Mom in High Heels Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 I am so mad about this story! The dads who were chaperoning found her too sexy, even though her dress met standards, so she was told she had to leave the prom. My blood is boiling! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 That's absurd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 I am sad for the girl and for her date. The people in charge should have been more responsible and they should have behaved as mature adults... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denise in Florida Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 I saw that story also. And I agree that it was horrible. My younger daughter was that kid at so many homeschool events. Long legs, slender and cute. She always met the dress code and she was always criticized for how she was dressed. It was stressful for her and infuriating for me, one year we shopped at four stores to find shorts with the requested inseam length and she was still not allowed to wear them. rrrrrrr One comment she kept getting was that she was 'giving the boys ideas', I got fed up and called the last woman who said that and told her that 'boys already come with ideas' and to stop blaming my daughter. This was before I understood the true depth of the rape culture in America. I think I would be even more upset now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Staggers.the.imagination! They are the pervs who are so driven below the waist they can't keep their minds out of the gutter and SHE is the one with the problem??? Sick! I'd be so ashamed of the males in my family if they acted that way. The description of the dads hanging out over the balcony looking down when they were supposed to be actively chaperoning is highly inappropriate. It smacks of being there only to ogle and harrass the girls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xuzi Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Head. Exploding. Ugh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Ummmmm if the adult male found her to be too tempting, maybe HE should have been the one to leave- you know, go meet with his pastor or something. A man with those urges has no business being around children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkyandtheBrains. Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 I find this disgusting. Those men should've left. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 The stupid burns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denise in Florida Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 I hope that's not real. Talk about ridiculous. It is just all too likely to be real in my opinion. It is ridiculous. I also saw the post this comes from and it sounded so so familiar. I lived this with one child. With one particular adult woman I just kept waiting for it to resolve. Finally I had to call in her supervisor (she was a leader of an extracurricular organization) and threaten them with escalation to the state level. They agreed not to have this woman discuss clothing or behavior with my daughter and referred my daughter over to another leader. I regret waiting so long to deal with it. This is the slow drip of rape culture that leads to abuse (physical and verbal) and to girls who decide that somehow they deserve it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 It was in Virginia. I'm not sure what you meant by local in the title but just wanted to point out that it wasn't our local Richmond Beach High. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 It was in Virginia. I'm not sure what you meant by local in the title but just wanted to point out that it wasn't our local Richmond Beach High. Correct. It was a homeschool prom, not a local school's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 A similar case in Canada: http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/nova-scotia/truro-mom-fights-dress-code-after-shorts-deemed-too-short-1.2641525 Those shorts are shorter than the prom dress and are pretty short (not mid-thigh as originally described in the petition), but the ugly reasoning of the administrators is the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 This is why I hate people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Ummmmm if the adult male found her to be too tempting, maybe HE should have been the one to leave- you know, go meet with his pastor or something. A man with those urges has no business being around children. Totally agree...ick! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiMi 4under3 Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Ummmmm if the adult male found her to be too tempting, maybe HE should have been the one to leave- you know, go meet with his pastor or something. A man with those urges has no business being around children. :iagree: Or why couldn't they just keep their thoughts to themselves? I manage it. Enjoy the view...shut up...stop being a dope. :iagree: This is why I hate people. :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 So, now as she graduates high school and leaves home, she has a lasting impression of how she wants to view the religion in which she was raised. Maybe what they did is really good because this impressionable time she really will expand her thinking beyond the narrowmindedness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 That is too disgusting for words. But there is hope for the human race; she didn't slink home ashamed, she stood up to them and made their dirty behavior public! Good for her. Any time you keep bad behavior a secret, you are an enabler. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber in SJ Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 My 16 yo dd has this problem as well. She is short (4'10"), fit and has large booKs (36C or D depending on the bra) No matter what swim suit she wears, the attention goes straight for her chest. She has worn swim team suits that show massive side-booK, she has worn old fashioned swimsuits that should look matronly but look like Marilyn Monroe and she has tried to wear rash guards and board shorts but the rash guards that fit over her chest are huge in the neck and arms. No matter what she does I have had many moms & church leaders come to me to tell me that the dads think she is going to give the young men the wrong ideas. I point out that her attire meets the standards of the event and I tell them that if they make her uncomfortable about her body because of their issues I will raise an unholy stink and name their husbands as perverts. No adult has ever said anything to her. Just to me. People can be jerks Amber in SJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 The description of the dads hanging out over the balcony looking down when they were supposed to be actively chaperoning is highly inappropriate. It smacks of being there only to ogle and harrass the girls. This. Quite the strategic vantage point they chose, eh? :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMommy Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Ick. That's all...just ick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 It is just all too likely to be real in my opinion. It is ridiculous. I also saw the post this comes from and it sounded so so familiar. I lived this with one child. With one particular adult woman I just kept waiting for it to resolve. Finally I had to call in her supervisor (she was a leader of an extracurricular organization) and threaten them with escalation to the state level. They agreed not to have this woman discuss clothing or behavior with my daughter and referred my daughter over to another leader. I regret waiting so long to deal with it. This is the slow drip of rape culture that leads to abuse (physical and verbal) and to girls who decide that somehow they deserve it. :hurray: I will keep your plan in mind if I ever have any more bad experiences. So sorry your daughter had problems. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 I am sad for the girl and for her date. The people in charge should have been more responsible and they should have behaved as mature adults... Thank you for being a real man. I would go apeSh** crazy if someone treated my dd like that, if I had a dd...or my son's date, if he had a date. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 My 16 yo dd has this problem as well. She is short (4'10"), fit and has large booKs (36C or D depending on the bra) No matter what swim suit she wears, the attention goes straight for her chest. She has worn swim team suits that show massive side-booK, she has worn old fashioned swimsuits that should look matronly but look like Marilyn Monroe and she has tried to wear rash guards and board shorts but the rash guards that fit over her chest are huge in the neck and arms. No matter what she does I have had many moms & church leaders come to me to tell me that the dads think she is going to give the young men the wrong ideas. I point out that her attire meets the standards of the event and I tell them that if they make her uncomfortable about her body because of their issues I will raise an unholy stink and name their husbands as perverts. No adult has ever said anything to her. Just to me. People can be jerks Amber in SJ :hurray: GO MOM! I have one DD that is very obviously female-shaped. She actually cries trying on clothes- not much cute stuff fits her well, and it takes many hours in many stores to find clothes since she can't wear most hand-me-downs from older sis. And she DOES have a "matronly" swimsuit- and totally rocks the Marilyn Monroe look. Homeschool groups with "modest" dress codes might as well just re-write the code to say "Bazooms not welcome here" and kick girls out at puberty. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalsummer Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 You'd think if they wanted a more conservative dress code they would have stipulated a more conservative dress code. Kind of too late once the kid shows up in a dress and you realize your dress code wasn't conservative enough, poor kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MFG Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 You'd think if they wanted a more conservative dress code they would have stipulated a more conservative dress code. Kind of too late once the kid shows up in a dress and you realize your dress code wasn't conservative enough, poor kid.This.A slim, leggy, blonde 17yo in a fitted, sparkly dress looks sexy. Wow, who'da thunk it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Ridiculous. We did deal with some of these attitudes in our homeschool group. My girls are attractive, and I didn't reinforce a strict "you can never look anything other than matronly" policy. We were definitely the black sheep of our CHEF group. I find it pretty ironic that a lot of the most conservative families have had children get into a lot of trouble with the law, drug troubles, pregnancies out of wedlock, etc. Those that wouldn't have begun to give us the time of day when we were involved in the group are now begging not to be ostracized. It's a bit ironic really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Maybe they should have said everyone needs to show up in a burlap sack with a paper bag over their head. or a burqa. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 I have a tall, curvy, blond who looks like a swimsuit model in gym shorts (the big boxy kind not volleyball kind) and a t-shirt. She is extremely introverted and does not dress to attract attention. She just happens to do so if she dresses other than matronly. If that happened to my daughter, I would be naming names. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 You'd think if they wanted a more conservative dress code they would have stipulated a more conservative dress code. Kind of too late once the kid shows up in a dress and you realize your dress code wasn't conservative enough, poor kid. But I think it's more that the dress code wasn't okay for this one girl than that it wasn't okay overall. They targeted her for looking good. Because it's her responsibility to cover up above and beyond what others have to do because she's tall and leggy and curvy. Except it isn't. They're the ones who have the responsibility. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MFG Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Maybe they should have said everyone needs to show up in a burlap sack with a paper bag over their head. or a burqa. No, just give all the post-pubescent males blindfolds. Poor dears can't help themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 My guess based on nothing but my tiny brain-- This girl was and envelope pusher. You don't write an article titled "F the Patriarchy" your first time out the gate. She had probably had "issues" with the adults in the group before. Because of that, she was under extra scrutiny and they did not feel bad about kicking her out. Again, just my guess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Or maybe they should just separate. Have one dance for girls and then one for boys. It'll be a blast. oh no. Males dancing with males - that's a whole 'nother indecency. Can't win. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MFG Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Even better!! Or maybe they should just separate. Have one dance for girls and then one for boys. It'll be a blast. Yes! Because guys in all-male environments *never* think about women! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Seriously. Can you imagine being the woman they made do their dirty work?? Talk about an awkward conversation! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MFG Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Of course they don't. They exchange recipes. Everyone know that. I imagine they have something cooking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denise in Florida Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 My guess based on nothing but my tiny brain-- This girl was and envelope pusher. You don't write an article titled "F the Patriarchy" your first time out the gate. She had probably had "issues" with the adults in the group before. Because of that, she was under extra scrutiny and they did not feel bad about kicking her out. Again, just my guess. You may be right..of course most 'envelope pushers' get to that point for a reason. Yes, sometime teens have repeated issues with adults...of course one of those parties is a 'teen' and one is an 'adult' I'm sure they did not feel bad about kicking her out. They might even have known in advance that they would have a problem and 'have' to kick her out. She may have been confrontational in the past and they were going to punish it at prom. I am basing this on nothing but speculation and having the misfortune to meet people who really would do that. Her response of "F the Patriacrchy" warms my heart. Go her. :) Neither of us know because we don't know the people involved. I've just had a few wake up calls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myeightkiddies Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 You'd think if they wanted a more conservative dress code they would have stipulated a more conservative dress code. Kind of too late once the kid shows up in a dress and you realize your dress code wasn't conservative enough, poor kid. Exactly. If there was a detailed dress code in place, there is no reason to have sent her home. Next year implement a strict dress code if the dress bothers them so much. The dress covered her, so it wasn't a matter of indecency. The child shouldn't have been punished for the lack of detail in laying out a clear and detailed dress code. As for the dancing, it too should be spelled out clearly. If the chaperones are that concerned with specific dancing and dress, I'm wondering why they let their children attend - and why they are there. There's no video of her dancing, but if it was too overly provocative, then have a female chaperone ask her to tone it down some. Don't send the poor girl home. I saw many local high school couples having dinner on their prom night. The dresses were lovely, but far more "sexy" than the one of the homeschooled girl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myeightkiddies Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Maybe this will kick-start a new preconception about homeschoolers: se*y. Like, almost toooooo se*y. So se*y, society isn't even ready for it. We should have never given up the denim jumper. This is what happens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denise in Florida Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Seriously. Can you imagine being the woman they made do their dirty work?? Talk about an awkward conversation! Hey Moxie, I'm not trying to single you out :001_smile: , but so many of the things you are mentioning are the things I tried to tell myself and my dd for years. I look back with a ton of regret that I did not take her complaints seriously enough and that I rationalized the adult behavior away. I am proud of my daughter and of this girl for having the courage to rage against the system. :001_smile: No I am not sorry for this woman. She is a ADULT, she had apparent and immediate AUTHORITY. shame on her! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Ok...I just about spit out my drink... I did spit my drink...all over my tablet! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa R. Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 My guess based on nothing but my tiny brain-- This girl was and envelope pusher. You don't write an article titled "F the Patriarchy" your first time out the gate. She had probably had "issues" with the adults in the group before. Because of that, she was under extra scrutiny and they did not feel bad about kicking her out. Again, just my guess. We really just know one side of the story. I think Moxie makes a good point here. I have been to homeschool dances before and dress code is a big deal and a huge pain to enforce. Some moms really take it seriously. They have bought into the whole "these poor teen boys will stumble if we don't sufficiently cover up the girls". However, I'd be interested in hearing the chaperones side of the story. It is possible this girl is exaggerating. We don't know. Ridiculous. We did deal with some of these attitudes in our homeschool group. My girls are attractive, and I didn't reinforce a strict "you can never look anything other than matronly" policy. We were definitely the black sheep of our CHEF group. It has also been my experience that the pretty girls with the cute, desirable shapes get treated unfairly with dress code enforcement. My 16 yo dd has this problem as well. She is short (4'10"), fit and has large booKs (36C or D depending on the bra) No matter what swim suit she wears, the attention goes straight for her chest. She has worn swim team suits that show massive side-booK, she has worn old fashioned swimsuits that should look matronly but look like Marilyn Monroe and she has tried to wear rash guards and board shorts but the rash guards that fit over her chest are huge in the neck and arms. No matter what she does I have had many moms & church leaders come to me to tell me that the dads think she is going to give the young men the wrong ideas. I point out that her attire meets the standards of the event and I tell them that if they make her uncomfortable about her body because of their issues I will raise an unholy stink and name their husbands as perverts. No adult has ever said anything to her. Just to me. People can be jerks Amber in SJ I think this is the way to combat this type of chaperone attitude. Name names.Why not? Stand behind your beliefs! Do these men really want to admit they were turned on by a teen girl? Which ones, specifically, had a problem? You might suddenly realize that they don't hold these beliefs so strongly anymore. Even if this story is slightly inaccurate, this type of dysfunctional attitude exists elsewhere. Interestingly, when I've seen it, it is the *women* that object most strongly under the belief that they "want to protect their teen sons." Ewww. I would think they poor sons would be mortified if they knew what their moms were saying and doing. Having said all this, dress codes are a huge pain to enforce. Even reasonable dress codes. If you didn't have one, you'd end up with some kids coming in some ridiculous, unquestionabley offensive clothing. Then, they'd get mad because "there wasn't a dress code." Really, the chaperones can't win. Common sense should prevail, but often it doesn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Maybe they should have said everyone needs to show up in a burlap sack with a paper bag over their head. As long as the burlap sack reaches beyond the end of their fingertips. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 I write or say F * ck the patriarchy on a daily basis and I've never been in trouble for anything in my life. And regardless! Her sister (whose blog it is) is obviously correct. Imagine being these guy's WIVES. "Babe that 17 year old at the dance was soooo sexy I had her kicked out. Only the uggos could remain b/c I'm not responsible for my own boner, as YOU WELL KNOW." raaage :laugh: :lol: :hurray: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Her date was a young black man. I wonder if that had anything at all to do with it? Oh my heavens I would hope and pray NOT!!! But I do know of a local homeschool group of narrow minded bigots for whom this would be a problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Ew. Just, ew. That's just foul and bizarre. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 This whole story puts me in a very f*** the patriarchy mood as well. Who cares if she was an "envelope pusher" or not. That just makes them more hypocritical in my eyes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Did the males have a problem? Or did "Mrs. D" have a problem with the male attention being on her? I think that Mrs. D may have been the only one with an issue - and possibly an old axe to grind. Just because she blamed the excuse for having her leave on "the dads" doesn't make it so. It sounds to me like a prudish old bat had a jealousy issue with the pretty young girl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in Appalachia Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 I read the story this morning. I missed the part about it being a homeschool prom. Yuck. I feel for the girl. I know my first thought, when I read the story, was that those men are a bunch of pervs. Really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 We should have never given up the denim jumper. This is what happens. nm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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