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Please pray for my son. UPDATE in post #39 and #52

dirty ethel rackham

By dirty ethel rackham,
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dirty ethel rackham

dirty ethel rackham

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Ds18 has been struggling with mental illness for a couple of years, but we did not find out until last fall when he had a major crisis.  He has been stable for the last 6 months or so and we have been happily, but cautiously, preparing for college.  He has been taking karate at the same dojo for 11 years and is due to take his adult-level black-belt test in under two weeks.  He knows that this next week of classes will be really tough as they try to whip these kids into shape to be ready.  In past years, the dojo was very organized about this test and would have had these build-up classes start much earlier in the summer.  But, this year, Sensei seems very distracted and they don't have their act together on this. 

 

My son is very torn about this test.  He had to miss a lot of class this past winter due to his health problems - the meds make him very fatigued.  He has been diligent this summer about attending and he has been working with a trainer separately for physical conditioning.  He knows everything he needs to know - and has been ready on that aspect for 2 years - since his older brother took his test.  But he is very concerned about the mental rigors of this test.  He isn't sure if he wants it enough to endure what he knows is coming.  He is very distressed about it.  This evening, he hemmed and hawed about going to class, knowing that it was going to be a grueling class.  We finally convinced him to go and give it a shot.  He came home 15 minutes after he left, refusing to go in after he saw a particularly harsh sensei show up.  We have told him to call the main Sensei and talk with him about his concerns - this man is known to take in troubled kids.  But my son has not revealed his struggles to Sensei. 

 

Now that he is down to the wire, he is very anxious and some of his old habits are coming out.  Please pray for him that he is able to overcome his anxiety and make a decision that he can live with. 

 

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dirty ethel rackham

dirty ethel rackham

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I will.

 

Is this the kind of test where they basically fight and beat the crap out of them? I remember the black belt degree tests at my son's martial arts studio. I was so surprised at the guts it took to voluntarily undergo the fighting.

More or less.  It is about 6 hours - they have to show every thing they have learned from the beginning, which takes hours.  They have to do lots and lots of push ups (hundreds).  They have to be ready at any given time to get jumped by 2 black belts and fight his way out using any means necessary.  While it is very difficult for the person getting jumped, it is no picnic for the jumpers either - they will get scratched, clawed, hair pulled, punched.  He has to do a self-defense gauntlet to protect himself against punches from a whole line of experienced black belts.  When my oldest did the test, he had some mighty bruises on his chest from some of the fastest hands in the country.  My son is partially worried that he might just go all apt-sh#! on them if he feels a rage coming on. 

 

I just have to trust that Sensei, who has known him for 11 years, will be able to get my son to talk openly and help him make an intelligent decision - not based on fear. 

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swellmomma

swellmomma

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:grouphug: anxiety is such a b*tch.  and it is so hard when you can see the child is so very capable of the very thing they are most anxious about and it is hard to find that place to encourage them to overcome the anxiety and try without making them feel like you are negating their feelings on the issue.  I'll be praying that he can overcome long enough to see the success he is capable of.  

With my kids that have anxiety I find myself repeating to them "we do not let fear rule our lives" and I am trying to make it a motto of sorts.  For the teens I add in their cadet motto "fear no foe".  So far the first one is working, and they are pushing themselves through most things (never worked for getting dd to do abseiling this year) but it is repeated often.  With 3 kids battling anxiety mixed with their other issues (2 have anxiety with their adhd, 1 anxiety with other mental health issues) I feel like I say it 100 times a day.

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dirty ethel rackham

dirty ethel rackham

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Can this test be postponed until he feels better prepared since the instructor(s) didn't seem as organized as in the past?

 

Unfortunately, this test is only offered once every couple of years.  It used to be offered annually, but he hasn't had enough people ready for it to offer it more often.  Black Belt students that studied under this sensei come in from all over the country to help with this test. 

 

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dirty ethel rackham

dirty ethel rackham

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UPDATE:  Thanks so much for your prayers! He met with Sensei this afternoon, who assured my son that he had nothing to worry about.  He was probably the most prepared of all those who are testing.  He also told him not to be too concerned about the physical fitness preparation - Sensei knows by how ds handles himself in class that he is adequately prepared on that front.  The kids who are uber fit simply have more demanded of them.  He is probably more fit than some of the adults.  Part of the test is psychological - can they handle this "mini-boot-camp" environment.  One thing that was related to him was to treat this whole ordeal like theater ... they are all players in a big drama.  The senseis who will be very tough on him during the test are the ones who have been cheering him along all these years and will be his friends when the test is over.  My son came home smiling from ear to ear - such a relief.  I would hate for him to give up his dream of a black belt in karate when he has put in over a decade of training. 

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elegantlion

elegantlion

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UPDATE:  Thanks so much for your prayers! He met with Sensei this afternoon, who assured my son that he had nothing to worry about.  He was probably the most prepared of all those who are testing.  He also told him not to be too concerned about the physical fitness preparation - Sensei knows by how ds handles himself in class that he is adequately prepared on that front.  The kids who are uber fit simply have more demanded of them.  He is probably more fit than some of the adults.  Part of the test is psychological - can they handle this "mini-boot-camp" environment.  One thing that was related to him was to treat this whole ordeal like theater ... they are all players in a big drama.  The senseis who will be very tough on him during the test are the ones who have been cheering him along all these years and will be his friends when the test is over.  My son came home smiling from ear to ear - such a relief.  I would hate for him to give up his dream of a black belt in karate when he has put in over a decade of training. 

 

What a huge step for him and such great support. What a wonderful sensei. 

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Catherine

Catherine

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I am so glad he met with the sensei and it was a productive meeting. I have a child on this path and I continually wonder at his persistence in basically volunteering to get beat up twice a week. I hope your son has a successful blck best test!

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