Advice for starting out (k) with a perfectionist?

[PagesandFields]

I've had lots of experience with different kinds of learners... so most of the time I feel pretty confident dealing with different styles and abilities.  

 

But..  do any of you with perfectionists have any general advice to a newbie who is starting down this long road with a Ker?  I think a lot of the challenges I have are because he's a perfectionist.  I'm just not...  I'm hard on myself, but not a perfectionist... So I'm having a harder time than I thought coming up with ways to help him.  

 

It comes up mostly with anything new, or anything he's not naturally good at.  Usually physical stuff like new sports or handwriting.  But really anything.  If he doesn't already know how to do it he doesn't want to at all.  But then I know he actually does from other things he's said or done... does that make sense?  He's not very independent about much.  

 

I feel like he could so incredibly easy develop anxieties and complete aversions to things if he's pushed... but then I also think it's important to help him start learning to TRY things...  He's also highly sensitive.  

 

Thanks!

[maize]

My approach has been to limit the anxiety producing demands (I.e., if handwriting is an issue, set it aside--maybe in a few months it will not look so daunting) so we only have one or two to face at a time. For something I feel is urgent to work on now, I heavily incentivise in whatever way is motivating to the child.

[Eagle]

I made covers for our binders that have sayings/drawings about mistakes being no big deal. "Mistakes make our brains grow", "Mr. Mistake is our friend", etc. We see them every day when we get out each binder. It is a constant message being reinforced.

 

I also make lots of mistakes myself and make a comment when I do about it not being a big deal. "Oops, I forgot the period at the end of my sentence. Oh well, I can fix that!" "Look how weird I crossed my 'T'. I'm going to erase it and make a better one. Everyone makes mistakes!"

 

It sounds like the above would sound very phony, but it really works with that age group. Now when my son makes mistakes with his school work he makes the same comments and we avoid a meltdown.

[Guest]

For kindy, I gave ds the option of choosing how long to do a particular lesson after I had already chosen what it would be and how many times he would do it in an average week. I also allowed him to explore many different subjects by letting him say when he's had enough of each and letting him know that he could put books back on the shelf and pick them up again later.

 

I think that really helped his perfectionism and showed him that you don't have to be the greatest cat petter the world has ever seen to enjoy petting cats.

 

There will be time for the Protestant Work Ethic when they're older and it's kind of hard to stick to something that requires regular practice and working through the hard times when you're too afraid of failing to take the first step.