Elisabet1 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 OK..don't need advice on my daughter on this...just want to list the facts and see what you make of it. 18 yr old girl gets angry at parents for variety of things, already has issues with depression and such. So she takes off. She does not know anyone in walking distance, except for the birth parents of one of her parents. So she walks there..they will be known as BGP (birth grandparents). Aside from anything that happened with the BGP, the BGP's daughter shows up...so that would be birth aunt? Anyway....birth aunt proceeds to inform 18 yr old that her parents are terrible and just want to hurt her and tells her she needs to get in to her bank account and remove all her money immediately before the real parents access her account and "steals" it all. Birth aunt says she will keep the money safe for 18 yr old. 18 yr old tries to access her account but realizes she forgot her ID at home. Birth aunt leaves, but proceeds to call real parents and inform them that 18 yr old just really wants to move out and get her own apartment so birth aunt want to stop by and pick up her ID and money card for her. Real parents say no, she needs to come home and see her counselor. End of story, 18 yr old is home and will be back with her counselor on Friday, and hopefully move to more sessions a week. BUT..not wanting advice on daughter, really just asking about birth aunt's actions. I think birth aunt intended to steal the money and was preying on 18 yr old. Husband says does not matter, birth aunt was doing whatever she could to try to drive a wedge and make things worse. Birth aunt knows 18 yr old has been in counseling and has had issues. Birth aunt has a history of vindictive and inappropriate angry and irresponsible behavior. She also constantly has money trouble and has to live way above her means. What do you think of birth aunt's actions? (18 yr old agrees she should never spend time with birth family again like that, especially not without others present to make sure nothing happens again). edited to add: this has nothing to do with the opinion on the money situation, but today, when birth aunt found out that 18 yr did not stay with the birth grandparents, she called real parents (us) and flipped out, screaming in to the answering machine that she was going to call the police on us and send them in to retrieve our daughter. We did not answer the phone or return the call. We did save the message. Police never showed. But I am still saving the message. Daughter even heard it and I am hoping the reality of the situation is hitting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I think she was trying to get the money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Does it matter? Birth aunt was out of line in any case. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I agree with Jean and NW. Probably she was trying to get the money. But, it doesn't ultimately matter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabet1 Posted October 23, 2014 Author Share Posted October 23, 2014 I thought my daughter was money savvy/fraud savvy. But now I think I need to spend some time with her talking about protecting herself from scams and such. It is not just about the birth aunt...it is an every day skill people need to have to protect themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I mean no disrespect at all with what I am about to say- based on all your posts about your DD, do you have a counselor for just you? I would highly recommend you get one for just you. I know you love your DD and would do anything for your family. It is hard watching our kids grow up and maybe a counselor could give you tips on how to communicate with each other and listen to each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 It could be easily interpreted either way. I'd draw no conclusions about birth-aunt's possible intentions (other than it's possible). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joules Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I thought my daughter was money savvy/fraud savvy. But now I think I need to spend some time with her talking about protecting herself from scams and such. It is not just about the birth aunt...it is an every day skill people need to have to protect themselves. She probably is, but kids (and grown-ups, sometimes) are blind when it's family or a family friend. That's why "stranger danger" is so hard to teach, it's not usually a stranger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I would not feel able to say I think the aunt intended fraud without knowing about the conversation with your daughter. It's possible your daughter said things that made the aunt feel she needed to protect your daughter from you. In her anger your daughter may have said untrue or unfair things about you that concerned the aunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 In this case, I could easily see a clueless aunt wanting to help out, and offering to come get materials out of a "dangerous" home situation in an effort to protect a troubled child. I could just as easily see a morally bankrupt person taking advantage of a crisis. It doesn't really matter unless you suspect that aunt will try to con DD in the future. If you do, then report the situation to the police so that you can start a paper trail should you need. Either way, I'm sorry that you have so much family drama to juggle right now. ((hugs)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I would not feel able to say I think the aunt intended fraud without knowing about the conversation with your daughter. It's possible your daughter said things that made the aunt feel she needed to protect your daughter from you. In her anger your daughter may have said untrue or unfair things about you that concerned the aunt. I agree with this, based purely on the story I would think birth aunt felt she was advocating for an abuse victim. It's entirely possible her intentions were not innocent at all. But not knowing the full story, or her, AND knowing how easy it is for people to convince themselves of thing, I'm not passing judgement here. Hope your daughter is doing well in counseling and things improve. I think it is right to shun aunt going forward since her actions were potentially catastrophically damaging. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I don't know but I would make sure DD knows not to give anyone access to her money. If she is 18 she can handle it herself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabet1 Posted October 23, 2014 Author Share Posted October 23, 2014 I mean no disrespect at all with what I am about to say- based on all your posts about your DD, do you have a counselor for just you? I would highly recommend you get one for just you. I know you love your DD and would do anything for your family. It is hard watching our kids grow up and maybe a counselor could give you tips on how to communicate with each other and listen to each other. Yes, she has a counselor. She was supposed to see one that day and missed. She has to pay the counselor back out of her own earnings for and missed fee. She sees her again tomorrow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabet1 Posted October 23, 2014 Author Share Posted October 23, 2014 In this case, I could easily see a clueless aunt wanting to help out, and offering to come get materials out of a "dangerous" home situation in an effort to protect a troubled child. I could just as easily see a morally bankrupt person taking advantage of a crisis. It doesn't really matter unless you suspect that aunt will try to con DD in the future. If you do, then report the situation to the police so that you can start a paper trail should you need. Either way, I'm sorry that you have so much family drama to juggle right now. ((hugs)) The more details on the birth aunt involve her colorful life. There is a drug history and theft history. I did not want to include that part due to..I wanted the opinion based on the incident, not on the history. Based on her history, it was a definite attempt to steal and undermine. She has been arrested for shop lifting. She has a history of borrowing money and never paying back. And her credit is horrible due to always taking out credit cards and not paying them. She has replaced all the furniture in her house via one furniture store and right away, stopped paying. She feels entitled to not pay. I know there is a history of drug use. I am unsure what extent or what kinds of drugs. But both her kids have been in trouble for it now. Neither are adults yet so neither have faced adult charges, but one recently was sentenced to juvenile detention but she got her out of it with something alternative. This is not a "real" aunt. She has never been involved with my children. If she were a clueless loving aunt, she might have shown up for anything through the years, as she has always been invited. She has never been a loving aunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Yes, she has a counselor. She was supposed to see one that day and missed. She has to pay the counselor back out of her own earnings for and missed fee. She sees her again tomorrow. I didn't mean a counselor for your DD but for you and just you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Yes, she seems to have been trying to steal from your dd. I am sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaVT Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I would not feel able to say I think the aunt intended fraud without knowing about the conversation with your daughter. It's possible your daughter said things that made the aunt feel she needed to protect your daughter from you. In her anger your daughter may have said untrue or unfair things about you that concerned the aunt. This. The aunt could have been acting maliciously or from a place of caring - not really possible to tell based on the information given. We don't know what your DD told the aunt either. And I agree, a counselor for you and family counseling is a good idea in addition to her personal counselor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabet1 Posted October 23, 2014 Author Share Posted October 23, 2014 This. The aunt could have been acting maliciously or from a place of caring - not really possible to tell based on the information given. We don't know what your DD told the aunt either. And I agree, a counselor for you and family counseling is a good idea in addition to her personal counselor. The birth aunt is only related by birth, not by upbringing. And I don't know her well, but I do know she has a criminal history, a history of drugs and shoplifting and serious credit problems. IF she were a caring aunt who was just worried, she would know us well enough to know she is not abused. Plus, stupidly, I had admitted to the birth aunt in the past that our daughter was in counseling and such for her depression issues and she knows about daughter being assaulted this past fall. My husband is not at all shocked her over behavior and said he has always seen it like that. She has pulled stuff before. I just never really thought she would go this far, but to my husband, it makes perfect sense and fits in with everything else we know about her. Reality is, they are the birth family, and not real family. Just because there is some shared DNA doesn't mean they are not strangers that I have stupidly allowed to get too familiar to my children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swimmermom3 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I thought my daughter was money savvy/fraud savvy. But now I think I need to spend some time with her talking about protecting herself from scams and such. It is not just about the birth aunt...it is an every day skill people need to have to protect themselves. First, your daughter is young; there is a limit to how money savvy/fraud savvy she can be. Second, a normally bright young adult can make some amazingly poor choices when in the throes of depression. I agree with previous posters that you need your own counselor. This is not an indictment against you in any way. Our dd has had counseling for six years. We have sat in some of her sessions and we have done some family counseling. The longer the depression goes on,the less resilient you as a parent become. Dh and I have come to the conclusion that we need longer term support. Recently I have wondered if this is what it is like to live with an abusive spouse? You never know when the rug will be pulled out from under you. The birth aunt is the least of your troubles. You may get temporary relief from anxiety or anger if we all agree that she was out of line, but that's not really the issue, is it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.