Mukmuk Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Ds is a rising 6th grader. He's hated to write for the longest time. He did WWE4 (tolerated) and Killgallon (liked) but it didn't seem to help him with his writing at all. I finally decided to let him start with Fable as a quick intro to W&R - he's loving it! I'm flabbergasted, but thought I could get more experienced moms to critique. This is coinciding with his sudden love for fiction, the benefits of which are showing through. ------- This is the Rewrite for Chapter 6, The Mice in Council (unedited) In a small picturesque peaceful lake, a terrifying snapping turtle lived in its murky depths. Its diet consisted of tourist's feet and fish. Eventually, the fish got so fearful of the turtle that they stopped all school excursions and never opened their locked, barred, glued and nailed doors. Aside from the methods above of protecting themselves, many fish were so terrified that a typical fish-house would have two to five layers of coral, bone, and whatever else they could find to bar their doors. Eventually, the Catfish Dictator called a dinner meeting to decide what to do about the snapping turtle. Even though the kelp served at the dinner was of the finest quality, many fish could not take more than a mouthful because their stomachs were filled with fear. After a long silence, a young trout swam up and suggested that they fix a boat horn to the snapping turtle to alert them they he was sneaking up. Every fish cheered until an old, foreign snake fish diplomat stood up, and in broken English, said, "I say that young trout idea very good, but who put horn on turtle?" He then hobbled back to his seat and said to the trout, "you still have much to learn, young minnow." ------- If I'm less lazy, I'll type out what he was writing just 2 months ago. His quality varies drastically, but this is the widest swing yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrysalis Academy Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 This is awesome! I love his incredibly vivid descriptions and his wry humor (a diet of tourist's feet and fish made me giggle!) Honestly, if he's liking writing and writing this well, I'd say you've found a hit for him and thank your lucky stars! I wouldn't worry about critiquing this story, I think it's great for an 11 year old and I'd let him bask in the success of writing really well and succeeding with his writing assignments without pain for awhile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mukmuk Posted July 1, 2014 Author Share Posted July 1, 2014 Tks Rose. Very sound advice! I'm grateful we finally hit on W&R! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Writerdaddy Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 This is awesome for an 11 year old and I laughed out loud at the beginning. That doesn't happen often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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