Jean in Newcastle Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Ds17 has been invited to a teen birthday party. The birthday girl was describing some of the group games they have planned to me yesterday. Some of the games I think ds would do fine. He might not necessarily LIKE them but he'll do ok. (For example, one is basically a teen age version of musical chairs). But one game - it involves posing in front of everyone else and it involves touching (nothing inappropriate!). He doesn't do well when everyone is looking at him. He'll feel uncomfortable. So most likely that will mean that he will either start to laugh uncontrollably or he'll start to argue about some technicality in the game or he'll get overly loud and . . . I kind of doubt that sitting out on the game would be an option simply because this family tends to get a bit pushy about stuff like that. If things do go south the dad (who will be helping to organize the games) will make it worse because he will make snarky comments and will pull even more attention on ds' behavior. Anyway - this is my "worst case scenario" thinking here but I do think it's a fairly accurate prediction. So here's my question. Do I talk to ds about it? How do I address it? Do I coach him on how to handle a game like this? If he knows that there are planned games like this he may just opt to stay home. Or he may not. Do I just stay out of this and let him figure this out? I mean, he is 17. But. . . he's ASD and no one else knows it (they just think he's weird and quirky at times). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Talk with him about the game and the possible pitfalls. See how he wants to proceed. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Sounds like he wants to help with punch or go to the bathroom then or something. Are you going to be there? I wouldn't leave him alone to fend for himself with a snarky, ignorant adult. You could suggest to the girl she have alternate activities for the people who *don't* wish to participate. She might like someone to keep score or read the cue cards... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 He's decided to decline the invitation to this party. He felt like some of the games sounded ok but the one I was worried about sounded like a "nightmare" to him. And as he put it, the host and his daughter "will mean well but will pressure me anyway". He said "so, my hopes of finding one sympathetic soul and hiding off in a corner probably won't work, will it?!" :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 He's decided to decline the invitation to this party. He felt like some of the games sounded ok but the one I was worried about sounded like a "nightmare" to him. And as he put it, the host and his daughter "will mean well but will pressure me anyway". He said "so, my hopes of finding one sympathetic soul and hiding off in a corner probably won't work, will it?!" :laugh: :lol: Glad you were able to talk things through and he could come to an informed decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 Jean, I had to deal with a party like that today that was giving me angst. (Even at almost 40 it doesn't go away!) What you might do is work with him, just as a problem-solving exercise, to make a list of 5-7 options on ways he might have handled it. Deciding not to go is one, but he could probably think of some more, maybe even some really creative ones like taking a talking parrot that he just CAN'T put down to play the games. ;) And for me with this party, I went early, took my dh, and had an excuse to leave quickly. Sometimes I host the party, because for some reason I'm better if I'm sort of behind the scenes, invisible, rather than a person there who's supposed to socialize. It's definitely worth the mental exercise since skipping isn't always the best option and can have consequences he doesn't like (offending people, etc.). PS. If this was a special friend to him, can he offer to do something with her on a smaller scale a different day, like take her out for ice cream at the park? :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 26, 2014 Author Share Posted July 26, 2014 The friend is more dd's special friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 Yeah, that's a tough one. Sounds like it was going a bit girly for him anyway. Sweet that she included him though. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 26, 2014 Author Share Posted July 26, 2014 I think they are all "youth group" games. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Ariel Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 I think if I had to play these "youth group" games that are so popular I would run for the hills! My ds 15 loves that kind of thing but my older kids dreaded it and it really affected their ability to be part of the group at times. I wish more consideration would be taken into differences between kids when planning things like this. Just my little rant here!LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 26, 2014 Author Share Posted July 26, 2014 Ds has now decided to come with me to drop dd off so that he can pop in and say hi to a couple of kids he knows. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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