I'm Really Glad My Parents Forced Me to ...

[Plink]

Do you have something that you resisted as a child, but in retrospect you are glad that you were encouraged to persevere through?  

 

For me the answer is performing.  I was asked to sing in musicals at the age of 6 and though I adored rehearsals, I wan't at all sure about getting up on stage.  Looking back, I am very thankful that my parents convinced me to try.  I can now speak in front of any group, large or small, with very little notice, and never worry about stage fright.  It has shaped who I am in ways that I never would have imagined as a frightened 6 year old.

[Mama Geek]

I am glad that my parents thought that school was very important along with going to college.  I am thankful that my parents took me to church and that was one of my involved activities.

 

I have had some eye openers about things that they always tried to blame me and am learning through raising my dd that was their parenting not me.  Just a couple of quick examples are I wouldn't keep a dress on, I didn't take care of baby dolls, and I couldn't sing.  I have learned that you can teach even young kids how to behave in a dress and that are times that it is appropriate to wear it, that kids have to learn how to take care of toys whether it is baby dolls or anything else, and most recently that being able to sing or hear music to play an instrument can be taught with ear training.

[abba12]

I have Aspergers syndrome, and my parents did not cater to me, they did not change everything around me to make me more comfortable, they did not treat me differently. Now, don't get me wrong, they did not pretend I was normal, mum took the time to explain social cues, I saw a therapist, I had sympathy from them in the big things. But as much as possible they treated me normally and expected me to adjust.

 

It's the best thing they could have done. Most adults would never know I have aspergers now (though, through speaking to a psychologist who specialized in it, there's no doubt at all that I do, the way I think and process is textbook aspergers, I've just learned to adapt). Meanwhile I see my peers, people who's parents catered to them, one who wore her child's 'calming colour' in her clothes most of the time, one who made allowances at every point she could to make her child more comfortable. They are unable to hold jobs because they can't handle the social aspects, they are awkward as adults and struggle to have friendships because they... well, they annoy people. They even annoy me sometimes, and I understand them! They don't want to change, they want the world to change for them, just like it did when they were children.

 

 I also had sensory issues, and instead of avoiding triggers, they exposed me to them. I used to be forced to play in the sand even though I HATED it. I used to be forced to walk barefoot, or have certain fabrics/textures near me. The whole shaving cream thing was a frequent activity. And now, instead of hating the feeling of sand, the beach is my favourite place in the world, I went to the beach for my honeymoon. I sew, and love using the textiles that set many people with sensory issues off like velvet.

 

I'm glad that my parents pushed me, not towards 'normalcy', but towards being able to thrive in the real world instead of creating an artificial one which could never exist into adulthood. Sure, it made for some discomforts as a child, but far better to experience the discomforts in a safe environment when I was still able to change, than as an adult on my own where the consequences are much bigger.

 

[creekland]

Two things come to mind.

 

1)  I'm glad they forced me to help out in the garden.  Now I love homegrown foods, but at the time, I never thought the work was worth it!

 

2)  I'm glad they brought me up just "knowing" I would go to college (I assume since they knew I was academically capable).  They instilled the idea that females could do anything they wanted to do, but an education helped no matter what.

[ScoutTN]

Two things come to mind.

 

1) I'm glad they forced me to help out in the garden. Now I love homegrown foods, but at the time, I never thought the work was worth it!

 

2) I'm glad they brought me up just "knowing" I would go to college (I assume since they knew I was academically capable). They instilled the idea that females could do anything they wanted to do, but an education helped no matter what.

Yes, these two for me too!

 

And I am glad my parents made me take swimming lessons and become a proficient swimmer. I have needed those skills in several dangerous situations! I went on to become a lifeguard and swimming instructor and was able to help many other people enjoy the water safely. Those jobs enabled me to pay for grad school!

[NotSoObvious]

I'm also grateful college was just a given (and that I had help paying for it).

 

Swim lessons from a very young age.

 

Making me finish things I started, even when I hated them, like that season of soccer in fifth grade where all the other girls were twice as big and I was certain it was going to be death by soccer ball.

[J-rap]

Be reliable;  follow through with a commitment.

 

[Serenade]

2)  I'm glad they brought me up just "knowing" I would go to college (I assume since they knew I was academically capable).

This was the culture in my family as well. And I am grateful for it.

[Guest submarines]

I was forced a lot as a child, into various activities of my mother's choosing. No, I still don't see any sense of forcing a child into an activity if they hate it--they won't be good at it, no matter how potentially talented. I'm not glad I was forced into those activities because I feel I missed on what I really wanted to do as a child and I wasn't heard or respected. At all.

 

I've "forced" DD 12 into various things--to perform in the recital at the end of her dance class, to read certain books. She thanked me  for giving her those pushes--even now, at 12. I think if one "forces", one has to be very, very mindful of the child's personality and of how this "forcing" is done. I was 100% sure that if she tried, she'd enjoyed it. And if I were wrong in my estimates, I'd apologize and rethink my approach.

[fairfarmhand]

My parents did not push me into much (other than church and that is one I am glad for) and I wish they had pushed me a bit harder to be independent and step out of my comfort zone.

[mamaraby]

I was forced a lot as a child, into various activities of my mother's choosing. No, I still don't see any sense of forcing a child into an activity if they hate it--they won't be good at it, no matter how potentially talented. I'm not glad I was forced into those activities because I feel I missed on what I really wanted to do as a child and I wasn't heard or respected. At all.

This was dh. He was forced into a lot of things, including what he went to college for, none of which he is thankful for today.

 

I'm really glad my parents didn't force me to do anything, but instead provided opportunities within their means without pressuring me to continue. It gave me the opportunity to play the violin and the flute, choosing to stop when I wanted. It meant that I always had a soft place to land and permission to try and fail. It meant that any decisions I made about what I did or where I went to college were mine and mine alone. There was always the assumption that I would go to college, but without the pressure of "had to."

[catz]

I'm glad my parents pushed me through Red Cross swimming lessons even though I was not a swimmer.  We live in a lake/pool intense area and in terms of safety, I think most kids should do this.  I'm doing the same for my kids.

 

My parents also talked about college as a given and helped me go financially, so I really appreciated that too.  I do talk about it that way with my own kids.  If they had other ideas, we'd talk.  But until then we are on a college prep path.  Both DH's and my college educations open doors for us that would definitely not have been opened otherwise.  Including allowing me to stay home full time and homeschool. 

 

I took music lessons as a kid and I'm glad my parents supported me through that and instilled a work ethic and an ability see your committments through to the end.  I am not a musician, but I think focused music study did a ton for me as a kid.  Especially as an un-identified gifted kid in a very vanilla small private religious school.  I still enjoy my instrument of choice almost daily.

 

I think the "forcing" discussion is interesting.  I used to joke my kids would still be in diapers if I hadn't have pushed the envelope.  For some perfectionist, wary kids a prod here and there is necessary.  I do not "force" my kids to do unloved activities for the long term.  But we do committ to some minimum when we try something new.  And as a homeschooler, I feel a little more entitled to require my kids to have outside activities.  At age 10 and 13 they both now have activities they absolutely love.  But they are not things they could have possibly IDed on their own at age 5.  It's required some experimentation and encouragement.  They both do music lessons.  And I consider that part of "school" here.  Our local elementary school has a music program all kids are required to do. 

[sassenach]

Having table manners. I used to feel like my mom was such a nag about it. As a parent, I'm realizing that nagging (aka: diligent reminding) is the only way to get those manners into my kids' heads!

[Orthodox6]

I shall be glad forever that my parents severely limited television watching.  As a direct result, I have been an enthusiastic and heavy reader ever since I turned four.

 

I hope that nobody starts a companion thread about things we still resent that our parents forced upon us, for I would be sorely tempted to contribute a lot of information.  (even though it remains true that I had openly loving and supportive parents in many, many ways)

[Cinder]

I'm glad my dad forced me to take typing. At the time (30 years ago!) I thought he was hopelessly old fashioned as I was not planning to be a secretary. (He thought all girls needed to know how to type to get a good job.) I did not make room for it in my high school schedule. So he made me go to the local cc for summer school. Little did I know how useful it would be when, a couple years later, the world was full of word processors (yeah, the olden days  :laugh: ) and computers. So for that, thanks Dad!

[marbel]

I can't think of too many things my parents forced me to do.  I remember a birthday party when I was about 8 years old - I was very shy and not social.  So maybe that helped, though I didn't really come into my own in that way till I was a working adult.  They did force swim lessons which I hated, and I still hate and am fearful in deep water.   My dad didn't exactly force me to major in business when I went to college, but it was a very strong recommendation, and he was paying the bills, so I did it.  I hated it and ended up dropping out of school, only to return 10 years later and complete my degree in English on my own dime.

 

But I am not sure my parents were all that intentional about it. Given their own backgrounds, I believe they were doing the best they could but they had their own limitations.  Neither of them went to college, had music lessons or learned to swim.  They worked from a young age (my dad finished high school at night school while he worked fulltime during the day; this was around 1935).  

 

They did teach us to work hard and to expect to work. 

 

 

[KrissiK]

Piano lessons. Now, I didn't hate piano lessons, but my parents were consistent in making me practice when I didn't want to and kept me going, even when I'd rather be doing other things and I am so glad now. I wouldn't make a kid do something he hated ( ds2 really didn't like Little League at all, and though we made him finish out the season, he never played after that), but there are certain things, like music lessons, that are good for kids and I think they should be "forced" to do for a few years. Two of my kids are starting piano lessons this year and they like it all right, but it's hard and they aren't thrilled about practicing. But, that's the way it is about the beginning of anything. And they both seem to be talented enough that in a few years I think they will be good enough to play for enjoyment and be able to really enjoy it.

[SKL]

Chores, including having a lot of responsibility for my younger siblings.

[MysteryJen]

Piano lessons. It was the only thing I can remember that I was forced to do.  My siblings would have a longer list!

[EmilyGF]

Another piano lessons answer.

[Orthodox6]

LOL about the piano lessons responses, as my case was so different.  I taught myself how to read music and to play piano when I was seven, on one of those small-sized "kid pianos" with about 2-1/2 octaves, which a neighbor had given me -- and then relentlessly badgered my poor parents for lessons and a piano, which bore fruit when I was nine.  In retrospect, I feel remorseful about how I pushed my parents (for children often do not know how tight money is for the family, and I did not figure out how things were for us until I was an adult).  I simply was hard-wired to be a musician.

[bettyandbob]

My dad taught me to read. Besides being an angry tutor, after I was actually reading, I was never permitted to just read what I felt like. There was always a judgement about how I would be wasting time reading certain things. The end result of that is I recall reading only one book for pleasure before I graduated high school. I went to a highly competitive college. I am sure my distaste for reading is what pushed me into sciences.

 

I started to read for pleasure in my late 20s. I love reading. I wish I could have enjoyed it sooner in my life. I believed I missed out big time.

 

Education was a given. I am grateful that my parents expected/demanded I go to college.  I am glad my father instilled a work ethic that helped me get through my college and graduate degrees. I am not grateful that the control my father had kept me from certain professions and fields of study ("PT is for dummies").

 

Swimming was forced in a similar manner and at a similar age to reading. However, I found more rewards in swimming. Lifeguarding a teaching helped me through college. Now, at almost 50, teaching swimming is one of two incomes I have and I really enjoy it.

 

I am still working on not resenting things that happened when I was young. Especially since my father did something to my ds that made everything come to the surface recently.

 

So, I view reading and swimming as essential life skills. Typing might even be an essential life skill. But be careful the manner you approach "forcing" something.

[Katy]

My dad made me get up on a horse again immediately after I was thrown, I'm not afraid of horses now;  and insisted I learn to shoot; and taught me to see in an artistic sense (ie: our brains make sense of what we're seeing so many times if we try to make an artistic representation of things we're painting or drawing what our brains interpret things to be rather than what we actually see.  Seeing things as they are is a skill).

 

My mom (not very religious) forced me to memorize all the bible verses needed to get confirmed in a Wisconsin Synod Lutheran church, which has saved me countless times from getting involved in questionable and possibly spiritually abusive churches.

 

 

[Home'scool]

Take typing in high school!

 

The ability to type quickly allowed me to make money during college (I would type papers for the "hunt and peck" typers) and has served me well in all my various jobs.

[wendy not in HI]

... work hard.  When I was a child my parents had an almond orchard.  We didn't live on the farm, but lived about 15 minutes away.  Different times of the year the farm took over all of our time.  We spent all day, every day at the farm in the late summer for harvest - in the heat of a central CA summer - working hard in the dusty heat - raking almonds, and dragging tarps - with preying mantis' falling from the trees.  Harvest went into the fall and we would go to the farm after school each day and all day on Saturday.  Not exactly the thing I wanted to do as a child/young teen for the first few weeks of school.

 

We also spent late nights/early mornings irrigating.  Pruning.  Painting on something - fertilizer maybe?  Mowing.  Disking.  Not that we ran the tractor, but we were there to help.

 

My parents have 7 daughters.  no sons.  They taught us that we could work hard, even though we were "just" girls.  (not something my parents ever said or made us feel - we certainly were not "just" girls! Being a girl is great!)

 

My very earliest memory is in the almond orchard while we planted saplings in milk cartons in dirt mounds.  My mom says I was 18 months old.

 

The almond trees grew up along with me.  By late elementary they were in full harvest - for a few years my dad would harvest with a rubber mallet - hitting each tree to shake off the almonds while we spread out tarps and raked.  By middle school the trees were big enough to handle a shaking machine to harvest, but we still had to rake and load the almonds into hoppers.

 

Did you know that in the spring, you can open up an almond a find a sort of white jelly bean that you can eat?  it is a little bit sweet.  

 

My dad was a Blue Diamond Almond grower.  Every day in my lunch, I had a small packet of smokehouse almonds, which I always gave away.  I didn't appreciate them, but they are a favorite snack, now (and so expensive!!!)

 

Those long hot days in the sun are some of my favorite childhood memories.  Watching my father chug water right out of the water jug!  Getting to drive the truck at about 12 years old.  Riding on the back of the tractor.  Gathering wildflowers.  Swimming in the irrigation water (yuck!)  

 

My parents sold the almond orchard many years ago.  But my dad is a farmer at heart, and has always had some kind of agriculture in his life (it wasn't his "real" job)  When I was a teenager we had apples, and now my parents have a great you-pick berry patch.  He and my mom are such hard workers.  I am always impressed with how much they are able to do each day!  Raspberry season is happening right now!  I wish we could go pick a few buckets!  Their briar patch is a little bit of Eden!

 

I learned how to work hard, and I'm so thankful for that lesson.  I wish I had a farm to use to teach my children to work!  But we are a military family, and i'm not always even able to garden (though I love to when I am able.)  You know one thing that I really appreciate about my parents -they are dreamers who really made their dreams happen.  They said - hey, let's buy some acreage.  Let's plant some trees.  Let's grow something.  And they really did it.  They didn't just plan- they worked - not just for a few days, but for years!!!  I think I'm pretty good at that, too.  Working hard when I need to.  Even when it's not fun.  

 

I have great parents!

 

 

[Jennifer132]

My parents never forced me to do anything. Truly, I can't remember even one thing they forced me to do (including basics like school and church attendance). If I said I was sick or didn't want to go, they accepted that at face value. I have two thoughts about that--1) I often think it's a good thing I was a "good" kid and not a rebel because they left me to my own devices as far back as I can remember, and 2) I was left feeling unsure about how much they cared about me. Even as an adult, I sometimes wonder if they care because, although they are very loving, they never give me a definite opinion (it's always "sure" or "if you want" or "I guess" when I ask them something).

[Catherine]

The only thing my parents forced on me was work...outdoor, indoor, everything. Farming, cutting wood, cooking, housekeeping, child care...It made me very hard working. Not surprising. My father also taught me to drive when I was 9, starting on the small 1930's John Deere that he still owns and is still in use (before the day of planned obsolescence, obviously!). I was terrified, but soon grew comfortable.

[Happy]

I'm glad my dad forced me to take typing. At the time (30 years ago!) I thought he was hopelessly old fashioned as I was not planning to be a secretary. (He thought all girls needed to know how to type to get a good job.) I did not make room for it in my high school schedule. So he made me go to the local cc for summer school. Little did I know how useful it would be when, a couple years later, the world was full of word processors (yeah, the olden days  :laugh: ) and computers. So for that, thanks Dad!

 

Same here. Typing was something my mom wanted to make sure I could do.

 

She also insisted I learn to drive a stick. I'm so grateful for those two things and so many others. 

[KrissiK]

My parents never forced me to do anything. Truly, I can't remember even one thing they forced me to do (including basics like school and church attendance). If I said I was sick or didn't want to go, they accepted that at face value. I have two thoughts about that--1) I often think it's a good thing I was a "good" kid and not a rebel because they left me to my own devices as far back as I can remember, and 2) I was left feeling unsure about how much they cared about me. Even as an adult, I sometimes wonder if they care because, although they are very loving, they never give me a definite opinion (it's always "sure" or "if you want" or "I guess" when I ask them something).

My parents were like this, too, in some ways. My brother took up so much of their time and energy that they even admit "I raised myself". And I feel the same way you do. I wish I had more guidance. I wish they would have given me more rules and boundaries and "made" me do things. Because even now I crave their approval and sometimes I feel like I can't make decisions well because I don't trust my judgement and I think it's because they let me make my own decisions instead of giving me some definite guidance.

[JumpyTheFrog]

My mom (not very religious) forced me to memorize all the bible verses needed to get confirmed in a Wisconsin Synod Lutheran church, which has saved me countless times from getting involved in questionable and possibly spiritually abusive churches.

Would you mind elaborating on this, perhaps on a new thread? I consider myself a non-denominational Christian attending a Methodist church. Just last week I was googling trying to find some sort of catechism or something I could start using with my 8 year old because I want to start being more systematic about things. We spent the first half of his life at a crazy church and I'd like him to avoid all the nuttiness if I can.

[shawthorne44]

Drive a stick shift.  Learning to drive meant learning on the car with a stick shift.  I don't like them, but there was twice in my life where I would have been stranded without that skill.  

[umsami]

My parents never forced me to do anything, but I'm really glad my Dad encouraged me to take a Dale Carnegie public speaking course when I was 22 or so.  My debilitating fear of public speaking affected my undergrad life, as well as limiting what jobs I pursued because of it.  After overcoming it, the world (professionally) opened up to me.

 

Oh…memories of my first flat tire when my Dad told me to go change it myself, because he would likely not be there the next time it happened.  That was a great move on his part. :)

[FloridaLisa]

Have good table manners and speak with proper grammar?  :tongue_smilie:

 

My parents had standards but I don't remember much force. My mom was super good at helping us pursue any interest we had. I took a variety of lessons and classes as I grew up along with consistent piano lessons. We weren't terribly busy but my mom did put a lot of effort into driving us places and fanning the flame of interests we had. She took my brother to many, many rock shops and even went on two archeological digs with him. He went on to pursue a PhD in paleobiology (or some such). 

 

Lisa

[creekland]

So many with piano lessons... my parents were both instrumental music instructors, but they let me quit piano lessons in 1st grade seeing that I neither had the love nor talent for it.  Now I'm thinking that lack of talent might have been pretty bad...

 

They also let me stay home from school a day or two a year if I felt like it (and wasn't avoiding a test).  I totally appreciate that!

[solascriptura]

College was assumed. I can't say that they pushed us academically (I do wish that they had done this a bit) but higher education was like high school. You just do it.

 

My parents insisted upon Bible studies and church. Now, their verbal guidance wasn't all. They really did what they preached to me. I will be eternally grateful for this and has made a huge impact on me today.

[blondeviolin]

My parents didn't force me to keep up with violin, but they were definitely a driving force. My private instructor was perfectionist and so nitpicky. We played pieces YEARS behind my ability to make it perfect, down to the last note. And she wasn't exactly kind. My lessons were on Friday evening and I definitely would've rather done something else. But my dad was so blasted proud and I didn't have the nerve to let him down. I'm glad I play now. And I'm glad I was with a teacher who was intensive to help me learn how to really polish something.

 

I'm grateful education was an emphasis in my home. It wasn't just an expectation that you do your best. Learning was an atmosphere. My parents discussed history topics (states' rights, driving forces behind wars, the dangerousness of the American revolution, etc) regularly. My dad likes to tease my mom that the real reason for the Civil War because the South believed they had the right to secede and my mom always bristled under the poke that it wasn't slavery. (My dad was joking, of course.)

 

I'm grateful we were to taught to read well, taught to research, and to figure things out and form our own opinions. I value that my family can get together and have differences of opinions in certain political matters and agree to disagree without offense.

 

I also am grateful my parents valued play. We worked hard as kids, but we also grew up playing games and teasing each other. That's what we all fondly remember and what we revert back to wen we get together. My husband's family reunions seem so boring in comparison (according to my husband)!

[Audrey]

I'm glad they made me keep taking piano lessons.  I don't remember not playing the piano -- I was 4 when I started.  For a while there, between ages 9-12, I really wanted to quit, but my parents said "no. You have talent."

 

I'm glad because by the time I hit high school, piano was one of the things that kind of saved me.  It brought me into more music -- voice, other instruments -- and took me places in my adult life that I never could have roamed had I not developed that talent.  Even still, I play music on some instrument or another (piano included) every day.  I don't want to ever be without it.  

[Cera]

Taught that going to college was a given

 

Forced to finish things I committed to (sports and activities) even if I decided I would rather not

 

Swim lessons even when I though I was a good enough swimmer 

 

Work for the sake of accomplishing the task (things like stacking wood for winter, mowing the lawn, etc that were hard and seemed pointless to a kid with no tangible reward at the end except a finished job and sense of accomplishment)

[Cera]

Drive a stick shift.  Learning to drive meant learning on the car with a stick shift.  I don't like them, but there was twice in my life where I would have been stranded without that skill.  

 

My family had the same policy.  You couldn't drive any vehicle until you mastered grandpas old standard station wagon.  I never understood why until I was stuck at a bar in college with the option to ride with a drunk or drive his jeep.

[DawnM]

I was forced to be fiercely independent at a very young age.  The first time I went to boarding school I was 8 years old.  No phone service, no internet,  only letters.  

 

At 18 I flew across the ocean alone and went to college.  Again, phone service wasn't great at that time, no internet, only snail mail.  

 

 

[Cammie]

Sports.  I was a non-athletic kid.  But I was required to have something each semester.  I ended up on the Field Hockey team all through Jr. High and High School.  I would never have done it if I didn't think I had to.  But, looking back on those years, I am very happy I had the experience.  (Not so thrilled with the memories of the ice-skating classes...but that is for another post!)