Jump to content

Menu

Twins: 1 gifted, 1 struggling


Recommended Posts

Hi,

I have 6.5 year old girl/boy twins( and a 9-year old girl who tests as gifted).  My twin girl was reading chapter books at 5 and has been going through Singapore math at her own pace and is now on 3A without any help from me.

 

The difficulty is my son, her twin, struggles mightily to understand basic math concepts and has been working hard to learn to read for a long time but is still sounding out individual words on flashcards, slowly.  I am concerned about the self image he will develop because he is comparing himself to her.He is very aware that his twin is way ahead of him and that he is not able to do many of the things she can do easily.

 

I was drawn into looking at some gifted programs when looking at this discussion board and then realized that it would be very difficult for two kids to be labeled 'gifted' and one to be not gifted, or more realistically, challenged.  For example there is a gifted family conference in Chicago (where I live) but how do I put my two girls in the gifted sessions and not my son?

 

I'm looking for any advice from other posters who have faced this situation about how to manage this dynamic with my son.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Many of the GT things that are more on the social side allow siblings of ID'd kids to attend-it's only the classes that have academic prerequisites that require that each child qualify separately. Especially for younger kids, a lot of "gifted" things are more about getting kids with others who don't look at them like they've just sprouted 2 extra heads when they talk about loving math.

 

I wouldn't rush to label a 6.5 yr old boy as not gifted, either. Usually siblings are very close to each other in IQ, so it's more likely that he is gifted, just maybe not wired for early academic development. Around here, a lot of 6.5 yr olds, especially boys, are just finishing kindergarten.

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'd be sure to get a regular vision checkup with a covd optometrist and talk about the apparent significant performance differences among the siblings.  I would also keep an eye out for the possibility of other, non-vision issues that could interfere with performing up to his ability.

 

FWIW, my fraternal twins are often at somewhat different achievement levels.  However, on paper (IQ testing), their ability levels are actually very similar.  Interestingly, they have the same complicated and unique weaknesses, just to different degrees.  Part of the difference in achievement levels is due to different degrees of weaknesses and part of the difference is due to personality issues (level of perfectionism/fear of trying hard things).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My brother and I were not twins, but we were just over one year apart in a very small school district.  I was never his little sister, since I was performing a good two grades a head of him.  He was always my brother and often times people would say they didn't know I even had a brother.  It was equally hard on both of us.  I learned to dumb myself down so that I didn't put pressure on the family dynamics; he became a total wallflower

 

I think if my parents had made a point to provide places where my brother could have excelled and I had to tag along, it would have greatly helped.  Maybe your son's strength is not in the academic fields (however 6.5 is too young to tell).  Does he like something else?  Building things, sports, music, acting, languages, cooking....these are all careers and even larger joy building activities.  Being "gifted" is sometimes a much larger curse when it comes to the social world.  It cannot be seen at 6, but he might be much better off in the end.

 

My other thought would be to provide a very distinct separation between school time and home time.  Everyone enjoys read alouds.  Most everyone enjoys making brownies together, or dance parties, movie nights, or backyard campouts.  Make sure you show how important it is to be family first, and then academics second.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

DH is exceedingly bright.  He would probably test gifted now.  But he struggled mightily in school.  He needed a different approach to instruction and more time to develop.  A lot of boys do.  

 

You may need to approach instruction differently with your son than your daughter.  They may have very different learning styles. Although it would be challenging, you might even look at using different materials altogether and maybe cut off spines and put the material in notebooks so grade levels are not readily apparent.  

 

And he may have different strengths than your daughters that haven't even been tapped yet.  Have they had an assessment?  It might help you to find the strengths AND help with any weaknesses, if there are any.  He may just learn differently and be on a different developmental time table.

 

:grouphug:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Are there any areas where he shines compared to her?  My two 7yos are very different.  One is intellectually gifted and this is no secret.  The other is academically average, but she's ahead athletically, and this is visible too.  On balance, neither of them is constantly overshadowing the other.  Both have disappointments as well as triumphs.  It is really no different from any other siblings.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would be very careful saying your other twin is not gifted just because he struggles. I am one of twins. My elder sister was labelled highly gifted as a child. My twin brother on IQ tests scored slightly higher than I did by a couple of points. And yet he was severely dyslexic, had a lot of occupational issues, was most certainly less school-inclined and was out-performed by us girls very easily. When he was older he outperformed us in anything technologically based and could figure out very difficult Math only if it helped him get where he wanted to though he had really struggled to spell one to ten as a child in first grade. He did need some occupational work for fine motor issues too.

 

Siblings usually do have similar IQs, however the learning style may be very very different and there may be other issues. My twin brother was very auditory, the girls were visual and my younger brother is probably kinaesthetic. I would teach them separately and work to find out how your son learns and what he is interested in. My brother also outshone me when it came to the social scene - he was the leader in our pair always, devising weird schemes and I was always just a tag along on outdoor adventures. In fact one year of preschool neither of us learnt anything since he would lead me to the sandbox all day and I stayed with him ignoring the activities I woulld have loved to have done simply because he did not want to do them and he had leadership power over me. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 months later...

Thanks for the ideas about how I should be looking for and encouraging Jack's giftedness and not draw conclusions too early.  Also, Jack has now finally been to a COVD doc.  I had suspected this a while ago but at the time knew we couldn't afford vision therapy and it's not covered by insurance.  Now that finances have loosened up, I took him for  a COVD exam and found out definitively that he does have convergence insufficiency, oculomotor issues, etc.  He started Vision Therapy last week.  I'm hopeful that it will really benefit him and that he will find it to be easier to do certain things such as learning how to read.

 

 I really appreciate the ideas from the posters. Thanks!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Good to hear. My sons are a standard deviation apart on tests so some variation does occur (the lower one is only just short of EG so it isn't like one struggles) but if you have one that appears that different, and the child has not suffered some sort of damage, the a vision or LD problem seems likely.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...