[MomtoCandJ]

Maybe because I live rural I have a different perspective on this, but dd1's friends (well their parents) will be driving about 30 minutes round trip for her party. Dmil and dfil will be about 20 minutes one way, my mom will be driving over 4hours with my middle brother and his 3 kids. My mom, brother and his three will be arriving the day before Thanksgiving and staying until Sunday, dd1's party is Saturday.

[momto10blessings]

For good friends/family I would drive an hour or 2. We live almost 2 hours from family though and drive to see them once a month.

[mommymilkies]

I don't know. Family drives about an hour for birthdays sometimes.  We go to a pumpkin patch 1.5 hours or so from us and about half that from them.  But they don't have to.  It's just a fun family thing and not a party.  We've traveled 3 hours to go to a museum and again they were invited but not expected to come.  For friends I would offer to drive them or have it closer. We are very rural.

[Alice]

I think it's too far and too early. We have considered doing  birthday parties both far away and early. One was a ropes course my boys love that is about an hour away. The other was a hike that is popular around here so better if you go earlier in the day. For the ropes course I told my son he could only invite as many people as we could drive (which would have been 2-3 boys) since I thought it was too far for parents to have to go. For the hike we had a plan to have the boys meet here and then have dh's brother help drive them. We ended up not doing either idea since the distance and timing did make it more complicated. 

 

I would probably do it for a close friend (and I'd definitely look for carpooling options like you did) but I'd roll my eyes internally and wonder a bit at what the parents were thinking. :)

[Amy in NH]

For me it depends on the relationship we have with the child/family.  Most of our family and my teen sons' friends live 1-2 hours away.  I am willing to drive for many of those parties, but I would probably decline if we had to be there very early in the morning and weren't able to stay over the night before with either the friends/family having the party or others in the general area.

[Alessandra]

Too many children invited. We will be sharing the driving with one of the other guest families - otherwise we would be hanging around an hour from home for five hours (or something - they forgot to put the pick up time on the invitation, so I need to call to get that). Or spending most of the day driving back and forth.

 

L

Five hours? I hope that you are meeting at an airport and taking a private plane to Paris for lunch, lol.

[Laura Corin]

Five hours? I hope that you are meeting at an airport and taking a private plane to Paris for lunch, lol.

 

Funnily enough we will be near the airport.  If we can't share lifts, I'll suggest that Husband and I leave the car at the tram station and take the tram into Edinburgh to have lunch there.

 

L