Truscifi Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 We are hobby farmers. This past year was our first with turkeys. A few days ago we harvested the four turkeys. Ds10 was required to help minimally, mostly with herding the turkeys into a corner of the pen so dh could grab them. Then at the end of the process he put the bagged turkeys in the extra fridge to rest before processing. All well and good. He helped as asked and kept a decent attitude on the whole. But. Tonight when we went to get the bird that was to be cooked we discovered all the turkeys were spoiled. All four. He had left the fridge door ajar. That was to be dinner for a couple of nights this week, and Thanksgiving dinner, and Christmas dinner, and Easter dinner. Not to mention a year of work totally wasted. 70 lbs of heritage turkeys. I don't even know the value of that much meat. A lot. I'm so angry I don't even know how to react. Ds feeds the birds, so he walks past that fridge every day. Apparently he never noticed it was ajar. He is in general careless. He doesn't check behind himself. He just doesn't pay attention to anything that isn't whatever book or game is his current focus. Other than making him help dispose of the spoiled turkeys, we did not address it at all tonight. Dh and I were both too upset to speak to ds reasonably. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Is it possible the door was shut and the weight shifted, popping it back open? Our extra fridge is losing magnetism (?) in the door and the freezer is nearly useless for that reason. We put everything in a freezer with a door alarm and temperature alarm after the shifting thing happened twice and I lost everything including a bunch of pumped milk. I wouldn't have trusted my 10 year old (ADHD and as you described, can be careless) with the freezer job. I double check it after the kids help me unload groceries. I'm so sorry for the loss of the turkeys. That made my stomach fall to read. I don't know what I would do TBH. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Gently - I would not have entrusted something so important to a 10 year old. We have chickens and while I require my kids to help with their care and egg gathering, I do check behind them. Anyway, I'm so sorry that happened. I get upset enough when am egg gets cracked. I can't imagine losing a whole bird, :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I have grown employees in my restaurant that cannot remember to shut the walk in door. The cost of electricity in CA is insane and leaving that walk in door open even for several seconds each time is very expensive, so I hope you can remember that this is really an expensive training reminder for you, more than a discipline issue for him. I would tell him what happened, and the cost of what he did, and then I would be extra vigilant about training him and checking behind him. I walk around the restaurant and check behind people all day long. They are mostly careful, but the multitasking that is required of a restaurant employee means that mistakes happen. Checking on people is part of management. Hopefully you can train him to check behind himself and train yourself to check behind him. Checking is a part of management of any kind. I am sorry for you though. :grouphug: ETA: I grew up on a working cattle ranch and I think all of us kids made expensive mistakes in one aspect or another as we learned. I once left a door open and snow got all over several sacks of grain and they were moldy and ruined. My brother left a lot of firewood out where it got stolen, my sister lost a horse in the mountains. Mostly we are very responsible adults now, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 It was a small error with major consequences... But I don't think you can treat it like a major error. If your fridge does not easily close completely and stay closed, it requires extra attention. It didn't get that extra attention from your 10 year old. And no adult was double checking. I would treat it as if he tripped and fell into something valuable and fragile and it smashed to prices. Yes, the valuable thing is gone, but, no, nobody trips on purpose. The blame for this accident goes not belong to your son. He is a little kid, and he didn't do an important job the way an adult might have done it better. That happens. It sucks, and the lost turkeys are nothing to sneeze at, but it has much more in common with bad luck than negligent damage. Golden rule: if you had forgotten to hip-check the fridge door and had spoiled your own turkeys, you would have (what?) sat down and cried about it, felt stupid, cleaned it up, learned an important thing about fridges, and made a new plan. What if your DH had found the problem first? What would you have wanted him to "do unto you"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I feel for you- that's a lot of work down the drain! Ds did the work willingly, and didn't leave the door ajar on purpose. Like the previous poster, are you sure the door didn't pop open after he left? That's a lot of meat and it might have shifted. Our downstairs freezer holds our stash and every single time one of our kids went down there, I would remind them to be SURE to close the freezer. It's holding such a huge investment that I made it *my* responsibility to remind everyone- dh included- to make sure it was firmly shut before coming back upstairs. I would probably just start working with him on diligence and being focused while doing a task. He's old enough to really take on some responsibility so it's a great time to work hard to make sure he has those skills. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I think it's good you are giving yourself time to cool off before talking to him. I'm not sure what the answer is. It's tough. He's just a kid, and really the door should have been double checked. At the very least, he's learned a vital (albeit expensive) lesson about paying attention to detail. I'm very sorry. That is a big loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I'm so sorry. That would be so very disappointing in so many ways. He's only 10 though, and he made a mistake. I would try to focus on gently helping him learn from it but not punishing him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Also, for future reference, you can buy door alarms for your fridge and freezer. They'll go off when the temp dips below a certain point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 My parents had a big flock of chickens they were going to butcher all at once. Around 70 birds. My brother was told to lock them in the coup that night without food in preparation for the next day. He misunderstood and locked them without food and water. We lived in Texas. The entire flock was lost. My parents were so upset. But it was an accident. My brother felt so bad. They didn't punish him. You can't really punish mistakes. You can't punish costly mistakes in proportion to what was lost. If he'd thrown in them in the back yard out of anger and not told you and they'd spoiled, then there would have been some intend to cause harm, but there was no bad intent here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted September 17, 2014 Author Share Posted September 17, 2014 Normally we would check things behind him. And we also would have gotten to the processing sooner. But we all had a bout of stomach flu that threw our schedule out of whack. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 At that age, I'd merely have him help with clean up. I would not give him a guilt trip about the cost of what was loss. And there would be no other consequences. For the future, I'd have a check list to help him remember what to do each time. And an adult would double check, especially if the monetary loss is one the household would have difficulty sustaining. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted September 17, 2014 Author Share Posted September 17, 2014 Also, for future reference, you can buy door alarms for your fridge and freezer. They'll go off when the temp dips below a certain point. I will look at Lowes tomorrow. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 He's only 10 and I bet he feels bad about what happened as well. I remember one of us leaving the garage freezer open once right after we picked up half a butchered cow. I thought my parents would freak but, while they were obviously upset, they didn't take it out on us. They talked about being more careful and we all helped clean up the mess. We never made that mistake again (and they always double checked the freezer when near the garage after). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Tears and hugs. It would be okay if you cried in front of him/with him. That is easy for me to say from here on my couch, though! I'd probably yell first. I'm so, so sorry. What a loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I'm glad that you didn't yell or punish him. He is so young, and even if he were an adult he could have made a mistake that spoiled the meat. I would just let him know the the factual result / cause and effect, so that he can share in the family's momentary sadness and learn from his mistake. In the big picture, it is just a thing. You can buy a turkey or ham for the holidays like every other year. I realize it is a disappointment for you, but as I always try to remember, a child's heart is a lot more valuable than a thing the child spoiled. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm so sorry that happened, and also that your family has been ill. I don't blame you for being upset and frustrated, but in your position I think I would be angry with myself for not having checked on the door instead of being upset with a well-meaning 10yo. What a terrible waste of time, money, and a lot of work. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rmtzc2009 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I'm sorry! I can sympathize. We've lost an entire freezer full of meat because our son left the door ajar. We didn't punish him. It was an honest mistake. What we took from it is that we need to handle the freezer stuff ourselves or we'll ask the kids to go back a second time and confirm they got the freezer shut. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjzimmer1 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I've always told my oldest to push on the freezer door to make sure it's closed all the way and while he always claimed that yes he checked, I had multiple instances of finding the freezer half thawed. Then one day we got a half a beef, I packed the freezer, pushed on the door to make sure the door was closed all the way. Next morning I go to freezer and discovered partially thawed meat. I KNOW I was the last one in the freezer and I messed up. The meat stuck out farther than I thought and even though it LOOKED closed and the door couldn't be pushed in anymore, it wasn't closed. So I had to retrain him and myself. Now we look at the seal and make sure it is closed as well as put our hand over it to check for cold air. Is it possible that the fridge looked closed but with that much meat in there, that something prevented the door from closing all the way? These lessons are tough but at ten, I can't really fault him even if he was the most contientious boy around (and since he's not, I would be even less likely to lay blame at his feet). I agree with others that checking behind him especially on important matters like this, needs to be done regularly by the parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 In these situations, I try to remember that these events will probably be ones he remembers his whole life. I would want to respond in a manner that will give him confidence - that helps free him of anxiety about mistakes. I would want him to have confidence that his team is there for him even when he let the team down. And later when he is on a sports team or work team that someone else fails, I woukd want him to show support and mercy. You can buy other turkeys. They won't be the same. But you can make them pretty good and show good cheer and thankfulness for that you do have. I am so sorry for you. Very sad. Just let him know he has done a great job and will learn from that one mistake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Dp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 He's 10. 10 years olds make mistake. Adults make mistakes. Adults probably could have followed up to make sure the job was done correctly if it was that important. No way would I do anything more than be annoyed/disappointed in the moment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaillardia Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 So sorry you guys got sick. Family dynamics are interesting things. I think if that were us we'd have all been really bummed out, and in stages deal with it; tears shed by some, then find some way to laugh about it. That is very admirable that you're trying to raise turkeys. Even more admirable is that you're raising a boy on a farm. :grouphug: I understand that you are not happy about what happened but since we have had a few kids I think I can safely say that it is better to wait until you're ready to talk about it to him calmly. I have not always been the nicest mom when my kids have done something I left them responsible for and they fell through on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I'm sorry. That really stinks and is an expensive lesson. When I was a kid, our freezer where we kept meat would pop back open sometimes, especially when it was full. Dad had us start locking it every time we used it, which ensured it stayed closed. If yours doesn't have a lock, you could put a child safety latch on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted September 17, 2014 Author Share Posted September 17, 2014 Thank you all for talking me down. It was definitely a mistake, there was no ill intent, and he already feels bad. I will get the fridge/freezer alarms tomorrow and have him help me install them and we'll talk about the situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IfIOnly Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 We don't let kids get stuff or put stuff in the freezer and lock it up we (the adults) are done so that little ones don't open it (or worse get stuck in there). This after personal freezer losss. We buy bulk, raise some if our own meet, once a month cooking, etc. Sorry for your loss. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dollhouse Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 We are all human. Its reasonable to be upset at the loss, but you can't be certain that the error was anything but bad luck. And I sympathize, as I have lost a freezer full of meals because the door was left ajar—and I know these meals were probably less valuable than your turkeys. We have an older side-by-side freezer in our garage, and if you're not very careful, it can either pop back open (if you shut it hard) or not quite shut at all. Another possibility is that as the contents shift, the door can be pushed open from the inside. I agree with the previous poster who suggested a freezer alarm. I think this is one of those situations where the natural consequence (i.e., spoiled turkeys) is enough of a lesson. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 We have baby locks on both our freezers in the garage for just this reason. It's easy to see from a distance if the locks aren't fastened and it was fairly easy to train the kids to take the extra step to lock the locks after getting in the freezer. Of course, I wasn't smart enough to put the $3 locks on the freezer until we had lost the contents. Twice. :( Sorry about your turkeys! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Honestly? I'd probably feel mad at him, but really kick myself for not checking to make sure that such an important task was done properly. Knowing to double-check that the freezer was closed properly at the time, and checking it while walking by would not be something I'd expect to register on the radar of a 10 y.o. On the bright side, probably now it will because he understands the consequences of not checking to be 100% certain it's closed, but that's one of those things that you learn either through maturity or experience or both. I think his own disappointment and yours at the real natural consequences of the open freezer door are probably enough consequence for him. Sorry that happened, especially after all the work it takes to raise and process turkeys. I've butchered turkeys with my sister, and it's a lot of mess and fuss. :( Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Thank you all for talking me down. It was definitely a mistake, there was no ill intent, and he already feels bad. I will get the fridge/freezer alarms tomorrow and have him help me install them and we'll talk about the situation. I think it's very admirable that both you and your dh recognized that you were too upset to deal with your ds when you first found out that the freezer door was open -- it had to be incredibly hard not to blow your top, so I think it says a lot that you knew you might regret it if you got all upset with him at that moment. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 nm. It's been covered that the child in question is so young. Crud happens. So sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 My dad had a saying that I still remember and try to pass on. "Learn from your mistakes, don't dwell on them." Mistakes can put every single one of us down in the dumps and many are costly financially or otherwise, but we just can't go back in time and fix them. Therefore, we need to get anything positive we can out of them (learn from them). Dwelling on them can ruin so much else (relationships, health, etc) so is just not worth it. I've found in my adult life that it's easier said than done, but I bet that was true when I was young too. I'm pretty sure I would be sharing this info with my guy if I were in your shoes. It WAS a mistake and meant that four turkeys died for nothing plus all that work and $$ was for nothing & no tasty dinners - all terrible consequences. We can't go back in time and fix it, so we need to learn from it to double check things (no matter who is doing things) - add the alarms - whatever you decide to do to try to prevent it in the future. And while we feel badly about it, we work at not letting it get us down overall. Mistakes happen to EVERYONE at some point. This one did not cause any human death or illness - the house didn't burn down - the sky did not fall - the sun will come up again, so we move on. Best wishes as you go through it all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I am glad that you were "talked down" and kudos to you for not reacting right away. I think a gracious response to this will be something that your ds remembers and will have a very positive impact on his future relationship with you. He already feels bad. Try to resist using it as an example of carelessness. You now have a *system* (the alarm) that takes into account human error. Systems are important when there are imperfect people in the mix. I think *that* is a good lesson to pass on (analyzing how the error happened and how a system could prevent it) as well as focusing on a gracious response that recognizes intent vs. mistake. Two very good life lessons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I would be upset, too, after all the hard work. Then, I would have to remind myself about the time my dh, age 50 at the time, unplugged the deep freeze 'for just a minute', but somehow managed to forget to plug it back in. It was several days before it was found. Not just four turkeys but an entire deep freeze full of meat and produce from our garden and orchard. Why would I treat my 10 yr old son differently than I would treat my 50 yr old dh, who has had far more experience and should be far more responsible. Anyway, he felt bad enough. More words were not necessary. I think the alarm system is an excellent idea. We should probably check into an alarm system for our freezer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Another family who has done this with a half a recently purchased cow here. It was either dh or myself; we have no idea which. So, age isn't necessarily the cause. Give him a hug as someone who has probably done the same. (Dh insists it wasn't him, of course!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luanne Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I'm with the person who said 10 is too young to leave that kind of task to. I get bashed from time to time for saying this, but a 10 year old is not an adult. Even if they seem like they are mature for their age, they are still just 10. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendy not in HI Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 My husband did something similar this Spring. We had venison and beef and chicken and other odds and ends in our chest freezer in the garage. I noticed one day that there was a little leak under the freezer, and when I opened it - there was a super stink! All of the meet was thawed and rotting. It turned out that my dh had unplugged the freezer to cut a few tiles with the tile saw. He was finishing up a few projects on our home as we were getting ready to sell it. He was busy and thinking about lots of things, and didn't re-plug in the freezer. When he found out, he felt just terrible. He is the one who had gone hunting for the deer and lugged it miles out his hunting location. We had eaten some of it, but we were planning on it for the next few months. The other meat was also an expensive loss. I felt sad, but not mad... I now have a label on the plug of the freezer and in our new house there are more outlets in the garage... Try not to be mad at him. He's 10. It's not like he went out to the garage and opened the freezer just to prove a point. It was an accident. It is a terrible waste, and so sad for you and for the turkeys! But, even smart, grown up, otherwise extremely responsible people make costly and wasteful mistakes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Yup, my DH unplugged our big freezer once and forgot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Bummer! I would be so upset about the turkeys. It sounds like what you are doing it fair, I might sometimes leave a door ajar accidentally. It could happen to anyone.:( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauraw4321 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 DH unplugged our freezer on accident once. We discovered it the day I came home from the hospital with DD2. I went to get out one of my 3 months' supply of freezer dinners to make life easy with the new baby and threw up from the stench. Yeah, that hurt. But it was an accident. We had *just* gotten it restocked (9-ish months later) when our area was hit with a tornado and lost power for 6 days. So we threw it all out again. Then I decided there wasn't any point in saving food in the freezer. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upennmama Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 My daughter, at 11, left out a leg of lamb all night and it spoiled. We asked her to pay part of the cost. It wasn't the whole cost, but enough to be painful for her. She has been uber-careful since. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I'd blame myself for not having balanced the feet of the freezer correctly so as to have the door self-close. I certainly wouldn't blame him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I understand your irritation, but, had you done supervised his work, the error would have been caught. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I can't be the only one here who is going to preemptively by a freezer alarm as a result of this thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 my sister lost a horse in the mountains. . Was it in a blizzard? Did she run calling, "Wildfire!"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Critterfixer Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Nope, you are not the only one. I think I've gone out and checked our freezer in the garage about five times since this thread was started! And I'm not a checker! As far as the appropriate response I'd probably cry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 We had a similar mistake at a similar age. Cry privately, give your kid a big hug, and buy an alarm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 I would feel absolutely sick at my stomach over that sort of loss. However, I would not punish ds for it. I would not put that responsibility on a 10 year old. My older dd left the garage freezer open once and we lost most of what was in there. She was about 12 or so. After that I made a rule that I was the only one allowed in that freezer. If someone wanted something, they had to ask me to get it. It locks, and I make sure it is always locked well. That worked until dh left it ajar. Fortunately, we discovered it before anything was lost. I wish everyone would just let me know when they want something out there and otherwise pretend it doesn't exist. Nothing good comes of anyone else out there but me, and if it is left ajar, I know I only have my own self to blame. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 I understand your irritation, but, had you done supervised his work, the error would have been caught. I think I am just tired and I know I've had a hard day because nothing about this thread is funny except for the lost horse and "Wildfire", but the bolded typo really made me laugh. In fact, I can't stop laughing. I'm sorry. In my defense, I'm goofed up on migraine meds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 OP, I'm sorry about your experience, and I admire your measured response. My parents had a big flock of chickens they were going to butcher all at once. Around 70 birds. My brother was told to lock them in the coup that night without food in preparation for the next day. He misunderstood and locked them without food and water. We lived in Texas. The entire flock was lost. My parents were so upset. But it was an accident. My brother felt so bad. They didn't punish him. You can't really punish mistakes. You can't punish costly mistakes in proportion to what was lost. If he'd thrown in them in the back yard out of anger and not told you and they'd spoiled, then there would have been some intend to cause harm, but there was no bad intent here. One night with no water kills chickens in hot weather? I learn so much here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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