I'm so tired of doing nothing well

[scbusf]

Joining the club.

 

At the moment, I have the flu, so I am on my second day stuck on the couch.  The kids have played way too many video games, are wearing their same clothes from 3 days ago, and I'm not entirely sure they've eaten 3 meals every day this week.

[KrissiK]

Thanks for all the thoughts/commiseration.

 

I've been thinking about this a lot. Btw, if you think homeschooling is always the best choice, you might want to stop reading here; I just don't share that sentiment.

 

If I can't pull off a great education for my kids (totally identifying with the person up thread who said she is moving further and further from the dream of a classical education), why am I doing this? If they went to the (expensive) private school, they would be getting a great education and I'd (theoretically) have time to go to the grocery store, clean my windows, etc. IDK. I'm wondering if it would be worth $8500k/year (the cost for 3 kids at the school run by our church) for a solid education and an improved home life??

I think that all the time. But for us it would be $8500/kid/ year. And we cannot afford that. I really would put my kids in Christian school if we could. We're planning on it for high school, and we're starting to save now and I will likely have to go back to work. But I will not put my kids in our local public schools. Especially not after my sweet neighbor came up to my door last week, "can we talk about homeschooling? We're thinking about pulling our twins out. They're bored and first grade is too young to start hating school".

[Momof3littles]

If you feel sending them to school is the best option, that's okay.  Really.

 

Can you schedule more creatively?  4 weeks on, a few days off to tackle bigger projects or give you downtime?  Can you take a week or two off right now to prep meals, prep some lessons or what have you, etc. and work in a few days of pure downtime?  It might take you from feeling out of control to back in some level of control.  We do a small academic co-op with just a few families.  It works well for us.  One of the things I like is that it allows me to "front load" our week with instruction.  The kids have co-op work to do during the week.  They've already received most of the instruction, they just need to carry out some of the projects.  We do our own work as well, but having that instruction front loaded helps me get to other things some days.  Not always, but some days :) I wonder if you could spend 1-2 days earlier in the week "front loading" certain subjects, and have them work a little more independently other days?  I forget their ages right now, so I apologize if that's not age appropriate for them.  I have a friend who takes one day per week to do her own stuff at home (meal prep, wash, etc. all happens that day).  Can you set them up with independent projects, etc. to carry out one day per week while you focus on other things?  Even less academic stuff like an art assignment, handwork, audiobooks, documentaries, etc. related to your studies?  I don't think that would be terrible. Outsourced classes?

 

Definitely delegate. 

 

Sometimes I think you really need to take a week off, get things realigned, cleaned up, whatever without trying to keep all of the balls in the air.

 

Hang in there.  it is okay to not be able to do it all perfectly all of the time.  Really.  I have one long time friend who is a living "composite homeschool mom," and I sometimes find it hard to relate to her perfection (or inability to admit that she struggles sometimes, despite knowing one another for a decade).  

 

 

 

[Reverie]

The house is picked up but never clean.

"Meals" are served, but it is quick to cook crappy food that no one is excited to eat.

School is done.  There is no educational neglect.  But I'm not proud of where we are.  I stay awake nights worrying about my 13yo and high school next year, my 12yo who hates all math (actually, all work), my 8yo with so many issues.

I want to be a better homemaker but I legit don't have time.

We were on vacation all last week and I never felt relaxed because all the (very real!) issues we have in our homeschool never leave my mind.

I'm seriously considering sending some of them to school after Christmas but that seems so...mean?

It feels like this is too much to ask of one person but the world is full of homeschooling moms with bigger families who are pulling it off so clearly I just suck at this. 

 

The house is picked up. You did it right.

Your family is fed. You did it right.

School is done. You did it right. 

You care about your family and home. You're doing it right.

 

I try not to fall into the perfection trap, but it is so, so hard. I find comfort in the quote "Comparison is the thief of joy." For me, it's the bloggers that have time to take sun-soaked photos of their bountiful gardens, lovely garden-fresh meals, and lovely children wearing clothes that their mother lovingly knit for them. It's hard to remember that it's never the whole picture, just the highlights. 

 

Please be gentle with yourself. 

 

As for your update, if you think your children going to private school would be better for your family, then do it. You know your family best. You are no less a mom if you don't homeschool. Just remember, though, that it may not be a perfect solution, and that whatever is difficult now may not be fixed by your kids going to private school. 

[Saddlemomma]

Well, I think you're amazing!  I only have one to homeschool so I don't have I'm in the same state.  I could understand it more if I had 4 to school!

 

I think we all feel the way you do to some degree.  Sometimes I can get downright discouraged, and I just want to throw in the towel. Then I think about what my day would be like without all of us together.  The fun I would miss planning the school week (I'm a masochist in that I like planning our school weeks.), learning right along with DD, drooling over curricula, spur-of-the moment mother/daughter lunches and shopping, etc.  I would miss all that terribly.

 

Right now I'm trying to make applesauce from all the apples we've harvested (already did the jelly); glean potatoes from our fields which have been harvested by the farmer leasing our land; dry the kale and cayenne peppers in our garden; freeze cantaloupe; make spaghetti sauce; oven-dry our dry beans; gather eggs every few hours because we have a cannibal chicken; slop the pigs; watch a toddler; take care of an extremely sick dog that we just found out has an immune deficiency disease which is causing him to bleed all over the house (keeping him on the linoleum with a bucket of cleanser nearby); and homeschooling.  I'm so behind on checking her work that it scares me, and I worry about it constantly.  I also don't feel like DD is getting the time and instruction from me that she needs right now. The kitchen is never clean; meals are quickie affairs then we're rushing off to To-Shin-Do, or meetings, or church; the laundry is backed up; clean clothes are never put away; and it goes on and on...My house is an absolute MESS right now!  To make matters worse, half the time I don't even know what day it is.  They all seem to blend in together right now. (THANK GOODNESS SOCCER IS OVER!)

 

To make matters worse, I came home this morning (from DD's band class at the local PS) to find a strange car in our driveway.  I kept praying my DH (who works from home) was somewhere outside with whoever was visiting, but alas, they were in the house discussing the old woodstove we have for sale.  I was MORTIFIED!  I felt like such a failure as a homemaker.

 

After the gentleman left, my DH gently reminded me that we have a lot going on right now and that this is just a season which we have to work through.  Then he also reminded me of the most important goal we have - educating DD (DH teaches math and leads our Apologetics class).  We are a team, and we do what we can in the time we have. So what if our house doesn't look perfect.  We're not trying to live up to someone else's standards, and if someone doesn't like the way our house looks at the moment, they can leave.  So what if we don't get every "t" crossed and "i" dotted in school.  Learning is still taking place; probably more than we realize.

 

I just have to take a deep breath, thank God for the blessings He's provided (a job for DH, the apples, vegetables, meals we do have, funds to provide extra-curriculars and our curricula; and so much more) and remember there is only so much we can accomplish this day.  Another day, with even more challenges and adventure, is waiting in the wings. Oh the joy and excitement (can you detect my sarcasm?!)

 

 

[freeindeed]

I needed this thread. I've been having a rough few years, actually. Having a special needs child has added a lot of extra responsibilities, and yes, stress. After almost five years, I am *still* trying to navigate these waters. I feel like if I manage to hit it off "perfectly" in one area (which rarely happens) then the other areas suffer. I feel like I always have to choose: house? meals? school? hubby time? me time? There is NEVER enough time. I feel overwhelmed pretty much every single second of my life. I have no helpful advice, just a "misery loves company" hug and empathy.

[HS Mom in NC]

Before I got the meal planning and cooking under control, I focused on getting housework mastered.  I started with this book:

 

http://www.amazon.com/There-Life-After-Housework-Revolutionary/dp/1593375069/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1412284571&sr=8-1&keywords=aslett+life+after+housework

 

I studied it.  Why?  Because I wanted to get it done as fast as possible but I wanted to enjoy the result of a clean house. I'm very good at doing things I don't like so I can get them do ASAP! ( This is a book on cleaning, not decluttering.  That's a separate issue.  If you have a clutter issue, deal with it first, then work on cleaning. )

 

1) I learned to how clean well efficiently by reading the book and applying it a time or two by myself.

 

2) I taught my preschool aged/ young elementary aged kids how clean well efficiently.  This required them working along side me at first with me explaining what I was doing and why I was doing it the way I was.  They watched and helped a few times through. Kids have short attention spans, so teaching them the fastest way to do it well suits them.

Note* This is a significant investment of time.  It's always going to be faster to do a task yourself, but you will lose all the time gained being the only one around capable of doing the task.  I believe childhood is the training ground for adult life and I believe competence leads to confidence, so I think it's worth the time teaching young ones to do these jobs well. Many hands really do make light work and every kid needs to learn that through experience.

 

3)Then I would give them a task to do and let them know exactly what my criteria was for it being done correctly.  They did it on their own with me checking it when they were done.  When I say task, I don't mean "clean the bathroom." "Clean the bathroom" is a set of tasks.  I mean "clean the bathroom mirrors" or "clean the toilet." Then I'd give them the next task.

 

4) When they were able to do each task correctly up to my standards a time or two, they got a list of several tasks to do.  If order mattered, they were in order.  They were also in plastic page covers so they could be reused.  I handed them one with tasks for, say, the bathroom and I gave them a wet erase marker to mark each task off when they were done. Then they handed me that list and I went back and checked that each one was done correctly.  If not, they did it over until it was done correctly. Do not coddle your children on this-I started mine out in the 6-7 year old age range and had high standards.  They met them.

 

5) When the kids had shown they could do all of the above well and then slacked off and did a poor job, I used my mother's approach.  If you fail to clean the bathroom up to standards, you not only clean it again until it's right, you get to clean another bathroom in addition because you're obviously rusty and need more practice.  I've only ever had a kid need that once.

 

 

After everyone has mastered the cleaning skills or as they're mastering them, I suggest a written out, publicly posted chore chart with daily and weekly chores listed.  Chores at my house are assigned for the month.  All the capable kids (6 or 7 and older) rotate through the chore list so everyone learns to do everything.  I assign a weekly chore every day (until recently with kids in college) so my house is company ready every Friday afternoon.  We don't usually do any weekly chores on the weekend (daily chores are pretty much every day of their lives) but some people prefer to do daily chores every day with all the weekly chores done on Saturday. 

 

[merry gardens]

Moxie, have you toured your parish school? I took a school tour last spring with my husband. It wasn't the first church school we've toured--it was the fourth. I've homeschooled 12 years and we constantly re-evaluate if it's still right for us. Our 3 oldest have gone/go to Catholic high school, and the younger 5 homeschool. But sending them to a good, private high school sometimes requires as much work and involvement from me as homeschooling does, just on a different schedule.