Need advice before Dr. appointment

[mamabear2three]

I don't know where else to ask this but I figure this would be the best place since you have read some about my daughter already.

 

I posted in the chat board a couple days ago about my daughter and her reactions to summer day camp - she gets free tuition because DH works there and so she had several weeks lined up that she was very excited about. Each week of camp she has been having increasing number of accidents (peeing her pants) and more difficulty going to sleep/nightmares. All of which are very unusual for her. Whenever she's not at camp she has no accidents at all.

 

I kept her home from camp yesterday after 2 days of accidents in a row and she told me last night that she had more fun at home than at camp (plus no accidents). I told her before bed that she was not going back to camp for 2 weeks, and that we would not even discuss the last week of camp right now (she has stated she really wants to go to the last week) and she was so excited she gave me a squeezy hug and then proceeded to have no trouble falling asleep whatsoever.

 

Conversation has ruled out any physical/other abuse or any bullying, but there is obviously something that is totally stressing her out about camp. 

 

So I have a dr. appointment set up for Monday to check and make sure there are no infections/ other physical causes for the unusual behavior. 

 

I know that she tends to worry about things and gets stuck on those worries. She is still worried about the electricity going out and a fire starting in the house... we've had no power outages or fires so I'm not entirely sure where that one started - she has nightmares about it and I'm to a point where I don't know how to help her get over this...and then she is outside picking up the worm snakes as I find them in the garden, to put in a tote to save to show DH and I'm off to the side screaming, snake! Another one! Get it! She responds, "it's ok mom! relax! they are harmless and won't hurt you, just relax, see, I've got it!" I would much rather her show more anxiety over snakes than over the possibility of a fire during a power outage!!. I also know that she is very concerned with other kids finding out she can read as well as she does, and hides it to fit in.

 

I've been told by one of her Sunday School teachers that she is smart - yes, thanks, I smiled, and he responded very seriously, "no, I mean she's really smart." 

 

I have been reading a lot about giftedness and I have decided that I would like to have her tested because I feel like knowing where she falls on the spectrum will help me know how to help her, and how to get the outside resources that we might need. I also want to ensure that there is not a hidden disability that I might be overlooking.

 

So all that to say, I don't know how to bring it up with her Dr. on Monday. Do I just outright say I want her tested for giftedness? I feel like they will look at me like I have 3 heads for connecting giftedness with anxiety at camp, but I honestly feel like in the absence of a physical cause for her anxiety, and with her recent history of worrying about fitting in, that the two are connected somehow. And even if they aren't, I am going to be there anyway, so I might as well kill two birds with one stone.

 

 

I don't even know what examples to tell the Dr. as proof that she's not a "average" learner... I don't know what average is supposed to look like. I read those online lists of what kids should be able to do and learn and understand at various ages and either feel like they are too vague, terribly underestimating what kids can do, or applicable only to kids who are in underprivileged areas...I wish there was a simple checklist I could print out, fill out and show her doctor and say, see - she fits this profile.

 

Sorry for rambling... I have no one else to talk to this about except DH and I really need a mentor - someone who knows more than we do about all this - to talk to!

 

[TranquilMind]

I'd have second thoughts about whether abuse or bullying were occurring, given the abrupt cessation of accidents and nightmares as soon as she got out of the environment.    I think that is much more an issue currently than whether or not she is gifted.  

 

What will you do differently if she is?  Just work to the level of her abilities.   

[freesia]

A bunch of things:

Here is the web address for Hoagie's Gifted Education. You will find some list on there to help you. Just the fact that you think the lists "underestimate" children makes me think she is probably gifted. Gifted children are also very sensitive.

 

I wouldn't worry about a 6 year old not wanting to go to camp or even that she was anxious there. My kids have all had varying degrees of comfort level with that type of environment at that age. The accidents, though, do point to something being profoundly disturbing--so I would also wonder about bullying or a particularly harsh counselor. I wouldn't send her back, free or not.

 

I have never heard of gifted testing being done through a doctor. I think you have to go through the school system or find someone private to do it. However, as one who struggled with the test or not test for years, I don't really think there is a value added. The child I believe is gifted, most likely is. Probably at least one other of his siblings is. I keep him challenged; we work on any weaknesses. It doesn't matter whether he is or not.

 

The child it mattered for is not actually gifted (although pretty close). It mattered for him bc he was having some trouble learning and I needed some of the info the tests gave me. (For instance that his processing speed is low compared to his other numbers). And actually, for him, knowing that he was not gifted was a relief.

 

So, I guess, it's up to you. But techniques for dealing with anxiety are the same no mater whether they come from giftedness or something else.

[mamabear2three]

Camp behavior- yes, this is the more important issue, and thus the reason the appointment was made. I would not expect the Dr. to test her for giftedness, but I was thinking I might be able to get a referral to a private someone to test her since we're not currently in the school system, and get my insurance to cover it, if that's even possible. (maybe I am crazy?)

 

In the end it probably wouldn't make much of a difference with whether or not she is gifted, but it would make a difference in little ways - 

 

1. I want to ensure there's not a hidden disability as that would give me ideas as to what areas I could use some different strategies to help her instead of just assuming that she's "ahead" so she's "fine". Knowing her academic strengths and weaknesses would help me as I plan my instruction and in decisions about what external learning environments to put her in.

 

2. Knowing she's gifted/to what degree/or not, would help me to be able to find challenging things for her. I have trouble looking past the number/grade level on things and wouldn't want to not allow her to try something just because she's "too young" for it if it's something that she might actually enjoy and do well with. She doesn't have a lot of challenges in her academics right now as I was planning on a very different kind of K year than she asked me for...a lot of my activities had to be scrapped because she thought they were dumb and boring. And this goes to external stuff too as I had her in a coop this past year that was grade based and she was totally bored and it was a waste of money. 

 

3. It would get unsupportive family off of our backs and help me ignore the nagging worry that I can't ask her to do something because it's inappropriate for her age.  

 

4. I honestly feel like the information would be helpful when she gets a little older and is in middle/high school and trying to figure out why she feels different. I wish I had known at that age what I do now about myself. I was sure there was just something wrong with me all the way into adulthood.

 

5. It would also help me put context to things she says or does that surprise me and help me budget for curriculum - do /i need to expect her to keep making huge academic jumps? Or will she level out soon?

 

Things that make me suspect - she went from reading on a K level to a 5 level in 2 months time. 

She passed the year end 1st grade math test without having been taught most of the material... and in looking at the second grade scope and sequence, I know we will fly through it in far less than one year's time. 

She learned how to do addition with regrouping accurately with me only talking her through one example.

She was an early and advanced talker (people thought she was in K when she was 3) and has a huge vocabulary and comprehension about topics that surprise me. (She asked detailed questions about the sewer system and water treatment system at age 3 and to this day can explain it all to you.)

She has always found kid games to be boring and while I don't get adult level games out often, she enjoys them much more.

[boscopup]

Could it just be anxiety about sleeping away from home? That wouldn't surprise me in a 6 year old. Even when I was 10 or 11, I HATED overnight camp. Absolutely did not want to be there. I even tried to get my parents to come get me early. There was no abuse or bullying in my case. I just didn't like camp that didn't involve horses (I normally attended a day camp that was all horses all day, then we rode a bus home to sleep).

 

Your doctor may offer medication for the bed wetting. It's often used for kids that are late to night train but want to go to sleepovers and campouts. But obviously your DD is anxious about something, and it very well could be that she just isn't ready for overnight camp away from mom. That wouldn't be unusual at age 6.

[mamabear2three]

Could it just be anxiety about sleeping away from home? That wouldn't surprise me in a 6 year old. Even when I was 10 or 11, I HATED overnight camp. Absolutely did not want to be there. I even tried to get my parents to come get me early. There was no abuse or bullying in my case. I just didn't like camp that didn't involve horses (I normally attended a day camp that was all horses all day, then we rode a bus home to sleep).

 

Your doctor may offer medication for the bed wetting. It's often used for kids that are late to night train but want to go to sleepovers and campouts. But obviously your DD is anxious about something, and it very well could be that she just isn't ready for overnight camp away from mom. That wouldn't be unusual at age 6.

 

Oh, it's not an overnight camp - sorry, it's a daycamp and she rides too and from with dad. I'd never send her on an overnight camp this age. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

To answer the question about how to ask the doctor.  Ask him for a referral to a neuro-psychologist.  If he asks why, say that there are some issues with how she learns and how she processes her environment that you would like testing for.  Most doctors have a list of neuro-psychs in the area (depending on how big an area you are in) that they refer to.  

[Julie of KY]

bedwetting/nightmares are most likely related to camp. I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that anything bad like abuse has happened. It certainly all can be from anxiety even though dad is around and it is only during the day. It is still a big adjustment.

 

Definitely talk to your doctor about infections, etc., but it doesn't sound like that. You can get a referral from your regular doctor or just call up a psychologist who does testing and ask about IQ/gifted testing. They may also help with any anxiety related issues.

[Incognito]

FWIW, we were able to get a referral to the neuropsych based on anxiety.

[mamabear2three]

Thanks :)

[kbutton]

I have no expertise with anxiety from camp, but I do have two gifted kids who have some levels of anxiety (which fluctuate), and I know another gifted child in the extended family who is anxious about a lot of really random things that seem trivial while being totally fine with things that bother others (very similar to the house burning down vs. snakes). I think it's wonderful that you want to rule out anything troubling about camp and get parenting advice.

 

I know a lot of people are on the fence about testing or found it to be a waste. Our family found it to be beneficial. Our kids are 2e, but I think the information would have helped even if they didn't have any issues that were diagnostically significant. I could have written word for word some of what you said are your reasons for wanting to test, and we found that testing helped with those concerns. If you haven't looked at Hoagies', it's a great site. So is SENG--it's about the emotional needs of gifted individuals. You might also want to check out the Gifted Homeschooler's Forum site as well.