S/O How are You Helping Your Young Adult Children?

[Χά�ων]

The "Worth more than Minimum Wage" topic has me wondering. What are you doing to help your young adult child establish themselves in the world? 

 

I do not have the financial resources to pay for my son's college education. He will lose his medical insurance at 18. 

 

He is only 10 but his career ambitions have been some variation of the same thing for 4 years now. 

 

I can only do so much. I plan to help him as much as possible. I do not want him to work unless it is a campus job. I want him to be able to focus on his studies. It is more important, IMHO, that he uses his teen and young adult years to focus on his studies. 

 

Currently his goals involve graduate school and an out of state internship.  I am unsure how I will be able to help him from afar. I would be willing to help pay for some of his rent and utilities during his internship but that would depend on my financial situation at that time.  

[SKL]

I have some "retirement" money saved up but I am not sure exactly how it will be used.  I think of it as my kids' education fund, though.  It will become available without penalty within a couple years of the time my kids graduate high school.

 

Where I live, there are many nearby colleges / universities, so they should be able to live at home if that is helpful.

 

I will encourage my kids to work part-time/summers and to try for scholarships, work study, and other sources of cash that don't have to be repaid.  In the likely event that they need other funds, I will help them get student loans if that is beneficial.

 

I will perform financial analysis with my kids and determine which types of financing make the most sense.  It will depend partly on what subsidies are available at that time, which I cannot predict.

 

Likewise, I'll have to see what the situation is like in 10 years before I can say what I'll do about their health insurance etc.  Most likely they will be able to stay on mine - but since I am paying mine out of pocket 100%, that may or may not be the best option.

[Jenny in Florida]

We've told our kids that we will move heaven and earth to cover the expenses necessary for each of them to get a bachelor's degree. (I should mention that we did/do expect both of them to do their level best to seek out and qualify for scholarships and grants to defray costs as much as possible and to make reasonable choices about which school to attend.) If it is financially feasible, we'll try to help with post-graduate education, if they choose to pursue that, but they shouldn't count on us being able to help. In particular, we made sure our daughter understood that we will not be able to help her pay for anything beyond a bachelor's until after we get her brother through his undergrad program.

 

Our daughter went to college quite early and graduated at 16. So, it worked out nicely for her to come back and live at home for a couple of years while she figured out her next step (and got old enough to sign a lease). We explained that we would not be able to help her financially with moving out or setting up house for herself. However, she was welcome to live with us while she worked long enough to save her own nest egg, which is exactly what she did. She ended up staying with us for almost three years, during which time she did an informal internship for one academic year to learn the ropes of doing admin work at a dance studio (which came with free dance classes as a perk), then used her newly developed dance skills and employment reference to audition into a job in the entertainment department of a large resort hotel. She stayed at the hotel for about 18 months. When her internship with the first dance studio ended, she used that experience to land a paid position working the front desk at a different dance school, where she also taught acting classes one day a week. 

 

She lived with us rent free during this time, and we paid for her food and most necessities. She took small amounts from her paychecks to cover going out with friends and buying some more professional pieces for her wardrobe, but she banked the vast majority of her earnings from both jobs. The savings she built up during that time allowed her to move to NYC this past summer. We rented a truck and drove her belongings up there once she had found a permanent place, but she bought her own airfare, found and paid for a sublet for her first few weeks and paid her initial deposit and rent and bought whatever she needed for the apartment that she didn't already have at home.

 

She is now working (one almost full-time job at a very large pre-professional dance school, one part-time job teaching acting classes in a youth theatre program and occasional entertainment gigs) and doing a two-year, part-time actor training program. Her jobs pay most of her living expenses, and she is able to use the savings to pay her tuition.

 

She pays all of her own expenses, except that we will keep her on our medical insurance until she either ages out or no longer needs it and she is on our family cell phone plan. For our (mostly my husband's) peach of mind, we need her to have a working cell phone. And it's less expensive for us to keep her on our plan than for her to seek out her own. So, we pay for that.

 

Our son has just started college and will be a more typical age when he graduates. Still, we've offered him essentially the same opportunity. If he would like to spend a year or two at home after graduation, we will cover his basic expenses so that he can bank whatever he earns to finance setting himself up in his own place. 

 

Because he'll be older and will have more work experience than she did at graduation, I suspect he won't need to stay with us for very long, if at all. But we've told him the offer is open, if he wants to go that route.

[Liz CA]

We paid the expenses for Community College. Then ds got to access a college fund established for him and his cousins by a deceased relative.

When we still lived in the same town, I would occasionally buy some of his favorite groceries and leave it at his door.

By and large, we supported his efforts without paying for everything once he turned 18. He got a job very quickly because he wanted to become independent.

[LucyStoner]

Like the OP, this is a bit down the road for us. Our sons already have some not insignificant funds that will be available to them.

 

I am working towards becoming a CPA in large part to substantially increase our income just prior to their college needs. We really won't need my income for our own purposes but I want to be able to help them. Ideally, we will be able to get them through their undergrad work without debt between the money earmarked for them and my income.

 

Unless they are nasty and miserable to live with or abusive addicts, they will have a rent free place to live as long as they need. I would prefer they save their money for their own future than pay us rent.

 

I worked entirely too young, too much and at things that didn't boost my education and professional opportunities as much as internships and the like would have. While I want them to work, I also want them to be able to take the advancement afforded by certain unpaid or low stipend internships am such. So I won't demand they get jobs if they are doing meaningful unpaid activities and work. There was no way around me working so much in college but I want better for my sons. I could have done more academically with less burden to shoulder.

[Catherine]

I see our job as doing whatever is needed to help them get started in life.  For us that includes money for school and any other assistance, including housing, help moving, staying on our cell phone plan.  Our situation is slightly complicated by a bonus child who we've provided many forms of support for and who is still figuring things out as a young adult.  There is not a plan for us to fund all of his college education, if he chooses one, but help with a portion of CC tuition is our plan, as long as he is doing well academically.  I have also had a child who has struggled with depression and may not go directly to college.  Still figuring that out.  But for him support has included a lot of academic hand-holding through the roughest periods, medical intervention (which takes time and money).  I have no problem with this...we will do whatever is needed.  Just mention it because medical\mental health issues were not in the original plan, of course, but still have to be dealt with and we will do whatever is needed.  Thank goodness he can stay on our insurance until he finishes his bachelors!

[Night Elf]

Dd22 lives at home. She pays for her car, insurance, gas, cell phone, credit card, clothes, and personal hygiene items. I buy her stuff when I see her getting low on something just because I can. She's always been a very independent person. Thankfully she is still on our car insurance, which she pays, and our medical insurance until she is 26. Her current plan is to marry her boyfriend when he graduates from college and they are both working so they can get their own apartment. She saves money but not every penny anymore.

 

My other two children will be going to college. They can live at home as long as they need to. We will help with college as much as we can without going into our retirement. We expect them to take on the responsibility of paying their own way through. They understand scholarships will be their best bet. They also understand they will incur debt in the form of student loans. Ds will live at home while in college, so that saves a huge amount of money. Dd plans to go away so will need to pay for a dorm and meal plan. I expect her to pay a lot of money for her education. Her room will always be here, so she can come home after college to make a plan for what to do next. I see my job as parent to help my children become responsible adults. We've never considered footing any of their entire college bills. Once an adult, you have responsibility. And DH and I are responsible for being able to take care of ourselves when he retires. We've worked hard to save that money. We feel we have good financial advice to give. My kids all understand where we're coming from though. So there won't be any surprises.

[Laura Corin]

Back when times were good we put some money into a 529 for the boys' university education.  Calvin is topping that up with interest-free government loans (they only rise by the rate of inflation) which will be paid back through the tax system if he is earning a graduate-style salary, and forgiven in 35 years if he hasn't managed to pay them off.  We expect Hobbes to do the same.

 

We expect to have space for them after they leave university - even if we move, we will hold onto three bedrooms.  There are opportunities in Edinburgh (an hour away) but they may well need to be elsewhere in the country.  Because of the 529, the boys should have money left over from their government loans when they finish university, so there should be something there for an unpaid internship/postgraduate degree/setting up in a job.  We can't give them much money beyond that, as Husband is already 58 and we need to look to our retirement, but they will always have a home with us if they need it (with the expectation that they will contribute as they get older).

 

We have a rental property in London, from which we draw income.  When we die, they can either retain it for the income (split between them) or sell it to buy two houses outside of London (or downpayments in London).  My mother is ninety however, and her own mother lived long, so I suspect they won't get that windfall until they are well into middle age.

 

L

[Melissa in Australia]

The absolutely best way that we have helped our young adult children is we have taught them to be very frugal with their money, and how to save. They have also been taught how to be extremely practical and how to adapt/ do thing for themselves to save money.

[kroe1]

I have always thought that before I jump into the backseat of a car, I need to be ready to pay for a first car, college, and a wedding.

 

DS35, the one who I kicked out of the house at age 18 for smoking, had an interesting turn of events. He stayed homeless for about a year and dropped out of high school his senior year to support himself. He became a restaurant manager, worked 80 hours a week, and could barely afford an apartment lifestyle.

 

About the same time, DH and I discovered an oops baby was on the way. He and I both worked 90 to 100 hours a week so a baby was not an ideal situation for us. So DS agreed to give up his restaurant job to become his future sisiter's nanny. (They are twenty years apart). DS's demands were high. We had to pay for a separate house, college for him and his fiancé, and living expenses. The cost was ridiculous, but the experience was priceless. After 5 years, DS moved to go to medical school so he still needed some help for a few years.

 

Bottom line, we can plan and we should, but life might throw a curve ball here and there. I also now joke that one cannot count himself as a good parent until the last kiddo has jumped out of his wallet. I learned that a kiddo can linger in the wallet for many years after he has left home.

[Onceuponatime]

We have taught our children how to manage their money and by 18 they have had jobs, bank accounts with direct deposit, and debit cards. They start out living at home and going to community college. The minimum requirement is an Associate's degree. They pay for the schooling (it's not much) and we pay for books. We can't afford parent loans. They can get more education after that, but will be responsible for paying for it. We pay for books as long as they are in school. They continue to work either while in school or over the summers.

 

Our insurance covers them till they are 21, 24 if they are still in school. If they are not in school, they must be working, paying us a pittance for room and board, and contributing toward their health insurance costs, which our (government) plan covers for a fee till 26.

 

We help out with moral support, advice, and a roof over their heads if they need it. We've helped find them used cars and payed for car insurance as long as they are in school. Once they are working they pay their own car expenses.

 

My oldest son managed just fine to get himself a graduate degree in accounting at a prestigious school by 22. My 2nd son is taking things slower; he doesn't want any student loans, which is smart. He is not the same as his brother. He's got his associate's degree and is now working and saving for his next step which will probably be further training and education, but not necessarily of the traditional 4year college type.

 

My daughter didn't last out her second year of college, but that is another story which has nothing to do with whether or not we supported her, but with some choices she made.

 

 

[creekland]

We planned for all of ours to go to a 4 year college of their choice, then lost a huge chunk of those $$ in the economic downturn.  We still wanted ours to go to college (and had brought them up knowing that was the plan - they weren't opposed to it), so I ended up going into depth as a guidance counselor to figure out how that could happen (finding colleges that would fit each of them and was affordable).  It definitely helped that they had high SAT/ACT scores.  Fortunately too, these last couple of years the economy has rebounded, so all three made it there - oldest has graduated, has a job in his field, and gotten married.  The other two are still currently in school.  All three have basic student loans, but we did not co-sign for any extras and don't have any ourselves, but paying our share has been a huge part of our financial lives.  It's ok.  It's what we want to do.  Putting more $$ into retirement is on hold during this period to be honest.

 

With oldest - he is totally on his own at this point - paying for everything.  Occasionally we still send a check and/or small care package and they seem appreciative.  It's in our plans if $$ free up that we will send more to him to help him pay off his loans as he was my guy in college during the worst of the downturn and he paid a bit more toward his own college education than his brothers have.  We'd like to equal it out, but it's tough to do so while we're still paying for the other two.  Once they graduate, it might happen.  If they've already gotten their loans paid off by that point, then they can use the $$ for whatever they like (house downpayment, car, retirement, vacation, whatever).

 

With my college boys, we pay our share of costs and they have loans for their share.  We are paying for their cell phones and most books + travel costs.  This year middle son is an RA saving us a ton on his board.  We both see that as just "savings."  They are both covered with our health share, but since that doesn't include coverage for typical college things like drinking or self-inflicted injuries, we've also added the offered school insurance - just in case.  It's kind of costly comparatively.  We often joke with middle son that he needs to get injured enough for us to break even... but it provides peace of mine - just in case.

 

They both have on campus jobs for their spending money (as did oldest).  It was work study for the first two years for middle son, but now he's been asked to TA both Organic Chem and a Brain and Cognitive Studies class - and may even have a paid lab job doing real research next semester.  He's been volunteering with that so far.  With youngest (a freshman), it's a work study job.  They know they need to live within their budget - it's good training for them IMO.  Even so, occasionally we'll send care packages and those often have extra cash for pizza or something.  ;)

 

I think it will all work to get them their bachelor's.  Middle son wants med school.  That one is super costly and will likely require more significant loans.  Time will tell.  We'll do what we can and he KNOWS the trade off will be his expertise in our health for the future!  (He tells us all parents of pre-meds warn their kids about that clause.)

 

When they graduate they can opt to stay with health share (cheaper and better IMO) or go with insurance (covers a wider range of things, but more costly in the long run).  Oldest went directly into a job, so we didn't have other issues to consider.  We'll see what happens with our other two.

 

We're committed to helping them throughout life should true needs come up. We're family.  That's what family does as we see it.  Perhaps they'll end up helping us instead.  Time will tell.

[Pawz4me]

We are fortunate in that we will be able to fully cover the cost of our boys' undergraduate college expenses.  We also provide each of them with a smart phone and a dependable vehicle (including gas, insurance and maintenance). They've had savings accounts since they were born, and at around 16 we get them a checking account and a debit card.  That's for using their own money that they've saved over the years (allowances, birthday and Christmas gifts, etc.) as they wish.  We've provided oldest DS with a credit card to cover his incidental expenses while at college and to begin building a credit history and score.  They can stay on our health insurance as long as necessary (or as long as the law allows or until DH retires). They can live with us for however long they want, or come back at any time.

 

We don't require our kids to work paying jobs while in school.  We do require that they take their studies very seriously, and that they help out around the house when they're here.

 

FWIW, all of the above is pretty much the norm on both sides of our family, with a little variation depending on financial situation.

 

Oldest DS is planning on an MBA.  We haven't yet made any commitment to him about helping with the cost of that.

[PrairieSong]

They have all (so far...youngest is in high school) gone to college with scholarships and have also worked to save money starting in high school or before (mowing lawns, babysitting, that sort of stuff pre high school). We started accounts for each of them when they were babies and did not touch that money. Three are currently in college. One is finishing his degree on the GI bill. They have all taken community college classes in high school which was a nice head start at a less expensive rate. Some have lived with us for part of their college years.

[Mrs Mungo]

DH transferred 2 years of his GI Bill to each of our girls. We agreed to pay out of pocket for two years of community college. After her first semester, my eldest appears to be on track to be able to apply for an academic scholarship at a four year school that will pay for one year. So, she may only do one year of cc. We will see how things go with my middle dd, she is still in high school, but we will pay for two years of cc, then she has 2 years of GI Bill, but maybe she will get a scholarship or something, we shall see.

 

My son will have the most money in his 529, but if we retire to TX (which we are considering), then dh gets 4 years of a state university that he could transfer to ds. In theory, I guess we could transfer the 529s to help with graduate school for one of them, if his BA/BS is paid for?

 

We shall see how it all works out. It is all sort of complicated with the moving and some aspects of our lives up in the air.

 

We do help our kids out with transportation. My eldest hasn't had a job beyond babysitting yet, but she has a job interview next week with the writing center at her school (her English teacher recommended her). It pays above minimum wage, is part time and is on campus, so those are all good things. I wouldn't want them to work full time while they are in school.

 

They are covered on our health insurance as long as they are in school.

[Jane in NC]

As the parent of a young adult, I do have some relevant experience with this topic.  But before I comment, it needs to be noted that no two paths are the same for our young adults.  Much of what will be noted here depends on family resources and family culture as well as geography.  (Living at home while going to college is not an option for everyone, for example.)

 

One of the best parts of home schooling for us were the conversations which I believe helped establish a close relationship with our son.  Some of the difficulties that young adults encounter can be circumvented. Keep the Skype line open.

 

In some family cultures, it is important for teens to start working early to contribute to automobile insurance, etc.  In our family, we wanted our student to be a student. Starting in middle school he started making pocket money doing yard work in the neighborhood. He worked in the summer in high school and after his first year of college.  After his second year, he attended a field school in England--earning credit but more importantly having relevant experience for his resume.  His work that summer became the basis for his senior thesis; contacts made there are internationally recognized professionals. 

 

We are fortunate to have financial resources but we also knew our financial limitations.  We encouraged our son to apply for scholarships and then maintain them. He was fortunate to be able to attend a field school (paid for with an inheritance from his grandmother) without having to worry about the ramification of lack of summer income.  Not all young people are in this position. (A bit of advice here:  some parents are not upfront with the adult children about financial limitations.  We have known young people who did not know that their parents would not be assisting with college until the student was applying to colleges.)

 

After four years my son graduated college. He returned to the site in England for the third time, this year earning a small stipend.  He came back to NC after the summer and left five days later for a job as an archaeological field technician.  He works long hours, earns time and a half over 40.  The company pays for his hotel and gives a generous per diem for food.  His girlfriend, a Brit, is doing something similar.  They are both saving money and have yet to determine the next step. (And because he may be doing this sort of work for a while, it seems silly to pay for rent for an apartment which is unoccupied.)

 

And I still keep the Skype line open. I enjoy hearing about his life.  Since he no longer has school assignments or exams, we actually chat more.  I recently offered to use some airline points to send him to Britain to be with his girlfriend in January, down time in the archaeological world. As much as we would enjoy having him with us, we also know there he is still determining his place in the world.  We won't hold him back.

 

As Chief Financial Officer of this family, I was absolutely thrilled to read his options for his 401-K and guide him through this.  I suspect that this kind of advice will be sought from me in the years ahead since I am the only one in this family who enjoys reading about investments!

[Luckymama]

Our older kids are 21 and (almost) 20. Both attend university full-time. We are fortunate to be able to pay those costs through very hard work and frugality over the past decades.

 

Our family culture is similar to Jane's. Their job before college was to be an excellent student, which paid off for both in the form of quite generous merit scholarship monies. They both worked casual jobs (babysitting, tutoring) during the school years and slightly more structured jobs (longer-term nanny-type and academic summer camp gigs). We paid for everything except unnecessary clothing, books/music, and social things unrelated to their extracurriculars. They could use one of the two family cars as long as dh and I didn't need it.

 

Our financial situation is unique. Dh changed careers at the age of 30. The first three years were incredibly difficult and the next two were challenging. He was recruited to switch firms at year seven and received a very generous signing bonus to do so. Up to that point we had no savings at all for college (ds was entering eighth grade). We put all that bonus money into 529s which grew despite the financial downturn.

 

We had a deal with our kids. We would pay the equivalent of the total cost of attendance (COA) of the state flagship university. If they wished to attend a different school, they would have to either receive scholarship money to being the COA down to what we would pay or supplement with loans. Dh is a Certified Financial Planner---needless to say, the kids (even youngest) know what it means to have to pay back loans. Ds is naturally risk-adverse. None of the scholarship offers from other universities were equivalent to the state COA, so he chose to attend the state university with merit scholarships equal to half the COA. Dd will not be making much money after graduation and knew she wouldn't be able to pay back loans, so she also chose the no-loan route. She received amazing scholarship money from a well-regarded-in-her-field college which brought the COA of that school way below the state university even accounting for the merit scholarships from the state school. Oh, the angst! The decision came down to the physical locations of the schools, one quite rural and one in a well-developed small city. She is also attending the state university.

 

Half of what we pay comes from the saved 529s and half from current earnings. We pay for tuition, room (dorm for dd and part of a house rental for ds), board (meal plan for dd, a monthly amount for ds), very basic clothing, and their cell phones (only $10 each per month as part of our family plan). They are on our health insurance (plus vision and dental).

 

They each have part-time jobs for spending money. Ds works in IT for the business college at the university. Dd works retail and is training to work at the campus writing center. Ds has saved many thousands of dollars from his summer internship---he's concerned about post-graduation apartment deposits and moving expenses (he doesn't know this, but we'll pay for his moving expenses if needed as he might be moving to the other coast).

 

What makes our situation truly unique is that we didn't have to choose between paying for college and saving for retirement. Three years ago I inherited a sum of money after my parents' deaths. This was the money they had saved for their retirements and money they inherited from my grandmother. We had conservatively expected this money to last them twenty years. They only lived two years after retirement. Not really the way my sisters and I wanted to receive financial security :(

[Haiku]

We are contributing what we can (which is a modest amount) to our dd's college tuition. We had told her from the start, "Get scholarships," and to her credit, she got a ton of them.

 

We pay for her insurance and medical expenses (which are huge).

 

We pay for her car insurance, her cell phone, and her books.

 

The rest is on her,

 

When she graduates from college, she will be 23. She plans to go to graduate school. We have told that is on her. 

 

Once she graduates from college, she will be responsible for all her own expenses and will be expected to find her own place to live.

[OneStepAtATime]

I am thinking about this too.  And I thought about my own journey.  I do not have the learning challenges, or for that matter the gifts that my children do.  Their journey will almost certainly be different from mine.  But there were certain things Mom and Dad did that I want to replicate and certain things I wish they had done differently.  I am basing some of my decisions on those things.

 

Edited to add, my dd and I have already talked about her living at home while she tries her first year at college and I have no issues with that.  We will help in whatever financial way that we can, but I think certain skill sets we can work on now will be just as important as how she affords her college expenses.

 

Priorities:

1.  Self-reliance and skills for living in the real world:  I was not taught how to even balance a bank statement or what the stickers were on my car.  Or how to maintain my car.  Or do any repairs/maintenance to my home.  Or even how to cook healthy meals.  My parents pushed academics way above life skills.  This made me completely dependent on others or ignorant of better ways to handle something.  It ended up being costly financially, physically and emotionally and meant living on my own in those early years was far harder and less productive than it had to be.  I hope my kids will head out into the world with much better life skills than I had.

 

2.  Belief in self:  My parents were very encouraging and I had unconditional love, especially from Mom.  She was my staunchest advocate and I knew that no matter what I did, or how well or badly I did it, she was my supporter.  She believed in me.  That kept me going through a LOT.  And it helped me to believe I was a worthy person.

 

3.  Perseverance:  I was not encouraged to finish something if I didn't like it.  I have talents that were barely tapped because the minute something got hard and I started to gripe I was allowed to quit.  Thankfully, once I moved out on my own I discovered I had remarkable ability to persevere in the face of adversity and to tackle things that had seemed too hard before.  I wish I had known it sooner.  I also wish they had emphasized that working through something even when you don't like it or don't feel like doing it is important.  I also want my kids to realize that working smarter is better than just working harder.  There are effective ways of doing things and ineffective ways of doing things.  Persevere, but find the most effective path for doing it.  (At the same time, I also want my kids to realize when something really isn't a good idea/fit then naybe it is time to walk away, without guilt).

 

3.  Good Character and Positive Attitude:  My parents taught me that respecting oneself AND those around, and tackling tasks with a positive attitude can go a long way.  And it did.  Even when I was struggling financially in the early years of being an adult, I found my life was far more pleasant and there were many more doors opened for me when I sought the joy in what I was doing and respected those around me.

 

4.  How important and hard getting and keeping a job can be and how important it is to, if possible, find your passion:  Here is where I no longer advocate just academics for kids.  If I had had to get a part time job, even a couple of days a week, in high school, I think I would have appreciated the opportunities I was given later on for employment that I stupidly turned down.  And certainly I would have had a better resume if I had been encouraged to seek out my areas of interest and pursue any opportunity to learn in those areas well before college.  

 

In fact, some of the most successful, happy people I know, including my husband, found their passion by middle school/high school because their parents saw value in those areas of passion and encouraged them and helped them pursue those areas, which in turn gave them the chance to master the skills they needed in those areas of interest.  By college they were not still seeking and meandering with what they wanted to do.  They were honing those skills for their area of passion/interest even further and frequently were already gaining valuable work experience which in turn got them in better positions to get good jobs when they graduated (or found they didn't even need a degree).   Getting that life experience and honing those skills in the world seems more effective for many, in my observations, than just focusing on getting that next A.

 

If my kids have all of the above, then hopefully, even if we cannot help much, or we are no longer around, they can still find the right path for them.  I have friends from all socioeconomic backgrounds.  Money certainly helps.  But it doesn't guarantee anything.  Rick kids fall down, too.  And may struggle more because they don't know how to persevere in the face of adversity or to save every penny when times may be hard.  

 

My paternal grandmother was dirt poor.  She lived a hard life, especially in her younger years.  But she had great life skills and valued herself.  She put herself through college eventually and with almost nothing to achieve that goal (no help at all from her parents since they just didn't have the resources).    She found a way because of her character, luck, and life skills.  I can't control luck.  But I can try to help build character and life skills.  KWIM?

[Chris in VA]

For ds25--we paid 3/4 and slightly more for his BS at a state college. We are still paying off the loan. He lives at home and works full time and saves. He occasionally pays for some extras--he's taking me to see Interstellar and paying for tickets and parking next week, for instance. He gives us rent and buys any extra food he may want, and does a few chores (I always have clean towels and the cat always has food...lol!). He is on our med/dent insurance but pays his own car insurance. He buys his own cell and computers and stuff like that (recreation, gas, etc.).

 

For ds23--he is on our med/dent insurance and is basically on his own. It's complicated, but basically he moved out when he was 20. We send him care packages and such. We helped with college in the past, but it was not to be. HIs grandfather helped him a bit to take a personal trainer course (inheritance).

 

For dd--we will pay about the same for college. Anything extra beyond a state school (and VA state schools are excellent) is hers to bear. She does not have a cell phone. We will prob give one for Christmas, but she has to pay monthly fees. We'll see. She earns some $ by locking up the church, and setting up the tables for our handbell choir--the choir $ goes to her mission trip fund. We are opening a savings account for her today!

 

We equip other ways than financial--setting good examples for taking care of one's car (dh does his own maintenance--oil, brake jobs, timing, etc, except for big things, and teaches sons to do the same), shopping (kids all went with Dad to shop weekly and know how to design a menu and are fine with generics and such), and frugal clothes-buying practices (no one turns up his/her nose at the Thrift Store or Target). There are other things, but that's the gist.

[Jenny in Florida]

I'm poking around on Google now, and I'll share if I find anything. But in the meantime, I'm wondering if anyone has or could link me to any statistics about the percentage of students who graduate from college if parents cover the costs vs. when the students pay on their own?

 

Edit: So far, all I've found is this report from 2009 - http://www.publicagenda.org/pages/with-their-whole-lives-ahead-of-them

 

It does suggest what I would have guessed, that students are much more likely to finish a degree if they aren't trying to pay for it themselves. I'd still like to see a more focused, and preferably more recent, study, if anyone else happens to know of one?

[Chocolate Rose]

We're in the middle of this right now. It's definitely not easy.

Dd has been attending community college and living with my sister and b-i-l in that city. They've picked up a ton of her living expenses. My mom died a few months before dd started school and I'm using inheritance money to pay for her schooling, books, etc. along with the financial aid dd has received (I HATE filling out the FAFSA, but with dh unemployed, it's definitely been a huge help). I work full-time and part of that also goes to helping dd. She lucked out by connecting with a friend of my sister's who travels a lot, so dd house sits/dog sits for them quite often and they pay her well. It's an ideal situation, as she is paid to be at their house and study. 

DD will be graduating in December with a probable 4.0 and her AA. She just got her acceptance letter to a university a couple of hours away from home. She received an "Admission with Distinction" certificate and I am COUNTING on that and her writing ability helping her get scholarships. She will be getting an apartment with a friend (we get to start apartment hunting in a couple of weeks, lucky us) and knows she will also need to get a job to pay for it, as there is no way I can support two households on what I make. She can stay on my medical insurance until age 26, so knows she has to have a job with benefits by then.

I'm thinking that she will get scholarships, so I will pick up her car insurance and cell phone (pay as you go type phone) and probably help out with books and some incidentals. For the career she wants, she has to have her Masters. I just learned the other day from a friend that there is no financial aid for working towards a masters, so I'm not sure how we'll handle that.

Her room mate is supposed to be moving out here from MA late November/early December, so we're trying to make everything come together in a timely manner. 

One thing I've really wanted for her is to not have any student loans. I don't know if we'll be able to completely pull it off, but I sure hope so.

You'd think having adult children would be easier, but it's just a new group of stress/situations to figure out and get through. But, I would definitely do anything in my power to assist her. She's working extremely hard towards her goals.

[Wheres Toto]

My oldest attends a local state school.  We paid for tuition the first two years (using loans that we are paying back), her father is paying for her next two years.   She lives on campus and uses her Stafford Loans and income from her job at Target to pay her room and board - what that looks like is we pay for it and she gives us 80% of every one of her paychecks.   We pay for her car, gas, cell phone, necessities, and food within reason.  She pays for fun stuff, sorority stuff and clothes that aren't necessary.  She is on our medical insurance and will be until 26.

 

This is probably what will continue to happen as long as she is in school full time and holding down a job/making a clear effort to contribute.  When she goes to graduate school, we will adjust based on the circumstances then.  She is always welcome to come back home to live and we do expect that she is taking school seriously and not engaging in destructive behavior.

 

We hope to be able to provide a similar level of support to the younger two, depending on what their skills, strengths, and preferences are.

[SharonM]

DC still live at home, and attend college nearby. Living at home makes the college money go farther. ds just graduated with a bs in computer science. dd is still working on her bs.  Ds is attending graduate school, while living at home. He got a research assistant job to pay for his grad studies and a stipend besides. DD will be responsible for med school when she gets there. They both knew that they would have to pay for the post undergrad studies. They live at home and we pay for car (they share) and gas. plus food, ins. health and car. I don't want them to get sidetracked by a job and having to quit and go back like I did. But they are also under obligation to finish the bs degree. they cannot quit. (like dh did, boy has that come back to bite him in the butt!)  When they move out of my house they are on their own, so they better save and be ready. They know this.

They both have picked their own degree and plan for its completion. They come to me for advice, but they make all the decisions in their lives. except for the they cannot quit... that's all mine! ( but I don't think that I could enforce it. :glare:)

[Erin]

We've been stressing the importance of grades and good ACTs (as it's much easier to get a ride through school that way).  We contribute to a small 529 for each that we set up a number of years ago, but really, we'll be happy if that covers four years of BOOKS, never mind the tuition.  

We'll be encouraging college classes in high school and at 14, Buck has a $10hr job from which he has to save 75% for school.   I'm hoping Bean can find something similar in a year or two...

[AK_Mom4]

Thanks to living in Alaska, our kids have received a certain amount of money each year (it varies).  That money has all gone into an investment account for them.  When Kid #1 graduated from high school, we split out 1/4th of the total and rolled it into an account in his name.   The kids can use the money for whatever they want.  DS22 has it still in his investment account because he didn't need it for college (USAFA).  He figures it will be a down payment on a house someday.  DD20 and DS18 are using their accounts to pay college costs (along with scholarships) and should be able to get thru with only minimal student loans (under $5K total).

 

By the time DD13 graduates from high school, barring anything drastic financially, she will have plenty of money to pay for college at most schools.

 

Other support - well, they are always welcome to come home during breaks from school/training.  And I send care packages in the mail - even to DS22 who has graduated because he is in flight training in Texas and likes to know someone is thinking about him,

[justamouse]

They can live here free of charge until they are ready to move out. 

Odest DD has recently gotten engaged. They both have great jobs, and have quite the little nest egg growing. We still told them that we'd prefer that they live with us (as we did, and as both sets of our parents did) so that they can get off to a financially stable start owning a small house. 

 

We teach them how to be financially responsible, and help them do that by guiding them, speaking frankly about finances, and doing what we can within reason--meaning, I am not buying their clothes, but I will not take rent from them. We will cosign car loans, etc.

[Cera]

I expect to cover an undergrad degree for each of my kids and will do my best to help them with graduate work if that is the path they need/want to take.

 

At this point (8 and 10) the things I am doing to help them get established in life are fairly basic.  I have them stack wood, help with housework, volunteer on park cleanup days, etc so that they learn to handle hard work.  I figure if they can work hard in situations that aren't necessarily their ideal they will be able to help themselves.  I also pay each of them $5 a week.  They have bank accounts and investment accounts (minimal balances) and we spend a lot of time working toward financial literacy.  Again, if they can handle what money they do have they are more likely to be able to help themselves.  

 

If I give them the skills they need to be successful they will be, with or without my financial support (though I do expect to cover things like insurance and cell phones as well as deposits if they need me to).

[Joyofsixreboot]

My kids got scholarships and worke/are working through college. DD #1 lived here and taught last year to get her feet under her. No support from us. DS #2 works, does National Guard and has a scholarship. We sometimes supplement his groceries or buy him a tank of gas if he visits. DS#3 has a full scholarship and worked for the last two years of college. He is living off that savings. We do the grocery/gas thing for him too.

[Guest]

I do not have a success story to tell, but I will make a couple of observations.  

 

The young adults in my life who have launched well have had some common characteristics:

1.  No allowance; they always worked for what they had.  And they had non-paid chores at home.  

2.  They mastered something.  Piano, banjo, math, running a lawn business...something that showed them what it takes to do well.

3.  They worked alongside their parents at home, whether in a business or in chores.  

 

Not all the kids that had these characteristics launched well, but all the ones that launched well did.  

 

Also:  please do not make the false dichotomy:  One can work OR one can do well in school.  All the but one of the kids above did both well.  And the other one had an extra-curricular life that was not unlike having a job (without the pay) (and her parents can support her financially at the Ivy League she now atttends). 

 

 

[QueenCat]

Things we do to help the grad student:

 

1) Allow him to live at home, while working mostly pt (but sometimes ft) and going to school full-time. No rent is charged.

2) He pays his car insurance and gas, while using one of our older cars. We keep them rather than trade them in so the kids can have cheap cars to use until they can afford to buy one.

3) Stays on our health insurance until 26. He is not charged for this as we do not pay extra to have him on our plan. He can also stay on our dental and vision as long as he is living with us and declared a dependent on our taxes. We pay for anything he needs in the medical/dental/vision arena as we feel it important to have the care.

4) We provide the basic cell phone, he pays the difference for the smart phone.

5) Since his undergrad was covered by scholarships, he has used what we saved for that towards his grad studies.

6) In addition to the things mentioned above, he pays for his textbooks, social activities, and other incidentals.

[Crimson Wife]

I'm poking around on Google now, and I'll share if I find anything. But in the meantime, I'm wondering if anyone has or could link me to any statistics about the percentage of students who graduate from college if parents cover the costs vs. when the students pay on their own?

 

To do an apples-to-apples comparison, you'd have to compare students with similar backgrounds and academic qualifications.

 

One study found a slightly higher graduation rate but lower GPA: http://www.ucmerced.edu/news/2013/parents-financial-help-linked-lower-gpas-higher-graduation-rates

 

Interestingly, the same study found that student employment did NOT have a negative impact on college GPA.

[gardenmom5]

push marketable job skills AND wise saving and spending habits.  push long-term thinking.  push the idea of making interest work for them, instead of against them.   "those that understand interest - earn it. those who do NOT understand interest - pay it."  push the idea of starter jobs are for when you are a student getting skills for more desirable (and higher paying) jobs.  (iow: not supporting you for the rest of your life.)

 

there is federal aid for education - either traditional college, or trade schools.  there are apprenticeship programs as well.  whatever is legal and respectable (e.g. casino's are legal, but I would be horrified if any of my kids did that. capiche?)  that they can support themselves and a family on.

 

some computer stuff can be done with nothing but certifications - and you don't have to go to college for those - though you do need the skill to pass the exams (while classes are helpful, you can study on your own.)  I have a nephew who is a high school drop out . . I don't think he ever got a ged, but maybe.  he's making six figures with computers, though he's not exactly wise in how he handles it. (ability to handle money is not indicative of educational attainment.  I know people with college degrees who can't handle money. at. all., and those with no formal education that can.)  (his siblings all have at least bachelor degrees, and are married. he's single.)

 

I have one out, on her own and owns her own home. #2 will be there next summer (she'll have her very marketable advanced degree, but she'll also have debt.  she's currently driving our kid car (this year, she has to have a car becuase she's somewhere new every month as part of her education) - and I'm trying to get through to her that when she graduates she needs to buy. her. own!  yes, you can pick up a decent car for under $10k!).   and one who has *finally* decided what he's interested in doing and is in college. (he's even getting a "certification" - all the classes apply to the degree - in his area so he can theoretically get a $15+ starting part-time job while he's a student.)  and one who has ability and is working - I just wish there was more focus on developing marketable skills.  

[Crimson Wife]

Son's U didn't share data, but their conclusion to surveys they've done over the years suggests that anything over 30 hrs of work doesn't go well with full time studies.

 

Anything over 20 hours/week I would personally encourage my kids to become PT students.

 

I posted the stat on student employment mostly to counter the "my child's job right now is to be a student" idea. Yes, the child's top priority should be academics, but that doesn't exempt him/her IMHO from having to work.

[texasmama]

My college dd has a fund set aside by her grandparents for college which she is using for tuition, room and board.  Her dad and I are divorced.  Her dad provides a car, car insurance and maintenance on the car.  We provide a cell phone and monthly fee for usage, helped her to furnish her apartment and give her groceries.  She has a very part time job and babysitting gigs for fun money and clothes.  I also buy her clothes here and there.    She pays for some of her groceries and gas.  Her dad gives her money for gas sometimes, as do we.  We do not have a set amount we give her.  She lets us know when she needs something.  She is a frugal girl and does not have a lot of expectation for us to buy her things.

 

My other three kids have no college fund from grandparents.  We will help as much as we can and will always provide a place to live and free food for them while they are in college.  We will help as much as possible with a vehicle, cell phone, and other things of that nature.  We will keep them on our Samaritan Ministries plan for as long as this is allowed and needed for them.  I hope to be able to pay for their tuition if it is an affordable amount.  My dh is self-employed so his income is quite variable, making it difficult to plan. 

 

My parents were willing and able to help me financially through my undergraduate degree, and I appreciate that so much.  I will do the same for my kids as we are able.

[Erin]

Son's U didn't share data, but their conclusion to surveys they've done over the years suggests that anything over 30 hrs of work doesn't go well with full time studies.

To be fair, over 30 hrs is nearly full time. I think common sense probably dictates that full time school AND full time job are probably going to cause issues...

I doubt most people recommending a job are suggesting a full time one.

[StephanieZ]

Assuming continued responsible choices and reasonable behavior, we'll support our kids fully for a 4 year degree at a college we can afford (in-state or somewhere they get big merit aid). That's a basic parental responsibility in our minds. They'll be expected to help out by working most summers for (much of their) spending money unless they get super generous merit aid, in which case they'd be free to travel, volunteer, do summer study programs, or do other constructive things and we could comfortably cover their misc spending and expenses. 

 

I will not encourage them to work regular hours during school. I want them to study hard, do fun stuff, and avoid tedious work. Summer jobs can teach them important life skills, but I do believe that during the academic year, they are better served avoiding regular work (more than a few hours per month) if possible. My musician kids might continue gigging in college if feasible, since it can be very lucrative, especially for my harpist daughter. I'd encourage the gigging, as it is an important life skill and the ability to make several hundred dollars in a few hours playing an instrument you love is something that could be valuable life long, so I'd definitely encourage that (and provide a vehicle to that student if that were the plan).

 

We'll keep them on our insurance until we can't (age 26, I think) or they don't need it.

 

We'll get them safe reliable wheels when they need it, either at or before college graduation. (So long as they don't need a car at college, we'll keep spare wheels for them here at home for breaks.)

 

We'll help with grad school if they get heaps of merit aid for undergrad. (We have a set amount of college money earmarked for each child's education . . . They know this amount . . . and it's enough to get them through our local in-state university . . . but if they get lots of aid, and we don't have to spend it . . . then we've committed to using that amount to help with grad school if needed.)

 

We'll help with modest money towards weddings and first homes when those issues come up. 

 

We'll help out with co-signing mortgages or start-up funds for businesses, etc, to whatever extent we are able to comfortably do so and so long as we agree their choices are wise and the risks things we can comfortably take on.

 

Our parents did similar for us, and we are happy to pay it forward. The family support we received was very helpful to us, and it is gratifying to think of doing similar for our own kids. They can pay it forward to their own kids . . .

[Caroline]

I totally agree with you! (well, except I don't have musician kids, but my son does continue to coach and ref soccer from time to time.)

 

 

Assuming continued responsible choices and reasonable behavior, we'll support our kids fully for a 4 year degree at a college we can afford (in-state or somewhere they get big merit aid). That's a basic parental responsibility in our minds. They'll be expected to help out by working most summers for (much of their) spending money unless they get super generous merit aid, in which case they'd be free to travel, volunteer, do summer study programs, or do other constructive things and we could comfortably cover their misc spending and expenses. 

 

I will not encourage them to work regular hours during school. I want them to study hard, do fun stuff, and avoid tedious work. Summer jobs can teach them important life skills, but I do believe that during the academic year, they are better served avoiding regular work (more than a few hours per month) if possible. My musician kids might continue gigging in college if feasible, since it can be very lucrative, especially for my harpist daughter. I'd encourage the gigging, as it is an important life skill and the ability to make several hundred dollars in a few hours playing an instrument you love is something that could be valuable life long, so I'd definitely encourage that (and provide a vehicle to that student if that were the plan).

 

We'll keep them on our insurance until we can't (age 26, I think) or they don't need it.

 

We'll get them safe reliable wheels when they need it, either at or before college graduation. (So long as they don't need a car at college, we'll keep spare wheels for them here at home for breaks.)

 

We'll help with grad school if they get heaps of merit aid for undergrad. (We have a set amount of college money earmarked for each child's education . . . They know this amount . . . and it's enough to get them through our local in-state university . . . but if they get lots of aid, and we don't have to spend it . . . then we've committed to using that amount to help with grad school if needed.)

 

We'll help with modest money towards weddings and first homes when those issues come up. 

 

We'll help out with co-signing mortgages or start-up funds for businesses, etc, to whatever extent we are able to comfortably do so and so long as we agree their choices are wise and the risks things we can comfortably take on.

 

Our parents did similar for us, and we are happy to pay it forward. The family support we received was very helpful to us, and it is gratifying to think of doing similar for our own kids. They can pay it forward to their own kids . . .

 

[Erin]

:001_huh: I was just adding on to the factoid you posted...

[Truscifi]

We are several years away from college, but we are starting to introduce life skills and money management skills. Brotherman has a savings account and works doing odd jobs to earn extra money when he wants something. Last year he wanted a gaming computer to replace his dinosaur of a laptop. He worked for 6 months to save money and we matched what he saved (plus a little) as his Christmas present. Since then he has continued to work occasionally to save money for new lego sets.

 

We hope the idea of saving/planning for long term goals will be firmly set in by the time he is a high schooler. We intend to help as much as we can with college expenses, but it may not be much so he will need both savings and scholarships for the type of degree program he will need if he stays on his current path. Of course, he is only 10. Things may change a lot between now and then.

[Wheres Toto]

I'm poking around on Google now, and I'll share if I find anything. But in the meantime, I'm wondering if anyone has or could link me to any statistics about the percentage of students who graduate from college if parents cover the costs vs. when the students pay on their own?

 

Edit: So far, all I've found is this report from 2009 - http://www.publicagenda.org/pages/with-their-whole-lives-ahead-of-them

 

It does suggest what I would have guessed, that students are much more likely to finish a degree if they aren't trying to pay for it themselves. I'd still like to see a more focused, and preferably more recent, study, if anyone else happens to know of one?

 

I know having to work full time through most of it/pay for it myself was a huge factor in why I didn't get my degrees until in my 30's.

 

My dd does have a job.  During the school year she only works weekends (and not too many hours since she has sorority stuff and dance team stuff), but she picks up more hours during winter break, spring break and summer break - she can sometimes hit around 35 hours a week during those times.   She gives us most of her paycheck because she is paying for her room and board but in reality we make sure she has the money she needs for things.   She knows that her first priority is her grades and she needs to make sure the job, as well as sorority, dance team and other fun, don't interfere with that.   She's a junior now and so far so good, she's made Dean's List every semester.  She was very used to being super busy in high school as well - competitive dance, work, cheerleading and school - so it wasn't a huge shift for her.  We did not have her work her freshman year because we wanted to give her the chance to adjust to college.

 

I don't think it has to be all or nothing - a full time job or no job.

[FaithManor]

Assuming continued responsible choices and reasonable behavior, we'll support our kids fully for a 4 year degree at a college we can afford (in-state or somewhere they get big merit aid). That's a basic parental responsibility in our minds. They'll be expected to help out by working most summers for (much of their) spending money unless they get super generous merit aid, in which case they'd be free to travel, volunteer, do summer study programs, or do other constructive things and we could comfortably cover their misc spending and expenses. 

 

I will not encourage them to work regular hours during school. I want them to study hard, do fun stuff, and avoid tedious work. Summer jobs can teach them important life skills, but I do believe that during the academic year, they are better served avoiding regular work (more than a few hours per month) if possible. My musician kids might continue gigging in college if feasible, since it can be very lucrative, especially for my harpist daughter. I'd encourage the gigging, as it is an important life skill and the ability to make several hundred dollars in a few hours playing an instrument you love is something that could be valuable life long, so I'd definitely encourage that (and provide a vehicle to that student if that were the plan).

 

We'll keep them on our insurance until we can't (age 26, I think) or they don't need it.

 

We'll get them safe reliable wheels when they need it, either at or before college graduation. (So long as they don't need a car at college, we'll keep spare wheels for them here at home for breaks.)

 

We'll help with grad school if they get heaps of merit aid for undergrad. (We have a set amount of college money earmarked for each child's education . . . They know this amount . . . and it's enough to get them through our local in-state university . . . but if they get lots of aid, and we don't have to spend it . . . then we've committed to using that amount to help with grad school if needed.)

 

We'll help with modest money towards weddings and first homes when those issues come up. 

 

We'll help out with co-signing mortgages or start-up funds for businesses, etc, to whatever extent we are able to comfortably do so and so long as we agree their choices are wise and the risks things we can comfortably take on.

 

Our parents did similar for us, and we are happy to pay it forward. The family support we received was very helpful to us, and it is gratifying to think of doing similar for our own kids. They can pay it forward to their own kids . . .

 

This is pretty much our philosophy too.

 

DD got enough scholarships that we only needed to contribute car, gas, some food money, keep her on our insurance, and buy books for two years. Then her financial aid and merit went down due to cuts to the scholarship fund from which her awards originated so she decided to go to paramedic school and then work per diem for college money because she didn't want to take out students loans. We paid for paramedic school and kept her in a car while she worked due to the fact that her 529 plan had completely tanked during the stock market fall of 2009 when the housing market went bust. We lost so much money in retirement and college fund, that we couldn't do a lot more. So she worked and went to school, dropping the number of hours she took each semester. Then she got married, so at 23, she is just now getting her last two classes which she will transfer back to U of MI so she can graduated with her chemistry degree. We paid for those classes this year and the books as well. When her car wears out, we will help them find an economical, but safe replacement and give them some money towards it. Mortgage - they live on the east coast and will likely never own due to the costs and the fact that while he might eventually make up the corporate ladder and make good money, but paramedics are never the top of the earning chain, and they would like to have a child or two at some point. Home owning as long as they live in the New Jersey, New York, Maryland is just not going to happen.

 

Our eldest boy, due to his injuries and PT, may end up being at home for a year or two and commute to U of MI. We'll gladly fully support him, keep a car in good shape, pay his insurance, and provide his gas money as well as buy his books and put $5000.00 a year on his bill if needed. He may eventually have some of the guaranteed student loans, but those amounts are low as are the interest rates and the repayment terms are good. He will do everything he can to stay in school without private loans because those are AWFUL, and the source of the college debt horror stories that are featured in the media. IF he needs to, he'll be a commuter all four years. I'd love it if he could live on campus for at least one year because I do think it is character building and commuters tend to miss out on a lot. DD certainly did. But, the goal is the education experience, personal development, and eventually the degree so if commuting works so that he doesn't have big loans, then that is okay with us.

 

Middle boy will likely have the stats to get a lot of merit aid. He is welcome to live on campus, or to do what his older sibs have done. We'll buy books, provide transportation, maintain insurance, etc. If he needs tuition money, again he could get $5000.00 a year from us. This holds true for the youngest boy as well, though with his science fair accomplishments and robotics programming, I don't think we will end up contributing to a college bill. He's a freshman in high school and has college recruiters seeking him out and asking us what they need to do to put him in their engineering departments. Barring something unusual, his merit aid should be rather large.

 

But, all of them will get help with things like getting into their first apartments, setting up house (I have a box of pots, pans, and other kitchen things upstairs accumulated from garage sales and thrift stores just waiting for those first kitchens), maintaining the first car, even a co-signing for first car loan if necessary. We are very much in favor of car loans, unlike Dave Ramsey, because the safety features on 2002 model years and newer are worth every penny of interest paid. Side air bags, better crumple zones, etc. After what we have been through, we are no longer in favor of "the old beater" idea for teen and young adult transportation. I want my family in safe cars...by that I do not mean BIG. You'd be surprised how many big, gas guzzlers are terribly unsafe. There are many small cars, fuel efficient, that very safe due to the engineering and features.

 

I'm also okay even contributing to a vacation. GASP! I know that sounds frivolous, but dd and hubby work really hard. DD, in particular, due to the nature of her job has incredibly high stress levels, works unpredictable shifts - it's pretty rare for her to get of work "on time" since medical emergencies do not observe time clocks nor does the ensuing paperwork after the patient has been delivered to the hospital - and getting away is HARD for them. Really hard. Sometimes they need some down time, yet their budget is tight. So since they like to camp, and we bought a pop up camper, we sent out tent, queen size air mattress, camp stove, lantern, portable picnic table, and sleeping bags to them. They now go camping on the spur of the moment when the weather is nice cramming it all into the back of their Saturn wagon. We put money in her account for their campsites and incidentals. It is a cheap way for them to get away from it all and de-stress.

 

Both my parents and my in laws were just generally helpful in these ways when we got married and particularly, the first year when I was finishing college. I have always been very grateful for that and desired to do the same for our kids.

[BigMamaBird]

My oldest is only 9 so we have some time still, but our plan is to allow the kids to live at home and either attend the local community college or in town State college.  The CC has a terrific bridge to Bachelors program so they will be able to save even more that way.  We will encourage them to work summers and save money because we won't be able to help them financially much beyond assistance with supplies and books.  

 

After college they can live at home as long as they are either actively seeking a job or holding one down and are willing to comply with family rules.  

[The Girls' Mom]

For ours it will be room and board while they are still in college, if they choose to live at home.  We also have provided a reliable, but older, used car and covered car insurance and gas at the moment.  My dd is going to start looking for a job after her birthday in Dec. at our request and will help with the car insurance as she can and pay for her own gas.  We plan on doing the same for our younger two.  They will also be allowed to live at home as long as they need to.  They will need to contribute to food and will have to pay their own phone bills, etc.  We are even ok with them living here after marriage if they are working towards/saving up to be on their own.  (This is because we know how hard it is to get started in this economy)

 

They are on their own with funding college.  I'm doing all I can on my end to prepare them for winning scholarships, but two are planning on two years of CC paid for by the state.  

[Elisabet1]

I saved enough money to pay the EFC. I helped my children a ton to find financial aid. My son is a sophomore in college and my daughter is on a break right now. She has earned a fair amount toward college so far and I expect her to keep working toward it. 

 

Even if we had a ton of money, we would expect them to contribute. While I grew up with nothing and always worked because it was work or be homeless and no food, for my husband, he went to private schools growing up. He went to U of Chicago. Both of us agree that working was an integral part of forming who we are today.

[mamakelly]

Our adult son is living at home so we take care of room and board and food. We pay for his car insurance, health insurance and phone. He handles the rest. I think it's important to have a balance. You can't pay for everything, then one day expect them to pay for all of their own expenses. It should be a gradual thing

[laughing lioness]

Our 20 yo is living at home and using a car whenever he needs it. We've purchased some of his textbooks, most of his food, clothing and some gas, car insurance, family plan for phone. He works regularly and has been able to pay tuition through grants and work so to date he has no college debt. He contributes a regular amount to household to offset some of the insurance, phone costs.