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I feel like a flake


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So I have gone back and forth over the years about putting the teens in ps, but after meeting with the school decide not to.  Last year I registered dd6 for K at the ps, but then the ride I had planned for her got fired from the program at the school and I wasn't working so no way to get her there (no bussing from our town to the school I chose), so kept her home.  I am opposed to ps in principle but want whats best for dd and living with a mentally ill brother that terrorizes the home is not really better than ps kwim.  So anyway, I registered her for ps for grade 1 next year, I work in that school, know the teachers etc.  The principal and I do not get along, she and I have had a few disagreements over the year about things that she should have stayed out of in the first place (daycare related things that are not her pervue, she is just a control freak).  So I knew that would be a challenge, but whatever, I want whats best for dd6.  Only things are changing with the daycare now.  It looks like we have a 99% chance of relocating to the high school on the next block over.  The kids will be bussed to and from the elementary school to the high school to come to our program.  Not a huge deal when it is only 1 block BUT that includes our spec ed kids, and one of them (the one I work with the most) is very violent and a bully as an aspect of his issues.  The FASD child will have an aide ride the bus with him, but other than the driver there will be no other adults on the bus with this group of 30-40 kids (depending on day).  We do take the kids on a bus for fieldtrips but we have 4 staff on the bus with them including 1 adult with each of those boys specifically and 2 to deal with the rest of the kids.  I do not feel the bus will be a safe option for dd6.  Yet do to my role at the daycare (I stand a good chance of taking over it next year) I can not pick her up after school (I could still drop her off in the am).  

Am I just borrowing trouble? I am torn now whether I should leave her registered in the ps or cancel that and keep hsing her.  I don't want to fall for picking any random reason to hs when I know she would otherwise do fine in school and have a break from big brother.  Yet I know these kids and it is very worrisome.  I mean this kid is even more violent and prone to outbursts than ds15.  The difference is she would only have like 10 minutes morning and afternoon with this boy without more adults compared to at home with all day with ds15.  gah.  I feel like a flake being so wishy washy on my decisions between hs and ps.

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You aren't a flake.  You are a mom who cares and does not have a really great solution to the situation.  I don't know but I think if I were in your shoes I might try the ps, given the circumstances.  If it didn't work out, then hs would still be an option.  I realize that "if it didn't work out" might mean that something bad has happened to your child.  That is certainly a serious consideration.  But as you said, she would only be exposed to the violent child a few minutes a day as opposed to all day long with a sibling that has difficulties that may already be impacting her.

 

:grouphug:

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It isn't flaky to want a safe setting for your child.  I am surprised that a violent child is allowed unsupervised on the bus...that does not happen here. In this area, a violent special needs student would take the same small vehicle bus that usually brings him to school and be delivered to the daycare, where his aide for the afternoon would meet him.

In the city it doesn't happen either but this is rural town.  Mom drops him off at the daycare and picks him up at the end of the day.  Currently is he is out of control we can take him to the sensory room or to the principals office to cool down and keep the others safe.  In the new setting that won't be an option.  As well in our current setting all the kids merely walk down the hall from our classroom to their homerooms with lots of staff around.  We will still have him in the afternoon for 3 hours, and he already tries to bully dd6 but with so many of us supervising him it doesn't go far.  But the bus ride to and from school will be a new issue.  What will happen is we are to "put" all the kids on the bus, and whomever is bus supervisor that day at the elementary school would meet the bus just like all the other busses and the kids would head inside.  Reverse in the afternoon.  Due to limited bussed the daycare kids would be let out of school before first wave (kids are let out in 3 different waves depending on their mode of transport after school-bus kids first wave, parent pick up/walking 2nd wave, daycare 3rd wave).  Our daycare kids would actually be put on the bus before final bell to make sure the bus would be back for the real bus run on time for first wave.  The new daycare space is much needed and way bigger than what we have.  A huge boon for the daycare but a pita for planning for dd6.  Part of what made me "okay" with the ps was that I was right there kwim, now I won't be and I will have to trust that this boy doesn't go after dd6 on the bus twice a day (like I said he already tries to bully her and several of the other 6 yr old girls)

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I am a bit confused but if you are working with this child it is not safe for her to be on the bus with how can you home school?

The child is not in my home.  I work with him at daycare 3 hours a day.  I am assistant director of a before and after school daycare in a school.  I work split shift so I am home during the day with my kids to homeschool. 1 has nothing to do with the other beyond the bus ride/attendance at daycare after school.

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I am rural. No violent children have the privilige of riding the bus in my district.  For situations like you have, the parent has to transport the child if nonspecial needs. Some walk them over, some drive. All special needs children who aren't parent transported take their normal assigned small vehicle and are met by their designated caregiver, no matter where they are picked up or delivered (they can go home, daycare, medical care,religious instruction, parent's office/business, or any other place within the agreed upon bussing radius).   If that isn't the law where you live, maybe the lad could be a walker, and walked to and from by the daycare aide. If he is on the large bus, he should not be seated near the girls, and his behavior plan must be followed. I can't even imagine that the bus is considered appropriate for his sensory needs, or that he is allowed on without an aide; just wouldn't happen here.

but see that's what I meant.  There is no small vehicle.  mom works an hour away so boy is dropped at daycare at 730am, he is picked up at 530pm. We don't have a daycare aide for any of our spec ed students.  The type of licensing we have does not provide for that.  The aide that would ride the bus is the FASD boy's school aide.  She would ride the bus and then walk back to the school.  THese students are not permitted to walk from the school to the daycare if we move.  The school board says it is door to door policy, because they are being left with a daycare and not parents they are not allowed to walk on their own.  The only busses contracted in the district are regular large busses.  Generally the high school and elementary students share a bus and they drop first at one school, then the other but the daycare will be different.  Students will be picked up and dropped off before the other kids are let out of class, so they will not be riding with high schoolers who could have perhaps helped mitigate issues.

 

I am sure I am just borrowing trouble, chances are things will be okay.  THis boy is no the FASD boy, he is explosive with everyone not just those girls, he just happens to target them to bully but is explosive with everyone (kids and adults alike).  With the number of staff we have in the program we can mostly corral him as needed and deal with his triggers etc.  If there is no one on the bus dealing with that though I don't know how he will deal with it twice a day.  Somedays he will be an angel I am sure, and others kids will be hurt.  I don't want to make him out to be completely horrible, he isn't.  He can be very sweet but he is extremely explosive with a very short trigger.  If you look at him the wrong way he assumes you have planned to murder him and reacts with violence in what he feels is self defence.

 

Anyway, there is no way for his mom to drive him to school or pick him up from school to bring to the daycare due to working an hour away, if she could do that he would not be in care in the first place.  He is only 9 so we will have him for a few more years in the program.

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The child is not in my home. I work with him at daycare 3 hours a day. I am assistant director of a before and after school daycare in a school. I work split shift so I am home during the day with my kids to homeschool. 1 has nothing to do with the other beyond the bus ride/attendance at daycare after school.

Ah. So you school between shifts. Do the kids go to work with you? Or does someone care for them at your home? Just nosy.

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Ah. So you school between shifts. Do the kids go to work with you? Or does someone care for them at your home? Just nosy.

Youngest comes with me most shifts, This year on Mondays she did not because they took her to and from sparks while I went to work at my 2nd job.  The rest came into town tuesdays and stayed at the library for 3 hours because I took teens to cadets right after work, wednesdays the 3 oldest stay home, Thursday and Friday they go to town with me, 1 hour at the library and 2 at the teen drop in center. Weekends at home while I am at my 2nd job.  So weekends and Monday afternoons are the only time ds15 is around the kids without me right there, and they stay in touch with me via phone if needed.

 

Next year if she goes to ps she will be at the daycare 5 days a week and I will have to stop working 1 evening a week.  If she continues to hs she will go to the daycare 4 days a week but stayhome on wednesdays as they are switching brownies (she moved up from sparks last week) to wednesdays right after school.  So she will be left behind with the big kids but be at brownies from 4-530, I work 3-6 so she would only be at home with the big kids for part of my shift.  

 

Ds15 doesn't usually do anything directly to her, he just has stellar meltdowns etc that take my focus off the other kids to deal with and she witnesses kwim.

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Is the teen boy entitled to special needs transportation if his mother did not transport him?

 

No because there is no special needs transport out here.  The town I work in has a population of around 4000  There is less than a handful of severe spec ed kids in the school I work in and none get transported by bus, all get transported by parents like the vast majority of the students in the school. We have 2 of the spec ed kids, 1 has a worker that stays late after school to do further therapies with her using the materials in the sensory room.  THe 4th is autistic and his mom is a stay at home mom and drives him to and from.   Now there is many kids with LDs but nothing that would qualify them for aides.  In our daycare we don't have aides.  We have additional funding for the FASD boy which has allowed us to hire a 4th staff, so even though based on ratios we only need 2 staff on most days, we have 4.  1 to focus on FASD boy, 1 to focus on explosive boy and 2 for the rest. But the way it actually works out since we are all childcare staff and not aides, is we all care for all the kids and work as a team to watch those 2 and the few others we have with issues that don't qualify for aides in school either, to keep the room as peaceful as possible.  Essentially I am the one that works with explosive child the most.  I can get him calm fairly quickly, and he doesn't try as much stuff with me as he does 2 of our other staff.  Ds15 has prepared me well for that job, he was never as explosive as this boy, but he taught me how to deal with it and disassociate when needed, yet still be ready for a hug when the moment ends. One of our staff does really well with fasd boy, better with him than the bulk of the kids I would say.  So she focuses on him when he is having a tough go of it.  It's hard to explain, you would have to see it in action to see how it plays out.  During the day while this boy is explosive and tries to bully, there are 4 of us supervising and stepping in nipping it in the bud.  But on a bus there will be no one doing so for the ride back and forth, which seems like not a big deal but when this boy flips you need someone who can put an end to it quickly before it becomes worse kwim

 

The bottom line is there is no spec ed transport here, but kids who feed off each other and need constant supervision.

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So, the law in your country is that special needs children are not entitled to school district transportation that accomodates their medical needs?

 

I don't know what the law is in the country.  I just know how it plays out in this community

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Might be a good idea to check and see what the young man is entitled to by law. He may be entitled to a ride in a vehicle that accomodates his needs. It may just take his mother filing the correct paperwork.

haha sorry, with this mother that would be funny to see.  I have been trying to get her signature on a release for the last year to allow services to assess him in our program to qualify for extra funding to hire a worker for him.  She won't sign it, says she doesn't want people judging her

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Can the FASD aide concentrate on the violent child for those short rides?

No because we need her to concentrate on the FASD boy, he needs it.

 

Talked to my boss about it further, she felt the same way I did about violent boy and was in contact with the board again yesterday when I was away.  They are going to try and have an aide ride the bus with violent boy too.  Because it is door to door, on the bus counts still under the school's supervision not ours so they have to provide that or face the repercussions.  I let the school know today that if boy rides without an aide my dd would not be attending the school at all. So now to leave it in the school/school board's hands and hope they get it right.

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No because we need her to concentrate on the FASD boy, he needs it.

 

Talked to my boss about it further, she felt the same way I did about violent boy and was in contact with the board again yesterday when I was away.  They are going to try and have an aide ride the bus with violent boy too.  Because it is door to door, on the bus counts still under the school's supervision not ours so they have to provide that or face the repercussions.  I let the school know today that if boy rides without an aide my dd would not be attending the school at all. So now to leave it in the school/school board's hands and hope they get it right.

Good luck!  Hope it works out.

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The US has an exceptionally strong special needs in education law. Canada does not so services vary between districts much more. It's generally left to the district to decide how best to deal with a given situation. In my province there are strict limits on special needs funding based on disability, which I understand would probably not fly according to current interpretations of US law.

 

I don't think you're being flaky. I think you're stuck between a rock (mentally ill, unpredictable kid at home) and a hard place (mentally ill, unpredictable kid on the bus). I hope the school sorts it out for you.

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