adjusting to school

[Ravin]

DD started brick and mortar school for the first time this week. So far she's decided she doesn't like her math and dance teachers, has misplaced a form she was to turn in on one class, and her math homework last night I had to walk her through. She doesn't seem to be holding focus and attention. She couldn't remember any details from social studies yesterday (and thus had trouble with her homework), and admitted she hadn't paid attention in math.

 

She's also exhausted. Bedtime at 8 is being strictly enforced, and she's up at six.

 

Any advice?

[OneStepAtATime]

Hugs.  I know this is challenging.  Honestly, DD had trouble with many of the same things.  Teachers just thought she was a bit unfocused.  And she had never been homeschooled at the time.  What we found out later was that she really has fairly low working memory and some difficulty with word retrieval.  Executive function issues made life a bit challenging at school, too,   And she seems to struggle to process lots of verbal instruction hitting her all at once, which could be a combination of the issues above or something else.  But she is bright, and the teachers just assumed she was "unfocused" especially once she started changing classes and teachers and was being hit with so many different requirements and teaching styles, etc.  She struggled every day to keep up with all the data flowing at her and all the papers she was responsible for.  Communication was really weak between teachers and the parents, too.

 

If you think your daughter may have ANY of the above issues, a standard classroom setting will be a huge adjustment.  Teachers have a lot of students and a lot going on.  Frequently they just toss info out verbally at the kids and expect them to hear, understand, and remember quite a bit of data that is only presented verbally or is written very quickly then removed again from the board while there are other kids talking, announcers making announcements over the intercom, classes moving in the hallway, etc..  It can make keeping up with all of that information virtually impossible if there are any issues or the child has never been in an environment like that.  

 

Are you allowed to contact the teachers by e-mail?  If you start out trying to work with them, they might be willing to work with you and your daughter.  Of course they are probably going to blame her issues on having been homeschooled.  She was homeschooled, right?  It may be because she was homeschooled and just needs to adjust to a new environment or it may have nothing whatsoever to do with having been homeschooled.  

 

FWIW, one of my many BILs had a similar issue with one of his sons.  This may not work at all depending on the school but he got in contact with the teachers and explained how hard his son was struggling but that he really believed he was trying.  They agreed on a system.  Before they all had e-mail access, he would hand his son a spiral notebook every morning and every day the son was to write down assignments, list of papers to get signed and returned, etc. and each teacher would confirm it, whether they did it between classes, or during lunch or after school, with their initials.  If there was no time to write anything down, the son wrote the teacher's name to remind him he needed to either get the info from another classmate or track down the teacher.  That evening they would look over the notebook and once it was all taken care of the page was torn out and saved in a three ring binder so the son would start out with a blank page for the next day.  It kept it from being overwhelming.  

 

What helped more was when the school went to every teacher having an e-mail address and all assignments and papers due being posted on the school website.

[SKL]

It took my eldest months to adjust to her new school.  She also could not listen and follow along with the class, so I was pretty much teaching her the whole curriculum at home.  On the positive side, this got us into a good rhythm with afterschooling.  She knew she needed it and was cooperative. 

 

One thing that I found helpful was to get a hold of the books / workbooks they use in school and preview them with the kid, or at least try to go over them at home around the same time they do them at school.  If we'd gone over a new concept just before they did it in class, this gave her a rare chance to shine in school.

 

This year my kids are going into 3rd and I'll be speaking to them about the importance of the early impressions given to the teacher:  making eye contact, acting conscientious, etc.  Things aren't going to be easy, but a sympathetic teacher can make a big difference.

[OneStepAtATime]

It took my eldest months to adjust to her new school.  She also could not listen and follow along with the class, so I was pretty much teaching her the whole curriculum at home.  On the positive side, this got us into a good rhythm with afterschooling.  She knew she needed it and was cooperative. 

 

One thing that I found helpful was to get a hold of the books / workbooks they use in school and preview them with the kid, or at least try to go over them at home around the same time they do them at school.  If we'd gone over a new concept just before they did it in class, this gave her a rare chance to shine in school.

 

This year my kids are going into 3rd and I'll be speaking to them about the importance of the early impressions given to the teacher:  making eye contact, acting conscientious, etc.  Things aren't going to be easy, but a sympathetic teacher can make a big difference.

Yes!  I was able to get all the books over the internet for next to nothing (Abe books, Amazon) or locally.  The teachers were very helpful with getting me ISBN numbers.  We reviewed material ahead of time, then we also had all the materials at home to review whatever was taught that day.  It helped tremendously.  But locally now a lot of the textbooks are available on line.  Maybe that is a possibility, too.  

[Jennifer N.]

You've already gotten some good advice here.  Since it's only the first week of school, I'd wait a week or two before contacting the teacher.  It might just be an adjustment period for your daughter.  My oldest is going back to bricks and mortar public school in an advanced program after being home last year (attended a public virtual school).  He did well in school before but was not challenged.  He was challenged last year but able to work at his own pace and level.  So I know September will be a time of adjustment for him.  Particularly because he enjoyed having quiet time every afternoon last school year.  He really values that downtime to read or do his own projects.  I have a feeling that besides the academic rigor I hope he encounters in the new school year, he will be very tired at the end of the day from being around all those people, all day long.  I am sure he will adjust and be fine.  But I think I will probably have to make sure he gets some downtime in the evening before bedtime.  I might help him with his homework so it doesn't drag on too long, so he can get the downtime he needs.  Of course, I want him to be independent with his work so I will wean him off any help I give over the fall as he adjusts to the new routines.

 

I would make sure she's getting some downtime with whatever she enjoys doing that is truly relaxing (reading, projects, play outside) so she can recharge her batteries.  For my kids, tv time and computer time are not relaxing (they enjoy it but that's not the same as relaxing).  Hopefully her homework is not taking over all her evening time.  That's a huge change, to go from learning at home just during the day hours and getting it all done so efficiently to being in school all day and then coming home and having homework etc. 

 

Her mental resources might be taken up right now just adjusting to being around all those people for so many hours...

[Ravin]

She definitely has low working memory and I think she has executive function issues, too, but nothing was sufficient to trigger red flags when we had her tested last fall (but then I don't think the tester quite grasped that she'd had one on one instruction her entire school career and downplayed parent input).

 

I'm definitely utilizing the teachers' websites and email. I emalled her math teacher today; she spent over an hour on her math homework. She understood the assignment conceptually (introducing exponents), and could easily set up the problems, but got bogged down in calculation, because she has trouble keeping the steps of multi-digit multiplication straight and has never yet memorized her math facts (despite years of working on it). I handed her a times table to refer to. Today they had a quiz, and she told me she only got one problem done (again, because she was bogged down with calculation). She was not the only student to not finish, so she'll be able to continue with it on Monday.

 

For social studies, I told her to make sure to take notes in class, as she remembered things from class in Choir, where she HAD taken notes on what the teacher told her.

 

I was pretty organizationally hopeless at that age, too, but was in a private school with basically a one-room-schoolhouse environment and didn't have to deal with this level of keeping track of stuff until high school. I am definitely working with her on staying on top of everything and learning how to keep it all organized.

 

She's been in a classroom environment 1-2 days a week at the enrichment program she was enrolled in for K-5; none of the teachers there ever had a problem with her as far as attention or focus, but then none of those classes were as rapidly paced, and 5 days a week is just a lot more as far as activity level. At home we always went at her pace.

[LLMom]

It will take time for everyone to adjust to it all.  It can be a bit overwhelming to a homeschooled student to go into a brick and mortar school.  I tried to give tips to my kids but only when asked or if they appeared flustered.  It took a few weeks to get used to getting up early.  They were exhausted for that time and would come home and just veg out.  But like children do, the adjusted quickly.  

[OneStepAtATime]

Ravin, I wish you and your daughter the very best.  Hopefully, the teachers will be willing to work with her.  DD's math teacher, after having her for 3rd grade, allowed her to use a multiplication chart for 4th grade since it was obvious at that point that she was really trying but constant drill and kill was not helping her memorize multiplication facts.

 

Have you had her create her own charts?  That has helped DD.  She creates her own chart to use for the week and in doing so, coupled with math games, and regular practice sheets things are gelling must better now.  

[Ravin]

I probably have a dozen different threads on here about our math woes alone! I've tried so many different things with her. It got to a point where she was really being held up conceptually and HATED math. So we spent the last year moving slowly forward with Life of Fred, with games and Khan Academy mostly to reinforce/practice basic arithmetic skills.

 

I know putting her in a study hall in place of one of her arts classes to give her extra time to work on math is one possibility, but considered by the school to be a last resort for children not putting forth fair effort.

 

DD spent the weekend at grandparents (and forgot to take her meds with her--parent fail, ugh). She had trouble sleeping Saturday night and melted down quite royally this evening (and this afternoon while doing homework).

 

I'm thinking it may be time for another round of therapy--but at the same time, she's so exhausted, when/how are we going to squeeze it in without sacrificing needed school instruction time.

 

I'll be meeting with her math teacher tomorrow.

 

We just bought her dance clothes....public school for the year has officially now cost more than homeschooling another year would. 

 

I just hope it's worth it and this plays out into a good experience/environment for her.

[SKL]

I'm thinking it may be time for another round of therapy--but at the same time, she's so exhausted, when/how are we going to squeeze it in without sacrificing needed school instruction time.

 

 

This is where I am right now too.  Sleep, exercise, therapy, academic practice, free/social play, all are important, but they can't all happen to the extent they "should."  Especially while we're all still trying to figure out / adjust to our routine.

 

This year I think I am going to try to prioritize sleep better.  Though I might have said the same thing last year.

 

[kiwik]

Yes! I was able to get all the books over the internet for next to nothing (Abe books, Amazon) or locally. The teachers were very helpful with getting me ISBN numbers. We reviewed material ahead of time, then we also had all the materials at home to review whatever was taught that day. It helped tremendously. But locally now a lot of the textbooks are available on line. Maybe that is a possibility, too.

I really envy this. NZ primary schools don't seem to have text books. We have vague national standards and the teachers just cover the material however they like with whatever resources they have ore can get easily. It is impossible to tell what your childis doing or what they are supposed to do. It is driving me nuts.

[Ravin]

We definitely prioritize sleep around here.

 

I met with the math teacher. I came away with a very good impression of him--and of how DD is doing in her class. He said she plants herself at the front right near his desk, and doesn't hesitate to ask questions or ask for help. He said the class is small and he has no problem giving her some one on one time in class.

 

He said her having a times table to refer to was no problem, several students in her class are doing so. He doesn't want her spending an agonizingly long time on homework, so gave me discretion to narrow it down to a subset of problems and he'd do likewise when it seemed appropriate--and that as long as she did enough to hit representative problems of the different variations on whatever it is, he wouldn't count it against her that she doesn't complete every problem, and he wouldn't draw attention to this in class, either.

 

Of course, she stayed home from school sick today (she was sniffly yesterday, fell asleep as soon as she got home, and stayed asleep until this morning, when I took her temperature and she had a low grade fever). So she's spent the day doing her homework and otherwise being lazy. Tomorrow we get to deal with make-up assignments. 

 

She's also admitted to her math teacher not being so bad after all. Now if I can just convince her that her (strict demeanor in class) dance teacher isn't so bad, either...

[OneStepAtATime]

I really envy this. NZ primary schools don't seem to have text books. We have vague national standards and the teachers just cover the material however they like with whatever resources they have ore can get easily. It is impossible to tell what your childis doing or what they are supposed to do. It is driving me nuts.

 

Well for good or bad the school was using textbooks that were about 10 years old so I started talking with the teachers, got on friendly terms with them and got the ISBN's.  Did it every year for 4 years and since they never changed textbooks I was able to use the same ones with my younger child, too.  It really, really helped.  Friends of mine who had kids at a different school were able to do something similar for some books but found that some were new and only available through the internet with school permission.  And now, many of the schools don't give parents access to much of anything so there really isn't any way of knowing what is being taught in the classroom.   Although I guess a majority of ps parents don't get directly involved anyway, do they?  My parents emphasized academics but I don't remember them ever really looking at my textbooks.

 

We definitely prioritize sleep around here.

 

I met with the math teacher. I came away with a very good impression of him--and of how DD is doing in her class. He said she plants herself at the front right near his desk, and doesn't hesitate to ask questions or ask for help. He said the class is small and he has no problem giving her some one on one time in class.

 

He said her having a times table to refer to was no problem, several students in her class are doing so. He doesn't want her spending an agonizingly long time on homework, so gave me discretion to narrow it down to a subset of problems and he'd do likewise when it seemed appropriate--and that as long as she did enough to hit representative problems of the different variations on whatever it is, he wouldn't count it against her that she doesn't complete every problem, and he wouldn't draw attention to this in class, either.

 

Of course, she stayed home from school sick today (she was sniffly yesterday, fell asleep as soon as she got home, and stayed asleep until this morning, when I took her temperature and she had a low grade fever). So she's spent the day doing her homework and otherwise being lazy. Tomorrow we get to deal with make-up assignments. 

 

She's also admitted to her math teacher not being so bad after all. Now if I can just convince her that her (strict demeanor in class) dance teacher isn't so bad, either...

So glad that the math teacher is so willing to help!  He sounds great.  Keeping my fingers crossed that your DD feels much better very soon and that the Dance teacher wins her over.

 

Best wishes.