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How do you feel about a vasectomy update:post 111


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I have no friends, and my mom is in the hospital at this time (mental illness). I have been reading from these forums for quite a while and have a lot of respect for your opinions.

 

Finally to the questions: how do you feel about a vasectomy? Spiritually? Has your husband changed in any way after?

 

My husband and I have been married 21 years, and we have 4 children. I am 40 and he is 46. My oldest son is 19, a daughter 14 (15 Oct. 1st), and 5 year old (son,daughter) twins. I have had 3 miscarriages, 1 in between each successful pregnancy. The last miscarriage was 4 years ago, and was extremely hard on me. I would love to have more children, but I know it is not a good idea for me at this stage in my life.

 

My husband is the one wanting the vasectomy, and I am happy he does. However, I wonder if this will change him in any way, emotionally or mentally?

 

Spiritually, we feel it is an individual thing, between that person and God.

Any thoughts, experiences, been there done that, will be helpful.

Thanks so much.

Dawn

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Spiritually, it bothers me, unless there is a very significant reason to not get pg again, such as your life will be in danger, you cannot currently afford to eat, so forth. My dh did not get one, though he wanted to at one point.

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My DH had one after our daughter was born. In between our two kids I had an ectopic pregnancy and two miscarriages. All told, it took us five years of trying to get Kittygirl. Both successful pregnancies were also really hard on my body. I had severe nausea all the way through both, and blood clots all the way down my leg with the second.

 

We made a mutual decision that more pregnancies, whether successful or not, would be too much for me both physically and emotionally. It was a bit harder for me emotionally, since originally I wanted four kids, but we were both happy with the decision. The only thing it has changed is that we no longer need to use any kind of protection to prevent another pregnancy. It hasn't changed him at all.

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The only thing it has changed is that we no longer need to use any kind of protection to prevent another pregnancy. It hasn't changed him at all.

Yep. Same here. Then again, we're not religious people, so maybe I just don't understand the question. I just asked dh if he felt as though his vasectomy had any emotional or mental effect on him and he replied, "Huh? I got a vasectomy, not castration." 

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Yep. Same here. Then again, we're not religious people, so maybe I just don't understand the question. I just asked dh if he felt as though his vasectomy had any emotional or mental effect on him and he replied, "Huh? I got a vasectomy, not castration."

Lol. That made me laugh. No, my mom said that after my uncle's vasectomy he felt free to have affairs since no children were possible.

That is one of the theories behind my question.

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Yep. Same here. Then again, we're not religious people, so maybe I just don't understand the question. I just asked dh if he felt as though his vasectomy had any emotional or mental effect on him and he replied, "Huh? I got a vasectomy, not castration."

I have heard from numerous men and women who felt they had done something against nature, or against God by being sterilized. It isn't unheard-of to feel this way.

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It never occurred to me that it would be an issue for my faith!  After five children, we decided to have one.  Sure, I had a couple "reasons" -- our #5 had a lot of health issues and so we felt it was a good time to stop (having babies, that is  :)), also, my periods were so irregular that I was never able to know for sure where I was in my cycle.  (Although I did take my temp every day to know when I ovulated.)

 

It was really great to not have to worry about that aspect in our lives, and there were no side effects at all.  We never regretted that decision.

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I feel great about it! I've had two natural births, no drugs, one c-section. My body's been through enough.

 

My husband is squeamish though so he hasn't gotten it. We've talked about it for years, and if he'd gotten it when we first decided we were done with kids, we wouldn't have my little surprise baby who is ten months old right now. So in that way, I hesitate. Who knows what the future can bring? I asked him why he didn't want more children and he said finances. If we could afford more, he'd want more. I felt like that wasn't a good reason to decide to never have children. It's a good reason to decide not to have one now. But finances might change.

 

For me, this last pregnancy was very difficult physically. Ten months later, my hip still hurts me on a daily basis. I was in so much pain my two older children waited on me hand and foot. They were so sweet and understanding. I can't imagine doing this again with a little one to take care of. But he has doubts so I don't want him making a permanent decision about his fertility without being 100% sure.

 

Spiritually... I don't think it's wrong, so I don't have a lot to add there.

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It was a painful procedure physically for my husband, but it was great afterwards. He didn't feel changed at all, and it was very nice not having to think through protection.

Was he miserable? How painful? How long was recovery time? Sorry so many questions. His appointment is Wednesday, and we have talked to the doctor several times, and done some research. But I still want to know more.
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Lol. That made me laugh. No, my mom said that after my uncle's vasectomy he felt free to have affairs since no children were possible.

That is one of the theories behind my question.

 

If potential pregnancy is the only thing holding a man back from affairs, I'd say cut him loose!

(See what I did there? :tongue_smilie: )

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Yeah, I would say that if a man is going to use his lack of ability to impregnate a woman as an excuse to have an affair, he was going to have an affair anyway. I know that some Christians (and people of other faiths, probably) believe in leaving the possibility of conception open to God and thus don't believe in sterilization. I don't agree with that belief, but I respect it and think that your feelings about that one way or another are a valid thing to take into account.

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I had one. I think it was in 2006 or 2007.  I don't think it changed me as a person. The surgery is a little uncomfortable because the patient is awake, with Local Anesthesia.  My wife's OB-GYN had had one and he suggested that I buy a tube of anesthesia, which I did and I brought it with me, but when the Urologist came into the surgical suite, he told me that it needs to be applied some time before, to help  :-)   The Vasectomy is a very minor surgery, compared to what would be required on a woman. 

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It never occurred to me that it would be an issue for my faith! 

 

Each religion will teach what they understand to be true, so I'm not at all here to trigger any arguments.  :001_smile:   In case you are interested, though, there is at least one faith group for which vasectomies and the tying of tubes are forbidden.  Eastern Orthodox may not undergo such surgeries because what is categorized as "self-mutilation" is believed to be wrong.  This, in addition to our desire to be open to life.  (That is not referring to whether or not birth control is wrong in all possible instances.)  

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I had one. I think it was in 2006 or 2007. I don't think it changed me as a person. The surgery is a little uncomfortable because the patient is awake, with Local Anesthesia. My wife's OB-GYN had had one and he suggested that I buy a tube of anesthesia, which I did and I brought it with me, but when the Urologist came into the surgical suite, he told me that it needs to be applied some time before, to help :-) The Vasectomy is a very minor surgery, compared to what would be required on a woman.

I agree that it is a lot harder on a woman than a man. More expensive as well. Thank you for taking time to share your experience with me.:)

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I did recently read about some physical effects long after surgery. I can't remember the details and it was another person's experience, so I won't try to write it out because I can't remember.  They did express regret at having had the surgery because of that. So, you might read up on possible complications down the road. 

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Was he miserable? How painful? How long was recovery time? Sorry so many questions. His appointment is Wednesday, and we have talked to the doctor several times, and done some research. But I still want to know more.

Of the several I'm aware of, the men got it done on a Thursday or Friday, waited on by a doting spouse all weekend, and were back at work Monday. One timed it during the fall so he had an excuse to watch football.

 

ETA: This isn't intended to dismiss the discomfort of the procedure. From what I understand, it hurts a lot.

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Each religion will teach what they understand to be true, so I'm not at all here to trigger any arguments.  :001_smile:   In case you are interested, though, there is at least one faith group for which vasectomies and the tying of tubes are forbidden.  Eastern Orthodox may not undergo such surgeries because what is categorized as "self-mutilation" is believed to be wrong.  This, in addition, to our desire to be open to life.  (That is not referring to whether or not birth control is wrong in all possible instances.)  

 

Thanks for the explanation, and of course I do understand that it's an issue for some faiths/denominations.  :)  I'm just saying that it was not an issue at all for my own faith, according to what I believe to be true.

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My DH had one in 2007. No regrets. It's been wonderful. We were 37 and have four kids.

 

By the way, I bet you do know lots of me who have had vasectomies. You just don't know that they have had the procedure.

Probably so. I don't talk to people much. I like to be at home. Which is why I am bombarding all of you nice people with so many questions.

 

By the way, I appreciate all of the responses.

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Of the several I'm aware of, the men got it done on a Thursday or Friday, waited on by a doting spouse all weekend, and were back at work Monday. One timed it during the fall so he had an excuse to watch football.

That is kind of our plan: Procedure at 5 pm Wednesday, Off work Thursday and Friday, with the weekend to recover as well.

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We are not in favor of them for our household. We both have a strong belief that the body should continue to function as design and that procedure would interrupt that function. I have friends who have had great success, some had children after wards unintentionally, and those who have had very difficult complications. Sometimes I wish it was an option for our family, especially considering the many years of fertility I have left.

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Thanks for the explanation, and of course I do understand that it's an issue for some faiths/denominations. :) I'm just saying that it was not an issue at all for my own faith, according to what I believe to be true.

Agreeing. I'm just so used to people here finding interesting the ways of other people, so I threw in the info!

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Dh had one when i was pregnant with my third. She wasn't exactly planned and we knew that three children would be the most that we could provide for responsibly.

 

I asked dh - he says he doesn't feel any different one way or another and was a bit puzzled as to why that would make him want to have an affair. I guess the theory doesn't surprise me seeing as that was the same charge leveled against birth control for women when it first came out. Quite frankly, this idea that the threat of pregnancy is the only thing keeping people from having sex is more than a little silly. I mean that in the kindest way possible.

 

There are some men who can have slightly more complications post surgery and from what I've read, they tend to be more fertile. Definitely take it easy afterwards and don't skimp on the supportive undergarments immediately afterward. That will make the difference between a smooth recovery and an unnecessarily painful one.

 

Honestly, not having done it would have been far more harmful to our relationship. I love my children with all my heart, but three is my limit.

 

I can't comment on the spiritual aspect as we're atheists. When we were Christians back in the day, it would have not bothered us then, either. There were many men in church who had had them. I would suspect that you know men who've had one, but as another poster mentioned, it's generally not a topic one leads with.

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It can cause physical problems, especially with complications. I know more than a few relationships that were challenged by it, too. Especially if both parties weren't 100% on board and had thought about it for at least a year. Dh has a vas-hasn't changed him spiritually. I used to be an andrologist and so I never saw that after effects very much except in those wanting reversals. :)

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DH had his at 45 (I was 35).  We KNEW without a doubt that our family was complete.  Easy procedure.  Easy recovery (weekend).  Our neighbors/close friends all had the procedure as well.  One good friend had a vasectomy with his first wife (her infidelity, not his), had a reversal with his second/current wife.  They went on to have two more kids.  The second wife had tubes tied because the reversal had been a much more painful procedure, and SHE was done having kids (5) no matter what life brings in future.  Hope that helps.

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My DH had one in 2007. No regrets. It's been wonderful. We were 37 and have four kids.

 

By the way, I bet you do know lots of me who have had vasectomies. You just don't know that they have had the procedure.

 

This was us, down to the year it was done, how many kids and our ages!  :)

 

I haven't noticed any behavioral changes.

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If I ran the world, they'd be free and readily avail for every man around the world.

 

The main vasectomy doc in my town does brilliant and fast micro surgeries. My only obj is actually based on the fact that he also is one of the last circumcision docs and I'm not a circ fan at all - so that's not a comment about the procedure at all, but about this doctor.

(Circ is no longer covered by our health care system and has to be arranged and paid for privately. Vasectomy is covered ...)

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My dh had one 9 years ago. He had a complication that has continued to cause issues. We think it was due to the dr taking a personal cell phone call during the procedure. He has not found a dr that can help (or takes it seriously) so we live with it. Feel free to pm me, but definitely read about complications.

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My husband had one in 2001. He was about 35 and we had one child. No regrets (on either side), no behavioral or emotional changes (other than to be happier not to have to worry about birth control!). No physical issues resulting from it. Do make sure your husband goes back for the re-check to be sure his sperm count is zero, and continue to use birth control until he does so. In every story I've heard about a woman getting pregnant by her husband after he had a vasectomy, it turned out the man did not feel the need to go back for the follow-up a few months later, and/or they did not use birth control in the interim.

 

Invest in a couple of bags of frozen peas, so they can be alternated for the first couple of days. Supportive undergarments are a must. Be aware that the first thing every young child and pet will want to do when your husband comes home is to dive forcefully into his lap.

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Lol. That made me laugh. No, my mom said that after my uncle's vasectomy he felt free to have affairs since no children were possible.

That is one of the theories behind my question.

I really hope this didn't offend anyone. My mother had said this many times for as long as I can remember. She has a tendency to put blame on ideas rather than the person. We are not very close, and I have a lot of emotional baggage because of it, but that is a whole other can of worms.:) I do not believe this to be true myself, and feel if someone is going to have an affair, they will regardless.

Also I am not concerned that my husband will have an affair, if he wants another woman, go for it. I don't want a man that doesn't want me.:)

Again I wasn't trying to make assumptions or offend, and maybe I haven't but I want to be sure.:)

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My dh had one. After our third child my doctor really pressed that he didn't want me having more kids as my health deteriorated too badly through the pregnancies. It didn't change him at all. He was uncomfy for a few days and then a little tender for a week. After that he was fine. My uncle had one and didn't listen to the doctors warning that it takes awhile to clear all the sperm from the system. They now have a set of twins from him not following doctors orders.

 

If a man suddenly felt free to have a an affair from having a vasectomy he obviously had a problem before the procedure. The mindset had to already be there, it wasn't the procedures fault.

 

I have cried about not being able to have any more kids though. I seriously wanted a larger family.

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My dh had one 9 years ago. He had a complication that has continued to cause issues. We think it was due to the dr taking a personal cell phone call during the procedure. He has not found a dr that can help (or takes it seriously) so we live with it. Feel free to pm me, but definitely read about complications.

So sorry about this. I am not sure how to pm. I will try. Thank you for sharing.
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I do not remember the surgery or the recovery period as being painful. Somewhat uncomfortable is all that I remember. I was not able to ride my bicycle for awhile, probably a month or 2, and there were probably some other restrictions.    I'd previously had LASIK surgeries on my eyes (in November 1997) which were done when I was awake, so the Vasectomy was not the first time I had been awake during a surgery.  The only thing I would do differently, if I had it to do again, would be to apply the anesthetic I'd purchased *before* I went into the O.R., so it could have reduced the sensation of the surgery a little. That was USD$4 out the window...  I wish my wife's OB-GYN had mentioned that, when he suggested buying the anesthetic...  :-)

 

IMHO, if there is a desire to do this, it is not worth putting a woman through a more extensive surgery. I love my wife and her having that surgery was not high on my list of priorities.

 

Write down all of the questions you have for the Urologist and ask them when you meet with him.

 

 

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I was "done" having kids after #2.  #3 came 7 minutes later though.  So I was definitely done after the twins and it was supposed to be that DH was going to get the big V.  He chickened out and I opted for a Copper T IUD which is almost as effective as the vasectomy.  Key word... almost.  Insert child #4 while the IUD was still in place.  Although I can't imagine life without the youngest now, my DH wasn't coming near me until he saw the urologist after he was born.  He had no side effects from the surgery.

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Love them :)  The last pregnancy was traumatic and we were advised to consider it the last one.  Because my health was fragile at the time, and hormonal and surgical BC were off the table for me, the V was suggested.  Best thing ever!  

 

DH is a surgeon and routinely performs Vs and I have yet to hear that he has had a complication with one.  The biggest problem he has is getting the men to realize that they MUST come back for the 2nd follow-up to make sure there are NO swimmers left.  I

 

I guess some men might consider themselves "safe" for having an affair, but there are far more deadly things that can happen than the creation of a child.  If a man uses his new-found freedom to roam (without external protection), he is at great risk for disease - no V will help that.  Surely a man with half a brain would realize that.  

 

If you have a secure marriage and don't anticipate more children, do it.  It's fantastic :)

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Love them :) The last pregnancy was traumatic and we were advised to consider it the last one. Because my health was fragile at the time, and hormonal and surgical BC were off the table for me, the V was suggested. Best thing ever!

 

DH is a surgeon and routinely performs Vs and I have yet to hear that he has had a complication with one. The biggest problem he has is getting the men to realize that they MUST come back for the 2nd follow-up to make sure there are NO swimmers left. I

 

I guess some men might consider themselves "safe" for having an affair, but there are far more deadly things that can happen than the creation of a child. If a man uses his new-found freedom to roam (without external protection), he is at great risk for disease - no V will help that. Surely a man with half a brain would realize that.

 

If you have a secure marriage and don't anticipate more children, do it. It's fantastic :)

Thank you for this. We do have a good strong marriage.

After the last miscarriage my doctor strongly advised against another pregnancy. I took birth control pills for about 3 months afterwards.

So we have talked about it over the last few years, then about a month ago, he said to make the appointment.

It is amazing to see all of the experiences, maybe I should get out more.:)

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I do agree, that was my mom's theory. That was one of the reasons I asked if a husband had an emotional or mental changes afterwards. I don't personally know anyone that has had a vasectomy other than my uncle.

I'll agree with the other poster who said you probably know quite a few people. I don't know of anyone who had unusual psychological effects, but it also isn't a topic frequently brought up in conversation.

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I have a problem with the "do it for the wife" mentality. People should have control of their own bodies. Men have so little say in the birth control choices in a relationship, this one should be left up to him. Even without considering that marriage may not be for life, men are sometimes widowed. You can't predict your life course, and no one should seek sterilization unless they are certain they don't want any more children, with their current partner or otherwise.

 

The concern over a woman's sterilization being more invasive is outdated. I had Essure done a few months ago and it was easy.

 

I also think the notion that men are more likely to have affairs if they've had a vas ridiculous and unfounded. I might buy that a man thinking of stepping out would factor out into his reasons for getting sterilized, but I'd want to see hard data and some indicator, even if there's a correlation between vasectomy and cheating, of the directionality of causation.

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