blessedmom3 Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 English is my third language. I know something is wrong in the second paragraph,but I can't fix it! Also, if you see something that can be changed into a better sentence,I'd really appreciate it! Eta I can't attach a file here,so I just uploaded it to pinterest http://www.pinterest.com/pin/560768591074931053/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 Well, some thoughts: "Very loyal" doesn't need to be in parenthesis, you don't really need to include Pippin's and Merry's formal names (you didn't include Sam's, after all), and you could just write "Gandalf the Grey." I wouldn't add that he is a wizard unless you also add that Sam, Pippin, and Merry are hobbits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blessedmom3 Posted May 23, 2014 Author Share Posted May 23, 2014 Great,that's really helpful. Thank you. I'm sure there's more editing he should do so if anyone else wants to give suggestions,I'd appreciate that. By the way, is this an acceptable length of a book report for a 5th grader or should I require to write more? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.