any idea on how to work on flexibility.

[Student Mommie]

Someone on this board urge me to work on my son's flexibility.  I have a chance several times a week, with his bath time. Every single time it is bath time, he resists and makes a HUGE deal about it and acts like he hates the idea.  Then, once he is IN the bath (after my threats etc, sigh), he LOVES it and then begs for more time.  And if I point it out to him, he laughs, and he notices that it was ridiculous that he resisted so much-- yet the next day, it is back to square one.

 

Once I even made a video of him in the bath and had him "talk to himself" about how fun the bath is.  I tried using it the next day to remind him that he loves bath time, but it didn't work :)

 

So here we have a wonderful opportunity for me to coach him into flexibility and not resisting a change in activity (dry to wet etc).  But I'm not sure HOW to approach this-- what should I say to help coach him in this?  Are there any "catch phrases" that help a kid "anchor" a reminder that it is OK to be open to switching gears?

 

 

[sbgrace]

Do you know why he's fighting it initially? Is it that he has to stop what he is doing? Is it sensory? Any anxiety associated with baths? How old is he? 7?

[kbutton]

I am the one who urged you. I think what you are doing with bath time is great as long as you are winsome rather than trying to make a point (that makes mine argue back, but I know it's hard to always be winsome when you just want the kid clean already, LOL). When mine was younger, sometimes we had to make the consequences of not doing something (like take a bath) much more irritating to him than the activity itself was. That wouldn't have worked for really big deal stuff, but it would have for a bath. We used to also do transition activities. For instance, when we dropped him off at the church nursery, we'd count backwards to one, and then he knew he needed to go in. If he needed more transition time, we could start from a higher number. Maybe you can create a short bath ritual (our kiddos were allowed to pee down the tub drain before we filled the tub--we started before they were potty trained to help them not pee in the bathwater).

 

Key words/phrases are harder to come by as the behaviors they prompt become more complex, but when we could find them, it worked well until the last year or so. (My kiddo is 10 and hitting some big bumps in the road with this new "maturity.") I am not very creative in this regard, but it's definitely a valid approach. If he has a sense of humor, making a pun about it might help too. Could you give him a superhero nickname and talk up the superhero power of flexibility? During transitions, you can bring up the superhero or superpower (whispered in his ear if you are in front of others).

 

We know a family whose kid is likely on the spectrum, and they are dealing with major OCD. Their child's obsessions put a stranglehold on the whole family. After ruling out biological issues, they have tried meds, which are working beautifully. If you have OCD going on with all of this, it may require some specific strategies for OCD. If not, he may need to feel a greater degree of control about what happens to him, and that can create some anxiety (and it might not look like anxiety--it might look like avoidance, meanness, etc.). If you can keep the stakes low, it goes more easily (easier said than done, I know). If he's fairly self-aware, maybe you can ask him to help you come up with some transition words or ideas as well.

 

We are working on a reward system for specific routines (it's a week old). It's small--he earns a Lego for each time he finishes a specific routine that includes taking care of his sensory needs. It's helping. We are also rewarding him with a Lego for doing his vision therapy homework each day. It's fairly taxing, and he tends to avoid unpleasantness of any kind. He can also earn a Lego for going out of his way to be considerate of others in ways that don't come naturally to him. Maybe you will find rewards helpful for transitions.