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Do all divorce lawyers require money up front?


umsami
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A friend of mine has finally left a very bad marriage.  Her husband is a controlling jerk and is trying to keep everything…after 30 years of marriage.  He wants her to walk away with $5000 for the value of the house…when it's worth considerably more.  She doesn't have money for a divorce lawyer to pay up front.  All of the lawyers she's spoken to, want a $5k retainer up front.  Legal aid type places said that they prioritize women with young children, so can't help.

 

Anybody have any advice?  Do all divorce lawyers really operate that way? Aren't there any who would allow a down payment and then monthly payments or look at the value of the home as collateral?  

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That's normal here. $5000 is normally the down payment. The rest is billed monthly. Divorces are expensive. Clients are high need and call frequently. It's developed that way because people wouldn't pay their monthly bill and the lawyer would be stuck working for free or trying to get the judge's permission to withdraw. Most civil litigation requires a large retainer for that purpose.

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I was lucky. I found an attorney who required ZERO retainer. As long as the bill was paid in full within a month of her sending it, I didn't have to give her a retainer. You can believe I didn't delay any bills to her.

 

I would recommend to your friend to call the local women's shelter and ask for a few recommendations. Ask at church for recommendations. Networking might find her an attorney who works under similar ideals.

 

Good luck!

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Here, that is an average retainer, and retainers are par for the course for divorce lawyers.  Is there any way she could borrow that?  She really does need a lawyer.  It's critically important at this stage that she does not try to be her own lawyer in this divorce.  There is far too much potential for disaster for her if she goes forward without competent legal counsel.

 

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Here, that is an average retainer, and retainers are par for the course for divorce lawyers.  Is there any way she could borrow that?  She really does need a lawyer.  It's critically important at this stage that she does not try to be her own lawyer in this divorce.  There is far too much potential for disaster for her if she goes forward without competent legal counsel.

 

Yes, but she feels trapped and does not want to ask anybody for money.  She's thinking of settling with him which I think is insane…just taking the $10k he offered her.  He already had her sign a post-nuptial agreement many years ago that anything in his name is his…even stuff after the marriage…so he has all the retirement and savings account.  I think at this point, she feels getting away is more important than money.

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Yes, but she feels trapped and does not want to ask anybody for money.  She's thinking of settling with him which I think is insane…just taking the $10k he offered her.  He already had her sign a post-nuptial agreement many years ago that anything in his name is his…even stuff after the marriage…so he has all the retirement and savings account.  I think at this point, she feels getting away is more important than money.

 

With a good lawyer, some of the post nup stuff might not hold up.

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Most but not all will require a deposit.  Ask her to try contacting her state bar association - they may have a low cost referral program.  Obviously the lower the hourly rate the lower the retainer will probably be.

 

Also, she can probably get in for an initial consult for a minimal amount.  She can find out if the attorney thinks there is a chance of breaking the pre nup.

 

Divorces are expensive and divorce attorneys don't want to be stuck chasing the client for payment.

 

Also most states don't allow divorce attorneys to work on contingency (they can't charge 30% of the final award) unlike general civil litigators.

 

Hope she finds someone to help her!

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Yes, but she feels trapped and does not want to ask anybody for money.  She's thinking of settling with him which I think is insane…just taking the $10k he offered her.  He already had her sign a post-nuptial agreement many years ago that anything in his name is his…even stuff after the marriage…so he has all the retirement and savings account.  I think at this point, she feels getting away is more important than money.

 

 

No! No! NO!  Do not let her do that!  I mean... obviously you don't control her, but please make an attempt to dissuade her from settling for that. The post-nup that you say she signed may be entirely discarded depending on her state and other circumstances.  It sounds like he is bullying her which is weakening her resolve.  She is in a very vulnerable position right now and he knows it and is exploiting that.  She NEEDS a lawyer.

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I know. I'm really trying to encourage her not to settle, no matter what.

 

I suggested she contact some churches in the area and see if there are any retired family law/divorce lawyers who might be able to help her.

 

I also emailed some Alumni associations of local law schools looking for help.

 

I told her, at minimum, you represent yourself before you give in.  Find a paralegal.  Find somebody.  She told me the house is paid off in full.  No way do you walk away from an expensive house for 5 or 10k after close to 30 years of marriage.

 

I'm so upset about this that I"m thinking about attending law and doing all pro-bono low-cost divorce work for women in similar situations.  Argh!

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A retainer is typical for lawyers for lots of things, not just divorce.

 

But it is typical and it is difficult.  But if a post-nup is at stake she NEEDS an experienced lawyer.  There is a good chance he already has a very good one.

 

It won't help with the retainer issue, but she can call her local domestic violence agency type place and get some names of good lawyers that they typically work with. When I worked at one we had a list of about 25 lawyers we trusted, who came to us asking for referrals etc. They still had retainers but they were good people to work with.

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I just absorbed the 30 years of marriage...that changes everything!  She may be entitled to half of the pensions/retirement/savings/etc.  Plus half of all the assets.  Plus spousal support.  She needs to get an initial consult with an attorney in her state ASAP.  She can explain she just wants one hour to understand her rights and whether or not she should fight for more.

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Cammie is giving good advice!

 

Cammie practiced divorce law for a number of years before coming to her senses!!

 

Seriously, there are more ways to break a pre-nup/post-nup than I can write about here.  That is what the lawyer is for.

 

The friend needs to do a serious inventory of their assets and liabilities (I know that might not be easy with a controlling spouse.)  One of the things that happens in a divorce is the spouses have to share financial information so everyone is working with the same numbers.

 

If he has all the income/assets/money he may even be required to pay her legal fees!

 

She just needs to get a start with someone who can provide a road map for her.

 

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I agree she needs an attorney and needs to go to a consult with all the financial documents she can, including any pre/post-nup.

 

Most attorneys I know do require a retainer. When an attorney works on the promise of future payment, the client has a debt to him (or her). Debt complicates relationships. We all know that. I used to tell potential clients that they may hate owing a friend, parent, or bank money, but that those options are better than owing your attorney money. You do not want your relationship with your advocate to be burdened by that.

 

There are legal aid services, but in general, they don't take marital property division cases on a pro bono basis.

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Yes, but she feels trapped and does not want to ask anybody for money.  She's thinking of settling with him which I think is insane…just taking the $10k he offered her.  He already had her sign a post-nuptial agreement many years ago that anything in his name is his…even stuff after the marriage…so he has all the retirement and savings account.  I think at this point, she feels getting away is more important than money.

 

Can you talk her out of just running? She is acting from a position of desperation or relief - or both.

A friend of ours did this and ended up filing for bankruptcy because she took on a lot of the joint debt just to settle and be rid of him.

 

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Yes, but she feels trapped and does not want to ask anybody for money.  She's thinking of settling with him which I think is insane…just taking the $10k he offered her.  He already had her sign a post-nuptial agreement many years ago that anything in his name is his…even stuff after the marriage…so he has all the retirement and savings account.  I think at this point, she feels getting away is more important than money.

 

Given the context you've shared, it is possible he is controlling to the point of abusive. If so, she's likely to have a raging case of PTSD having spent the last 30 "eggshell living" and having the life-force sucked out of her. She's tired in a way that can't be described.

 

And, unless she's gotten good and specific therapy, she probably doesn't know it.

 

I know I didn't. I wanted (and needed) OUT so bad from my first marriage that I did not pursue discovery, alimony, retirement. I got OUT.

 

And got screwed. It's ok now, but I had the time and resources to regroup, re-define, re-build and even THAT took nearly 10 years.

 

She needs support, help, love, guidance, and understanding.

 

She needs professionals: attorney, therapist, massage, clergy, doctor

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She needs to take all the energy she's using looking for a free lawyer and put it into scraping together a retainer. Her husband KNOWS she is entitled to more and is trying to trick her. She needs to swallow her pride and hit up everyone she knows for a loan. People will KNOW what happened when her standard of living nosedives and by then it will be too late for help. HE will hire a competent lawyer and she NEEDS the same. Can you convince her to gather her strength for one last push?

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Cammie practiced divorce law for a number of years before coming to her senses!!

My dad is a small-town attorney, which means he's done a little bit of everything.  But in a small town, not only do you have the typical headaches of a divorce, you also get pissed off husbands who stalk your kids, or you know both parties, or their kids are your kids' friends… He hated doing divorces.

 

I vividly remember the year Dad finally decided he was doing well enough he no longer had to do divorces.  

He never did another.  

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She needs to take all the energy she's using looking for a free lawyer and put it into scraping together a retainer. Her husband KNOWS she is entitled to more and is trying to trick her. She needs to swallow her pride and hit up everyone she knows for a loan. People will KNOW what happened when her standard of living nosedives and by then it will be too late for help. HE will hire a competent lawyer and she NEEDS the same. Can you convince her to gather her strength for one last push?

 

I agree!!

A friend of mine went the "free" route, divorced her ex. (who happens to be one of the premiere Angus bull-producers in the country) and she ended up with nothing more than $300 mo. for child support for their two kids.  

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  • 1 year later...

Just thought I'd update this thread.  She did not find money, and ended up settling with him for $15k.  He got the house, everything.  (insert appropriate jerk type names)  BUT, it's been about a year (I think) and she's so much happier.  She found a job, found an apartment, and looks ten years younger.  Even though she knows she got screwed, getting away from him and keeping a good relationship with her adult children was more important. Nobody wanted to piss off the husband because he's such an abusive jerk.  It annoys me that she didn't get more, but she does seem happy, for what it's worth.  She would not accept money from me when I offered to loan her what I could.

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Please remind her that regardless of the divorce and the lowball settlement, she is entitled to claim SS benefits from his work file when she reaches retirement age if 1/2 of his benefit amount exceeds her benefit amount and she is not married to someone else. If she stayed home for 30 years and has minimal work history and no advanced education, it is quite likely that she will come out ahead filing on his benefits. There's nothing he can do to prevent her from doing that.

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Just thought I'd update this thread.  She did not find money, and ended up settling with him for $15k.  He got the house, everything.  (insert appropriate jerk type names)  BUT, it's been about a year (I think) and she's so much happier.  She found a job, found an apartment, and looks ten years younger.  Even though she knows she got screwed, getting away from him and keeping a good relationship with her adult children was more important. Nobody wanted to piss off the husband because he's such an abusive jerk.  It annoys me that she didn't get more, but she does seem happy, for what it's worth.  She would not accept money from me when I offered to loan her what I could.

 

Thank you for the update. I'm glad your friend is in a good place now. Bless you for offering to help her. You're a good friend.

Edited by Reluctant Homeschooler
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Please remind her that regardless of the divorce and the lowball settlement, she is entitled to claim SS benefits from his work file when she reaches retirement age if 1/2 of his benefit amount exceeds her benefit amount and she is not married to someone else. If she stayed home for 30 years and has minimal work history and no advanced education, it is quite likely that she will come out ahead filing on his benefits. There's nothing he can do to prevent her from doing that.

 

Oh thanks. I just sent her an email about this and she didn't know it.  Wonderful tip!

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