My son blows me kisses constantly

[creekmom]

He's 11, and he has OCD. He was diagnosed a year ago and put on the lowest dose of Zoloft. We also saw a therapist for awhile, but he was no help at all (we quit going after a few months). This is relatively new, but he won't stop blowing kisses to me, the dogs, etc. I've asked him what would happen if he didn't do it, and he said his throat would hurt. Should we try another therapist or is this to be expected with OCD? I feel horrible telling him to stop blowing kisses, but I know this will cause problems in "the real world". Any advice?

[PeterPan]

If it's a new behavior, will it rotate off to something else in 6 months?  Or is it something he has been doing something a long time that is likely to stay?  Haven't dealt with that myself, but I do look at my ds and imagine what it will be like if he's still doing xyz when he's 18 or 30.  Some things stay and some rotate, so I ask.  

 

Have you tried social stories with him?  There's also something, and I think it's a book but my memory fails me, where they use the terminology "expected".  I've found that really helpful with my ds.  It's a way to talk about the behavior without making a moral judgment, if that makes sense.  So when we go out in public, it's not expected to blow kisses.  We keep our kisses at home.  Kisses are private.  It's unexpected if you do kissing in public.  

 

My ds's thing is untying shoes when I help him at the toilet.  It's really persistent and it doesn't go well when I try to curb it.  Thankfully it's only at the toilet.  

[geodob]

Perhaps you could explain how he actually 'blows kisses'?

Whether he uses his a hand movement as well?

Or if it is just a 'lip gesture'?

 

[creekmom]

He tries to be discreet about it - so I'll see him put his hand up to his mouth and pull it away slightly and make a kissing sound (soft sound). It's possible no one else would even notice if he did it in public. He seems to do it more when he's upset or when he's upset me about something. Sometimes I wonder if he does it bc he has a bad thought about me and feels guilt. It's been going on for several months. It took the place of "Thank you God, I love you God" which was something he would whisper throughout the day while looking up at the sky. I don't have any experience with OCD, so I wonder if I'm reacting the way I should. I know he can't help it, so I don't get angry with him. I do tell him I want him to blow kisses when he wants to, but not when he feels he needs to. It's not helping, though. Are there any books you would recommend I read to help us cope with this?

[PeterPan]

Jen has mentioned this book in the past  What to Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming OCD (What-to-Do Guides for Kids)

[Snow]

I would try another therapist.

 

I am no expert here but i have some personal experience with it in adults. I would see blowing kisses the exact same way as a tic or tapping doors or any common compulsion. I would not correct but remind him of can-do behaviors and coping strategies before going out.

 

All the while I would be focusing on building up an awareness of anxiety - what it looks like, how it feels, and what he can do about it. And praise praise praise even if all he does is take a deep breath before acting on the behavior.