underthebridge Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Hi everyone, Just wondering, do you discuss afterschooling with your child's teachers? I would hope that they are happy to have involved parents but I also suspect that some of them would rather parents leave the formal teaching to them. I hope that it's obvious I am working with DD at home and I want her teachers to know that if she grasps a concept more quickly than her peers it is because she has worked on it, not that she is any kind of genius. It's a weird area, isn't it, doing afterschooling. In my case, I really like DD's school and think the teachers are great, but I just enjoy teaching her too! Have you run into awkward situations with teachers? If so, how did you and they handle it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 I live in a area/community that is pro-afterschooling so no awkward situations. In fact, all my kids teachers kind of expect afterschooling and would mention their weak areas expecting me to do more work on it :) I don't intentionally discuss but I have been lucky in getting only pro-afterschooling teachers who ask at times out of curiosity. ETA: I do agree with Ashley that private schools tend to be touchy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathnerd Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Though the PS teacher was grateful for my afterschooling efforts and thanked me for "my support at home", the private school that I send my child to now is touchy about afterschooling. They seem to think that it reflects poorly on their ability to teach the child and that afterschooling shows them in a bad light. They repeatedly tell me to leave "teaching to them" and that they know how to do it! So, I do not mention it to them anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink and Green Mom Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 My older son's 1st grade public school teacher was highly distraught with the fact that I was afterschooling my barely passing, struggling son. She went so far as to blame me for his struggles because I was teaching him - gasp - phonics and math facts. She, however, was not willing to give him any extra help him because he didn't have an IEP. After that, I learned to keep my mouth shut. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
underthebridge Posted June 20, 2014 Author Share Posted June 20, 2014 Oh my. I suspected this might be the case. Pink and Green, I can hardly believe that a teacher would begrudge a parent trying to help their struggling son! Does anyone else afterschool in your child's class? Perhaps in places where nobody afterschools, the teachers are less understanding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 The principal at my kid's school wrote a piece in the newsletter thaw other day about the evils of tutoring centres (Kumon has just come to town). They like you to be supportive but only in the ways the school suggests. I wouldn't mention it but to be honest it has never come up. I do have a friend who took stuff to a parent-teacher conference and was told she was doing too much though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uff Da! Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 This year, DD's teacher told us to afterschool and suggested curriculum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
underthebridge Posted June 21, 2014 Author Share Posted June 21, 2014 Winter Wonderland, what did you think about the teacher's curriculum suggestion? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 I have talked about it, with mixed results. One teacher basically accused me of cheating (because I was going over the curriculum materials available online with my first grade daughter, before they covered it in class.) I am not sure that teacher counts though, because I really think she wanted my kid to flunk, and my afterschooling was preventing that. I learned to avoid giving details, but in 2nd grade I did tell the teacher that I work with my challenged kid at home every day. The second grade teacher never gave me any grief that I recall. I think it sets a tone with the teacher if they know you're the kind of parent who is aware and proactive about how the kids are learning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 Not much. Over three class teachers last year and two class teachers this year, only one of those five teachers would be any use to speak to. The general attitude is one of School Knows Best, and while the teachers have been friendly and respectful for the most part, one was actually quite patronizing towards me whenever I tried to discuss my child and teaching methods. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uff Da! Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 Winter Wonderland, what did you think about the teacher's curriculum suggestion? Her suggestions were great but DD had already done some of them. Once we had figured out what we were going to do next for afterschooling, I let her teacher know the curriculum that we planned to use. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cammom220 Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 I've learned not to say much- my DS's teachers think after schooling is pushing, especially because DS does exceptionally well in school. They act as if ten minutes of math work several days a week is ruining his childhood. It makes me feel defensive, so I don't mention it unless it's relevant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 Schools here expect parents are doing enrichment. There's also a Kumon and Sylvan on every corner. Tutors do well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
underthebridge Posted June 23, 2014 Author Share Posted June 23, 2014 Kumon and tutors are common here too, but actual parents doing the tutoring is much less common. After reading these responses, I suppose it it best to keep quiet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 Sounds like we have two separate negative attitudes to contend with: the people who think that kids shouldn't be doing school work outside of school, and the people who think enrichment needs to be directed by a paid professional (because heaven forbid an actual parent could teach her child). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 Sounds like we have two separate negative attitudes to contend with: the people who think that kids shouldn't be doing school work outside of school, and the people who think enrichment needs to be directed by a paid professional (because heaven forbid an actual parent could teach her child). Sorry if I gave the impression teachers think tutors or Kumon is 'better'. That's not true here. Parents are very excited to share their academic interests with their children, and/or to seek out enrichment experiences for children who express passions/interests. Teachers expect this is the norm. The library is filled with parents reading to their children etc. I don't know anyone who doesn't take their children to museums, concerts, plays, lectures etc. it might be different for parents who have young children. I don't know. My dd is 14. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 I have had pretty good luck with teachers. I only afterschool where my son is behind. Or -- that is all I feel like I need to involve with the teachers. For a while I replaced his school reading homework with the reading program I did with him. His teacher was very pleased and told me "keep doing what you are doing." Then I have had suggestions for areas where I could help him and he needs a little help. When my son was in private speech and OT I also shared with his teachers his progress and suggestions from the speech and OT. Sometimes they would have suggestions for me to go and tell the teacher. I have only cared for two reasons. One, I want to get his homework reduced or eliminated and replace it with something else. I think this is completely appropriate when the homework is not a good fit for him and an easy thing to ask for when it is too hard for him and leading to frustration. Also -- when it is taking time away from an effective program. His teacher agreed with me totally, yay. Two, if I want the teacher to think I am a committed, involved parent. I don't want them to think I don't care and don't do anything. I think in some areas it is obvious and in some areas it is not obvious. So -- I want them to know, yes he is working on things, even when it would not be obvious to them. But in our area, too, parents are supposed to be helping kids with school and exposing them to things. Not just blindly following along with the homework. That is not how it is at all. I think it would be fine to mention afterschooling, but I think there should be a reason. A reason could be -- find out something the child showed an interest in at school, that you might go farther with, that the teacher knows about. Or to let the teacher know you care about education. Or to share an interest your child has, that the teacher might like to know about. I think those are all good and valid reasons. But I don't think it should matter very much if a teacher approves or disapproves, if there is no drawback to the child. Some of these teachers sound very touchy, too. I have had one touchy teacher, and the rest have not been touchy. I think if you can tell a teacher is touchy and defensive -- then he/she is not the one to mention it to. If a teacher doesn't seem that way -- they probably would be neutral to positive, imo. But it is expected here, for parents to be involved. Tutoring centers are not around here, but lots of stay-at-home moms or else parents who get off work at 5:00 and then are supposed to spend enriching quality time with the kids. That is how it is supposed to be. The library is always full of parents and kids, too. But a lot of them are homeschooling, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Bunny Posted July 3, 2014 Share Posted July 3, 2014 I wonder if it's a case of, if our kids are doing well, keep after schooling, but if they are struggling, it must be the after schooling? Whenever we have teacher conferences, and the teachers say good things about the kids, DH asks me why I don't "tell them it's because they're homeschooled?" I figure I'm going to do what I'm doing anyway, and as much as I love the school, I don't really want to know their opinion. Also, most of our after schooling is different from what they take in school (history, literature, etc). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted July 3, 2014 Share Posted July 3, 2014 I wonder if it's a case of, if our kids are doing well, keep after schooling, but if they are struggling, it must be the after schooling? . My local school teachers from three walkable elementary schools have always stongly encourage afterschooling for any area the child is struggling. If the parent is willing to help, why not take it since the teachers have 30~33 kids per class. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madteaparty Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 When I lived in NYC, it was almost a given that one would work with their kid outside of school hours. This is the land of "Chinese" and "Russian" weekend schools, etc. That said, I never brought it up but his teacher at the time said something like "you must work at home with him...it shows". Which was nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 I didn't discuss afterschooling with teachers. I might if my child were behind, but as he was not, and the reason we afterschooled was to make up for the deficiencies of the school, I can't see how such a discussion would not feel like criticism to the teacher. I did, however, discuss our need for afterschooling with the head of school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Well I am now basically teaching a complete writing programme at home. If he shows marked improvement I will be tempted to tell them it is because I stopped waiting for them to help. It would probably be better to smile, let them tell me what a good job they are doing, and keep teaching at home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heathermomster Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 I provided major supports for math and language. The school knew and I didn't ask for permission. I was filling a gap they left. No one ever said anything negative and we homeschool now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erin Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 They repeatedly tell me to leave "teaching to them" and that they know how to do it! Good heavens. I can't even imagine saying this to a parent! :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 We afterschooled because of remediation. The teacher knew we worked hard. However, I found little guidance with regards to help finding curriculums or opinions on what we were doing at home. And very little knowledge regarding popular HS curriculum (AAR, c rods, etc). ImE, they teach one way for the core curriculum and testing. I'm hopeful afterschool will be more about solidifying knowledge and getting ahead this year instead of remediation. We'll see how they respond. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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