Grade level change question- please come weigh in!

[lovinglife]

 

I would love advice. Say you have a bright child and had him/her skip a grade. (Joined a classical charter school at the level they had been at with homeschooling and not according to age)They are doing well academically but struggle with responsibility/executive function, anxiety, and fitting in with their (older than them) peer group. Would anxiety/responsibility/maturity level/social skills be sufficient reason to hold a child back? Please weigh in- I'd love various opinions.

[Susan C.]

I vote yes, hold back/repeat grade if it won't hurt their self image. You can frame it positively, then watch for response, the lasting one, not the first reaction. Emphasize how hard it is to feel apart of the group with everyone older. I had to do the same, only said child struggled being young for most of school career, and I held back in high school (really just added a year, very good student, just took a very.long.time to do school work). It was a very good decision, said kid was very happy we did it, it also helped with college readiness.

[Ottakee]

I would move them back to the correct grade.  That is my biggest concern when people want to move the child up a grade---not the academics but the higher level thinking skills, social stuff, etc.

[catz]

I would move them back to the correct grade.  That is my biggest concern when people want to move the child up a grade---not the academics but the higher level thinking skills, social stuff, etc.

 

I follow a local GT group.  We are a GT heavy area with well established groups and community.  I know people who've done this who have their kids in regular school and move them around so they can do an extra year of junior high or re-enroll as a freshman in high school.  I have a HG/PG kid I've held at grade level just to see how it goes.  He is 13 now, kind of going through an air head phase and REALLY enjoying some extra curricular activities at grade level, and has found a great community.   There are many enrichment opportunities in this area, plus we have a nice PSEO program to take college classes during high school.

 

The thing is if it ends up being a horrible decision you can still graduate him 3 years of high school.  It's still possible to bump ahead.  And in our area it is definitely possible to take college classes in high school and still apply for those freshman scholaships/financial aid.  I'm transcripting 3 classes for my current 8th grader as high school, he may not need them but I want the record.  I feel a kid gets one opportunity to "graduate" and launch to a traditional college experience.  I'd rather launch "late" than "early". 

[texasmama]

Yes. Absolutely.

 

I have one child who is two years' advanced in grade level. I watch him for stress and offer to move him back at any point if he chooses.

[Storygirl]

How old is the child?

 

I started K level work with my daughter when she was a few months shy of age five, because she was ready to learn to read. And she did learn and was an early reader. But then she showed extreme difficulty with math and writing did not come easily. I regretted calling her a K student at age four. So we moved her to her correct grade level. We decided to do a year and a half of first grade and a year and a half of second grade so that by third grade she was the same grade-level as her same-age peers. It was the right choice for her.

 

A couple of points -- we did not repeat any schoolwork but just kept moving ahead, using curriculum that was appropriate for her needs. Also, we are keeping the option open to graduate her at 17 anyway, if we see that she is able to do appropriate level work through high school to achieve enough credits to graduate by then. In other words, she continues to work steadily at an appropriate pace, and we are also willing to readjust her grade level as we move ahead.

 

Are you considering having them repeat the same level and classes at the classical school? I would not recommend that unless they need to relearn the material. But if they were returning to homeschooling, I wouldn't have a problem adjusting things at home.

[JenneinCA]

I would do this only if the child were homeschooling or the child was going to change schools. I would not repeat a second year of the same grade and material at the same school. The potential for loss of self worth would be just too high.

[catz]

My other thought on this is not every kid is graduating high school with the same base.  Some kids have college credit, some have done a bunch of AP's, some kids have done basic college prep, some kids are not college bound at all.  There are a HUGE range of ACT and SAT scores.  In many cases, if a kid could use an extra year at home, there are often many great ways to keep a kid engaged an learning for another year (or 2 or 3).  My homeschooling 8th grader is taking algebra based Physics and Algebra 2 this year.  I'm still not bumping him up until I am 99% sure he is fully college ready. For him that would mean he doesn't need hand holding to get work done and is reasonably focused and organized.  We've never repeated school work and always move ahead.  I still don't feel like we're close to "running out" of things to do.  I think in a rural setting without CC and enrichment options, choices may be more limited.  The freshman drop out rate on college is pretty high and I don't think kids are always dropping out for academic reasons. 

[lovinglife]

Yes, we are keeping him at the same school. He is ten and in the sixth grade. He did well last year, with all a' s and one b to finish the year. HE seems comfortable enough with the social aspect, but his teacher and the teacher evaluating him for his 504 reported that he's not very social, seems happier with the younger children, and may do better socially if he repeated fifth. They left it entirely up to us and there is no academic need.

[catz]

Yes, we are keeping him at the same school. He is ten and in the sixth grade. He did well last year, with all a' s and one b to finish the year. HE seems comfortable enough with the social aspect, but his teacher and the teacher evaluating him for his 504 reported that he's not very social, seems happier with the younger children, and may do better socially if he repeated fifth. They left it entirely up to us and there is no academic need.

 

In that case, I'd be asking how they can keep him engaged and challenged for another year.  Do they have advanced math/lit groups?  I'd be less apt to do it if they did not have good answers to these questions.

[Storygirl]

If he got A's and B's in the classes, I would not consider it appropriate for him to repeat them. If I felt the social situation at the school was detrimental to him, I would consider whether switching schools or returning to homeschooling would be a better choice for him. It would also depend on what he needed the 504 for. If he must stay in this school, I would have further questions for the teachers. If they are recommending that he repeats a grade, I would conclude that he is having some significant problems, and I would want more details from them about the issues.

[SKL]

Yes, we are keeping him at the same school. He is ten and in the sixth grade. He did well last year, with all a' s and one b to finish the year. HE seems comfortable enough with the social aspect, but his teacher and the teacher evaluating him for his 504 reported that he's not very social, seems happier with the younger children, and may do better socially if he repeated fifth. They left it entirely up to us and there is no academic need.

 

If he's in school, I would not have him repeat unless he could not handle the academics.  Just being happier with younger kids is not enough.  Lots of kids are "not very social" regardless of how old they are for their grade.

 

If he had a lot of problems socially, I would wonder if he had some issues other than just being young.  But it doesn't sound like that's the case.

 

I am surprised the teachers suggested repeating a grade just over social stuff at this level.  I could see it in KG but not much past that.

[texasmama]

In that case, if your son is happy and doing well academically, I would leave him as he is.

[Reefgazer]

General immaturity was the reason we held our DS back in first grade.  He was doing fine academically, but was just too young and generally immature for the class.  Best. Decision. Ever.  If you are truly OK with holding your child back, the kid won't have an issue with it.  It actually never came up with DS, and he never talked/asked about it.  I just told him that mommy screwed up and put him on a class too old for him and this was how we were correcting mommy's mistake (by staying back one year).  He's in 4th now and doing great.

I would love advice. Say you have a bright child and had him/her skip a grade. (Joined a classical charter school at the level they had been at with homeschooling and not according to age)They are doing well academically but struggle with responsibility/executive function, anxiety, and fitting in with their (older than them) peer group. Would anxiety/responsibility/maturity level/social skills be sufficient reason to hold a child back? Please weigh in- I'd love various opinions.

 

[EndOfOrdinary]

Your son has an 504.  That pretty much designates some level of social issue and executive function problems.  Those are basically what 504's are for. Medical, physical, behavioral, what have you, your son is different in some way that demands the Fed accommodate him differently than his peers. In my previous-to-homeschooling life, I worked at a high school where 75% of the population had either an IEP, a 504, or was ESL.  I am not saying this because it is bad, or something is wrong with your son.  I am saying it because it is just down right honest.  For the school to then act like such things are somehow getting in the way of your son progressing is sort of a cop out.  Academically, he is doing quite well.  Playing with younger students or being socially awkward fits a whole slew of 6th graders.  Middle school is a very awkward in between time regardless and it often does not make it easier when there is something different about you - and I'm not talking about age.  This does not mean you need to be then singled out more and delayed.  I promise middle school will be just as awkward a year from now.

 

It is often much easier on a school to just try to "relocate" a student than to differentiate.  Differentiation requires a whole lot of out of the box thinking and social grace.  Just bumping a kid to another grade, school, or program is quite a bit simpler and definitely differs the situation while still meeting the Federal need for modifications that they legally have to with a 504.  There is a reason that our district had the "regular" school and the school I taught at.  We were the place all those 504, IEP, ESL kids went.  It was much simpler than accommodating.  Be very sure this is not what the school you are dealing with is doing.  It sure sounds like a really great fit for your ten year old, speaking as someone with a ten year old 5th grader who would have been a 10 year old sixth grader if we kept him in school.

[fairfarmhand]

I would move them back to the correct grade.  That is my biggest concern when people want to move the child up a grade---not the academics but the higher level thinking skills, social stuff, etc.

 

yup. Me too.

 

Academics are such a small part of life.

[kroe1]

Personally, I would homeschool in such a circumstance if the lack of effective socialization at school was detrimental. I would not make a kiddo repeat a year academically if he had done well previously. If homeschooling was not an option, I would probably make kiddo plough on ahead at appropriate academic grade level. I would just make sure he had ample other opportunities to make age appropriate friends, i.e. sports teams, etc.

 

DD14 is working at a junior level, about 2 grades ahead. I thought many times what would I do if she had to go back to brick and mortar education. She always seemed socially immature to me. Turns out now, all of her friends are 15 to 18 y.o.s from dance. Since they have a common interest, age really does not matter so much. She is flourishing with the older crowd.

[kiwik]

yup. Me too.

 

Academics are such a small part of life.

Yes but they are a rather big part of school. How can you tell someone that although the passed everything with good grades that you want them to do exactly the same thing again? Why would he even try to do well after that? If he is not unhappy leave him where he is.

[Lanny]

When DD was in the private brick and mortar school ($$$$$) in K4, K5, and First grade, a school whose staff I have great respect for, they studied, long and hard, before allowing a child to skip a grade. Holding them back is not a difficult decision, but there are many many many things to consider, before allowing a child to skip a grade. It was very rare that they would allow a student to skip a grade. In the other direction, there were 1 or 2 students in the First grade classroom DD was in who were repeating First grade...

[Storygirl]

I agree with what everyone else has said, even those on both sides of the issue, and here's why.

 

I think your son probably belongs in the lower grade and that his placement last year was a mistake. I think that ideally he should be placed in the lower grade. However, I don't think that retaining someone for a second time in first grade is the same at all as retaining someone for the second year in fifth grade. Changing his level may increase his chances of making friends and fitting in, but it will also impact his self-esteem, and it will be noticed by the other children at the school. So the social benefits may be outbalanced by the social drawback of being that kid who had to repeat a grade (which everyone will know).

 

That is why I would switch him to a different school altogether or homeschool him if possible. Even if he were homeschooled for the one year and then placed back into the school at the lower grade level, it would be better socially than switching him now, in my opinion.

 

This is a tough call. I agree that the issues that led him to have a 504 are probably at play, and that the school needs to deal with that in an effective way. I think having him at the lower grade level would probably be best for his long-term success, which you must consider above all. My 10 year old with ADHD and other issues is a fourth grader this year, so two levels below where your son is, just to give you a little perspective on where others might be. We knew before he even started school that his maturity would be an issue and assigned his grade level with that in mind from the beginning, so we haven't had to think about switching him, but I understand the social things you are mentioning and the importance of maturity and executive function on success. So yes, having your son be at the lower grade level would most likely be preferable. But having him bored in class because he already knows the material, and having him under the social stigma of repeating a grade will have an impact on him, so if it were me and it were at all possible, I would remove him from that particular school. If that were not possible, I would have a lot of talks with the school, my spouse, and my child before deciding what to do, because both of the options come with some significant drawbacks. Sorry, it's hard.

[ErinE]

Yes, we are keeping him at the same school. He is ten and in the sixth grade. He did well last year, with all a' s and one b to finish the year. HE seems comfortable enough with the social aspect, but his teacher and the teacher evaluating him for his 504 reported that he's not very social, seems happier with the younger children, and may do better socially if he repeated fifth. They left it entirely up to us and there is no academic need.

At that age and academic level, absolutely not if homeschooling isn't an option.

[ErinE]

General immaturity was the reason we held our DS back in first grade. He was doing fine academically, but was just too young and generally immature for the class. Best. Decision. Ever. If you are truly OK with holding your child back, the kid won't have an issue with it. It actually never came up with DS, and he never talked/asked about it. I just told him that mommy screwed up and put him on a class too old for him and this was how we were correcting mommy's mistake (by staying back one year). He's in 4th now and doing great.

Just from another perspective, I know someone who, thirty years later, regrets "failing" kindergarten, repeating the grade twice at the same school. The original placement was inappropriate for the child's social maturity even though a similar situation was successful for a sibling. As the child ages, I think these feelings come into greater play.

[Katy]

I didn't read every post, and don't know if this is an option, but this is the primary reason why we home school instead of private school. Rabbit trails, breadth, and depth, and focusing on learning the more difficult social & executive function skills.  Ideally you can keep the work academically challenging and give them friends that are also academically advanced because even in an age-based grade level the child is not going to fit in.  His or her cultural references are going to be academically oriented rather than television or athletic references that other kids get.

 

Keeping work challenging, so they enjoy hard work rather than busy work, AND keeping them aware that their ego shouldn't come from an identity as "smarter than others" are major goals of mine.  Moving back the difficulty of the work will accomplish neither social skills OR valuing hard work.

[SKL]

It may be true that the accelerated placement was a mistake, but it's one of those mistakes you can't go back and fix without causing new problems.

 

Also, even if you *might* fix the social mismatch, you will create or exacerbate an academic mismatch, which can lead to more behavioral issues.  Sometimes we have to accept an imperfect balance between the two.  My youngest is far younger than everyone else in her class, and there are some ways this pulls her down, but the other option was for her to be mentally idle all year long.  In her case she does not have "problems," i.e., the teachers have no complaints, she isn't bullied AFAIK, she doesn't cry about hating school etc.  So it is right for her - even if one of her best buddies (a slightly older boy) is in the grade below.

[Reefgazer]

I think we need to stop thinking about holding a child back as "delayed".  For us and many others, it is simply a matter of "righting" a placement, not delaying a child.  My DS was not/is not delayed; he was pushed ahead (by me) inappropriately, and we needed a course correction.  OP's DS sounds like he is in a similar situation. 

Your son has an 504.  That pretty much designates some level of social issue and executive function problems.  Those are basically what 504's are for. Medical, physical, behavioral, what have you, your son is different in some way that demands the Fed accommodate him differently than his peers. In my previous-to-homeschooling life, I worked at a high school where 75% of the population had either an IEP, a 504, or was ESL.  I am not saying this because it is bad, or something is wrong with your son.  I am saying it because it is just down right honest.  For the school to then act like such things are somehow getting in the way of your son progressing is sort of a cop out.  Academically, he is doing quite well.  Playing with younger students or being socially awkward fits a whole slew of 6th graders.  Middle school is a very awkward in between time regardless and it often does not make it easier when there is something different about you - and I'm not talking about age.  This does not mean you need to be then singled out more and delayed.  I promise middle school will be just as awkward a year from now.

 

It is often much easier on a school to just try to "relocate" a student than to differentiate.  Differentiation requires a whole lot of out of the box thinking and social grace.  Just bumping a kid to another grade, school, or program is quite a bit simpler and definitely differs the situation while still meeting the Federal need for modifications that they legally have to with a 504.  There is a reason that our district had the "regular" school and the school I taught at.  We were the place all those 504, IEP, ESL kids went.  It was much simpler than accommodating.  Be very sure this is not what the school you are dealing with is doing.  It sure sounds like a really great fit for your ten year old, speaking as someone with a ten year old 5th grader who would have been a 10 year old sixth grader if we kept him in school.

 

[Reefgazer]

I think this post is very wise advice, especially the last bolded statement.

I agree with what everyone else has said, even those on both sides of the issue, and here's why.

 

I think your son probably belongs in the lower grade and that his placement last year was a mistake. I think that ideally he should be placed in the lower grade. However, I don't think that retaining someone for a second time in first grade is the same at all as retaining someone for the second year in fifth grade. Changing his level may increase his chances of making friends and fitting in, but it will also impact his self-esteem, and it will be noticed by the other children at the school. So the social benefits may be outbalanced by the social drawback of being that kid who had to repeat a grade (which everyone will know).

 

That is why I would switch him to a different school altogether or homeschool him if possible. Even if he were homeschooled for the one year and then placed back into the school at the lower grade level, it would be better socially than switching him now, in my opinion.

 

This is a tough call. I agree that the issues that led him to have a 504 are probably at play, and that the school needs to deal with that in an effective way. I think having him at the lower grade level would probably be best for his long-term success, which you must consider above all. My 10 year old with ADHD and other issues is a fourth grader this year, so two levels below where your son is, just to give you a little perspective on where others might be. We knew before he even started school that his maturity would be an issue and assigned his grade level with that in mind from the beginning, so we haven't had to think about switching him, but I understand the social things you are mentioning and the importance of maturity and executive function on success. So yes, having your son be at the lower grade level would most likely be preferable. But having him bored in class because he already knows the material, and having him under the social stigma of repeating a grade will have an impact on him, so if it were me and it were at all possible, I would remove him from that particular school. If that were not possible, I would have a lot of talks with the school, my spouse, and my child before deciding what to do, because both of the options come with some significant drawbacks. Sorry, it's hard.

 

[Reefgazer]

I think a lot of this also depends on what the parents verbally and non-verbally convey to the child about grade placement.

Just from another perspective, I know someone who, thirty years later, regrets "failing" kindergarten, repeating the grade twice at the same school. The original placement was inappropriate for the child's social maturity even though a similar situation was successful for a sibling. As the child ages, I think these feelings come into greater play.

 

[SKL]

I do not understand the belief expressed by some that a person will be more successful in the long term if he repeats a middle-school grade for social reasons.  In what ways will this make his life better when he is 15, 18, 25, 40, 65?  I'm being serious.

 

Whatever I experienced in middle school was not anything like real life on the outside.  Whatever social "skills" I learned there were counterproductive if anything.

[ErinE]

I think a lot of this also depends on what the parents verbally and non-verbally convey to the child about grade placement.

I disagree. The child's peers (in the old and new grades) knew the child was repeating a grade and the amount of time the child spent with said peers (as opposed to the parents) had a great deal of influence. At an older age, I think the emotional impacts from social interactions are even greater.

 

ETA: This isn't meant to say that I don't believe holding a child back for social reasons is never appropriate. Kindergarten and first grade are the levels to consider social maturity and hold a child back. In my opinion, the benefits, at that age, outweigh the drawbacks. For the OP's child, I wouldn't hold back an academically successful child for social reasons.

[catz]

I do not understand the belief expressed by some that a person will be more successful in the long term if he repeats a middle-school grade for social reasons.  In what ways will this make his life better when he is 15, 18, 25, 40, 65?  I'm being serious.

 

Whatever I experienced in middle school was not anything like real life on the outside.  Whatever social "skills" I learned there were counterproductive if anything.

 

I don't disagree with this.  My kids are homeschooled and at this point I told them there's no way I would put them back in a B&M school for 6-8th grade.  I think those are lost years for many kids.  The social garbage in many junior highs is really nasty.  I personally hated those years of my own schooling experience.

 

That said, I do think it's incredibly hard to know in early elementary how ready a kid is going to be to launch to college early.  Just last year a friend of ours sent his extremely high achieving young for high school graduation daughter across country to college.  She ended up in the hospital twice for alcohol poisoning and her parents had to bring her home and put here in CC.  She lost what was almost a full scholarship to the program of her choice.  Would another year working on maturity made a difference?  It's really hard to say .  She likely could have done a year of full time college living at home for free and then applied to college and scholarships as a freshman anyway, which may have been a good choice.  I saw about a dozen students in my dorm drop out freshman year and I didn't get the feeling it was academic issues for many of them.   I think a year or 2 still can make a big difference at this age for some kids. 

 

I'd also say as the parent of a 13 year old boy, we've seen some of his friends struggle mightily through the ramp up of needed focus, motivation, and organizational skills needed for 7th-10th grade.  And I do know some parents of even highly GT kids that have made some sort of change at this level.  My son has 2 close friends I know have parents that regret the bump ahead in a B&M environment.  Both had to make some hard decisions this year for their boys. 

 

So, I would not repeat a year in this school as is.  If I were committed to this school and it didn't have good other academic options, I would leave things as is. More likely I'd be looking for a change.  Many times you're choosing the least bad of the choices.  Wouldn't it be great if schools could be more flexible to the needs of it's kids rather than forcing kids to fit into some small set of boxes they are willing to accomodate.

 

[lovinglife]

Wow- you've all given me a lot to think about. The hive always comes through. Homeschooling may or may not be an option right now. As it stands at this moment I am teaching four adjunct humanities classes and taking 8 hard science courses at the local CC in order to retrain as a CNM. My dh is working 40-48 hours a week, teaching two adjunct classes for the CC, and serving in our church and on the classical school board. It would not be possible. However, we are trying to arrange things so my dh can be the Sahp for a time (we have six children from age 2 to nearly 11). It would be an option then. My ds has the 504 for his recent diagnosis of anxiety/OCD. He's always been intense but we really had no idea he had these issues when we initially placed him- everything kind of fell apart with him emotionally last year after some rough years for the family. I actually think he'd resent homeschooling though as he really has enjoyed the social interactions at the b and m school. There are other schools around but the one he's at is really about the best. They use the classical method and the middle grades seem far less brutal (terrific kids) than the local junior high; which is another story.

[kiana]

There is NO way that I'd repeat the same year with the same curriculum for a student who'd gotten all A's and a B.

 

If you wanted to correct the grade placement, one option could be homeschooling for a year and doing something completely off the beaten path for all topics, then re-entering in 6th grade the year after that.

 

hypothetical example since I know nothing about your kid:

 

Math: Do arithmetic review on an every-other-day basis combined with introductory computer programming.

Science: Astronomy, Astrobiology, Robotics, or something similar that's not part of the standard curriculum.

English: Weekly review of 5th-grade level grammar and composition, read books at his level that will not come up in grades 6-8. I'd actually ask their teacher for "books you wish you could include but just don't have time for"

Social science: Anthropology, History of a specific country, or something similar that's not part of the standard curriculum. 

 

Of course these are only examples. 

[Reefgazer]

I can only answer for us, of course.  But when I said we held our DS back for general immaturity, that included social immaturity (his social skills and play were characteristics of a younger child, and in first grade, that amounted to a huge difference).  But we also meant that his executive functioning skills that are so important to self-control, organization, and "thinking ahead" were not at the grade level of his older peers.  I think it is these factors that play into successful functioning when the child is older, especially when they need to sit quiet for longer periods of time in upper elementary, maintain and use a planner independently, and have to think through consequences of their actions at a deeper level.  A kid that can't do these things by late elementary is labelled, misses class/homework assignments, faces disciplinary consequences, has extra busywork homework dumped on them, and winds up behind the curve for middle school (or in my district, is not accepted into the top-tier magnet middle school).  And then it just snowballs from there, determining which high school magnet the kids get into and how much academic attention the kid gets (which affects his realistic college choices).  Anecdotally, I noticed that lots of kids in my DD's classroom who have issues in school have executive functioning issues that also impacts their ability to keep up with the academics.  So the link for us between immaturity and academics was that an immature child often has issues keeping up academically for reasons unrelated to intelligence or disability.  I also think this can manifest at any time, if the kid becomes over-whelmed by what is asked of him (organizationally, motivationally, etc) due to his young age.  It was not a chance I was willing to take.  IMO, I highly doubt that accommodations thrown around to so many would even be necessary if children were placed at an appropriate executive-function grade level.  

I do not understand the belief expressed by some that a person will be more successful in the long term if he repeats a middle-school grade for social reasons.  In what ways will this make his life better when he is 15, 18, 25, 40, 65?  I'm being serious.

 

Whatever I experienced in middle school was not anything like real life on the outside.  Whatever social "skills" I learned there were counterproductive if anything.

 

[songsparrow]

Wouldn't it be great if schools could be more flexible to the needs of it's kids rather than forcing kids to fit into some small set of boxes they are willing to accomodate.

 

:iagree:

[Reefgazer]

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on that one then.  DS's friends knew he was retained, but it was a non-issue.  If "friends" are negative and hurtful over an academic decision made by the parents in the child's best interests, child needs to be counseled and taught to find higher quality friends. 

I disagree. The child's peers (in the old and new grades) knew the child was repeating a grade and the amount of time the child spent with said peers (as opposed to the parents) had a great deal of influence. At an older age, I think the emotional impacts from social interactions are even greater.

ETA: This isn't meant to say that I don't believe holding a child back for social reasons is never appropriate. Kindergarten and first grade are the levels to consider social maturity and hold a child back. In my opinion, the benefits, at that age, outweigh the drawbacks. For the OP's child, I wouldn't hold back an academically successful child for social reasons.

 

[SKL]

I can only answer for us, of course.  But when I said we held our DS back for general immaturity, that included social immaturity (his social skills and play were characteristics of a younger child, and in first grade, that amounted to a huge difference).  But we also meant that his executive functioning skills that are so important to self-control, organization, and "thinking ahead" were not at the grade level of his older peers.  I think it is these factors that play into successful functioning when the child is older, especially when they need to sit quiet for longer periods of time in upper elementary, maintain and use a planner independently, and have to think through consequences of their actions at a deeper level.  A kid that can't do these things by late elementary is labelled, misses class/homework assignments, faces disciplinary consequences, has extra busywork homework dumped on them, and winds up behind the curve for middle school (or in my district, is not accepted into the top-tier magnet middle school).  And then it just snowballs from there, determining which high school magnet the kids get into and how much academic attention the kid gets (which affects his realistic college choices).  Anecdotally, I noticed that lots of kids in my DD's classroom who have issues in school have executive functioning issues that also impacts their ability to keep up with the academics.  So the link for us between immaturity and academics was that an immature child often has issues keeping up academically for reasons unrelated to intelligence or disability.  I also think this can manifest at any time, if the kid becomes over-whelmed by what is asked of him (organizationally, motivationally, etc) due to his young age.  It was not a chance I was willing to take.  IMO, I highly doubt that accommodations thrown around to so many would even be necessary if children were placed at an appropriate executive-function grade level.  

 

OK but if I understand you correctly, you are talking about a KG or 1st grader, and the OP is talking about a 5th grader.  That is a big difference on many levels.  And also, it has been made clear that the OP's child is very much keeping up academically.

 

Also, people seem to assume that all children mature at the same rate.  I see no evidence of that.  While a parent can probably give a fair guess whether her own kid is going to be on track socially / emotionally a few years hence, that is not something that can be assumed in general just based on current age or a current tendency to act similar to slightly younger kid.  I've seen many kids who were terrors at age 3-4 become model students with the passage of a few years.

[Reefgazer]

I agree that the 5th grade requires more consideration because a 5th grader has more overall maturity than a 1st grader and is further along in their academic career.  But the basic issues are the same because problems can still manifest themselves later, as a previous poster noted with the requirement for increased focus and organization in high school.  In fact, I will argue that a loss of focus and organization in high school can have a greater impact because colleges will see the result on a transcript; no college cares about a grade school transcript, even though what went on in grade school is certainly foundational. 

 

I also understand that not all kids mature at the same rate.  But one of the reasons we retained our DS in 1st wasn't because of insurmountable maturity problems in first (DS was keeping up then and the maturity wasn't causing major issues, even if he was less mature than his peers).  Instead, I was concerned about what I saw as the high potential in late elementary-middle school for problems related to maturity. That is exactly what OP is seeing now.  So I made my best guess about how DS would fair based on what I saw then, and it turned out to be a good decision.  OP knows her DS has a problem; that's why she's asking here for advice.  She wouldn't ask if she didn't see it as serious.  So the question for OP is, is she willing to risk that the non-academic issues she sees now will not get any worse or take a gamble that those non-academic issues will cause academic problems in the future.  I'm a pretty cautious person in general, and I wouldn't take that chance, but YMMV. 

OK but if I understand you correctly, you are talking about a KG or 1st grader, and the OP is talking about a 5th grader.  That is a big difference on many levels.  And also, it has been made clear that the OP's child is very much keeping up academically.

 

Also, people seem to assume that all children mature at the same rate.  I see no evidence of that.  While a parent can probably give a fair guess whether her own kid is going to be on track socially / emotionally a few years hence, that is not something that can be assumed in general just based on current age or a current tendency to act similar to slightly younger kid.  I've seen many kids who were terrors at age 3-4 become model students with the passage of a few years.

 

[Dmmetler]

What does your DS want?

 

The reason why I ask is that I have a DD who is grade skipped on paper (and works ahead of that level at home), and she told me recently that if she has to go back to PS (she had several kids she knows who did so this year, so it was on her mind), she doesn't want to be the youngest. She is in classes with older kids now, and she says that the kids are fine as long as it's straight academics, but that she can't talk to them otherwise. She can talk to adults fine, she can talk to younger kids and kids her age fine, but those kids who are just heading into puberty, she doesn't feel like she has anything in common with, and they tend to see her as a little kid and not talk to her.  She's also well aware that physically she's just plain not as developed or mature as most of the girls a year older than she is (and according to her pediatrician, she's likely to hit puberty on the late side).

 

In her words "If I had to take 5th grade classes, I'd be bored, so I might as well take 4th grade and be bored, but at least be OK in PE and have someone to talk to at lunchtime".

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Truscifi]

At 10 and in 5th grade I would give a lot of weight to the child's feelings, especially since he is doing well academically and isn't unhappy socially. So what does he want?

[wapiti]

.