Worried about aggressive kindergarten teacher

[Sippingteainwonderland]

Her is the problem, we live in a small town, and due to financial set backs from schooling, homeschooling isn't an option right now. So dd will be going to a private school here in town, well we benefit bc my family is very involved in the church, however I have heard from dozens and DOZENS of people that the kindergarten teacher is.... Mean. Other teachers have reported her for yelling at children, and slamming her fists on the table when they do wrong. She also missed every single day we we're suppose to meet her, and the children coming in meet her.

-her husband is friends with my father

-she is super nice and chatty to my mom

 

So dd has the social advantage, but part of me I terrified bc kindergarteners are suppose to be in school to learn to love, not to be scared.

 

Idek what to do. Public school is not an option at all!

[CrunchyGirl]

Could you take the money you'd spend on private school and get a babysitter or put her in daycare and then homeschool kindergarten in the evenings?

[Jen500]

I wouldn't send my child to that school.

What is wrong with your public school?

[Lang Syne Boardie]

This should be an automatic no. Look at the public school -- the curriculum might be different, and definitely not religious, but you have a chance of finding a kind and appropriate teacher which is far more important for kindergarten.

 

You can't send your little girl to an abusive person. Of course you can't.

[5LittleMonkeys]

I like CrunchyGirl's idea.  You could homeschool K in about 2 hours in the evening plus whatever you could fit in on the weekends.  And that's on the rigorous side imo.  

 

I would not send my K child to a teacher that had that reputation.  Even if she were to treat your dc favorably due to the friendship with you parents I wouldn't want my dc to witness her treating the other dc that way in class.  No way.  I would find some way of making it work at home. Do you have any homeschool friends that would be interested in being paid to keep her during the day?  It would be a mutually beneficial arrangement. 

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I just saw that you said public school is not an option at all. Would you mind telling us why? What is it like, that you are on the fence about a verified abusive horrible teacher at private school but you have totally ruled out public school?

[kiana]

I like CrunchyGirl's idea.  You could homeschool K in about 2 hours in the evening plus whatever you could fit in on the weekends.  And that's on the rigorous side imo.  

 

I would not send my K child to a teacher that had that reputation.  Even if she were to treat your dc favorably due to the friendship with you parents I wouldn't want my dc to witness her treating the other dc that way in class.  No way.  I would find some way of making it work at home. Do you have any homeschool friends that would be interested in being paid to keep her during the day?  It would be a mutually beneficial arrangement. 

+1.

 

Would it be at all possible to enroll her in "preschool" and afterschool the kindergarten academics?

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Ha, well I'd be lying if I didn't confess to some yelling and table smacking when my frustration level maxes out with schooling - but I'm also not a professional educator ;).

 

Really? With a 5yo? The OP is talking about a kindergarten teacher losing control on the students and you're saying you've done the same thing at that level?

 

All parents lose it now and then but I don't think it's typical for people teaching five-year-olds, whether they are homeschoolers (thus parents) or not. With a five-year-old who frustrates you during school, you tell yourself that you're probably expecting too much or are failing to tend to the child's needs and you put the book away for awhile and have a snack and a nap. 

[maize]

I would not send my child under those circumstances.

[Alexigail]

It sounds like you're in a tough spot.  Personally, I wouldn't send my kid there.  I would make other arrangements if at all possible.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I was being plain and honest.

 

With pregnancy hormones, multiple students of multiple grade levels, a nursing baby, phones ringing, kitchen timers going off, and normal childishness, I can definitely max out my capabilities and freak out. I've also ended up screaming like a banshee and locking myself in the bathroom for five minutes until I can regroup and focus. At which point I skulk out, ask the children's forgiveness for my impatience and anger, explain how I should have responded, and proceed again with a do-over.

 

My five year olds aren't usually the issue, no, and kindergarten work isn't what drives me up the wall. But I can understanding how distractions and stresses compound and cause explosions to personality types that tend to vent instead of stew, as their way of managing stress.

 

And yes, some of it was not realizing my expectation level wasn't where it needed to be. That sort of thing has a funny way of creeping in and unfortunately it can be hard to recognize before it comes up to bite you. Especially with children who are bright and capable, but still immature. That has been a BIG learning experience and very humbling.

 

But I don't want to pretend like schooling at home always involves a sanguine mommy and perfect students. Anyone, but especially a teacher who is highly vested in the students, can become overwhelmed or frustrated with the difficulties of educating multiple children. I have personally found it much easier to keep my cool with other people's kids than my own, for some reason, but that is one of the reasons I have zero desire to teach anyone else's kids. I know my flaws and limitations and we just do the best we can. Being quick to ask forgiveness, explain the issue, readjust perspective and expectation, and if need be ditch the day altogether and try again another time? Those have helped immensely.

 

I don't want to misrepresent homeschooling, however, as some panacea to teaching related issues - as though a mother couldn't fall prey to the very same anger or snappiness that seems to be at issue with this teacher, who by all accounts can and usually is a pleasant person. That is a quick road to feeling like a failure when you expect homeschooling to always be easy, fun, and peaceful, and then discover it can and often is quite different!

 

This has not been my experience with teachers of prepubescent children (homeschool or otherwise) although my adventures in homeschooling tweens and teens have sometimes had similar moments. I'm asking some friends who have been public school kindergarten teachers if they can identify with what you've said here; of course it's possible I'm not familiar with the range of normal.

 

I believe that apologies and do-overs go a long way with children and with keeping relationships healthy and on a good path. I'm glad for each of us that can remember that and keep trying again.

 

I didn't get the impression that the teacher in the OP's situation is by all accounts usually a pleasant person. She had one person who said the woman was pleasant and dozens who said she was abusive.

 

[73349]

I wouldn't pay to send my child to get yelled at, no. I'd try to have her at home and move my work to evenings/weekends when DH is home or pay a babysitter while I worked during the day and school around the edges.

 

Every parent who sends a kid into that class encourages the school to hire and keep teachers who will treat kids that way. Good teachers are not that hard to find.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Her is the problem, we live in a small town, and due to financial set backs from schooling, homeschooling isn't an option right now. So dd will be going to a private school here in town, well we benefit bc my family is very involved in the church, however I have heard from dozens and DOZENS of people that the kindergarten teacher is.... Mean. Other teachers have reported her for yelling at children, and slamming her fists on the table when they do wrong. She also missed every single day we we're suppose to meet her, and the children coming in meet her.

-her husband is friends with my father

-she is super nice and chatty to my mom

 

So dd has the social advantage, but part of me I terrified bc kindergarteners are suppose to be in school to learn to love, not to be scared.

 

Idek what to do. Public school is not an option at all!

I would go to the head of the school and voice these concerns. I would not send my own child with her as a teacher, but I also wouldn't stay silent and let other children become her victim. Friend of the family or no. She has no business being a teacher, especially of Kindergarteners.

 

I like the idea of paying for child care and homeschooling during other hours.

[simplemom]

I don't understand how it is the only option is to send her to a school with a mean teacher. Is it because it is a small town, the teacher and her husband are friends with your parents, and you would feel guilty about calling a spade a spade? I am imagining that you don't want to disappoint your church/school staff friends by sending her elsewhere and you don't want to disappoint your parents by telling them you are terrified to allow your child to be under the care of someone they like personally. Or maybe your husband is insistent that this is the only option? I could be totally off base here. I could imagine in a small town where everybody knows everybody's business it would be difficult to be the one to cause a ruckus by going against the normal expected flow. Is it an option to talk to the private school principal and say why you are terrified of sending your child to kindergarten at that school? I could imagine it would be very difficult to confront the issue, but as difficult as it would be for me, I would not put my child under the care of someone outright mean to save face with the church members, my parents, or the other school staff that you like. I say this knowing it is not easy. This is coming from someone that just recently had to ruffle a whole bag of feathers within my immediate family to no longer allow my children to be under a relative's bad influence. It was hard, and I was silent for far too long because I didn't want to hurt anybody else's family to excuse the behavior. I will likely have a backlash and out casting from family because of it. But when it came to my children, I had to protect them from wrong influences vs. keeping the peace. Please do not send your child to a school under a teacher's care who already know is mean! I would take any option over the only one you say you have. It CAN'T be your only option. Please forgive me if I have the situation all wrong, but it seems your additions to the reasons it would be difficult to not choose this kindergarten teacher is to not hurt your parents', your church members', or anyone else's feelings by proclaiming "I AM TERRIFIED TO PUT MY CHILD UNDER THE CARE of this friendly chatty lady with a friendly husband that my parents like and the school/church staff that I highly respect thinks is a fine teacher." Plus, the ruckus it may create in a small town could come back to bite you. Why can't the other teachers speak up about this? It must be a big NO NO in your town or in that school to speak public ally against this and demand it to stop. If a teacher in our just so so public school acted like that, in a heartbeat another teacher would report it and that teacher would be disciplined! If children came home reporting the teacher acted such a way, I guarantee parents would be in the principal's office. I just DON'T UNDERSTAND how other teachers can report this to you and not to the school authorities and parents of the children that are victims of such meanness. And if the school authorities allow this if the other teachers and dozens of dozens of people have reported to them, then it is THE LAST PLACE I would send my child to school. Even if you are involved in the related church and love the people, I would not trust my child with any school that let's this behavior happen no matter how sweet those people are. Surely what you heard about this teacher came by way of gossip, because if it came from officials that teacher should be disciplined or fired.

 

Please clarify on any point I am mistaken about. I am just SO PASSIONATE in feeling a mean teacher who yells at 5-6 year olds who aren't her own children and who slams her fists when 5-6 year olds do wrong should not be a teacher. Plus it is NOT RIGHT the dozens of dozens of people have either witnessed this and remained silent to the principal or who have reported it and the behavior has been allowed to continue (either scenario is just so wrong)...THIS IS SCREAMING AN UNHEALTHY ENVIRONMENT FOR YOUR CHILD!!! I don't care how sweet, small, loving, and Christian the school is. I don't care how much your parents adore the teacher and/or her husband. The public school has got to do better than that. Sorry for the rant, and maybe an unjust rant at that. Please feel free to throw flares at me, ban me, accuse me of reading too much into the post, etc......I truly have a heart that means well, even though I am coming across as mean in my possible accusations with my having such limited info on the big picture. I try to make it a rule not to involve myself in stranger's matters, I guess due to my recent situation in having to call a spade a spade in a family situation (in which I have probably severed ties with my only sister over refusing to allow my children the influence of an adult that her children were allowed influence by), has got me so fired up about people allowing their young children to be under the care of unhealthy adults to not upset any feelings of other loved ones.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

(Arctic Mama, I will also let the off-topic conversation drop so the thread can get back to the OP) -- some of what you said is how my group's blog, Sandbox to Socrates, began.

 

There's an awful lot of pretty religious talk, high-to-impossible expectations, and lofty philosophy around homeschooling; always has been. Great armfuls of it come from people whose children are younger than 12 years old, or from the fathers who are away all day and never actually did the work of, you know, homeschooling the children. LOL

 

There's a shortage of people telling you how they did it, how they REALLY did it, sleeves-rolled-up, sleep-deprived and worried about finances while remediating their own grammar studies, etc. and that's what we're trying to talk about. That's what our contributors have gained from THIS board and we want to pass along that type of support. Many of us have graduated children or are nearly to that point and we know about the real work and struggles, the transformation the mother goes through as she learns to do this job...a whole lot of moments when philosophy gives way to just...work.

 

The link is in my sig if you ever want to drop by.

[stripe]

I would be afraid that being with an abusive and unpleasant person under a sanctioned religious setting would present an ugly picture of what one's faith supports. I would think it could do a great deal of damage on many levels.

[Gil]

Wait...are you serious? Like...actually serious?

My advice? Run. For the hills. Very fast. Do not look back. There has to be another option. Find it! You are talking about a private school, I assume you would be paying for this school.

 

Honestly? I don't give a damn how the people over my kids treat me,or my parents, or their Ex or the traveling vacuum salesman. I care how they treat my child. You know, the helpless little person over whom they have authority, dominion and influence for 4-8 hours a day.  The 6yo little human being who even though is fully deserving of their human rights, stands average 3'6" and maybe 50lbs and has a snowballs chance in defending those rights?  Yes, that one. They usually call you 'mom' or 'dad'.

 

Look, I'm sure there is ALOT more to this story, but do you just need to hear someone ask you in plain English "Are you out of your [] mind"? Because if so, I'll be that guy: SippingTeaInWonderland, c'mon girl, Are you out of your [] mind!?

 

If this person were reportedly a pedophile would you be having this "back and forth"? Why would you subject your child to any sort of abuser?

Child Abusers are usually nice toward adults and typically non-abusive toward children in the presence of said adults. So what has her relationship with your parents got to do with anything? If there are DOZENS AND DOZENS of people in this school, then its not that small of a town. Find another option if you have any concern about your childs treatment.

 

Find another private school, babysitter, public school, no-school. Find a relative, family friend, college student, senior citizen or a new mom in need of some money to watch your kid. Petition to have your special little angel who is uber capable in 1st grade or petition to have your kid put in PreK so that she has a "more time" for the basics.

 

I have turned my entire life in-side out in large part because my son was mistreated by his K teacher. I pulled my son Pal from K because his teacher was M.E.A.N to him. She hurt his feelings, humiliated him and made him feel hated. She isolated him from his peers, was impatient and vindictive toward him.

 

My son who was in K, Pal, is many things, but he is NOT stupid or sensitive. He can take being snapped at, yelled at, and cussed at in a moment of impatience--he is not sensitive. He has a sense of justice and doesn't mind "deserved" punishment. Hell, he earned several scoldings and punishments from several people prior to, during and since K in PS, but if knows he's earned it, he'll take it and keep it moving. He bounces back like a rubber ball on a rubber string.Yet Mrs. Kindergarten Teacher broke him down and sent him back to me in tears.

[kiwik]

If you are paying an amount for private school that would cover a nanny I would consider that. But I get the impression that you get a cheaper rate or something? There must be a public school - have you met with them. At her age the teacher is the most important. Also while a lot of schools have problems they are less obvious in the early years. Is there a personal or family issue with the public school?

[simplemom]

Wow, I just spent a long time posting a long rant on why the situation is screaming,no don't take the only option, and realize I repeated what others were posting at the same time, please forgive all duplicity and unintentional judgement in my post. And I will say, I am far from perfect with patience and keeping my cool with my own young children. I am improving though. Teaching reading, writing, and math to a child that doesn't pick up on it naturally is HARD! I just would never think at yelling or shaking my fist at a 5 or 6 year old for just not getting it, even my own. I do it behind their back at times, it must be so much harder to keep control of a whole classroom of students. But it is nonetheless a requirement for keeping the job of kindergarten teacher (do not yell or shake fists at your students no matter what!....parent conferences or principal intervention, fine, but yelling and shaking fist...no no no!)

[Sippingteainwonderland]

Public school in our town is not an option because 1- they do only core ciriculum and there is no other way the teachers will teach, even if the child does not understand.

2- the children in public school, and I say this for y town IMO (I am a substitute teacher for these schools, so I see it first hand) these children are terrible. There were countless cases with boys flashing themselves to fellow classmates, one kid went to school for his classes Christmas party, only to tell all the children what his dad told him about Santa, and the list goes on and on and on.

[Sippingteainwonderland]

I don't understand how it is the only option is to send her to a school with a mean teacher. Is it because it is a small town, the teacher and her husband are friends with your parents, and you would feel guilty about calling a spade a spade? I am imagining that you don't want to disappoint your church/school staff friends by sending her elsewhere and you don't want to disappoint your parents by telling them you are terrified to allow your child to be under the care of someone they like personally. Or maybe your husband is insistent that this is the only option? I could be totally off base here. I could imagine in a small town where everybody knows everybody's business it would be difficult to be the one to cause a ruckus by going against the normal expected flow. Is it an option to talk to the private school principal and say why you are terrified of sending your child to kindergarten at that school? I could imagine it would be very difficult to confront the issue, but as difficult as it would be for me, I would not put my child under the care of someone outright mean to save face with the church members, my parents, or the other school staff that you like. I say this knowing it is not easy. This is coming from someone that just recently had to ruffle a whole bag of feathers within my immediate family to no longer allow my children to be under a relative's bad influence. It was hard, and I was silent for far too long because I didn't want to hurt anybody else's family to excuse the behavior. I will likely have a backlash and out casting from family because of it. But when it came to my children, I had to protect them from wrong influences vs. keeping the peace. Please do not send your child to a school under a teacher's care who already know is mean! I would take any option over the only one you say you have. It CAN'T be your only option. Please forgive me if I have the situation all wrong, but it seems your additions to the reasons it would be difficult to not choose this kindergarten teacher is to not hurt your parents', your church members', or anyone else's feelings by proclaiming "I AM TERRIFIED TO PUT MY CHILD UNDER THE CARE of this friendly chatty lady with a friendly husband that my parents like and the school/church staff that I highly respect thinks is a fine teacher." Plus, the ruckus it may create in a small town could come back to bite you. Why can't the other teachers speak up about this? It must be a big NO NO in your town or in that school to speak public ally against this and demand it to stop. If a teacher in our just so so public school acted like that, in a heartbeat another teacher would report it and that teacher would be disciplined! If children came home reporting the teacher acted such a way, I guarantee parents would be in the principal's office. I just DON'T UNDERSTAND how other teachers can report this to you and not to the school authorities and parents of the children that are victims of such meanness. And if the school authorities allow this if the other teachers and dozens of dozens of people have reported to them, then it is THE LAST PLACE I would send my child to school. Even if you are involved in the related church and love the people, I would not trust my child with any school that let's this behavior happen no matter how sweet those people are. Surely what you heard about this teacher came by way of gossip, because if it came from officials that teacher should be disciplined or fired.

 

Please clarify on any point I am mistaken about. I am just SO PASSIONATE in feeling a mean teacher who yells at 5-6 year olds who aren't her own children and who slams her fists when 5-6 year olds do wrong should not be a teacher. Plus it is NOT RIGHT the dozens of dozens of people have either witnessed this and remained silent to the principal or who have reported it and the behavior has been allowed to continue (either scenario is just so wrong)...THIS IS SCREAMING AN UNHEALTHY ENVIRONMENT FOR YOUR CHILD!!! I don't care how sweet, small, loving, and Christian the school is. I don't care how much your parents adore the teacher and/or her husband. The public school has got to do better than that. Sorry for the rant, and maybe an unjust rant at that. Please feel free to throw flares at me, ban me, accuse me of reading too much into the post, etc......I truly have a heart that means well, even though I am coming across as mean in my possible accusations with my having such limited info on the big picture. I try to make it a rule not to involve myself in stranger's matters, I guess due to my recent situation in having to call a spade a spade in a family situation (in which I have probably severed ties with my only sister over refusing to allow my children the influence of an adult that her children were allowed influence by), has got me so fired up about people allowing their young children to be under the care of unhealthy adults to not upset any feelings of other loved ones.

 

Seriously how you deceived the situation is exactly what I am in, and the public schools here don't stop children from being crude- and violent.

[MommytoFour]

I agree with others to just use the money you spend on the private school to get a babysitter. You can easily homeschool kindergarten in the evening and have the babysitter work with the child during the day on the basics.

[kiwik]

While that doesn't sound good it doesn't really sound worse than the private school teacher.

[kiwik]

It depends an awful lot on:

 

Where are you working and what hours?

Is private school going to cost you more than child care?

Is she your only child?

[kagmypts]

I am going to step back and take a slightly different approach.  You can only deal with the viable options.  For a number of reasons, you have decided to exclude your public school.  While there has been much focus on having a bad Kindergarten teacher, bad peers can be even worse.  You have also ruled our homeschooling.  Given that, I would make the best of the situation at hand.  Since the teacher has seemed to be nice and chatty to your mom, go in with an open mind.  If she starts to yell at kids, address it at that time.  I agree that yelling in Kindergarten is not an ideal situation, but you have to choose your best option.

 

I don't know your reasons for eliminating homeschooling, but if you feel very uncomfortable with the private school situation take a few moments to reconsider.  Kindergarten is not very time-consuming, and it actually be really FUN!  My daughter was in private school, and her Kindergarten teacher sounds very much like the way others have described your daughter's potential teacher to you.  While my daughter did just fine (she was definitely the "favorite" - that concept drives me batty, but it was true), my BFF's daughter required years of therapy to undue her Kindergarten experience.  Just be vigilant and stay informed.  If you feel that the situation is detrimental to your daughter, please consider pulling her out.

[Reefgazer]

That would be a big, fat no-way here, also.  DD had a mean teacher in 5th grade; not mean to her, but to others.  It stressed DD out just watching the abuse, and the acceptance of such a teacher into the school was a factor in us homeschooling.

 

I think homeschooling in the evening, or another private school, or hiring a teacher-nanny to do a few kindy hours (like, literally, 2 hours), would be a far better option. 

 

 

[Reefgazer]

That's not allowed here; only politically correct responses are allowed if you want to maintain peace.

 

I've done it once in a while, too; for the same reasons you have.  But that's the reason my career isn't as a Kindy teacher.

I was being plain and honest.

With pregnancy hormones, multiple students of multiple grade levels, a nursing baby, phones ringing, kitchen timers going off, and normal childishness, I can definitely max out my capabilities and freak out. I've also ended up screaming like a banshee and locking myself in the bathroom for five minutes until I can regroup and focus. At which point I skulk out, ask the children's forgiveness for my impatience and anger, explain how I should have responded, and proceed again with a do-over.

My five year olds aren't usually the issue, no, and kindergarten work isn't what drives me up the wall. But I can understanding how distractions and stresses compound and cause explosions to personality types that tend to vent instead of stew, as their way of managing stress.

And yes, some of it was not realizing my expectation level wasn't where it needed to be. That sort of thing has a funny way of creeping in and unfortunately it can be hard to recognize before it comes up to bite you. Especially with children who are bright and capable, but still immature. That has been a BIG learning experience and very humbling.

But I don't want to pretend like schooling at home always involves a sanguine mommy and perfect students. Anyone, but especially a teacher who is highly vested in the students, can become overwhelmed or frustrated with the difficulties of educating multiple children. I have personally found it much easier to keep my cool with other people's kids than my own, for some reason, but that is one of the reasons I have zero desire to teach anyone else's kids. I know my flaws and limitations and we just do the best we can. Being quick to ask forgiveness, explain the issue, readjust perspective and expectation, and if need be ditch the day altogether and try again another time? Those have helped immensely.

I don't want to misrepresent homeschooling, however, as some panacea to teaching related issues - as though a mother couldn't fall prey to the very same anger or snappiness that seems to be at issue with this teacher, who by all accounts can and usually is a pleasant person. That is a quick road to feeling like a failure when you expect homeschooling to always be easy, fun, and peaceful, and then discover it can and often is quite different!

 

[MotherGoose]

I think some of it may also depend on your child's temperament. If she's very sensitive, she'd be bothered more by it than if she wasn't. I remember the teacher next door to us in 1st grade (in 1981) was a yeller. She was just loud, no matter what, even in her normal speaking voice. Some people are just loud, for example I don't think my dh would've had a problem with her because his family is loud. There was no abuse, that I know of, but of course spanking was okay then too. I am thankful that I had the sweet, gentle, just out of college teacher next door, because I remember being scared of the yelling and of her. She since started going to my parents' church and I still feel nervous around her even though she's a very nice woman. That said, I would avoid sending my child to a "Mean" teacher's room at all costs.

[Farrar]

This has not been my experience with teachers of prepubescent children (homeschool or otherwise) although my adventures in homeschooling tweens and teens have sometimes had similar moments. I'm asking some friends who have been public school kindergarten teachers if they can identify with what you've said here; of course it's possible I'm not familiar with the range of normal.

 

I believe that apologies and do-overs go a long way with children and with keeping relationships healthy and on a good path. I'm glad for each of us that can remember that and keep trying again.

 

I didn't get the impression that the teacher in the OP's situation is by all accounts usually a pleasant person. She had one person who said the woman was pleasant and dozens who said she was abusive.

 

 

I could identify with what Arctic Mama said.  I've been a professional educator (not in a kindergarten classroom though...) in public and private schools.  I've lost my temper and yelled a few times and had to go back and apologize to kids.  I think...  the important part is the underlying relationship you build with a class.  Obviously not the same as being a parent at all, but the same idea.  And if you manage to build a good, trusting relationship with a class, then a few missteps, handled right, don't matter in the end.  That's one of the reasons that I'm always a little...  hesitant?... to condemn when I hear people complain about a teacher having yelled or said something bad - the question to me is, what's the total picture?  We're all human, we all make mistakes.  One instance isn't going to ruin a kid if it's just, as in Arctic Mama's example, an angry fist pounding on a desk and yelling for a kid to "cut it out!" or "I'm sick of this!" or something along those lines.  One instance of "You're worthless!" or something, okay, maybe, but sometimes when I hear stories like that, it's like, the teacher told the kids to "shut up!"  Well, okay, not good at all.  On the other hand, if that was one day out of months and months of patience and good strategies, then it's not the end of the world, I would hope.

 

However, it sounds like the teacher in the OP's "big picture" isn't so great.  I cannot imagine sending my kid into that situation, especially when the teacher seems to be dodging the opportunities to meet and greet the new kids.  I especially cannot imagine paying for the privilege of sending a kid into that situation.  That's just beyond my imagining, honestly.

[prairiewindmomma]

Between this and your other post about 2.5 hours of recess---it sounds like you have serious hesitations about the school.  So, move on to viable options for you.

 

 

[stripe]

Public school in our town is not an option because 1- they do only core ciriculum and there is no other way the teachers will teach, even if the child does not understand.

I don't understand what the bolded part means, sorry.

[Farrar]

Public school in our town is not an option because 1- they do only core ciriculum and there is no other way the teachers will teach, even if the child does not understand.

 

I assume you mean Common Core?  CC is standards children have to meet, not methods of teaching those standards.  The teachers may be clinging to a curriculum that is CC aligned and refusing to look beyond it to other methods.  That's not required by Common Core and it's just poor teaching, nothing else.

 

I guess I would feel like this is probably not as big an issue as you expect, especially if you can walk in there armed with buzzwords like "differentiated instruction" if your dd does end up struggling.

 

I second the idea of looking for a third way if you can by hiring a nanny or other childcare instead of paying for a bad kindergarten experience, but without knowing more about your circumstances, I don't know if such a thing s really possible for you or not.

[MamaAmy]

Huh. Fellow teachers have reported that the teacher yells and smacks her fist down on tables in the presence (and directed towards) five year olds--and the woman is still employed?

 

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say there is some B.S. somewhere in this story. Not on your end, but in the versions of this that have come forward.

 

Here's the thing--generally speaking, a school with a teacher with that kind of temperment is going to FIRE the teacher. I have seen instructors lose their jobs for cracking ONCE. Ongoingly? I think there is more to this story. Unless there is a political tie, I think maybe you've got to consider that perhaps the stories are a little out of proportion or perhaps the administrator is unaware or perhaps there is something else to this story that is missing.

 

If it were me, I'd 1) observe the teacher. 2) complain to the administrator about the teacher not making meet-the-teacher etc. nights (Who gets away with that, by the way?!) and 3) directly ask the teacher about the emotional reports. Seriously. There is a way to do that nicely.

 

Of course, this could ruin your parents' relationship with this woman, but uncovering the truth would be helpful for everyone. Maybe she just had a bad day, raised her voice, and knocked into something, and she's been pegged as this crazy woman. Or maybe she's getting away with being a crazy woman, and the admin should be notified. Either way, children are involved, and she and administrators should be met with--not just parents chatting about it without going to anyone for change.

 

My two cents!

[Korrale]

Is kinder compulsory in your state. Where I live students do not have to enroll in school until they are 6. Which is 1st grade. They just need to show Kindergarten proficiency. Would the option of having another year to decide help you? That is assuming your state has similar age rules.

I agree with many of the above who have suggested using the weekends and evenings to homeschool.

[simplemom]

In your responses, I understand about public school anxiety as well. However difficult it may be, could you address with the school principal the teacher not meeting with you, address with the teacher personally your expectations of her behavior (as in not yelling or losing her temper in your child's prescience)? I can see a long term win-win situation with the behavior no longer remaining hush hush to save face and/or being brought out in the open with you, the principal, and teacher in question. This would be a MUST. You are paying for private education, and yet it is allowed for the teacher to back out of meeting with you? I can understand others presenting the option that the gossip about this teacher's meanness being exaggerated or just rumors, but I think the teacher backing out more than once at a private meeting being unacceptable. Especially at a private school where the parents pay high for the service. If this school kindergarten is truly your only option, boldness on your part now to address your concerns both with the teacher and the principal will go a long long way for your peace of mind for the rest of the school year. I would also encourage to lovingly direct friends or other teachers who feel this one teacher is out of line to go up the chain of command vs. just warning new parents of how bad a teacher she is. If you don't send your child to that school's K program due to the concerns you stated, I would still encourage to tell the principal why, and to tell that teacher why privately given the opportunity. Surely the school would want to know if they are missing out on your tuition money because one teacher has a bad reputation. If the rumors are valid, the school should put an end to it. If the rumors are false, you can send your child to that class in peace. If the rumors are true and the principal refuses to do anything to change the situation, then you will not feel guilty for choosing a different route of education while everyone else blindly passes out tuition money to a school that does not provide the best teachers.

[sbgrace]

If she's really that bad, I think it could be damaging. I wouldn't send my child if at all possible. Scratch that, I would do about anything not to send mine, but I have one who would surely be in the damaged group. I have a friend whose son required therapy after a 6 month horrible K experience. His teacher was the K teacher who made me decide to homeschool after I met her. And nothing about her sounded as bad as what you wrote about the above teacher!

 

I like the idea of preschool, homeschool mom, or a sitter for this year. I'm wondering though if maybe private school for you guys is being paid by grandparents or similar? I'm guessing it would be hard to get those people on the same page about the teacher situation.

 

Yuck. I'm sorry.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Public school in our town is not an option because 1- they do only core ciriculum and there is no other way the teachers will teach, even if the child does not understand.

2- the children in public school, and I say this for y town IMO (I am a substitute teacher for these schools, so I see it first hand) these children are terrible. There were countless cases with boys flashing themselves to fellow classmates, one kid went to school for his classes Christmas party, only to tell all the children what his dad told him about Santa, and the list goes on and on and on.

 

Do you know for a fact that comparable behavior problems don't also occur in the private school? Those children live in the town, too (if it's a town personality problem, as you seem to allude), and sometimes private schools have many students who are there because of their problems succeeding in public school. Why is the private school kindergarten teacher mean? What are her students like, what is the school environment like?

 

From my prior posts, obviously, I don't think there's any reason for a kindergarten teacher to be mean. If she is, I'd want to know why. Is she simply not qualified, are the children particularly challenging, does she lack support from the administration...?

[WahM]

Do you know for a fact that comparable behavior problems don't also occur in the private school? Those children live in the town, too (if it's a town personality problem, as you seem to allude), and sometimes private schools have many students who are there because of their problems succeeding in public school. Why is the private school kindergarten teacher mean? What are her students like, what is the school environment like?

 

From my prior posts, obviously, I don't think there's any reason for a kindergarten teacher to be mean. If she is, I'd want to know why. Is she simply not qualified, are the children particularly challenging, does she lack support from the administration...?

 

I agree with this. Kids are kids whether they are in public school or private. They are all in the same town and more than likely interact with each other. Private school is not some holy, perfect place where the children are all on best behavior and the teachers are picture perfect. Sometimes the private school kids can be even worse! I am a former teacher and have seen all sorts of situations, part of my decision to homeschool. If you're really passionate to homeschool, I'd really try to figure out a way to get it done,

[Sippingteainwonderland]

I am going to step back and take a slightly different approach. You can only deal with the viable options. For a number of reasons, you have decided to exclude your public school. While there has been much focus on having a bad Kindergarten teacher, bad peers can be even worse. You have also ruled our homeschooling. Given that, I would make the best of the situation at hand. Since the teacher has seemed to be nice and chatty to your mom, go in with an open mind. If she starts to yell at kids, address it at that time. I agree that yelling in Kindergarten is not an ideal situation, but you have to choose your best option.

 

I don't know your reasons for eliminating homeschooling, but if you feel very uncomfortable with the private school situation take a few moments to reconsider. Kindergarten is not very time-consuming, and it actually be really FUN! My daughter was in private school, and her Kindergarten teacher sounds very much like the way others have described your daughter's potential teacher to you. While my daughter did just fine (she was definitely the "favorite" - that concept drives me batty, but it was true), my BFF's daughter required years of therapy to undue her Kindergarten experience. Just be vigilant and stay informed. If you feel that the situation is detrimental to your daughter, please consider pulling her out.

This is what my parents keep telling me, to address it "if" a situation arises, I am worried I won't know a situation has raised until after.

I could just see dd thinking she is in trouble, and not telling me

[kagmypts]

This is what my parents keep telling me, to address it "if" a situation arises, I am worried I won't know a situation has raised until after.

I could just see dd thinking she is in trouble, and not telling me

 

I am not sure how old your kids are, but as a parent of three school aged children, it is very obvious if something is not right in the classroom.  You will see your daughter's behavior and disposition when she gets home from school.  Trust me when I say that you will know if she is not in a great environment.  You have been warned so keep your antenna up but be open-minded.  I do think that stories can get easily exaggerated, but on the flip side, great teachers rarely have negative rumors surrounding them.

 

By way of background, my kids were all enrolled in private school because public school was not an option for us.  Neither was homeschooling.  Or so I thought.  The kids' private school became overwhelming awful, and we just could not ignore what was happening.  We pulled them out to homeschool, and it was one of the best decisions we have ever made.  If private school is your best option at the moment, make the most of it.  However, if it does begin to negatively affect your daughter, please consider that.  A bad schooling experience in a younger grade can stay with a child for years.

 

ETA - After my daughter's experience in Kindergarten, I requested the other Kindergarten teacher for my son.  My daughter's Kindergarten teacher surely would have broken my son's spirit, and I felt strongly about that situation.  If he had been placed with DD's teacher, I would have pulled him from school before the year started.

[MomatHWTK]

Even in a homeschool setting, it is impossible to control for every variable and thus predict the results.  Once you add additional actors, whether tutors, computer based learning, sitters or teachers, it becomes even more difficult to manage.  Life is full of challenges and changes and you aren't going to be able to eliminate all of them.  Choose a course, accept that you will have to deal with the consequences of the course- both the good and the bad, and move forward.  You simply cannot anticipate or prevent every possible bump in the road. 

[Lang Syne Boardie]

That's not allowed here; only politically correct responses are allowed if you want to maintain peace.

 

I've done it once in a while, too; for the same reasons you have.  But that's the reason my career isn't as a Kindy teacher.

 

If by "here" you mean the WTM forums, you are mistaken. Being plain and honest is preferred here. There's no guarantee that nobody will ask you about your statements, opinions, or experiences, OR that no one will ever disagree with you, but the presence of dialogue does not equal the absence of peace.

 

[Lang Syne Boardie]

dp

[kiwik]

I get the feeling there is some critical information missing.

[SKL]

I just saw this post.  It sounds bad.  I'm sorry, it seems you are between a rock and a hard place here.  Is it possible to start her at the private school in 1st next year?  I realize that some private schools will only put you on a waiting list if you don't start in KG.  Also, they might not accept homeschool for KG.  (Have you looked into this?)

 

If it is possible to enter her in the private 1st grade next year, you might consider a good pre-K program during your work day and homeschooling in the evening.  Your daughter would be on the old side, but there are other kids in pre-K at her age, so it might be fun.  Actually, in my kids' school the pre-K was more rigorous then the KG in some respects.

[bethben]

I went to a small religious private school where the teachers were "called" which basically meant they could not be fired no matter how bad they were.  I had HORRIBLE teachers for 5th-8th grade.  The 5th-6th grade teacher did a lot of yelling and smacking hands on the desk - honestly, that's all I remember about school those years.  He must have laughed or smiled at some point in his life, but it sure wasn't in the classroom.  The 7th and 8th grade teacher (two classes were combined) was abusive to students (physically smacking them).  I don't remember that because I was a good kid, but I didn't learn anything those years.  By 8th grade, my friend and I, who were the only two left in the class due to this teacher, were given textbooks and basically told  'good luck".  Not only were these teachers mean, they didn't know how to teach children.  And BTW, during those years, I remember a lot of children in these classes not acting too nice.  The atmosphere of the class really was run by these horrible horrible teachers.

 

I would try to find another homeschooler who has older children and pay her the amount you will be spending for private school.  There's got to be someone who would like to make money to do the very thing they've gotten good at.

 

Beth

[OneStepAtATime]

My kids had a music teacher that was called Torture Lady.  She was awful.  Mean, screamed frequently, treated the kids horrifically.  It was a terrible experience but took 6 months to finally get her fired from the school.  The math teacher for 3rd - 5th was just as bad in her own way.  Parents wrote letters, lined up all the way down the hall to talk to the school director, etc.  She is still there.  She has friends in high places and has complete job security, apparently.  Finally, my son had a teacher for 2nd grade that was not a bad person.  She seemed to genuinely be trying.   But she thought my son's struggles were due to a poor attitude and she treated him terribly (he was an undiagnosed dyslexic at the time).  I failed to pull him out until February.  By then the emotional scars ran deep.  And 2 years later we are still dealing with the aftermath.  My child that loved learning and had a ton of confidence is still insecure and fearful.  

 

If the teacher already has a reputation as being mean, it just seems to me, as others have stated, that you should at least try to find another option.  See if ANYONE  could watch her during the day. read books with her, play educational games with her, etc. then you could homeschool her in the evenings and weekends pretty easily.  But if that really isn't an option at all, and public school also is really not an option, then definitely keep an eye out for any changes in behavior with your child.  And have some sort of back up plan in place if things really start falling apart.   

[jaderbee]

Public school in our town is not an option because 1- they do only core ciriculum and there is no other way the teachers will teach, even if the child does not understand.

2- the children in public school, and I say this for y town IMO (I am a substitute teacher for these schools, so I see it first hand) these children are terrible. There were countless cases with boys flashing themselves to fellow classmates, one kid went to school for his classes Christmas party, only to tell all the children what his dad told him about Santa, and the list goes on and on and on.

Did I miss something? Is Kindergarten mandatory in your state?

[jaderbee]

Some times "mean" teachers are really the best ones. My second grade teacher was a dragon and beloved. Rumors are rumors.

Mrs. Lynch, my 4th grade teacher was the dreaded gorgon of my elementry school years. I worried from the moment I found out I was in her class, all summer until that first day. She chucked the district text books and used her old favorites. She never yelled or threw a tantrum. She knew how to run a tight ship with out such low brow tactics. I adored her by the end of the year.

[Alicia64]

I would not send my child under those circumstances.

 

I wouldn't either -- not in a million years. And someone needs to talk to the principal and say :confused1: :confused1: :confused1:

 

Alley