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I feel like not homeschooling high school


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Maybe I make no sense at all. I know my daughter's mental illness issues are not related to home schooling. And she only actually home schooled 5 years (3rd through 7th). Our local public schools have a lot of drug problems too. We are in a wealthier area so I am talking heroin and cheese. 

 

I am so worn down over how she is, I find myself feeling like perhaps I should send the kids back to school for high school. My daughter did go to public high school. But it sometimes just feels like my son, who barely ever home schooled but has ASD, gets along so well with others, and my daughter gets along with no one. I feel defeated, like I messed everything up. We are not terribly religious so they don't have the church foundation. So I feel like, unlike other home schoolers who are very successful, I am not providing as much as I should.

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Don't beat yourself up. There is no way of knowing if your daughter would have turned out "better" if you had not homeschooled her. And Christianity is not a magic pill that makes one successful in all ones endeavors, so don't compare yourself to religious homeschoolers and determine that the reason for their (outward appearance of) success is because of their faith.

 

I don't know anything about your situation to know if stopping homeschooling is the best answer for your situation, but I do know that it sounds like you're placing an unfair portion of the blame upon yourself. I don't have any wisdom or experience, but I didn't want to read and not reply when it's obvious that you're hurting. :grouphug: :grouphug:

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I can't speak to the other issues, but I think it is fine to not want to do high school. Or any school. It is fine to not want to homeschool. It doesn't make you a bad parent. Homeschooling can be difficult in the most idea of circumstances.

 

You know what? I probably have the easiest kids to homeschool that I know. Next week, my oldest son is going to our local high school by his own choice. I am sad, because I was ready to get him through high school. But, as the day draws near, I am a little relieved. I am sort of looking forward to 'just' being the parent in this relationship. It is going to be a good thing for our relationship.

 

Homeschooling is a relationship. It has to work for everyone involved.

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It can't ever be so simple as homeschool-bad, public school-good. You know that. :grouphug: You don't have to analyze at that level or blame yourself.

 

It's OK to be tired. It's OK to be very, very tired and let your upcoming teens who are by no means likely to pursue heroin and cheese (was that a typo?) go to school with your blessing while you rest, recuperate, and prepare for the next phase of your family's life.

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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  You didn't mess up. You've had challenges. It's not failure if you decide NOT to homeschool high school. It's a different path, that's all. Please take care of yourself. Even if school isn't the answer, maybe just take off some time to heal and regroup. 

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School doesn't help all kids get along with others. It certainly didn't help my little guy do that. :lol: EVERYONE, even those who initially or never agreed with me homeschooling him, think he got nicer to be around, after I pulled him out of school. He got less angry. If I accomplished nothing other that reducing his anger, I accomplished enough.

 

Don't compare the work you are doing with what others seem to be accomplishing. The work you are doing is unique to your situation. Some of us work harder for less validation and praise and recognition from outside sources. But really, are we accomplishing less? I think not. Each situation is unique. Pushing a rock 10 feet uphill, can be more work, than rolling a rock downhill a mile. If a rock needed to go uphill, then that's the job that needed to be done, and the worker who did it, was doing what she must, whether any bystanders were impressed or not.

 

:grouphug: 

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Maybe I make no sense at all. I know my daughter's mental illness issues are not related to home schooling. And she only actually home schooled 5 years (3rd through 7th). Our local public schools have a lot of drug problems too. We are in a wealthier area so I am talking heroin and cheese. 

 

I am so worn down over how she is, I find myself feeling like perhaps I should send the kids back to school for high school. My daughter did go to public high school. But it sometimes just feels like my son, who barely ever home schooled but has ASD, gets along so well with others, and my daughter gets along with no one. I feel defeated, like I messed everything up. We are not terribly religious so they don't have the church foundation. So I feel like, unlike other home schoolers who are very successful, I am not providing as much as I should.

 

Choose a school situation based on the best academic and social environment outlook for your child.  Do you have public charters or home-school co-ops available in your area?

 

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We are in a wealthier area so I am talking heroin and cheese. 

 

Without my eyeballs (contacts) in, I thought this read, "so I am taking heroin and cheese." I wondered if it was a particularly tasty combo?  :lol:

 

Plenty of people don't homeschool high school. You can take a break for awhile or just put him back in for the long haul. Even some of the most ardent local (for me) homeschoolers have put their kids in for high school or considered it. Remember you are trying to do what's best for your family.

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I think you have to decide where you dd will be better off. Will her mental illness be better served in ps or will it be worse? What does she think? 

 

We chose to continue homeschooling through high school with an ASD child and I have no regrets. It was best for us. It was best for him. Does that mean it is best for you and your dd? Of course not. Tough choices. One thing to consider is that you can try public school and retreat to homeschooling, but in high school, you can't always move into public school after starting as a homeschooler (at least not without losing credits). 

 

Good luck in your decision. You'll find your way. 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

 

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Another vote to stop beating yourself up! :grouphug:

 

And those "more successful" homeschool families have problems, too, and those moms secretly wonder if they're messing up their kids for life, and think maybe they have used the wrong curriculum all these years, and maybe their kids got too little or too much religious education and too much or too little discipline... And on and on.

 

Really. We all worry. It's normal, and I think it's emphasized when you're a homeschool mom, because it's all on you. You can't be like other moms in the neighborhood who blame the school system. ;)

 

You've been having some tough times lately and it's certainly understandable if you're feeling exhausted and burned out.

 

Is there any way you and your kids could take a little break and do something fun as a family, even for a few days? It might help everyone's outlook to not think about school and just relax.

 

I know that whatever you decide to do about school will be the best choice for your family. :grouphug:

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<snip> Our local public schools have a lot of drug problems too. We are in a wealthier area so I am talking heroin and cheese. 

<snip>

 

I don't know where you live, I believe you are in the DFW area, but wherever you are in the USA, drugs and violence in the public schools are extremely common. Sad but true...

 

However, when you mention Heroin and Cheese (I know what Heroin is but I have no idea what "Cheese" is) that is in another league. The penalties for Heroin in the USA are or were much  stronger than the penalties for Cocaine.

 

Another thing in the Public Schools is bullying.

 

I believe you should go with your DC to a Child Psychologist or a Child Psychiatrist, for some guidance about what path you should choose now. It would help a lot if you and your DC are on the same page and agree that whatever is selected is the best path.

 

Don't give up the ship! Patience!  GL

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Special needs and mental illness are so hard.  I have both.  I became too burnt out to do any kind of schooling because of both of these issues in my children.  High school has not been a success with the 2 I did homeschool all the way through.  One child in particular likes to remind me of that.   :crying:  Take care of yourself.  What does your dh think?

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Been looking at http://www.connectionsacademy.com/home.aspx as a possible future backup plan if current charter school doesn't work out. It looks pretty good, lots of courses, decent reviews and may be an alternative to pure home-schooling.

 

Maybe other kind folks here can chime in on any experiences with them.

(they advertise a lot less on then K12.com  so that is a plus in my book)

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I think it is a very good idea to use high school to help kids separate from the family in a natural way at the natural time while still providing scaffolding that kids this age need.

I know several families who have very successfully homeschooled all the way through high school who would strongly disagree with you. :)

 

My ds is only in his second year of high school, and so far, so good!

 

But I do agree that homeschooling through high school isn't right for every family.

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I hope we can keep this thread about the OP. For anyone following her threads, there is a much bigger picture here! There are family members in crisis, family members who need rest and support, life-changing decisions being made, health issues...anyone who has homeschooled for as long as she has, can understand that sometimes one's snowballing issues all converge when your children are older. You have no choice but to react and reevaluate. You have to consider your own health, too.

Please let the OP have the support she needs and debate the merits of homeschool and public school for the rest of the world elsewhere.

 

I'm not a mod. These are just my two pennies.

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Elisabet, I think what is most important now is for you and your daughter to find someone to help you two alleviate your anxiety and depression. Make that priority #1. If you are worried about taking medication, cognitive behavior therapy might be worth a try. When I did CBT in the past, I started by finding out who in my area offered it and then I checked out their websites and called. I went by credentials -- and friendly faces (not very scientific)! You and your daughter both deserve to feel better.

 

As for your son, I can't blame you for worrying about drugs in school. It is definitely a significant problem in some schools. If you want to keep your son at home, maybe you could have him work on just core subjects and then pursue rabbit trails. A lighter load for a year is not so terrible and he might just find something that piques his interest if he's allowed to explore interests.

 

:grouphug: 

 

Btw, for anyone who doesn't know, cheese is a drug that contains heroin and some OTC cold medications.

 

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Please let the OP have the support she needs and debate the merits of homeschool and public school for the rest of the world elsewhere.

I don't think anyone was debating the merits of homeschool and public school "for the rest of the world." My impression was that people were discussing their personal experiences -- positive and negative -- of both homeschooling and sending their kids to public or private school, in the hope that it might help Elizabet see different perspectives as she tries to decide what to do.

 

The only reason I asked calandalsmom to clarify what she meant in her posts was because she appeared to be saying that homeschooling high school is a bad idea for everyone and I thought I might have misunderstood her. If, in fact, she does feel that way, it's useful information for Elizabet as she evaluates the usefulness of each of our replies in terms of her own personal situation.

 

The OP is considering high school. IMO it is appropriate for anyone to consider and yes like Tibbie points out, may be even more appropriate for this family which already is dealing with many other stressors.

I think Elizabet is trying to make an educated decision as to what will work best for her family at this time, given her circumstances and her children's needs. I don't think any of us is equipped to make that choice for her, nor to know what is best for her kids. I don't think telling her that homeschooling is the only option is any more correct than telling her that public school is the only option, and for the most part, I don't think we have done that. I think the discussion has been pretty even-handed.

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Maybe I make no sense at all. I know my daughter's mental illness issues are not related to home schooling. And she only actually home schooled 5 years (3rd through 7th). Our local public schools have a lot of drug problems too. We are in a wealthier area so I am talking heroin and cheese.

 

I am so worn down over how she is, I find myself feeling like perhaps I should send the kids back to school for high school. My daughter did go to public high school. But it sometimes just feels like my son, who barely ever home schooled but has ASD, gets along so well with others, and my daughter gets along with no one. I feel defeated, like I messed everything up. We are not terribly religious so they don't have the church foundation. So I feel like, unlike other home schoolers who are very successful, I am not providing as much as I should.

It is not an easy decision. We sent our Aspie to school for one yr, and it is the biggest regret I have out of every parenting decision I have ever made. There are things he was exposed to there that he incorporated into his behaviors that are still negatively impacting our family 6 yrs later.

 

Each scenario has pros and cons. While our ds picked up horrible behaviors at school, he had behaviors at home that were detrimental to our younger kids and they needed a break from him. We weighed the pros and cons of what we knew at the time. We had no way of knowing the outcome would be worse than what we were already dealing with. If only foresight and hindsight were equivalent.

 

You can't beat yourself up for making the best decision you can with the given info you have. We could just as easily have kept him home and today see where that decision had negative consequences and regret that we didn't send him to school. It is what it is. As parents, we live with the results of our decisions. But, regret is simply the 20/20 version.

 

You have a lot of issues that you are dealing with. Only your family can see all of the issues and weigh the pros and cons of each decision based on the information you have right now. It should really be something you, your dh, and your children investigate via all school options and discuss at length so that the decision is one you know you entered thoughtfully and not simply grabbed at out of desperation. Desperate choices are never good ones.

I think it is a very good idea to use high school to help kids separate from the family in a natural way at the natural time while still providing scaffolding that kids this age need.

I would not expect that a family who was committed to homeschooling through highschool would agree with me. But I wouldn't expect to agree with them either.

I interpreted the quote the same way Catwoman did. Not that homeschooling and public/private schooling are equally valid options that need to be weighed and considered but that homeschooling for high school was an inferior option. The latter quote seems to confirm that position.

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I don't think I did that. There is no need for homeschoolers to be defensive at the mere idea of high school being appropriate to consider.

I have seen no defensiveness whatsoever in this thread, except possibly from you.

 

We haven't suggested that there is one "right" or "wrong" choice for Elizabet. I'm not sure where you are seeing defensiveness. I simply asked you to clarify your point. If you read that as being "defensive," I have no idea why.

 

Can we get back to Elizabet's issue now? I'm wondering if she has come to a decision.

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For us, I knew drugs would be there. I had no idea in what form or how prevailant.  They had a back to school dance for the freshman and it was mainly freshman.  My dd has been homeschooled the past 5 years.  She came home in 4th.  At that dance, she saw 3 freshman boys (clean cut/nice looking) get chased down by a guard and policeman and detained right outside the doors for pot.  They are now attending the alternative school (which is crazy scary)...so from the get go dd saw the consequences of those choices.  She has since seen the drug dogs be brought in for searching cars and lockers.  It is something that I feel better that she is exposed to now and seeing other teens arrested for this behavior than getting to college completely naive and trying things under peer pressure.

Our other reasons for choosing to go back was that she asked to tour the school and wanted to try it.  Our relationship (hers and mine) had become quite strained with homeschooling.  She needs someone besides me responsible for her education and I needed her answering to someone else so that she could realize how rude she had become to me.  I was so burnt out and tired from fighting her to school without the I already know this attitude.  I was not doing a great job with the other kids either b/c I was spending so much time spinning my wheels with oldest dd.

So those were definitely factors in our decision even though we knew dd would be exposed to negative things as well. I couldn't follow your original post.  Is your daughter graduated after going back to public high school?  or are you just thinking of sending your son back?

Here are the factors that swayed our decision-

1. personal relationship between dd and myself.  We were beginning to hate eachother and being around each other.

2. I was just tired of homeschooling and the responsibility of being the only one in charge of dc's education.

3. She really was not happy homeschooling any more.

What is your main reason for thinking about them going back for high school?  For me, I felt physically ill at the thought of homeschooling for the next 10 years through high school with one child or the other.  Just the thought of being down to 3 this year, and down to 2 next year, and down to 1 in 4 years, it just made me feel like a burden was gone.  If you are that burnt out, then I would say give it a go with a huge talk on how kids may be more experienced, crimes they may be exposed to, and all that street wise type stuff.

 

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The high school years of homeschooling were my most fun and rewarding.  I really enjoyed learning along side my children, and sharing and discussing the material.  Much easier than the elementary years, where so much hand holding, and oversight was required.  And both of my kiddos received full-ride, four year scholarships to the universities of their choice, where they are now both happy and successful (and grateful that they homeschooled K-12).  Homeschooling through high school can be a wonderful thing for kids and parents alike.

 

But you need to do what you feel is best for your child.  Best wishes in your decision making process.

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The high school years of homeschooling were my most fun and rewarding.  I really enjoyed learning along side my children, and sharing and discussing the material.  Much easier than the elementary years, where so much hand holding, and oversight was required.  And both of my kiddos received full-ride, four year scholarships to the universities of their choice, where they are now both happy and successful (and grateful that they homeschooled K-12).  Homeschooling through high school can be a wonderful thing for kids and parents alike.

 

But you need to do what you feel is best for your child.  Best wishes in your decision making process.

Diane, I love reading your pep rally posts and how you did things and how well they turned out because they encourage me.  Then I look at my reality and  :svengo: a little.  No probability of full rides here and no ability to handle that load of academics if she got them.  Discussions are hard for her (low retrieval and processing speeds), so she'd rather hole up in her office.  It isn't always so pretty.  Honestly, high school with some kids kinda SUCKS.  I don't even know if I have a child most days, because she disappears to her cave and works, then reappears to gab on the phone.  And the next one (ds, for whom high school is a long way off), wow he's going to be a pistol!  

 

So whatever.  I have no clue why I'm saying that.  On the one hand, I can relate and feel inspired and want to capture some of those moments.  On the other hand, I'm *guessing* elisabet1 isn't feeling 'em.  I will say though, that even where it isn't so magical for me as an educator or as an intellectual exercise, what IS neat is seeing her come alive and retain her confidence and have time to pursue interests.  Those are things she wouldn't have in the harsh environment of regular school.  

 

So I say put your dc where you think they'll most BLOSSOM.  

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Diane, I love reading your pep rally posts and how you did things and how well they turned out because they encourage me.  Then I look at my reality and  :svengo: a little.  No probability of full rides here and no ability to handle that load of academics if she got them.  Discussions are hard for her (low retrieval and processing speeds), so she'd rather hole up in her office.  It isn't always so pretty.  Honestly, high school with some kids kinda SUCKS.  I don't even know if I have a child most days, because she disappears to her cave and works, then reappears to gab on the phone.  And the next one (ds, for whom high school is a long way off), wow he's going to be a pistol!  

 

So whatever.  I have no clue why I'm saying that.  On the one hand, I can relate and feel inspired and want to capture some of those moments.  On the other hand, I'm *guessing* elisabet1 isn't feeling 'em.  I will say though, that even where it isn't so magical for me as an educator or as an intellectual exercise, what IS neat is seeing her come alive and retain her confidence and have time to pursue interests.  Those are things she wouldn't have in the harsh environment of regular school.  

 

So I say put your dc where you think they'll most BLOSSOM.  

 

Yep, not everybody's kids are the same, and there is no "one size fits all".  I was just trying to encourage those who might feel like high school is too intimidating to teach at home, and beyond their abilities.  It's not any harder than teaching a six year old how to read.  In fact, I'm pretty sure it's easier.  Those days were HARD.  lol 

 

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