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Would you get a dog if your whole family wanted one (including dh) but not you?


MeaganS
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...and you'd be the one primarily taking care of it?

 

Dh grew up with a dog that he loved.  I grew up with no animals, and don't particularly want a dog.  In fact, if it were up to me, we'd never get a dog.  They are smelly and make me nervous, but I admit I have very limited exposure to them.  But Dh has wanted one the whole time we've been married and our girls would adore one.  Dh works crazy hours, so while he would enjoy it, almost all the care would fall to me until the girls were old enough to help.   I am just not excited by the idea, but am wondering if this is just one of those areas that I just need to suck it up for my family.  What do you say?

 

I keep trying to convince myself that I want one and it just isn't working.  I've decided on a border collie or mix probably and that we would probably get a female puppy if any of that makes a difference.

 

He keeps telling me that I'd love it after a while, that his mom was the same way and loved their dog more than anyone else eventually, but I'm not so sure.  What do you think?

 

ETA:  I'm mostly hoping that you guys will convince me I will love it and be happy with the decision...

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Short answer... No!!!

 

Dogs are so much work. If you are not a dog person, you are not going to get a lot out of the situation. Can you "borrow" someone else's dog for a few days? Maybe pet sit for someone to get an idea of the responsibilities?

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would your family be ok with a cat?  They are so much less work.  My dh and son keep asking for a dog and I say no as we have 8 cats and adding a dog would def. not work for me.  Not saying for you to get 8 cats, lol, but maybe one?

 

I just went back and read your dc's ages and they are kinda young for having a cat in the house.  Cats tend to not like small children and can scratch them (at least that is my opinion and my experience).  But maybe in a few years.

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This is part of the fine print in the 'mom manual' written in such tiny letters that most of us somehow failed to read it :smilielol5: It's under 'miscellany' at the very back crammed in between 'the rodent-owning phase' and 'when no one puts the toilet paper back on the roll except mom'

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Don't do it! I let DH and a co-worker who ran the foster dog program at the Army base where we lived talk me into getting not one but TWO puppies ("they'll keep each other company!") and I came to regret it. We ended up needing to find new homes for them a few years later when DH got accepted to grad school and frankly, I was glad to do it. They were separated and I do feel sorry for that, but we never should've taken them in the first place.

 

DH and my kids have been pleading for another dog ever since but the only way that I'm ever going to agree to it is if it's a highly trained service animal that can go to school with youngest DD so I don't have to deal with it during the day.

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No, do not. I am not an animal person either, although I grew up having a dog almost all the time. We have a German Shepherd and the agreement when we got her was that DH had to take care of her and deal with her. Naturally it hasn't been all him but dogs are a ton of work and if you aren't gung-ho and committed to start with you'll want to get rid of the dog in about a year. This is not something you do unless you really want to. And border collies need an insane amount of exercise being herding dogs who are usually fairly high strung!

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I *am* a dog person (we have a Great Pyrenees) and I say emphatically NO.

 

Dogs are a ton of work.  And they smell.  And they shed.  And they bark.  And sometimes they lick and drool.

 

The only thing worse than a dog is a puppy.  Puppys are like super-strong toddlers - for 2-3 YEARS.  You have to basically look at them as toddlers (unless you have a very high tolerance for having your house peed, pooped, and tore up): which means they need constant supervision, plenty of outlets for energy, and lots and lots of training. 

 

If you are even considering this, take someone else's advice and borrow a dog for a month or so.  If you think you still want a dog, consider an adult shelter/rescue dog.  With careful selection, they can be integrated into your family relatively seamlessly.

 

If you think you want a puppy, keep in mind that you are basically signing up to have another baby, who will need 24/7 care and attention but who also has the potential to destroy your house.

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No!  If you're not a dog person, you are unlikely to enjoy all of the extra work that a dog brings, particularly with children as young as yours.

 

If you do decide to agree to a dog, I urge you to rethink the border collie idea - they are great dogs, but they need a lot of work and attention from their owners.

 

I love the idea of finding a dog to babysit for a week or so - that would give you some insight as to whether or not you will really fall in love with dogs.

 

Anne

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I would say to just wait until your kids are older.  So don't say "No" just say "not yet."  We just got a dog and it is good but my kids are almost nine and sixteen and I really wanted one.  I would also recommend doing some breed research or rescuing a dog that has been in a foster home so you know how it is with a family and what it's activity needs are.  We just visited friends with a border collie mix and that dog was high, high energy and they have several acres for it to run.  I would not go that route.  I know they are smart, but if you are the one taking care of it and are not that into it, I would go with a more low energy dog.  

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:iagree:  They really aren't a great choice for a busy family or a family with small children.  Frankly, I think they only people they are a good choice for (aside from actual working/herding situations) are runners who want a companion.

 

That's one of the reasons that we chose a Great Pyr.  Big dog, low energy.

And border collies need an insane amount of exercise being herding dogs who are usually fairly high strung!

 

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I'm not going to answer your question, because really . . . I can't imagine a situation where I'd ever NOT want a dog.

 

But I want to address the Border Collie part of your post -- I think that's a really, really horrible choice.  I would strongly urge you to reconsider.  Border Collies are smart, high energy dogs.  They're born to work (herd).  They need a job to do for their sanity.  In general that makes them terrible family pets, and an especially bad choice for families with young children.  I don't think I'm being  presumptuous when I say that it's going to be virtually impossible for you to have the time or energy necessary to meet a BC's exercise needs.  And IME in most instances working/herding dogs don't make easy family pets, and particularly not for first time dog owners.  There are many easygoing, laid back, happy to hang out with the family breeds and mixes that would be a much better fit.

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No. I would wait until one of your children is old enough to be responsible for more of the work. It won't take that long. I told my DS he could have a pet when he was 10 when he was very small. He was under 5. He remembered and before I knew it he was 10 and reminding me! 

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Oh, my goodness, no way. I won't even get one if my dh does all the work. I do not need another needy being in my house.

 

We got a cat and a beta fish. The kids do most of the care. These animals bathe themselves and take care of their own pottying needs with out me.

 

Sorry I can't tell you that you'll love it. I think you have to love dogs to mix them with kids and homeschooling. I like dogs, but that is not enough.

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I'm not going to answer your question, because really . . . I can't imagine a situation where I'd ever NOT want a dog.

 

But I want to address the Border Collie part of your post -- I think that's a really, really horrible choice.  I would strongly urge you to reconsider.  Border Collies are smart, high energy dogs.  They're born to work (herd).  They need a job to do for their sanity.  In general that makes them terrible family pets, and an especially bad choice for families with young children.  First, I don't think I'm being  presumptuous when I say that it's going to be virtually impossible for you to have the time or energy necessary to meet a BC's exercise needs.  Secondly, IME in most instances working/herding dogs don't make easy family pets, and particularly so for first time dog owners.  There are many easygoing, laid back, happy to hang out with the family breeds and mixes that would be a much better fit.

What would you recommend for a family like ours, assuming I could get behind it?  We would need a medium-ish dog, probably, with not super short hair (because for some reason I don't like ones with super short hair) but it would need to be good with kids who love it.  We have a fenced in backyard, but it would also be a house dog.

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I'm not going to answer your question, because really . . . I can't imagine a situation where I'd ever NOT want a dog.

 

But I want to address the Border Collie part of your post -- I think that's a really, really horrible choice.  I would strongly urge you to reconsider.  Border Collies are smart, high energy dogs.  They're born to work (herd).  They need a job to do for their sanity.  In general that makes them terrible family pets, and an especially bad choice for families with young children.  I don't think I'm being  presumptuous when I say that it's going to be virtually impossible for you to have the time or energy necessary to meet a BC's exercise needs.  And IME in most instances working/herding dogs don't make easy family pets, and particularly not for first time dog owners.  There are many easygoing, laid back, happy to hang out with the family breeds and mixes that would be a much better fit.

 

This! All of it. And I, too, can't imagine not wanting a dog. But in your case? I mean, yeah, sure. You may very well fall in love with the little stinker--puppies *are* cute, after all--but there is no guarantee. And there's no good reason to suck it up now only to be bitter about it if it really truly isn't your thing and you're stuck caring for the animal for the next 12-15 years. KWIM?

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Ummm. I wouldn't get a border collie as the family's first dog. They are work dogs and need lots of exercise and stimulation. They are darn cute, though. If I were in your shoes, I think I would go for a small dog, preferably out of puppy stage. The puppy stage is the most labor intensive and if you're already a bit apprehensive and have got littles to chase around, you might resent the extra work that a puppy entails. Maybe check out the rescues in the area? We adopted our pug from a rescue, who is happy and lazy, or happily lazy, that is just our speed. He loves short walks, cuddles, and naps. He sheds like mad though, and for that reason alone I would not want to shack up with another pug after he's gone. I had read shedding would be a thing, but I did not expect the mounds of dog hair this little guy leaves in his wake. Oh, and no matter what breed and what age dog, take her/him to obedience class.

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What would you recommend for a family like ours, assuming I could get behind it? 

 

A cat.  My kids campaigned hard for a dog when they were younger.  We compromised with two cats.  The cats cuddle with the kids, can be left alone for a few days at a stretch, and require much less work for me.

 

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What would you recommend for a family like ours, assuming I could get behind it?  We would need a medium-ish dog, probably, with not super short hair (because for some reason I don't like ones with super short hair) but it would need to be good with kids who love it.  We have a fenced in backyard, but it would also be a house dog.

 

Maybe a smallish adult Golden Retriever (or mix)?  That would probably be about the same size and close to the same hair type as a Border Collie, but much more easygoing.  In general they love kids.  I recommend an adult because raising a puppy is a challenge for anyone, but it's really hard in a household with young kids who also need constant watching.  Plus even a young adult (two or older) is going to be less rambunctious and energetic than an adolescent puppy.  I's usually not too hard to find Golden Retriever rescue groups.

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What sort of dog qualities do you think you'd like and dislike?  How big a deal is: shedding, drooling, size, guarding temperment, energy, playfulness, attention needing, barking, etc?

 

Do you want something that guards the children?  That plays a lot and needs a lot of exercise?  How often do you want to brush?  How about smelliness (some dogs are worse than others)?  How much hair is too much?

 

To give you an example:  here is how we chose our current breed, Great Pyr....

 

I do NOT like small, high strung dogs.  I can't stand constant barking.  I did want something that would be a good family guardian, but not something that was going to be generally aggressive or that was going to make me worry about my kids.  I like dogs, but I do not like animals that seek constant attention.  My husband, less of a dog person, can't stand drool.  I have some tolerance for shedding (I'm a spinner, so it all looks like fiber to me).  I dislike dogs that bounce around and tear things up because they have more energy than I am willing to deal with (like toddlers an energetic dog WILL find an outlet, so you'd better be prepared to direct it).

 

So, all the small dogs were automatically ruled out.  I have always like Newfoundlands, because they are giant teddy bears, but my husband can't stand drool, so that was ruled out.  Herding breeds were ruled out because of energy requirements (more breeds are herders than you would believe).  Sight hounds were ruled out because they can be tempermental and snappish with small children.  A few breeds (pit bulls and such) were ruled out because of homeowners insurance.  Finally, I settled on flock guarding breeds.  These are not herders, they are wolf and bear killers.

 

I wanted a Komondor, because they are very cool, but they aren't quite trustworthy with children and strangers.  Kuvasz was considered, but hard to find in my area. Then we found the Great Pyr, and it fit all qualities: excellent guardian, but completely trustworthy with small children, even tempered and smart, not interested in tons of exercise, non drooly, and just lovely. 

 

You have to do the same sort of thing.  Figure out what you do and don't want and keep looking at breeds until you find it.

 

IMO, temperment matters much more than size.  I feel like a very large dog that mostly lays around takes up a lot less room than and very small dog that jump and barks constantly.

What would you recommend for a family like ours, assuming I could get behind it?  We would need a medium-ish dog, probably, with not super short hair (because for some reason I don't like ones with super short hair) but it would need to be good with kids who love it.  We have a fenced in backyard, but it would also be a house dog.

 

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I grew up with no animals, and don't particularly want a dog.  In fact, if it were up to me, we'd never get a dog.  They are smelly and make me nervous, but I admit I have very limited exposure to them.  

 

I am a dog lover that is married to a man who is not. In fact, your description here fits him perfectly. We have been married for twenty years and have never had a dog, nor to I anticipate us ever having a dog. I think the issue of having a nervous and reluctant caregiver is very significant and would not be good for you, the dog or your family overall.  

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There are a lot of compromises in families. My dh didn't want the last cat we got but he isn't the one who feeds them, brushes them, scoops the litter boxes or takes them to the vet so he agreed to the addition and is happy with the choice. On the other hand if the person who doesn't want that big of a responsibility added to a family and will be the primary care giver, I say no. No one will be happy in that case and resentment could possibly build causing problems in other parts of the family relationships.

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I love dogs, and would love to get another, but dh doesn't want to own them. at. all. 

 

if they are bathed regularly (which isn't that hard if they are bathed from puppyhood.  I bathed my gsd in the bathtub, and my mother's papillion in the sink.  they were both very good about it.  labs & newfoundlands love water.  try keeping them out of it.  ;p) they aren't smelly.   some breeds smell more than others.  (i've always associated hounds with smelly.)

 

your dh does need to commit to some of the regular care.

 

research breeds - they can be very different.  just look at the humane society - don't feel obligated to get one - this is just research.  it would be good for your kids to also learn what is invovled before you get a dog.  they are old enough to help (and should), even if not old enough to take charge of things.

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No. My kids begged for a dog. I knew if we got a dog that I'd be doing all of the work all the time.

 

I told them when they're all gone and there's no chance of me being frustrated with them or not taking care of their pet, I'm going to get a beagle. :lol:

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I love dogs and I can't imagine not having one.  If I were you, I would agree to get a dog for the family.  However, I would wait until your children are a little older.  We lost my beloved Standard Poodle when my youngest was two.  I was overcome with grief so we bought a puppy.  It was so hard dealing with a toddler and a puppy.  If you must get a dog now to make everyone happy, I would insist on a dog not a puppy. 

 

Also, I agree with the posters who mentioned not getting a Border Collie for your first dog.  My brother and his wife breed them.  They are great dogs, but they are too smart for their own good and super high energy.  Before you agree to any dog, thoroughly research the breed to find one that will fit with your lifestyle.

 

Suzanne

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I would not get a dog unless you are 100% on board with the idea. I resisted getting a dog for years, because I knew that I would be the one taking on most of the responsibility. I also thought they were messy and smelly, which they are but that's why there are groomers. ;-P When I was finally ready for a dog we searched until we found one that fit our family to a T. I am in LOVE with our dog, because we took our time and waited until everyone was ready. We all do help take care of him, but it's still mostly me and I'm ok with that because I love him. His personality comforted me when I was grieving the loss of my dad who was killed in a hit and run accident. After spending months traveling back and forth helping my mom and sitting through court hearings, I decided I didn't want to always be saying "no" to my daughter's request for a dog, I wanted to say YES for a change. But it takes time to search for the right dog, which doesn't necessarily mean a certain breed. We got ours from a rescue agency. He's a mixed-breed, cock-a-poo I think but it doesn't matter to us that he's not a pure-breed, he's lovable and adorable. Best wishes with whatever you decide.

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I love my pets.

With that said, I would never (even if I wanted one) get a dog if I thought I would be the sole caregiver; I certainly would NOT be the main caregiver for an animal I didn't want - it isn't fair to the animal (he/she WILL know that he's unwanted). A dog is a LOT of work - you have housebreaking, obedience training, feeding, cleaning up after, walking, exercising, and the dog will NEED (not just *want*, but *need*) affection and play time with their human.

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...and you'd be the one primarily taking care of it?

 

 I've decided on a border collie or mix probably and that we would probably get a female puppy if any of that makes a difference.

 

He keeps telling me that I'd love it after a while, that his mom was the same way and loved their dog more than anyone else eventually, but I'm not so sure.  What do you think?

 

ETA:  I'm mostly hoping that you guys will convince me I will love it and be happy with the decision...

 

NO!  Dogs are a LOT of work and it will all be on YOU! 

 

I'm a dog lover. I've had a total of 4 dogs in my adult life (still have 1); they've all been "my" dogs.  I've trained them and have the primary responsibility of their care.  My family has loved all our dogs and played with them but they still left everything to me even though I had asked and wished they helped more.

 

You are NUTS to even think about a border collie.  They are wonderful dogs but have a lot of energy and require a lot of grooming & exercise.  The beginning and end of a dog's life is even HARDER work!

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Here is my story--- take what you can from it.

 

I had dogs growing up, I love dogs.

I had a dog when I was single and she died after DD 1 was born.  When DD2 was three months old I got a golden retriever.  Great dog, great with kids, easy to train-- blah blah blah.

 

I had two small children and a husband that worked a lot (only home on Sundays).

 

I did a lot of work, I was tired.

I don't know if it was me, or the dog-- but she was so hard to work with. We never bonded-- she never respected me -- I suspect it was a case of me yelling at her and her being a passive agressive dog-- (she would just ignore me and snap at me-- I spent weeks with a trainer trying to stop her from bearing her teeth at me).

 

Time goes by-- more children

I did my duty, I took care of her, she never liked me and lived for the few hours when DH was home (he never told her no)-- I didn't hate the dog-- if was just indifferent about her-- she turned out to be a good dog for the children-- but there was no bond between her and I.

 

She died, We got a new puppy-- supposedly a breed that is difficult to train.  I had the time, the energy and the children were old enough to help.   I love this dog, I gush about him to strangers. I think everything he does is cute,  I am not upset about the things that need to be done to take care of him.

 

The difference? 

Mostly it is me-- I have help.  I have patience (because I am not taking care of a bunch of littles).  I have energy.

 

With a dog timing is a BIG DEAL.--Especially if you are not familiar with dogs.

I had dog experience-- I knew how to train difficult dogs-- I still couldn't do it. 

 

wait. 

 

you will be better off, the dog will be better off, the family will be fine waiting.

 

BTW-- when we got her I had a 1yo, a 3mo--- I had two more children in the next three years.-- much like yourself.

 

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It happened to me, so I guess my answer is Yes! I really did not want a dog, but my husband had always wanted a dachshund and my kids love animals of every kind. We knew a family who were giving away two young dachshunds. My BIL/SIL were looking for a little dog, so we each took one of them. I knew going into it that I would be the primary caregiver, but everyone does help out. The kids are getting better and better at assuming responsibility; DH is away for work a lot but he takes care of the stuff I hate like teeth brushing and nail clipping. I still don't love having a dog, but at least ours is very sweet, cuddly, and low-maintenance. If it had been a large, energetic, hairy type of dog I think I wouldn't have been as amenable.

 

ETA: We got our dog when our children were ages 7/6/3. We're not exactly for sure how old the dog was when we got him, but he was about 5 months old, already crate-trained, and house-broken (mostly--we did have to deal with some stubborn doxie issues). Both factors made the transition to having a dog easier than if the kids or dog were very young. But now that the kids are older and the dog is out of his puppy stage, things are so much easier.

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As a dog-lover, I would say an emphatic "No" in your situation.  My kids were much older when we agreed to get a dog (Youngest was 11.)  I had volunteered in a shelter and knew a bit about dogs and personalities.  Even knowing what I did know, I was really not prepared for how much work the dog was (and we got an 18 month old labradoodle.)  And I have several family members who help out with his care.  There is no way I could have done that with children as young as yours. 

 

I certainly would not get a border collie as your first dog and most certainly would not get a puppy.  I knew that I would have trouble staying on top of a dog who was smarter than me:).  If you do agree to get a dog down the road, look for a laid-back adult dog rather than a puppy.  I agree that an adult golden would make a great family pet.  They have lovely personalities and the mellow out much younger than labs (although I am partial to labs - that goofy personality.) 

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No. My kids begged for a dog. I knew if we got a dog that I'd be doing all of the work all the time.

 

I told them when they're all gone and there's no chance of me being frustrated with them or not taking care of their pet, I'm going to get a beagle. :lol:

That's exactly what my mom did!

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Your husband works crazy hours, you have 3 small children, and you don't want a dog. Hmm, what to do, what to do, lol?

 

I would tell dh absolutely not, and ask him if he's had a serious head injury lately.

 

Your kids are many years away from being truly helpful, and too young to know if they want a dog, IMO. They like the idea of owning a dog, as would most kids.

 

A thousand times NO.

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Alright, alright!  You guys have convinced me.  Thanks for giving me permission to not want this. :)  We'll wait a while, I think.  Dh just started residency and we are in a new state and a new house.  It is a horrible time.

 

I think I'll stick with the 6 chickens we just got.  If I get bored of them, we can just eat them. ;)

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...and you'd be the one primarily taking care of it?

 

Dh grew up with a dog that he loved.  I grew up with no animals, and don't particularly want a dog.  In fact, if it were up to me, we'd never get a dog.  They are smelly and make me nervous, but I admit I have very limited exposure to them.  But Dh has wanted one the whole time we've been married and our girls would adore one.  Dh works crazy hours, so while he would enjoy it, almost all the care would fall to me until the girls were old enough to help.   I am just not excited by the idea, but am wondering if this is just one of those areas that I just need to suck it up for my family.  What do you say?

 

I keep trying to convince myself that I want one and it just isn't working.  I've decided on a border collie or mix probably and that we would probably get a female puppy if any of that makes a difference.

 

He keeps telling me that I'd love it after a while, that his mom was the same way and loved their dog more than anyone else eventually, but I'm not so sure.  What do you think?

 

ETA:  I'm mostly hoping that you guys will convince me I will love it and be happy with the decision...

 

Are you spying in my house?  I am dealing with this exact same situation, although my kiddos are much older than yours.  We had a dog, and he was great.  He died two years ago, and it was sad.  But we no longer had all that dog hair in the house (he shed a massive amount) and the yard wasn't full of dog poop.  I didn't have to constantly let him in and out and wipe his wet and muddy paws all the time.  Now, SO and the kids are just dying to get another dog.  SO works six days a week leaving the house at 5 am and not getting home again until 7 pm.  The kids say they'll help, but when it comes right down to it, they will complain about it.  We are constantly going here and there and busy enough already.  I do NOT want another dog.  But I feel terribly guilty about it because everyone else wants one so much.

 

No. I would wait until one of your children is old enough to be responsible for more of the work. It won't take that long. I told my DS he could have a pet when he was 10 when he was very small. He was under 5. He remembered and before I knew it he was 10 and reminding me! 

 

LOL... I made that mistake with DS.  When DD and DS were each allowed to get a new pet two years ago, DS chose a cat, but what he really wanted was a rabbit like DD got.  After much lamenting from him, I finally appeased him by saying that I would consider it when he was 12.  Well, guess what?  He'll be 12 in February, and he is already counting down and reminding me daily that he still wants a rabbit. 

 

Nope.  

 

I did that.  Everyone wanted the 2nd dog but me.  I caved, and now I have this dog that I don't really like and I'm stuck dealing with the majority of the time.

 

Never again.

 

This is exactly what I fear will happen if I give in and let them get a dog.

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Nope.  I am the caretaker of the family.  I am not willing to take care of an animal.  I tell my kids that they can have pets when they are an adult and can be the ones fully responsible for their care. 

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:iagree: The right dog isn't necessarily a breed, but looking at breed characteristics can move you in the direction of figuring out what the right characteristics are.

 

FWIW, the BEST dog I ever had, and believe I ever will have, came from the humane society.  She was a chow-corgi mix.    She was just perfect.  Even my husband, not a dog person at all, loved that dog. 

 

So OP, yes, figure out what characteristics you want, and what breeds would suit that, but do look at the shelters, too

. But it takes time to search for the right dog, which doesn't necessarily mean a certain breed. We got ours from a rescue agency. He's a mixed-breed, cock-a-poo I think but it doesn't matter to us that he's not a pure-breed, he's lovable and adorable. Best wishes with whatever you decide.

 

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