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If you're divorced, what does your parenting plan look like?


Colleen
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Ok my thoughts

 

I too think some schedules are WAY too complicated. As old as your kids are and especially if you stop homeschooling I believe the best schedule would be a week on a week off. Yes, it requires the kids to have two of everything that is possible and a good list of the things that you can't have two of and must be transferred each week. But it allows the kids to have a full week in one place...which I think is important especially if their father ( as in this case) has been and wants to continue being an involved father.

 

I believe the children should be asked for their thoughts too...while making it clear they are not making the final decision.

 

I suggest the week on week off schedule knowing it would kill me. So I am sorry. It is to me the least sucky of all solutions in your case. One exchange a week has a BIG benefit because exchanges are not easy.....

 

And ftr I am very against the nesting arrangement. ( where the parents move weekly)

 

I know you asked for our parenting plans so sorry to just offer my opinion of yours....mine wouldn't work for you in the slightest. Xh has recently told ds14 he no longer had to come for visitation.

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First my experience with c.s., in Florida child support and visitation are handled separately. So, Willow's dad pays c.s. regardless of visitation schedule. He, by his choice, only sees her from12p-4p every other Sunday. And never calls her in between or anything. :(

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I agree with Scarlett here. Week on/week off really seems best for the kids. It would have been optimal for my DSS. (I posted our schizophrenic plan up thread.)

 

And while the nest arrangement looks nice on paper... As a child who lived it, I don't recommend it. It didn't work for me, and I know it wasn't good for my parents.

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First my experience with c.s., in Florida child support and visitation are handled separately. So, Willow's dad pays c.s. regardless of visitation schedule. He, by his choice, only sees her from12p-4p every other Sunday. And never calls her in between or anything. :(

 

Child support and "visitation" has not been tied together in decades. I put "visitation" in quotes because I hate that term. I believe that it should be called parenting. And I think the part should have to deal with sickness, events, obligations, etc during their parenting time.

 

 

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I have a friend who has her kids for an entire week and weekend, then takes them to school on Monday. The Dad picks them up and does the same. They used to do the switch on Friday, but found it best for homework projects for the kids to spend the weekend with the parent who had experienced that school week. It seems to work very well for them. Both parents are remarried and everyone gets along remarkably well. 50-50 custody means that nobody pays child support. I'm guessing this doesn't work too well if the parents live far apart or the mother doesn't have a good job.

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I don't have any real words of wisdom but did want to stay to try and keep all the children together in whatever arrangement you decide. My parents divorced (later remarried) but things evolved into the two oldest being with one parent and the two youngest being with the other parent and it just sucked (there was a four year gap between the two sets of kids). My parents were very flexible with when we could see the other parent and we all had a family meal together once a week but it was still a time in my life I try to forget because I was separated from my two of my siblings for the majority of the time. I do think there were things my parents could have done to prevent it but they were each a bit selfish in wanting to be with at least some of their children all the time. I don't hold it against them but I've seen it happen to a few other families as well and just wanted to say please try to avoid it.

 

 

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We have two different custody schedules in our house, mine with my ex and SO's with his ex (we each have two kids).  They both have benefits and drawbacks.

 

My kids are with us M-F and every other weekend during the school year.  They go to their father's house one state away every other weekend during the school year.  During the summer we do every other week, switching on Sundays.  We split holidays and vacations during the year (we each get half of them and switch which ones each year).  

 

He pays child support, I claim the kids on taxes, we split medical and extracurricular activities based on income percentage (add our incomes together and each pay the percentage equal to our share of that amount).  

 

The biggest benefit is that the kids have a home base.  All of their needed stuff is here for school and activities.  They each have a room at their dads but they pack a suitcase to go visit each time.  The biggest drawback is that their dad is reluctant to allow them to skip visitation to participate in life here.  They are getting older and there has been quite a bit of resentment lately about friend's parties missed, school dances missed, wanting to trick or treat with friends not dad, etc.  It can also be difficult because extracurricular stuff is becoming more involved and often spills onto the weekend which their dad complains about.  

 

My SO's kids are with us M, TH and F nights plus every other Sat/Sun.  Their schedule stays the same year round.  They go with whichever parent they would normally be with on most holidays.  The only real exception is Christmas Eve which they switch every other year so they each get a chance to do stockings.  They negotiate to change the schedule if one wants them for more days to travel.

 

Neither pays child support (we have them more but their dad makes more money), they split the kids for tax purposes and they split kid activities and medical expenses 50/50.  

 

The biggest benefit is that the kids get to spend a fair amount of time with both parents.  They don't need to worry about activities as much because their parents are in the same area (5 miles apart) and both get enough time with them that they are willing to let them go to most things they ask to do.  The biggest drawback is that they really don't have a home base.  They have their stuff at their mom's and their stuff at their dad's.  It is a constant issue to get things back and forth when it is needed and there is a constant shuffling of clothes/coats/shoes that get left at the wrong parents house.  There also isn't one "in charge" parent which means things sometimes fall through the cracks (each thinks the other has the info/has it covered) and there has to be a lot more compromise about how things are done (one doesn't enforce homework as well so the other winds up with more than half the burden, etc).

 

My ideal, and the setup my own kids have requested more than once, would be their dad and I in the same school district.  They are with me Sun night through Fri after school and every other weekend.  They are with him the alternate Friday and Saturday nights.  We keep the schedule flexible and they go with him one or two evenings a week for dinner/homework/rides to activities but get dropped off at home to sleep in their own rooms and go to school the next morning from here.  This would only work if both parents were pretty much on the same page with parenting and were willing to put the kids first and work together (so, will never work for us because my ex is Disney Dad and wouldn't enforce decent diets, homework or showing up to activities if the kids balked at all).

 

I don't see us ever going to a flexible schedule where the kids basically stay where they want to because of the drastic differences in our parenting styles.  I can easily see my kids trying to take advantage of their father's inability to enforce rules and desire to be seen as their favorite to play us against each other.

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My DH's parents divorced when he was 3 and they both lived in the save town.  The first few years he stayed with his mom primarily with every other weekend at his dad's plus one week a month.  Then the summer was split 50/50.  Eventually, since they lived close enough for him to ride his bike back and forth, it transitioned into him staying wherever he wanted.  This probably saved his relationship with his mom, as she still has a tendency to push his buttons. 

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