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I hate the term 'gifted'


lewelma
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I do.  It is horrible.  No one can agree to what it means, and everyone gets all competitive about it.  And then I come sulking back to this board with my tail between my legs.  Thanks to all you lovely folks for understanding me and mine, and making us feel normal.

 

Ruth in NZ

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I never use the word gifted. I stick with academically taking courses such and such. It can deflate their reactionary responses when the evidence is something that is concrete and undeniable. (Of course that doesn't prevent them from turning to something else to hyperventilate over.)

I have some very dysfunctional siblings who will argue about just about anything ( I just came home from a family reunion, so their POV are on my mind.) Over the yrs I have been told how I was destroying our kids' lives, how there is no way my kids would achieve any level of success, etc. Every step of the way, it has been some future objective my kids would fail. Considering I am the youngest of 6 and have kids older than all of my siblings other than my oldest sibling, i find the conversations humorous. They get bent out of shape bc my lifestyle is antithetical of their worldview and all of their insistences fall flat over time.

It is hard for them to argue that my kids are not academically successful and has been since 2006. So then they moved to college success. Well, our oldest graduated near the top of his class. Then they moved to career. Well, ds has a great job as a chemE, etc, etc.

Some people just can't deal with anything that conflicts with their worldview and when the evidence proves their position is inaccurate, they lose rationality.

You would have cracked up this weekend. My brother was telling me how wrong we are in our educational approach bc my younger kids are being educated like the dark ages. Now the argument is that kids in k-5 should not be using paper and pencil but doing everything on the computer and that they should not study math facts and only use calculators bc technology is the answer to everything. My kids are apparently going to be the ones living in the slums bc they are going to be technological idiots. I just looked at him and told him that technology is a tool. Kids learning via his approach will be dependent on the tool. My kids know the answers without requiring the technology and will be simply using the tools the way they are meant to be used......to make what they already know more efficient. I would rather my child control the toll than the tool be their only way of functioning.

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I agree. I follow "Gifted Homeschoolers Forum" on facebook, who often post interesting things I want to share with my friends, but I cringe when I think how some might interpret that word. I wish there could be a term which more accurately conveys 'quirky, intelligent, wildly asynchronous.....' 

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Yes, I avoid the word, as well.  People don't understand that it doesn't mean "special," but is used in psychological circles to represent a particular class of individuals who fall more than two standard deviations from the norm.  If you say "top 2%" then it becomes very subjective for some reason.

 

I think some folks just aren't very "mathy."  (sorry -- that's another term that I loathe)

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As ds is 21, I have had a loooooong time to deal with the whole "gifted" conversation. It got to the point I'd just smile and nod and try to change the subject (like 8, we have some, ummm, interesting family members--thankfully on dh's side).

 

I try to be very matter-of-fact about what dd studies and that we attempt to meet her needs on her level.

 

And then I get home and rant at the lucky people downstairs :lol:

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I avoid the term if at all possible in face-to-face conversations. I pretty much detest the word. Like some others, I either vaguely answer questions or state what we use. I try to keep the conversation flowing to other things unless there's a reason not to, which is rare.

 

There have been times I've said something about the fact that she works hard for long hours, but that seemed to imply that other children didn't work hard or that I was hot-housing, so that didn't end well either. On the other hand, if I imply she's just average, people think I'm mocking them and/or being condescending.

 

Bean dip, anyone? The weather sure has been unusual of late...

 

 

 

 

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I've never been asked outright if either of my boys is gifted.  The most I've had is something along the lines of '[..] is very good at Latin, isn't he?'  I always reply in terms of what he is interested in, 'He really likes Latin.  I was impressed by your George's bagpipe solo at the last school concert....'

 

L

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Well, I think ALL "terms" are subjective in that sense. People see what they want to see and interpret things based on their perceptions, standards and prior experience. What "top 2%" means or looks like may be totally different from one place to another and that I understand. What I don't understand is that someone being gifted or accelerated or working harder often seems to automatically receive bad labels, as "hot-housing", "snooty", "pushing", "unhappiness", "unnecessary", "social difficulties", "sacrifices" and so on. It was regarded as something more positive and desirable where I am from. This board is my safe place, too, although I'm not sure what I have in my hand yet. 

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What I don't understand is that someone being gifted or accelerated or working harder often seems to automatically receive bad labels, as "hot-housing", "snooty", "pushing", "unhappiness", "unnecessary", "social difficulties", "sacrifices" and so on in this country.

 

I don't understand it either. It seems to be pervasive in many areas, though. We have become more and more deliberate in surrounding ourselves with people who don't have this attitude. We are thankful to have found highly intelligent, hard-working, happy, well-adjusted, gainfully employed individuals who encourage hard-working students.

 

As I've mentioned in a recent thread somewhere, I think caution should be used when linking behaviors and personalities to intelligence. If someone is gifted and struggles socially, it might well have absolutely nothing to do with giftedness. Giftedness is in no way a guarantee no other issues will be present. There are brilliant people who have phenomenal social skills -- a couple electrophysiologists I know come to mind.  There are also brilliant people who have tremendous struggles socially.

 

There are so many aspects that make a person. Intelligence is only one.

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I'd prefer something else, but I don't think it's horrible. 

 

I think it's horrible that we can't talk about our kids without people projecting their insecurities onto the conversation.  Saying my kid is gifted is not saying your kid is not.  If I said "really really smart," or "advanced academically," I'd get the same reaction.  So for me it's not the word, it's competitive parenting in general.  Asynchronous is a good substitute until you have to explain what you mean.  And my kid is becoing less asynchronous and more all out advanced in everything, so it's not even the proper word to use anymore. Even as asynchronous, his lowest scoring subject still puts him 2 grades ahead.

 

We can't win.  At least we have each other.

 

ETA:  On normalcy, I've come to the conclusion that we aren't "normal," if such a thing even exists.  That was freeing in and of itself.

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I used to hate the term "gifted," but it has a specific meaning, so I have made peace with it.  In our state, they've replaced "gifted" with "highly capable," which I hate even more because it's so very obviously trying to avoid the term "gifted."  IRL, I never use the word "gifted" as it relates to my own children except if I am speaking to someone I know well who also has gifted children (or to professionals--evaluators, school officials, etc).

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I'd prefer something else, but I don't think it's horrible. 

 

I think it's horrible that we can't talk about our kids without people projecting their insecurities onto the conversation.  Saying my kid is gifted is not saying your kid is not.  If I said "really really smart," or "advanced academically," I'd get the same reaction.  So for me it's not the word, it's competitive parenting in general.  Asynchronous is a good substitute until you have to explain what you mean.  And my kid is becoing less asyncrhonous and more all out advanced in everything, so it's not even the proper word to use anymore. Even as asynchronous, his lowest scoring subject still puts him 2 grades ahead.

 

We can't win.  At least we have each other.

 

My daughter isn't wildly asynchronous either. I'm not sure how much of this is just how she is and how much is because we've made a conscious effort from a young age to bolster her weaknesses (which were still advanced), even at the temporary expense of supporting and encouraging her strengths (which was a difficult decision to make, and I am not saying it is always the right thing to do).

 

ETA: I think this is what strikes me most about some people I know. Their brilliance seems to know no end....there is such depth in so many areas, even outside their specialty. I think that is one reason we made the conscious decision when she was young to foster breadth as much as depth. (I am by no means making claims that we've succeeded!  ;) )

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I understand the specific meaning of "gifted". I tend to cringe as I have several friends that use the word in our public school system as "good students". The gifted programs in this area are not really for kids that test as "gifted", just good students and so everyone around me talks about their kids being gifted when they don't know how the word is really defined in academic testing.

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I always wonder if it sounded different when they coined the term way back when. I occasionally try to explain to people that there is an actually "measurable" definition, from way back when, when "gifted" is used in the context of intellectual ability.

 

I have always personally seen the term "gifted" as appropriately humble. I am not good at this intellectual stuff because I did something to deserve or earn it, it is a "gift". As a parent it feels humble too. My four year old figured out how to read, not because I was a better parent than others, but because she is intellectually gifted.

 

Unfortunately society doesn't view "gifted" that way. I think society often confuses the term "gift" with "reward". And thus people miss the nuance of the term "gifted". We know that giftedness is both positive and negative, so it is hardly a reward. but people outside the gifted world tend to see it as a positive reward that we didn't deserve more than them.

 

If I use gifted at all I always try to add "academically" or "intellectually" to it. I also try to point out things like other kids being socially gifted, mechanically gifted, athletically gifted, etc... But sometimes it is a lot of work to so carefully speak.

 

I often call my youngest daughter "precocious". I find that people don't understand the term well enough react positively or negatively. Since she is 5 it seems to work, but I think precocious will cease to be a useful term as she gets older.

 

For myself, on the rare occasions it comes up, I will say "my IQ is very high so my brain works differently". And if conversation appropriate I will point out some of the drawbacks to being "really smart".

 

Still I don't think any term would really be better in the long run. Anything that would indicate you or your kids might be beneficially different or have something that "they" don't will be a threat to some people, no matter what we call it.

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I understand the specific meaning of "gifted". I tend to cringe as I have several friends that use the word in our public school system as "good students". The gifted programs in this area are not really for kids that test as "gifted", just good students and so everyone around me talks about their kids being gifted when they don't know how the word is really defined in academic testing.

This is how I see people confusing true "giftedness", based on the measurable definition, with the idea of "rewarded". If you are a good student you earn a spot in the gifted program. The program is like a "gift" in itself.

 

I was in 2 different gifted programs as a kid. Interestingly the one in the middle/lower middle class area was for kids who actually "tested" as gifted (HG + kids tended to like it more than bright of MG kids). People didn't "try" to get their kids in the program, there was actually a little bit of stigma to it. In the upper middle class area the gifted program was more about being a good student (even though they considered their testing stricter and made me retest for it, many kids "studied" for the IQ test.). Bright or moderately gifted high achieving types did best, and high achieving parents pushed for it.

 

In general I found my lower and middle/middle class friends and neighbors to be much less threatened" by my giftedness, than those in the upper middle class area. Although our gifted program did not use the termed "gifted". So we didn't have to deal w/ that terminology

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I hate it too.  I have found it very useful (finding things online especially), but it is such a loaded word.  

 

There is a blogger that has started using "rainforest minds" to describe giftedness.  I think it describes things well and doesn't have the judgemental connotations that "gifted" does.  However, it still feels a bit... pretentious?... to me to use in regular conversation.

 

 

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I hate it too.  I have found it very useful (finding things online especially), but it is such a loaded word.  

 

There is a blogger that has started using "rainforest minds" to describe giftedness.  I think it describes things well and doesn't have the judgemental connotations that "gifted" does.  However, it still feels a bit... pretentious?... to me to use in regular conversation.

 

I can see that taken negatively. Someone might think you are implying other children's minds are deserts.

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My grandma liked to point out that "normal" people are the ones we don't know very well yet.  ;)

 


 

ETA:  On normalcy, I've come to the conclusion that we aren't "normal," if such a thing even exists.  That was freeing in and of itself.

 

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I agree. I follow "Gifted Homeschoolers Forum" on facebook, who often post interesting things I want to share with my friends, but I cringe when I think how some might interpret that word.

I'm following that page, too, but afraid of joining any discussion there because it is a public page, which means whatever I comment there can be seen by or appear on the newsfeed of my FB friends...

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I don't think my son is gifted but people say it to us. Most say it to make themselves feel better about what their child does. They say it rudely like you don't count because your son is different. I think my son is accelerated because we've put the effort in. No one wants to hear that though. My son is ahead because he's exposed to (I lose my voice amounts) lots of reading, he's interacting with me all day everyday, and eats and sleeps very well. I think most of it is environmental in my case. Saying that doesn't sit well with some people I know but they are the ones with sugar high, not sleeping, tv babysitting, and book hating parents. I don't think he would be that way if we public schooled because our environment would be so different. 

 

All that to say I think the gifted group is being sorely enlarged to make others feel better.

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We use the word "talented." Oh, he is so talented in music, or he is talented in mathĂ¢â‚¬Â¦.. I don't know if it changes anything, but I don't mind. I also come from a society where gifted testing didn't exist. We would just point out that somebody appears to be really good at something. 

I have no clue if my kids are gifted (never been testing), so I have generally stayed away from this sub forum. I think I will come here more often though. :) 

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We use the word "talented." Oh, he is so talented in music, or he is talented in mathĂ¢â‚¬Â¦.. I don't know if it changes anything, but I don't mind. I also come from a society where gifted testing didn't exist. We would just point out that somebody appears to be really good at something. 

I have no clue if my kids are gifted (never been testing), so I have generally stayed away from this sub forum. I think I will come here more often though. :)

 

Please do!

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It's one of those terms I just don't find particularly useful.  Kind of like saying, "specific learning disability."  What does that even mean??  (Rhetorical, btw.  I know what it's supposed to mean, but it still doesn't make much sense.  lol)

 

When necessary I'll use specific descriptions--he's strong in math, she struggles with language usage, he has difficulty with executive function, she reads comfortably at a college level, etc, etc.  

But even with no negative connotations, "gifted" is extremely vague.  It might refer to a kid who's in the top .001%, or a kid who's in the top 2%Ă¢â‚¬Â¦and there's a pretty big spread between those two.  

Long ago and far away I had a college prof who made the point that labels don't accomplish much beyond getting funding.  For individual kids they're pretty useless.   Having grown up under the label "gifted," I have to agree with her.  It didn't do any wonders for me, so I doubt labeling my kids would accomplish much.

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Ruth, and others, :grouphug:!!

 

I'm so glad to have found my community here. :001_wub:

 

Some of the words I prefer to use are "kindness", "effort", "funny/ witty", "creative", "love how you think", "deep understanding", "a non traditional route" etc because they seem more spot on and also less issue-ridden. I also don't give details (any detail!) unless I feel very comfortable.

 

Early in our homeschool journey, someone told me it will be a lonely life and that you will possibly lose friends'/ family member's understanding. It was helpful to be forewarned and to not invest too much emotion in others' understanding. To some extent, I also wonder if others have the capacity to understand without having experienced it themselves. Like how I cannot understand certain things because I haven't lived those certain things.

 

(edited)

 

Just having someone tell you these things or listen, it helps so much. So hold on to those people who DO understand (like this community!). And maybe just think of everyone else as people who are still learning? I'm so sorry if it has been terribly lonely for some of you. Take care.

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I think the term "gifted" is useful as shorthand, but I rarely have occasion to use it.  I agree, people cannot handle the idea that any kid is decidedly smarter than their kid.  Glad we are past the stage when people acted offended if my preschooler read a word in their presence.  :P

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What does it tell you when your child's GT teacher tells you to hightail it out of public school because your child is the first "obviously gifted" child they have seen, and the public school will never be able to serve the child?

 

Some people know the difference, but obviously very few.

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No one can agree to what it means, and everyone gets all competitive about it.

Ruth,

 

The thing I see in the main boards and in real life is that PG kids are not common. In daily conversation, people refer to gifted more in terms of MG or HG.

 

I think when a comment made in any thread is in the context of PG and the general "readers" are thinking about the Merriam Webster/ Oxford/ Cambridge dictionary definition of gifted, then the is confusion and discord.

 

(edited)

 

I have a friend who is probably HG, guessing since he never had an IQ test. His passion is for stock market trend analysis since he was a kid. He is a happy fund manager because thats his passion, the commission was a practical secondary benefit. I have other friends who are talented in math but whose passion is in coding, chess, corporate law, ballet, music and they found work in their passions.

 

Just look at Hollywood and there are probably many academically HG people there. I don't think in general, talent and passion has to be coupled eventhough no one would complain about being talented in their area/field of passion.

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Don't hate me, but I think it can be a very useful term. Granted, not everybody agrees what it means, but I never had anybody dispute that the word - whatever it means -applies to my DD. It was very useful as an explanation for my choice to home school and for our educational choices we made within that frame.

Now, I admit that I have it easy since my kid is not only gifted but also a high achiever and thus fits common understanding of the term, which would be less the case if he had to deal with 2E issues.

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I end up using "she really likes....X" a lot-where X is the topic DD is waxing enthusiastic about. Having said that, I do repost the GHF articles a lot-and the herpetology blogs, and the cool science ones, and the music Ed ones, and the LD ones, and the homeschooling ones and the autism ones...basically anything I find neat or interesting or That DD does. If you don't like it, feel free to hide me or unfriend me :).

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I understood the issue to be people's reaction to the word, not doubting your child is gifted. For some reason putting a word on it makes people uncomfortable, even when just mentioning activities or accomplishments doesn't. Maybe I've misunderstood something...

 

ETA: Scores and lists of accomplishments have been much more useful to us than the term. I honestly can't recall a time saying gifted was useful to us. On the other hand, scores and lists of accomplishments have made many opportunities possible.

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I avoid conversations about my DS's abilities. But, nosy relatives and "enquiring minds" I meet socially would like to know the nitty gritty - I just say that my child is "bright" - that word is so "wishy washy" that it can mean anything. And since everyone I talk to has a child that is "brilliant/genius/amazing/super smart" at the least, my "bright" child does not raise the competitive hackles in these parents. Nobody knows about his IQ tests, but a whole bunch of people got to know his Achievement test results because he goes to a school and they announced his results in school assembly. I am still trying to come up with explanations on how a merely "bright" kid could perform at that level.

 

Ruth, you are raising children who are outliers - there is no way a layman can understand what that means unless they encounter them and see for themselves what that means. So, please don't feel bad about people's reactions.

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but a whole bunch of people got to know his Achievement test results because he goes to a school and they announced his results in school assembly

 

This is very bizarre!   I've never heard of such a thing...  

What was the rationale??

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Nobody knows about his IQ tests, but a whole bunch of people got to know his Achievement test results because he goes to a school and they announced his results in school assembly.

 

That is private school right? Because the former Star test results are not suppose to be public.

 

I'm thankful my boys' public schools don't publicize their results in any way since there were some hyper competitive neighborhood moms in my older boy's classes.

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When I was in high school, they announced the 3 highest ACT scores on the intercom during homeroom.  It was pretty funny because up until then, everyone thought my brother was an idiot.  (He had the highest score in the school.)  Of course that was back in 1982 when people were less fussy about privacy.

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When I was in high school, they announced the 3 highest ACT scores on the intercom during homeroom. .....

Of course that was back in 1982 when people were less fussy about privacy.

I attended what is considered an elite middle school. Having the best scores would mean that your school books would likely go missing before the exams.

Nobody bothered stealing mine because I slept in class year round and I could borrow my cousin's older edition textbooks to study for exams.

It had nothing to do with privacy for that school but with the stealing of the best students textbooks that goes on.

 

For my not as elite very family style high school, people know you hold the highest score but nothing bad happens. People are genuinely happy for the top scorers and scholars and that's it.

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I do. It is horrible.

I don't know if it is only in these forums or in real life too. However just don't take things personally. I don't know who you are and I am just commenting on any thread as my mood of the moment is :lol:

 

In real life, some people are working out their own issues and may come out harsher than intended. Some might just be negative to the whole universe. You might just have to disengage from the emotions in those situations.

 

Back home, people in my circle tend to associate gifted as god given talent even from the free thinkers. There would be gentle reminders even from strangers to not squander that god given gift. Parents and teachers would encourage children to put in more effort to compensate for not being gifted. The envy if any would be for a short time before people are back to concentrating on their kids progress.

 

Here in Silicon Valley, I don't feel the undertones of gifted envy much but I do feel a double standard for Asians. The invisible bar is just raised higher. Teachers and school secretaries expect my kids to do very well just because we are Asians.

 

As an example of an Asian stereotype here, my 9 year old boy just had his ear wax cleaned at urgent care (polyclinic) and refused to talk to the doctor. The doctor assumed my boy was ESL and asked us to translate his questions to Chinese for my boy. When we told the doctor that my boy is not ESL, the doctor labelled my boy as shy and then went on to ask about my boy's Chinese proficiency. I don't think the doctor meant any harm but it was a lot of assumptions about education for a ear wax removal visit.

 

(My older's latest passion is patents :) )

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Thanks for everyone's kind words and experiences.  I agree with Quark, I :001_wub:  this board.

 they may not be interested in math olympiads or even the theoretical side of math. (Maybe the majority of PG math people are mathematicians but I don't know.

 

I totally agree. I think that the competitions became a red herring and distracted from the point I was trying to make. sigh.
 

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This is very bizarre!   I've never heard of such a thing...  

What was the rationale??

 

My child's private school awards a merit scholarship annually in a school Merit Assembly to kids who score the maximum (100% composite) in all core subjects in the Standardized tests (it is an out of level test). My son was the only kid who got called out to receive the certificate and scholarship in his grade, thus making his score obvious to everyone. The policy is in place to promote better performance in standardized testing so the school could use the numbers to tout its efficiency in educating to high standards (??). We were caught by surprise because the scores from his standardized testing got mailed to us after the awards ceremony.

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My child's private school awards a merit scholarship annually in a school Merit Assembly to kids who score the maximum (100% composite) in all core subjects in the Standardized tests (it is an out of level test).

That makes sense. I thought the school announced everyone's results.

 

The school could have given you, the parents, prior notice though before the award ceremony.

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The issue that I have with the word gifted is that even with two statistically equal students side by side, the term is meaningless with regard to attitude, asynchrony, maturity, success, nontraditional output, and so many other factors. The intangible.

 

Basically, what Arcadia described is an issue here, at my house, for me (or a non-issue depending on how you look at it I guess, because I homeschool and I can minimize the relative importance of this "problem").

 

Even if someone may be PG in math like your oldest, they may not be interested in math olympiads or even the theoretical side of math.

....

Just look at Hollywood and there are probably many academically HG people there. I don't think in general, talent and passion has to be coupled eventhough no one would complain about being talented in their area/field of passion.

So sometimes a gift looks exactly like the gift that it is (lewelma's DS clearly being gifted in math and working long and hard to accomplish an extraordinary goal) because there is a second gift package, which is an accurate view of the primary gift, acceptance, and a positive attitude. But sometimes (I wonder if more frequently), there is a gift and little to no interest in pursuing that gift. Or maybe there is a related gift? A hidden gift? Maybe we are too linear or categorical in our thinking to even imagine it? I think we tend to pigeonhole gifts into distinct subject categories, but actual kids and attitudes are harder to pigeonhole. Regardless, there is not always a second gift package, which is a shame because I think it is the gift package that helps recognize and realize the primary gift.

 

For the record, I am not talking about the "everyone is gifted in some way" argument. I am talking about when there is a statistically measurable gift in an area, but the kid does nothing with it. This happens, and it makes me wonder if it is because we are defining the gift in too limited a way, in a way we can measure with tests and address with curricula.

 

So, for example, is ability only a gift if it is accepted as such, goals are made, and acceleration/specialization becomes the ultimate goal? Or can the gift complement other (yet unknown) interests? Can a gift simply lurk, waiting for maturity or exposure to a related field that lights a fire within the gifted? Does knowing exactly what you want to dedicate your life to from a young age and actively working toward that make a person more gifted than someone with the same potential who does not? Then is the gift the ability or is the gift the attitude of putting the nose to the grindstone and accomplishing goals? Doing it young? Doing it at all? You can have equally intelligent and capable kids with the same IQ, test scores, etc. who go in polar opposite directions. But one is recognized as gifted and (sadly) one is thought to be wasting the gift? Or one is getting support and one is not? Or one gift was recognized correctly and one was not recognized at all.

 

Some of the words I prefer to use are "kindness", "effort", "funny/ witty", "creative", "love how you think", "deep understanding", "a non traditional route" etc because they seem more spot on and also less issue-ridden. I also don't give details (any detail!) unless I feel very comfortable.

This is just lovely. I tend to keep mum on the details too. It feels safer.

 

What does it tell you when your child's GT teacher tells you to hightail it out of public school because your child is the first "obviously gifted" child they have seen, and the public school will never be able to serve the child?

It tells you important things, for sure. Like to homeschool. LOL But I tend to worry most about the student whose teacher tells the parents that their kid is underperforming because she does not ever see the hidden gifts.

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So, for example, is ability only a gift if it is accepted as such, goals are made, and acceleration/specialization becomes the ultimate goal? Or can the gift complement other (yet unknown) interests? Can a gift simply lurk, waiting for maturity or exposure to a related field that lights a fire within the gifted? Does knowing exactly what you want to dedicate your life to from a young age and actively working toward that make a person more gifted than someone with the same potential who does not? Then is the gift the ability or is the gift the attitude of putting the nose to the grindstone and accomplishing goals? Doing it young? Doing it at all? You can have equally intelligent and capable kids with the same IQ, test scores, etc. who go in polar opposite directions. But one is recognized as gifted and (sadly) one is thought to be wasting the gift? Or one is getting support and one is not? Or one gift was recognized correctly and one was not recognized at all.

 

Great questions!  My younger is a gifted empath. Not recognized as a gift, not easily able to advance, not likely to help him when he is young. So I totally hear what you are saying, and have thought long and hard about it.

 

He is interested in pursuing a career similar to my dh's, who is also an empath. DH goes into multi-million dollar projects,  identifies roadblocks that are caused by competing personalities of the rulers of the different fiefdoms, and then convinces these rulers to listen, compromise, and work together. 

 

Yes, there is a job for everyone.  :001_smile:

 

I might also mention that interactions in my family can be pretty funny.  Imagine the discussions between my black-and-white mathematical thinker and my empath.  :willy_nilly: :eek:

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In my experience, gifted boards are only a "safe space" and "welcoming community" for people who happen to share whatever values -- educational, disciplinary, moral, cultural -- are prevalent among the parents on that board.    If your experiences and choices are significantly different from the norm, then you're unlikely to feel like you fit in no matter how high your children's abilities are.   You might even start wondering if your children and other family members (including ones who've tested in the .001%) somehow aren't really, truly gifted, because according to the group, "all gifted people are [insert stereotype]."   

 

Depending on the board, the issues could include:

 

- unschooling (because "these children only thrive with complete self-direction")

- automatic rejection of certain curricula (because "repetitive practice will cause gifted children to wither away"), 

- letting children stay up half the night (because "the gifted don't need much sleep"), 

- letting them read whatever books they want (because "gifted children can handle mature topics"), 

- vague hostility toward parents trying to raise children in their religious tradition (because "gifted people know better than that")

 

and so on.  

 

So I guess my problem with the term is the way it tends to get co-opted to mean "people who have high intelligence and fit with the image of our little club," not recognizing the diversity of individuals and families who make up the gifted population.   I think this is a real concern, especially for families from ethnic, religious, philosophical, or socio-economic backgrounds that are outside the expected norm.   They need support as much as anyone, and maybe even more so.  

 

(Note that I'm not thinking particularly of this board, which isn't even a "gifted board" per se.   Though I do think it's something that people might do well to keep in mind here, as well.)  

 

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I also come from a society where gifted testing didn't exist. [...]

I have no clue if my kids are gifted (never been testing), so I have generally stayed away from this sub forum. I think I will come here more often though. :)

 

As do I! (to the bolded). You were either good or trying to be good :)

 

As for the term "gifted", I don;t think there is such a thing, so I've no conflicts about it. I consider my children environmentally enhanced charmingly mediocre. (I am going to copyright that term). We did do the CTY testing because there is a single class we are interested there, and DS did qualify, but still on the EECM spectrum :)

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In my experience, gifted boards are only a "safe space" and "welcoming community" for people who happen to share whatever values -- educational, disciplinary, moral, cultural -- are prevalent among the parents on that board.

 

- automatic rejection of certain curricula (because "repetitive practice will cause gifted children to wither away"), 

 

 

 

Eliza, it was your post on the other thread that sent me here, feeling very misunderstood.  In reality, I think I was not explaining myself very well so I have tried again in post 140. 

 

Please don't think that I fit into the above category, because I don't.

 

 

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