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You all have so much wisdom and insight and I need help. Now that I'm homeschooling all of my school aged children while the others are underfoot (ages 8, 7, 6, 4 and 16 months) things can get really chaotic. I feel like I've added a part time job (homeschooling mom) to my already long list of things I didn't have time for during the day. The "deep cleaning" that needs to get done around my house is embarrassing. We can hardly do just the basics.  I sometimes feel overwhelmed and resentful when my kids run wild and make messes and then gripe and complain when I ask them to clean up after themselves. I know a lot of this is practice and consistency. I know my kids are young and not really capable of handling the more difficult chores. And I know that many chores must be explicitly taught. But sometimes, oh my, it's just crazy. My 8, 6 and 4 year olds are boys. And put them together and it's just a loud, wild tangle of limbs and dirt.

 

We had a talk at the beginning of the school year about how this would mean that I would need more help around the house. (And I personally see chores as an important life skill and I know it's something that should be taught. I want them and need them to help out)  But I also have some strong-willed kids with their own opinions who would rather be smearing boogers on each other than sweeping under the table. I struggle with "motivating" them, if that's the right word. They don't obsess over one thing for long. Right now they are all into the original Mario Bros games that DH put on the Wii, so I can at least hang that over their heads. But sometimes (like this morning) they are just wild and silly and unwilling to help. For my own sanity I send them outside where they happily begin playing and building forts and making more messes. That's hardly a consequence. I can only hope that later they come asking to play the computer or Wii so I can remind them they didn't earn their privileges today. I can't physically make them do their chores.(Oh how I wish that I could!) Their chores are age appropriate, like clearing off the table, sweeping, rinsing dishes, taking out bathroom trash, etc  But for once I'd like my kids to do their chores without all the whining, nagging and complaining. 

 

So my questions are...

 

How do you maintain order in the house?  How do you distribute chores? Do you use chore charts? (can I see them?)  How do you motivate your kids to get them accomplished? What consequences are in place if they don't?  How do chores fit into your school day? When do you do them?  Also, is it possible to do this without self-medicating with diet coke? Because I'm trying to give it up and I just.can't.do.it.  :mellow:

 

 

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You all have so much wisdom and insight and I need help. Now that I'm homeschooling all of my school aged children while the others are underfoot (ages 8, 7, 6, 4 and 16 months) things can get really chaotic. I feel like I've added a part time job (homeschooling mom) to my already long list of things I didn't have time for during the day. The "deep cleaning" that needs to get done around my house is embarrassing. We can hardly do just the basics.  I sometimes feel overwhelmed and resentful when my kids run wild and make messes and then gripe and complain when I ask them to clean up after themselves. I know a lot of this is practice and consistency. I know my kids are young and not really capable of handling the more difficult chores. And I know that many chores must be explicitly taught. But sometimes, oh my, it's just crazy. My 8, 6 and 4 year olds are boys. And put them together and it's just a loud, wild tangle of limbs and dirt.

 

We had a talk at the beginning of the school year about how this would mean that I would need more help around the house. (And I personally see chores as an important life skill and I know it's something that should be taught. I want them and need them to help out)  But I also have some strong-willed kids with their own opinions who would rather be smearing boogers on each other than sweeping under the table. I struggle with "motivating" them, if that's the right word. They don't obsess over one thing for long. Right now they are all into the original Mario Bros games that DH put on the Wii, so I can at least hang that over their heads. But sometimes (like this morning) they are just wild and silly and unwilling to help. For my own sanity I send them outside where they happily begin playing and building forts and making more messes. That's hardly a consequence. I can only hope that later they come asking to play the computer or Wii so I can remind them they didn't earn their privileges today. I can't physically make them do their chores.(Oh how I wish that I could!) Their chores are age appropriate, like clearing off the table, sweeping, rinsing dishes, taking out bathroom trash, etc  But for once I'd like my kids to do their chores without all the whining, nagging and complaining. 

 

So my questions are...

 

How do you maintain order in the house?  How do you distribute chores? Do you use chore charts? (can I see them?)  How do you motivate your kids to get them accomplished? What consequences are in place if they don't?  How do chores fit into your school day? When do you do them?  Also, is it possible to do this without self-medicating with diet coke? Because I'm trying to give it up and I just.can't.do.it.  :mellow:

 

:grouphug:

 

I only had two dc, and we had a small house, so I don't have any specific advice. :-) I do have some thoughts, which you can use or not. :-)

 

1. You are not "asking" for their "help." You are requiring them to do things that need to be done.

 

2. You don't need to "ask" them to clean up after themselves. You tell them to do so. Do you take a few minutes several times during the day to do pick-up? Many people find that to be helpful.

 

3. Which is why you don't need to "motivate" them. You tell them what to do and expect it to be done (which will involve instructing them, multiple times, modeling, redirecting them back to finish)

 

4. Some people have found it necessary to unplug the devices for a season. No bartering work for privileges.

 

5. When the dc whine, complain, etc., they are disciplined. Things seem to go more smoothly for many people when they are all working together--i.e., after a meal, dc do their chores while you do yours.

 

6. Chores are part of life, not separate from the dc's education.

 

Again, just some thoughts. :-)

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:grouphug:

 

I only had two dc, and we had a small house, so I don't have any specific advice. :-) I do have some thoughts, which you can use or not. :-)

 

1. You are not "asking" for their "help." You are requiring them to do things that need to be done.

 

2. You don't need to "ask" them to clean up after themselves. You tell them to do so. Do you take a few minutes several times during the day to do pick-up? Many people find that to be helpful.

 

3. Which is why you don't need to "motivate" them. You tell them what to do and expect it to be done (which will involve instructing them, multiple times, modeling, redirecting them back to finish)

 

4. Some people have found it necessary to unplug the devices for a season. No bartering work for privileges.

 

5. When the dc whine, complain, etc., they are disciplined. Things seem to go more smoothly for many people when they are all working together--i.e., after a meal, dc do their chores while you do yours.

 

6. Chores are part of life, not separate from the dc's education.

 

Again, just some thoughts. :-)

 

Thank you. While I may use the word "help" they also know that they do chores because they use the dishes and wear the clothes and make the messes and therefore their "help" is required because we all pitch in to make things run smoothly.

 

I don't think I "ask" so much as I "tell" them they need to do their chores. Often I will give them several choices of things that need to be done. So far our loose routine is to do "morning chores" and "after dinner" chores-- both of which include dishes, clearing off the table, picking up toys, etc.  We used to have a chore wheel for our after-dinner chores that worked well. When it fell apart we let the kids pick and that usually works out okay.

 

I mentioned I have 3 boys close in age. Alone, any of them is a joy to be around. Put them all together and it's like they turn feral. Honestly, most of the time they are being too silly to focus on their task.  I separate them as much as I can. But there's only so much square footage in the house. And when we're doing chores, we're all doing chores until they get done.

 

Unfortunately, sometimes (usually?) the only to way to let them know I'm serious is to start yelling. And I hate yelling. It doesn't do anything for the long term. And then I can't wonder why they yell at each other.  

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My youngest was 7 when we instituted this, so I'm not sure how it would work with youngers, but in our house everyone who is home after a meal cleans up for 20 min.  I assign chores--might be clear the table and sweep the floor, or fold a load of laundry, or vacuum the living room, or clean your room, or pick the toys strewn over the living room floor.  We set a timer, everyone cleans at the same time, and when dh is home he is cleaning too.  

 

It took a few weeks of consistency to make it routine, and those first weeks dh and I were both teaching chores during the cleaning time.  Now the kids basically know how to do the tasks I assign.  

 

With younger kids you might need to make it a shorter time period, but for us it was consistency, the whole family working together, and investing adult time in teaching chores that made a big difference.  I also made a list of chores assigned to each day.  We don't hit every chore every day, but if we miss cleaning a bathroom sink one week, the list functions as an automatic reminder to prioritize it the following week.

 

With kids the ages of yours, you probably need to occupy the younger two while everyone else pitches in.  Video?  One of the older family members assigned to occupy the youngers by reading, playing books on CD and supervising, playing with something easy to clean up like blocks?

 

Amy

 

 

 

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Being honest: the way I make it work is by having outside help come in at least once a week. I have a teenage mother's helper (homeschooler so she has a somewhat flexible schedule). There is still plenty of work to do on a daily basis but this gives me a little breathing room and she willingly does the things I just don't get to otherwise.

 

When my kids know what their tasks are and get in the habit of doing them every day, things run fairly smoothly. All it takes is a bad week (illness, etc.) to completely throw things off though.

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You all have so much wisdom and insight and I need help. Now that I'm homeschooling all of my school aged children while the others are underfoot (ages 8, 7, 6, 4 and 16 months) things can get really chaotic. I feel like I've added a part time job (homeschooling mom) to my already long list of things I didn't have time for during the day. The "deep cleaning" that needs to get done around my house is embarrassing. We can hardly do just the basics.  I sometimes feel overwhelmed and resentful when my kids run wild and make messes and then gripe and complain when I ask them to clean up after themselves. I know a lot of this is practice and consistency. I know my kids are young and not really capable of handling the more difficult chores. And I know that many chores must be explicitly taught. But sometimes, oh my, it's just crazy. My 8, 6 and 4 year olds are boys. And put them together and it's just a loud, wild tangle of limbs and dirt.

 

We had a talk at the beginning of the school year about how this would mean that I would need more help around the house. (And I personally see chores as an important life skill and I know it's something that should be taught. I want them and need them to help out)  But I also have some strong-willed kids with their own opinions who would rather be smearing boogers on each other than sweeping under the table. I struggle with "motivating" them, if that's the right word. They don't obsess over one thing for long. Right now they are all into the original Mario Bros games that DH put on the Wii, so I can at least hang that over their heads. But sometimes (like this morning) they are just wild and silly and unwilling to help. For my own sanity I send them outside where they happily begin playing and building forts and making more messes. That's hardly a consequence. I can only hope that later they come asking to play the computer or Wii so I can remind them they didn't earn their privileges today. I can't physically make them do their chores.(Oh how I wish that I could!) Their chores are age appropriate, like clearing off the table, sweeping, rinsing dishes, taking out bathroom trash, etc  But for once I'd like my kids to do their chores without all the whining, nagging and complaining. 

 

So my questions are...

 

How do you maintain order in the house?  How do you distribute chores? Do you use chore charts? (can I see them?)  How do you motivate your kids to get them accomplished? What consequences are in place if they don't?  How do chores fit into your school day? When do you do them?  Also, is it possible to do this without self-medicating with diet coke? Because I'm trying to give it up and I just.can't.do.it.  :mellow:

To the bolded:

I have had to let go of the hope that they will always do their chores without whining, nagging, complaining.  Some days a couple of them can manage this, but it's just an expectation I need to let go of for now.  I think that after a very long consistent time of doing their part, it will just become a way of life for them, and it won't be such a battle.  But I don't know when that will be!!  Occasionally, I will secretly reward a child for doing her chores without whining, or having to be asked, etc.  But for the most part, they do their part because they live here, they're a part of the family.

 

To make it through my day I must have dark chocolate.  So, I don't know if now is the time to give up on diet Coke.... 

 

To help us maintain order, we have routines, and set times for chores that flow naturally from whatever it is we're doing.  My girls have a morning routine that includes a chore (might be helping little brother make his bed, helping little sis get dressed, rounding up the laundry, unloading dishwasher, wiping down bathroom, etc.)  I have assigned these chores mostly based on what is a priority to me, and I spend some time working with them on it before adding more.  Once they have a chore, it's theirs for a nice long time.  They have grown to be proud of their morning chore done well. :)  My big girls have their chores on a chart that's laminated and I wipe off each week.  It hangs in their bathroom.  Littles have chore charts with pictures hanging in their room.

 

In addition to our morning routine, we have "Meal Chores" and these are helping with meal/cleanup.  With children those ages, there are a lot of meals to prep and clean up after!  Again, they are assigned based on what I need most, and I have them keep their chore for a long time.  Right now I have things like setting table, clearing table, wiping chairs, sweeping floors, loading dishwasher, throwing napkins in hamper, etc.  Everyone helps!

 

After rest time, everyone puts away their laundry (I am starting to have my olders help fold) before free time.  They don't complain about this anymore because we've been doing it so long!!  I bought some awesome little fold-up baskets at Wal-mart for them to each have their own basket to empty.  This has helped since they have a long way to go from laundry room to bedroom and they don't lose any clean clothes this way.  They were less than $5/each.  Worth it!!

 

And before dinner everyone has a zone they are in charge of.  Even my 3yo had a zone when she turned two.  She lines up shoes in the entry way, or puts them in a shoe box at the exit.  Every little bit helps!  DH is a major help in the kitchen after dinner because by this time I'm pooped!!

 

I hope some of the specifics helped.  After days and days and days of doing the same chores/routine, the complaining will diminish.  It will become a way of life, and my kids have started to really appreciate the order.  (Well, most of them. ;))

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Those are about the ages of my kids when we started homeschooling. At a later point, we added two more into the mix.  Here is what helped. Keep in mind, that your days are just going to feel FULL, but they don't need to feel chaotic. There will be WILD days when 4 of the 5 throw up and you are washing sheets and making Gatorade, but most days won't be like that. 

  • start a routine. What time will your kids get up every morning? What is their routine once they wake? Making a wipe off chore chart/routine for your oldest 3 will help.I made one with pictures for my dd before she could read. 
  • start school with circle time. We do Bible but you should pull everyone together, go through some memory work, a reading, and some general instructions about the morning. 
  • start with the hardest subjects. For us that was math. While I was teaching one child, I had structured work for the others and play things the youngers could help themselves to.
  • Have a play area that isn't the whole house. This will help corral messes. 
  • Stop at certain intervals during the morning and afternoon and for clean up time. We used to sing the Barney song. Sing something, make it fun while giving some direction.
  • Let each of the olders take a turn playing with the youngest while you one-on-one teach. 
  • Reading time/quiet time after lunch for 1 hour. No one talks to mom. Period. Don't clean or work during this hour. This is your hour of rejuvenation. 
  • Make simple breakfasts and lunches.
  • Try to bulk cook or use the crockpot for dinners. Once a month cooking -- when I do it -- is a HUGE timesaver. Amazing timesaver.
  • Deep clean on weekends. 
  • Make sure you go to sleep and wake at regular times. 

I have 5 boys so I know the energy of boys. But, boys don't need to be rowdy indoors nor should they be constantly messing.  If there is good structure and consistent, firm enforcement, it will help them with boundaries and self-governance in other areas. 

 

You may need to have boot camp for the next several weeks. You may need to focus more energy on establishing the routine and on enforcing indoor behavior than on academics. Yes, tell them about the expectations (okay, guys, today we're going to work on keeping the toys in the family room. Bedrooms and living room are off limits for toys. Got it? Agreed? Ok.) but then nicely remind them for the next day/week until that becomes the new normal. 

 

You are in the busiest years, but they are good years!

Lisa

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^^What Lisa said. And our routine was pretty much the same. 

And also what she is saying about the book camp is so true. Until you get all of that under control, you're not going to be able to school well. 

Laugh and have fun while ou work together. They'll have a hard time complaining if they're enjoying themselves. Practice your nursery rhymes, teach the baby a song, skip count while you're doing it. 

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I choose my battles wisely.

 

I don't care if they make a bed. Ever.

 

I focus on the main living areas and keeping the floors clear in the bedrooms for safety.

 

Have you considered moving all toys out of the bedrooms and leaving bedrooms for sleeping only?

Can you work on chores with one boy at a time?

 

One boy is in the kitchen with you doing his chores while the others are outside.

 

Then the next one comes in.

 

This may get them into the habit of doing it properly with a minimum of silliness.

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 But sometimes, oh my, it's just crazy.  

 

I mean it in the most supportive way possible when I say - that's to be expected! As a matter of fact, with kids aged 8, 7, 6, 4, and 16 months, you're doing quite well if it's only crazy sometimes  :lol: 

 

You've gotten some good practical advice about schedules and such that may be helpful. I'm not at all saying things can't get better, just that a certain level of chaos with 5 young children is perfectly normal and not a sign of failure. 

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Chores and cleaning are all about habits and routines.  It is difficult and time-consuming to create good habits and routines.  But they are worth the investment, because once something becomes a habit, that thing is nearly automatic.  

 

For example, when I realized that I was the only one cleaning up from every single meal, I decided that we needed to work on that.  My kids were pretty good about doing it when asked, but I needed to not have to remember to remind them or to tell them every detail of what was expected every single time.  So I put a candy bar in a jar and a bag of marbles next to it.  Every time they cleared the table without being reminded, I put a marble in the jar for each one and made a big deal about how pleased I was.  When they filled it, they got to split the candy bar.  It took about a month to fill that jar, and we did it once more before it became habit.  That is the only life skill we worked on during that time so we could focus all our energy on it.  But afterward, when we went out to eat, my kids asked where they should take their plates when they were done.  It was that ingrained.  

 

You need to pick the one thing that will help you the most and focus on that.  During that time, things will actually get a little worse.  You will need to sacrifice the deep cleaning (or whatever else you choose) so you can focus on training your children.  But trust me that it is well worth the sacrifice.  My children now can get themselves ready in the morning, sort and wash their clothes, and clear the table without any supervision.  This is huge!  You would not believe what a relief it is to not be very involved in these activities.  We are currently working on daily picking up their rooms and picking up after themselves when they have played with something.  

 

Whatever you do, you have to patiently focus on one thing at a time.  Change is hard work--even harder work than the work you want them to do.  And they don't yet have experience with it, so they will resist at first.  Just be consistent and patient.  Make sure there is a reward for doing well.  Once you succeed with your first goal, the others will come more easily.  

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Wow, you have a lot on your plate!!!!  &  you managed to post in complete, coherent sentences! I say you get an award!

I don't do rewards or chore charts & I think there are good reasons not to as this person explains but ymmv.

http://parentingfromscratch.wordpress.com/2011/07/06/no-more-stickers/

I'd say let them make messes outside more. Add more field trips now. Forest exploration, stream exploration, science museum, other museum kids programs. Get out of the house for half the day at least several times a week. That's the key to sanity with littles - don't be home with them & let them make the mess somewhere else.

Do your seat work in little chunks in the other half of the day.

Do big chores on weekend when you have dh around to assist.

Consider hiring a tween or teen homeschooled parent's helper to assist either with corralling the littles while you do seat work, or to house clean for you.

Do a 3 minute tidy several times a day. Find a favourite song - can be pop or a hit you like from your youth or a kid's song - just make sure it's something that makes YOU move. You'll be modelling speed and energy and fun.

Reduce your expectations. Write out a list of what's not negotiable for you (perhaps clean toilets, or decluttered dining room or whatever). Get your dh's input because I find the other adults in the home often have different things that bug them. Make those your priority every day & try to do a 30 sec whirlwind clean of that at least once a day or more like 2-3 times a day. The whole house can be falling down around you but you'll have this one thing taken care of.

Have cleaning supplies stored in every bathroom & kitchen. If it's there, you can just grab a wipe, spritz & a few seconds later, you're moving on to the next thing.

Give up on doing it perfectly. "Quick and dirty" is my motto for most things :D  

Have bins for stuff. You don't have to sort everything every time. Just get things put in a bin - even small kids can help with that.  That neatens things up fast.

Try to put some toys away in closets in bins. Rotate them so there is fewer toys avail to the kids at a time. Makes the toys more interesting & reduces the amount of stuff avail for the kids to strew everywhere.

I really like getting up ahead of everyone & getting some things done beforehand. When the kids were little & I was getting them ready for bed, dh cleaned up the kitchen and living room. That meant mostly each day was a fairly clean start.

I don't really care what bedrooms look like. They have doors for a reason. Do bedrooms once a week when you have help.

Caffeine is our friend. I switched from Diet Coke to coffee a few years ago.

hope something here helps you a little bit!


 

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I can't say it better than Lisa said it.

 

So I'll simply EMPHASIZE two things -

 

 

1.  Keep them close - eyes/ear shot at all times.  This is so you can correct them.  Without correcting wrong doing you can give up hope of ever having a peaceful household.  Peace is different than not hearing them argue, lol. ;)  This is also so you can stop a potential mess or direct them to clean up current mess.

 

2. Never, ever, ever "buy" their obedience.   Eventually you will run out of a worthy bribe.... Then what?  They clean up because we're all cleaning up and they take care of their family through working just like their mom and dad do.  The end.

 

These two things are very important.  Your oldest is 8, if you were to do little else than read aloud from EXCELLENT resources, call for narrations, correct them, and teach them to obey you will shape next year and have laid an excellent foundation.  However,  my opinion is that without the foundation, everything else crumbles.  Children who must be bickered with and argued with are utterly exhausting and, I suspect, the leading cause of burn out.  Protect yourself. :D

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Can you work on chores with one boy at a time? 

 

This is a good point. Take some time to train the olders especially how to do the chores you want them to do.  I usually devote three days. The first day- they watch me do the chore and I talk them through it.The second day - they watch me do it and I talk them through it, The third day - they do it and I watch and make sure they got it!  

 

I also assign whole areas to my kids. That's worked b/c I can train a child in an area and know that the chore should get done well. Honestly, only my dd really had the same eyes for doing a chore well as I did. I still remind and correct my boys on their areas. [They have big areas now like The Pool Man and The Trash/Recycling Guy and Yard Duty.]   Then, if all the planets are aligned, they should be able to train the next child in their job as they grow and you re-assign areas. 

 

One other thing: it's easy to overburden the oldest. I used to think to myself, "Who is the youngest one that can do this?"  Putting clean silverware away and changing out the small bath trashcans and and matching tops with bottoms in the tupperware drawer are great jobs for the 4 yo.  

 

Kitchen helpers are great. One each night to help you set the table and then clear the table. 

 

Lisa

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Oh that reminds me - I made up NASA style checklists for doing a chore. It was actually fun to break a chore down to its basics & figure out the most efficient way of tackling something & writing it out in a bulleted, ordered list.

When my ds was not reading, his checklist had single words & pictograms on it.  We went through it with him watching me, then the next time it was his turn to try it with me just helping out, then the 3rd time he was on his own with me just hovering if he got into difficulties.

For ex. he had to clean one of the bathrooms twice a week (once was a quick & dirty, once was a thorough clean) and the checklists for both chores were taped to the inside of a cabinet.

 

 

"That's worked b/c I can train a child in an area and know that the chore should get done well. Honestly, only my dd really had the same eyes for doing a chore well as I did. I still remind and correct my boys on their areas. [They have big areas now like The Pool Man and The Trash/Recycling Guy and Yard Duty.]  "

ETA - sorry I screwed up quoting....
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Well, I personally hate housework, and as long as my kitchen counter is clean, I can live with a lot of messiness. I've got 3 boys, too, ages 8, 10, and 12, so I know what mess and dirt can be with young, active guys around the house 24/7. I also have a 14 yo dd, a 7 month-old black lab puppy (happily shedding like crazy) and 2 cats. 

 

I'd rather spend time having fun outside doing physical activities, or doing school work, than cleaning. We live with dirt in this season of our lives. I'm no help to you at all! ;)  My dc pitch in to clean when I get the urge, but there is no way I'm pinning my life down to a chore chart or a regular cleaning schedule.

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