deleting :)

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[prairiewindmomma]

Do you see enough issues that things have become a (major) problem at home or at school?

The bottom paragraph is a very broad spectrum....and imo, one that encompasses a fair amount of normal stuff.

 

If you have concerns, I'd talk to his teacher(s)...Ask things like:

*How are his social interactions with others?

*Does he make friends with others?

*How are his conversational skills?

*Does he take turns? Understand other's perspectives?

*Is he organized in his papers? Does he show good study skills? An ability to work through frustration? An ability to infer emotion or motive in stories?

*Is he flexible in his thinking?

*Is he unusually bothered by loud sounds or bright lights?

 

TBH, with the kids that I live with and others that I know....the issues were broad, pervasive, and significant. I'd only go looking if you were wanting to address some of the issues (anxiety, depression, sensory integration, social skills classes, life skills classes, etc.)

[Azalea]

I hope this article might be of interest:

 

http://www.salon.com/2013/09/21/thats_not_autism_its_simply_a_brainy_introverted_boy/

 

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I can't stress strongly enough how unwise it is to try and diagnose someone with Aspergers just from reading articles.  It is a spectrum that includes many characteristics that are found in all sorts of people both with Aspergers and not.  If you really think that your son is on the Autism spectrum then you should have him evaluated by a neuro-psychologist.  And to mention your "diagnosis" when you don't really know?  No wonder he's upset!  When I had ds16 diagnosed I told him truthfully that we wanted to have him evaluated to see both his strengths and his weaknesses in learning.  We did not go in with preconceived ideas, though what was found wasn't a complete surprise.  

[Jennifer-72]

Well what is done is done. It is not the course of action I would have taken, but there is no going back and nothing to be gained by letting others make you feel bad about the whole thing. So let's see if we can help you move forward! How old is your son? Have you always had concerns about him? Have you previously raised concerns with your doctor? If you haven't I would suggest you start by talking to your doctor. That is usually the best first step. They can direct you to a neuro psychologist. The neuro will probably provide you with some input on how to approach your son about any testing and move beyond the conversation you had with your son.

 

I sense from what you have written that you have always worried about him but couldn't quite put your finger on what that concern was. It sounds like reading that was a lightbulb moment for you. If it causes you to seek out a formal evaluation for your son it will most certainly prove helpful as you will gain much insight into how his wonderful brain works, even if ASD doesn't factor into that.

[albeto.]

In my opinion, after spending years of watching and participating in ABA, occupational, play, and other various therapies, I find it easiest to think of behavior in really, really simple terms. Problem ---> Solution. Can your child accurately identify his problem? Does he devise an effective solution (one that doesn't create more problems)? If not, then regardless of any diagnoses, this is where you can start. Help him identify his challenges, his frustrations, the obstacles that stand in his way of getting what he wants. If he can't quite put his finger on it, articulate it for him. Vocalize what you think he is thinking. Become that voice that will be his future self-talk. And help him brainstorm solutions. Some solutions create future problems by alienating or offending other people, so keep an eye out for that, and help him do the same.

 

I echo the previous posters who suggest resisting the temptation to self-diagnose. It may seem obvious to you, but there are actually a lot of subtle and important details that trained professionals are familiar with, things you don't even know you don't know. You can start focusing on what he is good at. There's something every kid does better than everything else he does. Don't feel like you have to find that Bill Gates or Einstein quality - those are few and far between and most of our kids (most of us) fall solidly in the Bell Curve of Not Extraordinary. However, he's got something that he's best at himself. Hone in on that. Let that be the way in which you teach him pride about who he is, what he can do. Let him be the expert in your home about whatever it is that really gets him going, whatever it is that makes his world rock. I think all kids benefit from this, actually, not just those with neurological challenges.

 

If it turns out he does have an autistic spectrum disorder, there are ways you can approach this as an empowering piece of information, but I wouldn't stress him out any more about it now. First find out what you can. If you think he would benefit from testing, you might suggest to him that the appointments are to find out the ways in which he best learns, the ways in which his individual brain access information most effectively. Let him know this is for you to fine-tune his education and other experiences so he can get a custom-made school that fits him, not the generic Kid On The Street. 

 

 

[WaterLily]

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[Jennifer-72]

Of course you shouldn't share info you aren't comfortable sharing. My main reason for asking is to suggest thinking back to those concerns and write them down to go over with your doctor. Children that are higher functioning and older are terribly hard to tease apart as to what is going on. The more of a picture you can give your child's doctor the better.

 

I really do wish you the best of luck as you try to figure things out and how to proceed.

[albeto.]

albeto,

I agree with what you said about problem--->solution. I'm only looking into this b/c I think it could possibly be helpful. And like I said, I'm really not trying to diagnose him myself. I know that I'm not equipped to do that. :)

 

We've never had a problem finding his strengths b/c he's very creative and a really talented artist, among other things! :)

 

Thanks for your suggestions!

 

Awesome! 

 

One thing I found helpful was to have my child hold his fists together, thumbs on the outside, closest to his face, fingers touching each other (he was 6 or 7 at the time). 

 

 

 

This is roughly the size of his brain. The fingers can serve as reminders of the ridges in the brain.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pointing to each finger [ridge], explain how the brain works. Certain areas of the brain are responsible for certain operations in the body. Just like it does for muscle growth, the body pumps blood through the brain to keep it in good working order. The funny thing is, some brains will grow some parts of the brain faster than others. For your son, that means artistic skills. For some it may mean science. For others it may be music, or botany, or legos, or remembering lines to movies. But the thing is, with all that growth in one spot, another spot may not grow fast enough to keep up. Sometimes this might affect coordination/sports, or spelling, or making friends. The trick is to find out what his brain can do well and support it, but also to find out where it's a bit slow, and help that along. What I like about this approach is it doesn't identify anything a child is supposed to be the World's Best, and it doesn't mean s/he's the World's Worst. It just reflects some skills develop faster and so are easier and more fun, and some develop slower and so are more difficult and frustrating. I like that because sometimes our kids can put undue pressure on themselves to be the World's Best, especially if well-meaning family fauns all over them (grandparents are usually good at this "Oh look Marty! Little Tyke's a GENIUS! Why, I'll bet he's the next BILL GATES! We'll all be RICH one day!"). It also means those things that don't come easily just require a little more patience, and maybe a novel approach. Basically, it means he's not stupid for being autistic (if he is in fact autistic). It just means he's wired that way, and that means in some ways he can think outside the box better, and in some ways it means he's going to bump up against the sides of the box. Ultimately, it's all good. 

 

:thumbup1:

[prairiewindmomma]

Picking up the phone was the hardest part for us.

 

I recommend making a list of things that you think are concerning. It will help you remember the important stuff.  The paperwork you receive should ask detailed questions and be quite lengthy.  If possible, I recommend getting a referral to a developmental or autism clinic for evaluation, or getting the neuropsych who has a decent client load of evaluating spectrum kids.

 

Most parents are freaked out, way nervous, and totally hoping they are wrong when evals start.  Most come out grieving a bit that someone else acknowledges that there really are issues, but also hopeful that maybe some progress can be made towards making life easier for the child and for the family....

 

I wish you and your family the best! I will also recommend the social group here called Moms w/ Teen Aspies. :)

[WaterLily]

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[Crimson Wife]

FWIW, not all children who present with some "red flags" for ASD actually turn out to have it. We had my DS evaluated after his little sister was diagnosed with HFA and while our pediatric neurologist said that she understood why we brought him in, she felt strongly that he had traits that would rule out a diagnosis of Asperger's or PDD (this was back under the old diagnostic system). She said that what was causing the symptoms was a combo of ADHD (not paying enough attention to social cues) + anxiety.

 

We've subsequently had a vision evaluation that raised concerns about his visual processing so it's possible he might have Non-Verbal Learning Disorder but we had to take ourselves off the waiting list for a full neuropsych eval due to a change in our financial situation earlier this year.

[PeterPan]

Albeto--That was a BEAUTIFUL explanation of the brain and resonates so much with what I see in my ds!!  And yes, you're so right on not inflating expectations (especially verbalized) based on one thing when they could be uneven.  

 

Becca--I hope you will leave this thread, just for the beauty of Albeto's posts here.  :)  I know it's a hard process to go through, considering evals, wondering what the labels mean and the implications are.  Just know nobody here was meaning to be harsh.  Sometimes you have to put yourself out there honestly for people to help you, and that's what you did.  We'll enjoy hearing your stories as you pursue the evals.  Usually even when you get the evals, people have a lot of questions about what to DO with the results.  This is a good place to hang for that.  :)

 

PS.  My only comment on your situation is that if you *suspect* he has SN going on and you get the evals, you're doing him a good deed and putting him in a good position to understand himself as an adult, where assuredly these things would creep up and not just go away.

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[sbgrace]

I think you might have removed some things about your son specifically, and that's entirely understandable! I'm just responding to the article.

I don't like it. While some spectrum people might have those characteristics, so can normally developing people with certain personality types.

 

I don't see the things specific to the deficits in autism, which would be present in those with Aspie traits too.

 

FWIW, my spectrum son doesn't look like that...but he's got a personality that has a heavy helping of the opposite characteristics. If you have concerns, and it sounds like you do, I would look into an evaluation.

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[sbgrace]

sbgrace did you read the entire article in Attwood's website or just what was quoted here? Also, I just wanted to point out that Attwood is referring specifically to Asperger's not the full autism spectrum. My oldest, diagnosed specifically with Asperger's (I pushed for that distinction since he was diagnosed under the revised DSM) fits perfectly into Attwood's description. Actually, so do I (remembering my school years and now as an adult).

 

No, I didn't!  I'll try to go back to read it later this evening.

Sorry. The quoted parts fit the profile of several introverted thinking, as opposed to feeling, oriented personality types.

 

I was thinking maybe the OP was picking out specific things that applied to her son, and none of that seems particularly aligned to the diagnostic criteria. I could be wrong though! Attwood definitely knows his stuff.

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[Crimson Wife]

By the way, HFA is often equated to Asperger's. Even though those with Asperger's are high functioning autistics, HFA refers to those on the high end of classical autism. This is the diagnosis my now 5 year old got. Per Attwood though a HFA could reach the level of Asperger's (presenting in the same way) if the HFA has worked on the areas that put him/ her in the classical Autism category. He does not mean that the diagnosis changes, but the level of functioning and specific needs could be the same.

 

Under the DSM-IV criteria, a patient who has or had a significant speech delay could not receive a diagnosis of Asperger's. Her speech delay is why my little one has a diagnosis of HFA rather than Asperger's. However, the developmental pediatrician said that once my DD overcomes her speech delay, she will most likely present as an Aspie in terms of her functioning and similar challenges.

 

FWIW, not all those who have Asperger's or HFA are introverted or logic-oriented rather than feelings-oriented personality types. My little one is sweet and outgoing, though she struggles with appropriate social interaction. Things like greeting people and asking to play rather than going up to random strangers and giving them a hug. One of the big accomplishments so far in her 3 months of ABA therapy is getting her to ask for a hug rather than just doing it.

[PeterPan]

Becca, you should definitely talk with your ped, because there are things they could actually DO about the symptoms you're seeing.  Sounds like he needs an OT eval for sensory.  It would make a measurable difference in your lives, both by explain what's going on with the sensory stuff and telling you what to do about it.  Even if you conclude it's not autism, that doesn't mean he wouldn't benefit from other evals.  Sometimes they'll send you to a developmental ped to sort out what evals you'd benefit from, and sometimes you can figure it out yourself by talking with the ped.  

 

That was actually the most interesting thing, to me, about that Attwood clip Canucks linked.  Early interventions, therapies, that's where it's at.  So no matter what the ultimate psych label, you want to try to intervene on the things you're seeing.

[WaterLily]

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[PeterPan]

Becca, this is my two cents, but the main thing is to get to the right person and let THEM figure it out.  You don't have to become a psychologist, and it would be really hard to.  You just have to decide to make the step to talk with one.  I know it's hard.  It took me a year after a professional told me straight up it was time, and even then I had 3 people writing me back channel BEGGING me.  Right now we're going through the whole trauma with my ds of do we, which one, what are we talking about.  And again, the answer is that I as the mom don't have to be the psychologist and figure it out.  I just need to be close enough in ballpark that I'm seeing someone who can help me.  

 

Your ped has screening tools and you have to have referrals through the ped anyway oftentimes with insurance.  Your ped can run a spectrum screening tool, check for tone issues, refer you for an OT eval, etc.  

 

And yes, with your list, it's time.  The fact that you can list those things means it's time.  You won't regret getting the evals and getting the information.  The people who have regret are the ones who WAIT and live with frustrations that they later realize the evals answer.  

[WaterLily]

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[PeterPan]

Tell us how it goes!  :)

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[PeterPan]

Canucks, in the US we can get anything we want if we pay for it. :)  In our state, an aspergers label gets you access to the autism scholarship fund.  Our state also has a special needs fund to cover kids with disabilities not caught with an autism label. So no, there's no reason to think that a particular label will be so low that she'll slip by the system.  It's more the opposite, that getting into the system is going to open up the doors on what her options are.  

 

And yes, kids can float.  We've had plenty of people on the boards get different labels on their kids with evals at 6, 10, and 14. (adhd, later bipolar, later aspergers)  I agree no one should have any illusions that labels are final.  

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[SadieMarie]

I also "diagnosed" my dd after reading a book.  It was such an "Ah ha" thing and then a gradual sinking feeling.  When we had the neuropsych evaluation my diagnosis was confirmed.  Sometimes you do know.