Heather in Neverland Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 If you or your child are an introvert, how do you handle birthdays? Today is my birthday and my family and friends and staff all go out of their way to make it special for me. It is so sweet and thoughtful...and it fills me with anxiety. I don't like being the center of attention. I always feel like I am saying the wrong thing or my facial expressions are wrong. I really don't like opening gifts in front of people. Today there is a big luncheon at my work in honor of my birthday and I am so blessed and grateful. I truly am. But man, how do I get rid of this anxious, awkward feeling? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 I am mostly an introvert and two of my kids are. For many years, I wore the extrovert suit because it was expected of me, but man, that was tiring. I just don't have the energy for it now. I guess I don't necessarily associate "not liking being the center of attention" with "being an introvert." Things like my wedding shower where I was the center of attention was very tiring, but it was not something that made me anxious. I was just happy that so many people wanted to celebrate with us. Now, if I had to have each one of them over and keep a conversation going, that would be uncomfortable and exhausting. Both of my boys are introverts. One was ok with the center of attention/opening gifts thing and the other absolutely hated it. I usually tried to respect their need for smaller gatherings, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 I'm an extrovert, and I feel awkward as the belle of the ball so I feel your pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 For my birthday, I pick one thing -a single event like taking me out to dinner somewhere. Then, Nytime Nyone mentions my birthday, I rave on and on about how excited I am to be going out to dinner at this place. This seems to satisfy the extroverts around me that doing just that one thing is plenty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 There was nothing more horrifying to me as a child than a birthday party. Seriously. My extrovert mother loved parties. I get panicky trying to be all super excited unwrapping socks and cheesy cards. Not that I wasn't appreciative, I'm just not good at faking excitement when I'm overwhelmed. My kids like doing things, but not with a lot of people around. We usually go to a pumpkin patch, museum, or movie theatre but don't have big parties. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 Just don't do what I did. Year after year, make it clear to everyone that you don't want anything special, just please go on about your regular business, don't go out of your way, I don't want any gifts, etc, etc., then get mad and hurt when a milestone birthday goes unnoticed, because can't you tell the difference between a regular old birthday and turning, say fifty? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hjffkj Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 I'm very honest about what I do and do not want for my birthday. This year I told dh that all I wanted for my birthday is a date with him. Nothing fancy, just a few hours away from the kids where we could enjoy each others company. If anyone ever tried to throw me a party I would graciously say thank you but no. Most of my friend know that I do not want any gifts from them and I certainly don't want a party. They understand its nothing against them its just my preference. For the most part people respect my wishes and desire not to have my bday be a big deal. However, I do have one friend who makes it a point to go out of her way to tell me happy birthday, get me a gift, and talk about how exciting it is that its my bday even though I've told her I wish she wouldn't. I think she simply can't believe why someone wouldn't want others to celebrate their bday. I think she thinks I'm depressed because I don't want to celebrate and hence overcompensates to try to make me happy. I allow her to continue with her antics but I do not cater to her need to see me enjoying my bday the way she thinks people should enjoy bdays. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 I am an introvert who tries really hard to like parties. It is hard being the center of attention and I am worn out when it is over, but I know I am loved. Right now I am planning a party that i a, not the center of, and it is hard even hosting anything, but I do it for my kids. They see what is important in life because that is what we celebrate, important things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 I don't tell anyone it's my birthday. I don't do birthday parties for myself or my kids. My October kid does get to take goodies to school for her friends, which she enjoys doing (she is the most social of our family). We generally go out of town to celebrate the kids' birthdays. With the people who know it's my birthday anyway, I just keep smiling and saying "thank you." If people ask what I'm doing for my birthday, I can honestly answer "working." If everyone knows it's your birthday in advance, you could make an excuse to be somewhere else that day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 I'm guessing a stiff drink would be out of line... Maybe try to pretend it's someone else's birthday? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 I don't tell people when it's my birthday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clemota Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 I don't tell anyone it's my birthday. I don't tell people when it's my birthday. This. I like to celebrate with close family, and that's about it. In related news, my DH and I made a vow to never ever announce it was the other person's birthday when celebrating at a restaurant. The thought of having strangers bring me a piece of cake and sing in loud obnoxious voices for the whole restaurant to hear is simply...horrifying. I don't mind seeing it done for others, but personally...*shiver*. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 In related news, my DH and I made a vow to never ever announce it was the other person's birthday when celebrating at a restaurant. The thought of having strangers bring me a piece of cake and sing in loud obnoxious voices for the whole restaurant to hear is simply...horrifying. I don't mind seeing it done for others, but personally...*shiver*. :iagree: Yes! Our introverted family always gets a laugh and a shiver whenever we're eating out and that happens. And we swear (once again) that we'll never do that to each other. :lol: I pretty much keep my birth date to myself. Of course family and close friends know it, but no one else. I don't even list it on web sites like . . . this one. ;) And over the years I've managed to get the message across to family and friends that I don't want any big deal made of it. Thankfully I don't have to worry about work parties. That would certainly be a LOT trickier. I'm guessing a certain amount of grinning and bearing it would be in order. We gave our boys the obligatory first birthday parties (family only) and that was it. By the time they got old enough to decide if they wanted one, the answer was "NO!" And I've always been very thankful for that! I asked oldest DS, who is the least introverted of the family (and maybe even on his way to becoming a minimal extrovert) if he wanted a high school graduation party and his answer was the same emphatic "NO!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 I hear ya. I hate being the center of attention. I find myself there in the spotlight often, though, because I like running things. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 i hope you got thru it okay! i am definitely the wrong person to be talking about this - i love, love, love parties. one of the greatest acts of love my mom gave me was in my high school years, helping me host a gigantic party (think 75 + teens) for a hallowe'en party (no alcohol). i had a glorious time. she hid in the bedroom and made strategic appearances. when hiding wasn't an option, she had a knack for making it about everything/everyone else. eg. at her 80th party, she talked briefly about when she was a little girl and what the world was like, about the ice wagon coming by. and listening to the wireless. then she asked someone else what they remembered from their childhood and how it had changed. that got everyone talking for about thirty minutes. (only her best friend, my godmother, and I caught the little smile that crossed her face around the 20 minute mark. it was an "oh good, isn't this working well" look.) i think that practicing "opening gambits" would help the anxiety, as it would give you a role that wasn't the "birthday girl" role. you aren't anywhere near old enough for the "what was it like when" gambit, but maybe next year a "when did you KNOW you were a teacher?" gambit or a "who was YOUR favorite teacher growing up and how did that impact you" might work.... not as a question, but as an example of a story you might tell, and then you could ask just one person specifically who you know will talk.... hopefully, it will roll from there ;) birthday blessings, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 All I can say is that when your child is a grown professional, never ever call the receptionist at your child's office to make sure that the entire office knows about your introverted child's birthday. (yep, my extroverted mom did this to me. I was mortified then and experience distress even now just thinking about it - that was like 15 yrs ago.) Eta, just practice the fake smile along with "Thank you" "you are so kind, sweet, etc" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 Practice in your mind. Practice the responses. It's likely that you will be "delighted, surprised, blessed beyond belief,"etc. Run through some standard responses. This may alleviate the "on the spot" anxiety. Otherwise I am with you. I just want a quiet place near the ocean to celebrate or just be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 :grouphug: I understand. The only good thing about bed rest was sending my dh to my baby shower. I was dreading it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 It's a rare adult who would ask another adult their birthday. When asked about mine my response is, "I don't think anyone over the age of 12 should have a big deal made about their birthday." It's honest and does the job every time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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