displace Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Just curious as to averages and ranges I guess. Mine live about an hour away and we average about every 1-2 months. When they lived hours away it was usually every 3-4 months. I see my parents about every two weeks or less (they visit and they also babysit). I'd have them over more but it's always a lot more work because I'm usually cleaning more, cooking more, and in general very stressed when they come due to multiple things. FIL was hinting at seeing us more often so I'm needing to configure a plan with DH on visit frequency and ways to reduce stress for us when they do come. ETA - sorry it was going to be a poll to make it easier to answer but I couldn't figure it out on my phone :/ ETA 2- sorry if I like your post when it's mentioning relatives who have passed away. I just mean thanks for answering. I don't want to unlike in case that notifies you and you think I unlike your post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in FL. Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 When they lived an hour away we visited them almost weekly (our kids were very young). Then they moved 5 min. away and we saw them a few times a week. They both passed away a few years ago and I miss the old days! I hope you can figure out something that works for you and your family! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Two hours away. Once a year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Do they make comments about needing to be fed or the house not looking right? Or are you feeling compelled to have things "just right when they come? Dh spent the first 10 + years of our marriage reminding me that I didn't need to clean for his mom. I do clean still, but I don't stress about it anymore. She's here to see us, not nitpick about the house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 30 minutes away and they only come here for kids bday parties...if not for that they'd never venture to us. We see them about once a month if we are willing to put forth the effort and go to them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 We go see MIL once a week. She lives about 15 minutes away. When my parents were alive they were about the same distance away and we saw them once or twice a week. MIL comes over here a few times a year. Usually if we've missed a week coming to see her she'll drop by, or sometimes she'll have something for one of us (she likes buying little gifties). Or if it's our turn to host a family holiday event. She also pet sits for us when we travel, but I don't guess that really counts since we don't get to actually see each other then. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenneinCA Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 My inlaws died several years ago, so never. My parents are about 14 hours away. They visit once a year. We go there once a year too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Bunny Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 3.5 hours away, they come here two or three times a year, for the day. We probably go there 2 or 3 times a year for the weekend - they live in a city, so we hit Walmart and Costco, etc. Same for my mom (4.5 hours). My dad (4.5 hours) is averaging visiting us once every 2.5 years. I also need to clean when they come, even if I just cleaned, with my in-every-other-way-easygoing DH as my main source of stress. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 Do they make comments about needing to be fed or the house not looking right? Or are you feeling compelled to have things "just right when they come? Dh spent the first 10 + years of our marriage reminding me that I didn't need to clean for his mom. I do clean still, but I don't stress about it anymore. She's here to see us, not nitpick about the house. Not direct comments... But little comments that make me want to put my best foot forward if I can. I guess the expression having things just right might be close. Not that we clean everything but we do extend more effort than when my mom comes. They don't expect to be fed, but we need to eat when they're here. FIL has suggested for us to all go out to eat but it's been a disaster in the past more than once for various reasons and I'm unwilling to try again for years until littles are olders. And it's expensive so I'd rather cook though sometimes we get take away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 Yearly. PTL. PTL?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Bunny Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 PTL?? Usually "Praise The Lord" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 My Mom--5 hours away--we go there twice a year for a week. She comes here twice a year for 5 days. MIL--2 1/2 hours away--we see her more often, but for shorter periods of time. I would say we go to her about 4 times a year for about 3 days. Sometimes she takes the kids for 5 days in the summer. She comes probably 3-4 times a year for maybe 3 days. She would like to see us more often, but I haven't been able to cope with that and everything else I do. Maybe now that the youngest is 5. . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 Usually "Praise The Lord" Okay, thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Mine live within walking distance. We see them anywhere from once every couple of weeks, to 2-3 times a week. We are a drop in kind of family, so they often just drop by if they've been out, and we often do the same. When my mom and step dad were still Living, we would see them a coulple of times a year. They lived three hours away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stratford Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 My in-laws live overseas, we see my MIL at least twice a year, my FIL once or twice a year. MIL stays for a few weeks in the summer when she comes. We actually see them more frequently now than when they lived stateside, mostly because now their kids are all out of the house and they have a little more flexibility with travel arrangements. My parents live half a mile away, we see them a couple of times per week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Never thank God, and they live next door :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Very unpredictably? We wish they would visit more actually. Or not more, but we wish that when they visited that they'd stay for longer and spend more time with us. They drive 8 hours, they stay at a hotel, they spend about three hours one day with us, a couple hours on another, and then leave. I know they're introverts - I'm an introvert too! - but the kids are always really disappointed. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashfern Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Both sets of parents live about 12 hours away. The ILs visit us about 2 times a year. My parents about 4 times a year. All visits are around 3 days because they drive to see us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 Very unpredictably? We wish they would visit more actually. Or not more, but we wish that when they visited that they'd stay for longer and spend more time with us. They drive 8 hours, they stay at a hotel, they spend about three hours one day with us, a couple hours on another, and then leave. I know they're introverts - I'm an introvert too! - but the kids are always really disappointed. :( Sounds a bit odd for a schedule IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 When they lived ten minutes away and were our landlords, it was any time of the day or night. :scared: When we moved thirty minutes away, it was once ever couple of months. And they usually showed up with no warning. So I didn't feel badly about having the place a mess. (Their place is a mess when we go there too.) Now they are about 40 minutes away and it might be every 3 or 4 months but part of that is age and MIL's dementia. So we go there every couple of months. Though I was thinking that we should go and check up on them more often now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hypatia. Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 ILs live about 16 hours away, we see them maybe once every few years. The last time we saw them was in 2011, they've seen DS2 once and have never seen DS3. My parents live on the other side of the country, we see them about twice a year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyThreeSons Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Practically never. Dh has a big family, and almost all of them live very close to each other, all on or just off of the same road (which has our last name on it). It is 20 miles from our door to my mother-in-law's door -- she's at the end of the road. It is simply much more practical for us to go there and see everyone at once, than to have folks come here. Years ago, we hosted the family Thanksgiving dinner in our "barn". There would typically be 70 or more people show up. M-i-l is now 90 years old, wheelchair-bound, and has Alzheimer's. Traveling is an ordeal for her and whoever drives her, so she mostly stays home, and everyone pops in to see her. We were there this afternoon, and it was a very quiet day -- there were only ten people. It's not uncommon to have 20 or more on an average weekend day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 They have visited twice in the 19 years we have been married. Neither time was just to see us, they just happened to be in the area for a conference or something. So, I guess I could say never. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VeritasMama Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 My ILs live 18 hours away. They visit 3-4 times a year. We go see them every summer. My mother lives 8 hours away, we see her for special occasions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbecueMom Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Very unpredictably? We wish they would visit more actually. Or not more, but we wish that when they visited that they'd stay for longer and spend more time with us. They drive 8 hours, they stay at a hotel, they spend about three hours one day with us, a couple hours on another, and then leave. I know they're introverts - I'm an introvert too! - but the kids are always really disappointed. :( My dad does this. I'm not sure why, he just always seems to be in a hurry to leave. He's been on call for his job 24/7/365 for the past 30 years, so maybe when he retires he'll slow down and stop acting like someone is chasing him. As far as the in-laws, FIL lives 30 minutes away and is over here twice a year for birthday parties. We go over there for a couple holidays and maybe a random dinner or two each year. No problems or anything, getting together just doesn't happen that often due to schedules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Never. Ever. Ever. Ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamaraby Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Once a year which is plenty. Dh and the kids often travel out by themselves which makes it less often for me, thank goodness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 We haven't seen my in-laws in about 5 years. They live over 2000 miles away and aren't able to travel anymore. We are planning a trip to see them this year. I wish we could see them more often. We see my mom twice a year at least, more if we go to her but she's only 1000 miles away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 MIL has an apartment in our basement, so we see each other several times per day. She is a lovely person, and we are blessed to have her so close. My parents live a mile away, and I see them several tomes per week. Actually, it's my mom who is a neatnik, so I try to keep things at least presentable when she visits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 never. They live overseas and are in very bad health. My parents live overseas too. My mom used to visit once every year, my dad about every five years. We see them when we go home once a year in most years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rebbyribs Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 My FIL visited once, shortly after the twins were born. My MIL visits for several weeks at a time, once every year or two. (They both live about 1000 miles away.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 FIL and SMIL visited once when we lived in Seattle and he visited once in Idaho. That's it in nearly 17 years, including when we lived 30 minutes away. MIL and SFIL visited us in DC, Boise, Moscow, Seattle, and often when we lived 5 minutes from them. My parents have visited far more often and made it to Kyrgyzstan and Mexico. All our inlaws live within 45 minutes of each other so it's easy for us to see them when we're in town and that seems to be good enough for everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 We live 4.5 hours away from both of our families and we see them once a month. We make the trip down and visit and drive back in the same day. We will be going next weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 It makes me feel better to see that others go quite some time between visits with family. We live far away and have been struggling with the guilt lately. There's only so much vacation time and money... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink and Green Mom Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Inlaws used to live 2 hours away from us. We lived in our house for 8 years and I think they came 4 times. Two years ago we moved away and are now a 2 hour plane ride away. We - the 4 of us - have flown up 4 times. They have yet to visit us. They don't like driving, they don't want to take the train, and they claim to not like to fly. Part of me wants to develop a similar aversion to flying and put my foot down and refuse to make the trip up anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 We live 4.5 hours away from both of our families and we see them once a month. We make the trip down and visit and drive back in the same day. We will be going next weekend. And the DIL award goes to.... ;) Seriously. That's a long day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 My MIL passed when my husband was still a child (11). My FIL lives outside of Philly, and we live in SC. We are only able to see him twice a year or so, for extended visits. He can't travel to see us (83, still owns and operates his own visit, but also doesn't really ever leave the house, but to walk across the street to his music shoppe). I miss him terribly and can't wait to see him this Christmas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeLovePassion Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Every couple of weeks they visit. It is all good. They are about 45 minutes away when there is no traffic. We keep it low key. They just blend into the day. Good thing you didn't ask about my parents ;) their visits are much more high maintenance Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hmvaughan4 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 We live 45 minutes away and they visit three times per year, at birthday parties. But they're often seen in our neighborhood, visiting SIL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyco Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 7 hours away, they visit us about twice a year for a long weekend and stay at a hotel. We visit them about once every year or so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Almost never. MIL has a personality disorder and is a toxic person who lives three hours away. She has not been to our house in about three years. We see her at Christmas and usually one or two other times a year at someone else's house. FIL has been absent from my dh's life for most of his life, and that is still the case. He is now in poor health. He has never visited us at our house. Twice he has come into town and we met at a restaurant. We have visited him in his city three times in the past 14 years. He lives about five hours away so it necessitates a hotel stay when we go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meadowlark Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Mine live 1 hour away. We see them about once every 2 months or so. Mostly for kids bday parties or holidays. I feel like we should visit more often but it's just so hard with little ones naps and my husband working Saturdays now. They almost never just come and we don't usually invite them for no reason. Given that my kids bdays are spaced out, I guess our arrangement works. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Now that our Moms live in town, DH sees his widowed mom 4 or 5 times a week - just to say hello, check on her, and walk her dog if the weather is bad. She comes to our house maybe once a month. He takes her out to lunch maybe once a month. I see her every week or so - sometimes a couple of weeks go by. If she is not well, I tend to do the doctors appointments and see her more. I see my mom once a week - more sometimes, less others. I guess both DH and I see our parents more alone than as a couple. When we lived further from them. we visited sometimes as a couple or a family, but other times alone. I think DH's mom loves me, but really appreciates time alone with him. I know my mom also likes the way she can talk to me when it is just me, even though she adores DH and the kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Mine are about a 4 hour drive away. They come over here about once a year. We go over there at least once a year, sometimes more often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennynd Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 My parents live oversea. We try to go back every other years. It is getting harder as my older is in 5th grade ( public school). We used to live in Indiana and our in law lives in NH, we visited them once a year and then we moved in NY that is 3 hrs away, and we visit them once a month or so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 My in-laws have visited 5 times in the 23 years we have been married. My parents visit once or twice a year. Both couples live about 800 miles away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 My IL live 1400 miles away. MIL flies out a couple times a year and she stays for about two weeks. FIL used to do the same (they came at different times so they didn't have to kennel their dog) but FIL got mad at DH a few years ago (no one really knows why) and he hasn't been here since. DH is going to their house in about a month so we'll see if that pacifies FIL. IMO FIL is acting like a big baby and I'm over it. The kids and I drive there every summer and spend about a week with the IL and two weeks with my sisters. My MIL is a super awesome grandma, if she lived an hour away I'm sure we would see her at least once a week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksr5377 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 My parents and my inlaws are both about 2 hours away. I would say that most of them come to us about every other month and it seems that we're usually traveling to see someone about once a month. I find it the most stressful when my MIL is visiting because her home is SO organized and CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN! Most of the time they just visit for the day, driving down in the morning and leaving after dinner. I always feel like this day is a complete waste for me. I spend the day before cleaning and getting ready for the visit and when they (any of them) are here I feel I really need to sit and visit with them because they came all this way to see us. We usually end up going out to eat, getting take-out or they bring food to cook, so that's always my highpoint! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Mine live several thousand miles away. They come about twice a year for 10 days. My MIL also comes by herself 2-3 other times for just 2-3 days. They would like to come more often (or have us visit them), but this is the maximum my husband is willing to endure. Since the birth of our second child they stay in a hotel which helps ease tensions, but the visits are still long. Our friction is mostly with FIL; MIL's visits are generally pleasant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 My inlaws are gone, but we saw them every Sunday (although often more often). They hosted Sunday dinner. :) My inlaws were very 'Old World', and it was lovely. I hope that some of my children will choose to live nearby when they marry. I am all about Sunday Dinner. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.