Nursing while pregnant....

[Reflections]

I'm a closet extended nurser.  My son is 4 and still nurses at night.  I never thought I'd nurse this long.  My other two were done by one.  He just doesn't seem to want to let it go.  And I haven't pushed it.    It seems so important to him, that I'm very reluctant to stop.  

 

And now at 42 I find myself unexpectedly pregnant. SURPRISE!  

 

I've been all over the LLL website and know that nursing while pregnant isn't a huge deal, physically. I'm more concerned about how my 4yo will handle "sharing" emotionally.  He's already very, uh, clingy.  

 

Anyone else out there nurse two - ages apart?  Anyone have tips or stories on how to wean an older nursling?   

 

I'm of two minds here.  But I have to say, that I'm leaning more towards keeping the night-time nursings until he himself is done.

 

 

(BTW, I've been gone a while... you know "real life" stuff... I've missed being here... it's fun.)

[liber]

I tandem nursed my two year old and newborn for about a year. I told the two year that baby had to go first. As the baby got older I would nurse both of them at the same time. I didn't wean the older one till I felt he was ready emotionally. It worked fine for me. I weaned most of my kids around 3 but I did nurse one till he was five.

[Reflections]

I tandem nursed my two year old and newborn for about a year. I told the two year that baby had to go first. As the baby got older I would nurse both of them at the same time. I didn't wean the older one till I felt he was ready emotionally. It worked fine for me. I weaned most of my kids around 3 but I did nurse one till he was five.

 

See, this is what I'm thinking I might say.  I think that during the day and at the beginning, sharing will be easier than at night.  

 

How did you wean?  I only knew one person irl who "weaned" their kids.  All my other friends just let their kids go until they weaned themselves.  The one that "weaned" would let her kids cry it out.  I can't/won't do that.  Being a little upset is to be expected I'm guessing.  But I'm not willing to let him cry about it.

[Slache]

I took a breastfeeding class where I learned that the milk you produce changes as your baby grows. Considering the age difference wouldn't it be inappropriate for them to share?

[Reflections]

I took a breastfeeding class where I learned that the milk you produce changes as your baby grows. Considering the age difference wouldn't it be inappropriate for them to share?

 

From the LLL website the idea seems to be that the milk changes to accommodate the growing baby and that the change is not harmful for the older nursling.  I'm not sure how it would be inappropriate.  Perhaps a concern about content - more colostrum like in the beginning - but I don't think that it will hurt the older one.  But the taste is supposed to be off-putting.

[HS Mom in NC]

My oldest was 22 mos. old when my middle was born.  The oldest nursed until 5 years old.  My middle until 4.5 years old. Each of them were exclusively breastfed (no paci, no water, no juice, no formula, so solids, no baby cereals) until their first birthdays when their first solid food was chocolate cake.

You'll get colostrum after delivery and, of course, the new baby gets that.  The new baby will nurse about every 2 hours.  The older can nurse after the new baby.  Obviously 4 year olds don't nurse any where near as frequently or as long as babies do so it's no big deal.  I've personally know a dozen tandem nursers, including someone nursing her 3 year old twins through her pregnancy and then all three for a while. I've personally known a mom who nursed 3 singletons each about 18-24 months apart from each other until the oldest was about 6.

Avoid all inexperienced advice about tandem nursing and nursing through pregnancy.

I thinks it's easier for them to share when they get some as opposed to getting completely cut off.

You can just focus on limiting the number of nursing sessions and duration. There are old threads about that.

 

[hornblower]

I'm an IBCLC and a retired LLL & I tandem nursed. Mine were a tad closer - dd was 3.5 when ds was born.

There is no problem with tandem nursing. You're absolutely correct - your body will make milk suitable for your infant when the baby is born.

Your older one may stop, or may stop during your pregnancy & resume later, or may continue until the baby arrives & decide that they don't want to any more or may just continue straight through. Any combo is just fine.

Eat well, try to rest as much as you can & relax.  It's all good.

[Slache]

From the LLL website the idea seems to be that the milk changes to accommodate the growing baby and that the change is not harmful for the older nursling. I'm not sure how it would be inappropriate. Perhaps a concern about content - more colostrum like in the beginning - but I don't think that it will hurt the older one. But the taste is supposed to be off-putting.

My thought was that the milk you would be producing for the older one would be inappropriate for the younger one. I was more posing it as a question, but after what PP said about your colostrum coming in it would appear that my thought was irrelevant.

[Reflections]

>snip<

 

You can just focus on limiting the number of nursing sessions and duration. There are old threads about that.

 

 

 

 

>snip<.

Eat well, try to rest as much as you can & relax.  It's all good.

 

 

Very reassuring.  Thank you. 

[Reflections]

I'm an IBCLC and a retired LLL & I tandem nursed. Mine were a tad closer - dd was 3.5 when ds was born.

 

There is no problem with tandem nursing. You're absolutely correct - your body will make milk suitable for your infant when the baby is born.

Your older one may stop, or may stop during your pregnancy & resume later, or may continue until the baby arrives & decide that they don't want to any more or may just continue straight through. Any combo is just fine.

 

Eat well, try to rest as much as you can & relax.  It's all good.

 

I'm also supposing supply and demand really works here, too???  My milk has always come in late and been small in quantity.  I've used lots of herbal supplements to increase my supply with some success (2nd and third baby). I'm hoping that the double nursing thing helps increase my supply!!  I'm not sure I'm worried about supplying enough milk - yet - I'll cross that bridge later. Plus if I let the older one nurse second that can only help not hinder, right?? (kinda thinking out loud here).

[Reflections]

I've never nursed that long for a variety of reasons, but pregnancy has been a huge one. Not everyone experiences this but my milk dries up big time and all my kids who I've tried have weaned and there was no benefit to trying to re-establish nursing once it came back in. I don't have a hugely robust supply anyway so with the volume of nursing I do with my newborns I've not had any desire to try and give it a go with anyone else.

 

But do be aware you may have some supply issues and sensitivity, especially in the 10-16 week range. Some women never do, though :)

 

Honestly, I have no idea how much if any my 4yo is getting now.  I think it's some but I'm not sure. Regarding sensitivity, I'm already drawing in a sharp breath at latch.  I think that if my milk dried up and he weaned, I wouldn't try to reestablish him unless he he really really wanted it. And I was desperate for sleep. 

[Melissa in Australia]

congratulations!

 

 

 

[liber]

With my earlier kids I just told them they drank the milk all gone. With the one that I was tandem nursing I think I told him that he was a big boy and didn't need to nurse. He fussed a little. It if he had been really upset I would have continued. I would still snuggle him when I was nursing the baby. You would think I would remember, it was only a year ago. Lol

[Joanne]

I'm a closet extended nurser.  My son is 4 and still nurses at night.  I never thought I'd nurse this long.  My other two were done by one.  He just doesn't seem to want to let it go.  And I haven't pushed it.    It seems so important to him, that I'm very reluctant to stop.  

 

And now at 42 I find myself unexpectedly pregnant. SURPRISE!  

 

I've been all over the LLL website and know that nursing while pregnant isn't a huge deal, physically. I'm more concerned about how my 4yo will handle "sharing" emotionally.  He's already very, uh, clingy.  

 

Anyone else out there nurse two - ages apart?  Anyone have tips or stories on how to wean an older nursling?   

 

I'm of two minds here.  But I have to say, that I'm leaning more towards keeping the night-time nursings until he himself is done.

 

 

(BTW, I've been gone a while... you know "real life" stuff... I've missed being here... it's fun.)

 

Hello. :) I wanted to post in response. I nursed each of my kids for years - not months. There was a time when I nursed all 3. I say that because I "believe" in a natural nursing relationship (I hate the term extended).

 

However. I found that "child led weaning" - popular phrasing among AP/natural/nursing moms was not a match for us. I later felt it was not a match for my understanding of intuitive mothering.

 

I had great "ideals", back by my understanding of research. I spent hours reading and in LLL and with LLL people.

 

But I had birthed a child who needed firm, established boundaries. Firm. Established. Without them, he fell apart. He failed to move along developmentally. He was a mess - MORE clingy, MORE insecure, MORE needy. It turned out this child needed boundaries on mommy attention, hugs, focused time with him, and nursing. He needed me to take an active role in weaning - he needed me to communicate to him that he was ready, done, moving on.

 

When I realized that - for whatever reason - he needed firm and almost rigid boundaries in every area, he thrived. He became less clingy, more developmentally on target, happier, more adjusted.

 

I realized that I should have put firm boundaries on his nursing much earlier than I did.

Now, what I posted may not be a "match" for you and your son's personality. But, over the years (son in question is going on 20), I have found many moms have discovered peace and the missing "link" when I share my experience, strength, and hope with this issue.

[Momof3littles]

I tandem nursed 2x.  My kids are each 3 y apart roughly.  It eased the transition.  I set limits, but that works better for some personalities than others.  By that I mean that some older children will expect to nurse every time the baby does, and might do better with a firm boundary (like weaning prior to baby's arrival or cutting down to 1x a day, only at bedtime for example).

 

My kids were all extended nursers but I did nudge them along toward weaning eventually, mostly for my own sanity.

[zoobie]

My oldest DD did not like the taste change and weaned during the pregnancy with DS. Currently, I'm nursing a 27 month old and 5 month old. The toddler nurses at nap and bedtime. It hurt like hell to nurse her during the pregnancy. After I'd gotten so far in, I wanted to keep up my milk supply which had tanked after her birth (severe blood loss during c/s). It worked, and nursing the newborn did not hurt at all! Normally that's excrutiating for a good month. I have not had supply issues, and my baby is chunkier than any of my previous babies. And I'm on a severely restricted diet due to her sensitivities. (And I'm 39, so an older mom now.)

 

Colostrum can have a laxative effect on the older child as it's meant to clean out the meconium, etc. I didn't notice this with my toddler, but I wasn't changing diapers at that stretch. DH had that job after the surgery. :) Obviously a 4 year old is not getting the bulk of his nutrition from nursing anyway, so I would not worry about milk content. Your body makes it for the infant, as regulated by hormones and magical mama dust (I'm not a scientist).

 

I can't tell from your post whether you want to wean. If you do, I would make those changes soon so it's as far away from the baby's arrival as possible. I'm getting to the point with my older nursling where I'm wondering how long I want to continue, which might be seen as horribly selfish to some.

[VeganCupcake]

I weaned my oldest at 4.5 years old because I was already tandem nursing her and my 2 year old and I wanted to get pregnant. I knew I could nurse one during pregnancy, but not two! (And it turned out I was pregnant with twins and my 2 year old self-weaned almost as soon as I got pregnant, so nothing really went to plan. :) )

 

She was naturally nursing only once a day (before bed), and we held a "No More Milkies" party. We also gave her a two-wheeled bike as a weaning gift. She asked a couple of times after that to nurse, but she and I just snuggled and hugged instead, and we talked about how we were not having milkies anymore. I admit it broke my heart a little bit.

 

My oldest was a big comfort nurser, so I think that's why she continued to nurse while I was pregnant. I found it irritating sometimes--more mentally than physically, I think--to nurse while pregnant, especially during long nursing sessions. Short sessions did not bother me. I didn't think there was much milk at all, but DD said there was. When DS was born, they both gained a lot, and very quickly, because of the abundance of demand. DD asked to nurse much more frequently when there was suddenly an abundance of delicious new-baby milk. She gradually slowed back down to a few times a day at that point.

 

I'm happy I did it and have no regrets. Congratulations!

[Slache]

Your body makes it for the infant, as regulated by hormones and magical mama dust (I'm not a scientist).

Your body is responding to the hormones your baby gives off through scent. The amount of calories, and quantities of various vitamins change based on your baby's needs. Mothers of premies have different milk from those of full term births and your milk is thicker at night with sleepy stuff (that's the technical term) in it. Breast milk is very cool.

[Reflections]

Hello. :) I wanted to post in response. I nursed each of my kids for years - not months. There was a time when I nursed all 3. I say that because I "believe" in a natural nursing relationship (I hate the term extended).

 

However. I found that "child led weaning" - popular phrasing among AP/natural/nursing moms was not a match for us. I later felt it was not a match for my understanding of intuitive mothering.

 

I had great "ideals", back by my understanding of research. I spent hours reading and in LLL and with LLL people.

 

But I had birthed a child who needed firm, established boundaries. Firm. Established. Without them, he fell apart. He failed to move along developmentally. He was a mess - MORE clingy, MORE insecure, MORE needy. It turned out this child needed boundaries on mommy attention, hugs, focused time with him, and nursing. He needed me to take an active role in weaning - he needed me to communicate to him that he was ready, done, moving on.

 

When I realized that - for whatever reason - he needed firm and almost rigid boundaries in every area, he thrived. He became less clingy, more developmentally on target, happier, more adjusted.

 

I realized that I should have put firm boundaries on his nursing much earlier than I did.

Now, what I posted may not be a "match" for you and your son's personality. But, over the years (son in question is going on 20), I have found many moms have discovered peace and the missing "link" when I share my experience, strength, and hope with this issue.

 

I had not considered this as a boundary issue.  It's certainly something that I'll turn over and examine.  I'm by nature a broad boundary person - few,simple rules. Guidelines mostly. What would a firm and rigid boundary over breastfeeding and the ensuing cuddling at night look like? He's been really good about not wanting to nurse until bedtime and then when I tell him that we're done, he releases and goes to sleep.... is that the sort of thing that you mean?

[Reflections]

I tandem nursed 2x.  My kids are each 3 y apart roughly.  It eased the transition.  I set limits, but that works better for some personalities than others.  By that I mean that some older children will expect to nurse every time the baby does, and might do better with a firm boundary (like weaning prior to baby's arrival or cutting down to 1x a day, only at bedtime for example).

 

My kids were all extended nursers but I did nudge them along toward weaning eventually, mostly for my own sanity.

 

I *think* that when the baby comes he might want to nurse every time the baby does too - just to keep up our connection - iykwim.  But I'm hoping to say something like "we'll nurse at bedtime like always" and that might make the transition easier for all of us.

[maize]

I have nursed through two pregnancies/tandem nursed twice. I have also weaned three children during a subsequent pregnancy. My milk production drops dramatically when I am pregnant, which can make weaning easier. And my nipples become uncomfortably sensitive, which motivates me. With a three or four year old, you can talk about how they are growing up, now they can do x and y and z but they are getting so big they don't need Mommy's milk anymore.

 

Good luck however you decide with weaning/not weaning. And congratulations on the pregnancy!

[Reflections]

My oldest DD did not like the taste change and weaned during the pregnancy with DS. Currently, I'm nursing a 27 month old and 5 month old. The toddler nurses at nap and bedtime. It hurt like hell to nurse her during the pregnancy. After I'd gotten so far in, I wanted to keep up my milk supply which had tanked after her birth (severe blood loss during c/s). It worked, and nursing the newborn did not hurt at all! Normally that's excrutiating for a good month. I have not had supply issues, and my baby is chunkier than any of my previous babies. And I'm on a severely restricted diet due to her sensitivities. (And I'm 39, so an older mom now.)

 

Colostrum can have a laxative effect on the older child as it's meant to clean out the meconium, etc. I didn't notice this with my toddler, but I wasn't changing diapers at that stretch. DH had that job after the surgery. :) Obviously a 4 year old is not getting the bulk of his nutrition from nursing anyway, so I would not worry about milk content. Your body makes it for the infant, as regulated by hormones and magical mama dust (I'm not a scientist).

 

I can't tell from your post whether you want to wean. If you do, I would make those changes soon so it's as far away from the baby's arrival as possible. I'm getting to the point with my older nursling where I'm wondering how long I want to continue, which might be seen as horribly selfish to some.

 

About wanting or not to wean.... I really am of two minds, but heavily leaning towards still wanting him to self wean.  If I were going to wean, yes, I would start it now, not 6 months from now.

 

*I* don't think that you're selfish.  I think that we all have needs - sometime ours have to come first.  From the simple to the complex.  

 

Magic Mama Dust.  I like that idea.

 

Oh, and uh, my 4yo is already pretty regular..... I can't imagine what colostrum might do... :huh:

[maize]

I *think* that when the baby comes he might want to nurse every time the baby does too - just to keep up our connection - iykwim. But I'm hoping to say something like "we'll nurse at bedtime like always" and that might make the transition easier for all of us.

You could offer him a snack when the baby is nursing and point out that baby has no teeth and cannot eat any of the fun big people food your older child can eat, he can only drink milk and his tummy is so small he can only drink a little at a time so has to nurse often.

[Reflections]

Your body is responding to the hormones your baby gives off through scent. The amount of calories, and quantities of various vitamins change based on your baby's needs. Mothers of premies have different milk from those of full term births and your milk is thicker at night with sleepy stuff (that's the technical term) in it. Breast milk is very cool.

 

Breast milk is cool!

[HS Mom in NC]

To clarify, I weaned my oldest when she was 5 because I was done tandem nursing.  She wept and wailed for a day and then was over it. I hugged her and reassured her through it, but that's how it was. My middle weaned on her own at 4.5 years old.  Like Joanne pointed out, kids are different. Deal with them differently.

 

There are a few rare people whose oxytocin (sp?)  receptors mature early and nursing can make early labor come on.  This is very, very rare.  BH contractions are normal and can come on more regularly while nursing and are nothing to worry about.

[rose]

This is a topic dear to my heart at the moment. As you can see in my signature I have two babies. The older one is adopted and I chose to nurse him from birth while I was pregnant. I thought that given the fact that I was nursing my toddler that I would have enough milk for him, or at least maybe for the first month but discovered that I didn't even have enough to keep him happy for two days! I got a supplemental feeder and fed him at my breast through a tube for next five months. When my youngest baby was born our sweet adopted baby was able to nurse like a champ! Praise the Lord! We did it!

 

From my experience and research, I would guess that at some point your son will be getting next to no milk. The supply and demand principle doesn't seem to apply during pregnancy. If nursing is just for comfort this may not phase him but it will probably be an easier time for him to wean if you choose to go that direction.

[VeganCupcake]

There are a few rare people whose oxytocin (sp?)  receptors mature early and nursing can make early labor come on.  This is very, very rare.  BH contractions are normal and can come on more regularly while nursing and are nothing to worry about.

 

I was in early labor with my twins (39 weeks 2 days!!) and tried to get things rolling a bit more with pumping and nipple stimulation and  *nothing* happened. I also carried my second baby to 40w 6d while nursing big sister. 

[Reflections]

Thank you everyone.  I really appreciate the walking - talking - through of this.   While, I'm still of two minds, I think that for now, we'll keep the night time nursings. 

[duckens]

My two daughters are 4 years apart.  The older one fully weaned a year ago at age "early 7."  I am so grateful that we weaned naturally.  It was the right choice for us.
 

 

But I have to say, that I'm leaning more towards keeping the night-time nursings until he himself is done.

Once you wean, you can't go back to those days.  I've spoken to so many moms who wish they had nursed just a little longer.  Age 7 is not the right choice for everyone, but if you are willing to nurse longer, then Good for You!!!!

He's down to only one nursing/day??????  That's a lot less than my older dd was at that age!

1) Your milk may come in anytime after 25 weeks.  Mine came in in the 28th week.  I remember this because nursing was soooooooooooooooooo painful that week.  Older dd knew that we would wean if she wasn't gentle.  It gets better, but it's okay if you wean your older this week, too.

The new milk also reflected in older dd's bowel movements becoming a little softer.  We observed this when cleaning out the training potty.

2) Even nursing two kids, I often slept in a wet bed (leaking breasts) for the first 6 months after birth.

 

3) They system that worked for us was for older sister picked the breast that was her favorite.  That was her side, and she only nursed on that side (unless mom was TOO full and the baby was asleep).  The baby can nurse on BOTH sides.

Once our baby because a toddler, she became very cagey about jumping out of the tub promptly and asking for breastmilk.  She would "scoop" sister and drink all of the milk on big sister's side before big sister got out of the tub.  I pretty sure that she did this conscientiously and strategically for a number reasons.  Sibling Rivalry!!!  :laugh:

4) Little sister didn't gain weight as we left the hospital.  Loverboy went to purchase formula to supplement and pick up a breast pump from the hospital while I cried a lot.

BECAUSE older sister was still nursing, we had all the time in the world to identify and fix the problem without fear of my milk drying up.
 

[Reflections]

Once you wean, you can't go back to those days.  I've spoken to so many moms who wish they had nursed just a little longer.  Age 7 is not the right choice for everyone, but if you are willing to nurse longer, then Good for You!!!!

He's down to only one nursing/day??????  That's a lot less than my older dd was at that age!

 

 

It just doesn't seem right yet to tell him to stop.  If I was frustrated about it or he was nursing 3, 4 , 8 times a day I might feel different (I know I would) about weaning.  So one nursing, at night - even with a baby - just doesn't bother me and seems uber important to him.

 

Thank you for sharing your story!  :001_smile:  :001_smile:  :001_smile:

[duckens]

 

Reflections said:

It just doesn't seem right yet to tell him to stop.  If I was frustrated about it or he was nursing 3, 4 , 8 times a day I might feel different (I know I would) about weaning.  So one nursing, at night - even with a baby - just doesn't bother me and seems uber important to him.

 

And it's okay for you to change your mind later if YOU become really, really unhappy continuing to nurse your older, or trying to balance the two.  Mama needs to be happy, too.

 

Having Loverboy as a supportive partner in tandem nursing and extended nursing was important, too.  Sometimes he would make teasing comments, but ultimately he acknowledged that it was my body and my decision.  I also knew that at any time, I could decide to wean one or both of the girls, and Loverboy would willingly go purchase formula, or support me in any other way he could.

 

**Disclaimer: Loverboy always preferred that I breastfed our girls, but he also always acknowledged that it was my body, my commitment, and my decision. **

 

I always considered it confusing for my little people to be told, "I'm so glad that you are drinking healthy breastmilk!  Now you must stop and never have it again!"

[Erin]

-No sharing issues and Buck was just under 2 when Bean was born so he certainly wasnt old enough to really reason through it or anything. He would even hold her hand if they were nursing simultaneously. It was the *sweetest* thing.

 

- I went into preterm labor at 28 weeks. While my midwife thought it was far more likely connected to dehydration from a flu I'd had, I still had to wean Buck. He never quit asking, though. So at 37 (?) weeks, when I wad released from bedrest and allowed to resume normalcy, he picked up like nothing had happened.

 

-After delivery, my milk came back in fully in about a day, unlike the almost week! with my first.

 

-Im so glad I got to tandem nurse them for a couple years. Sometimes when those bickering adolescents are getting to me, it's a nice memory to bring out and cherish :)