If you had a baby in your 40s...

[Leah_S]

If you had a baby in your 40s...I want to hear from you! Tell me about it!

What was this experience like?    What were your thoughts/fears?   Was it planned / unplanned?   How'd it turn out?   Any regrets?   How'd it change your family?

 

 

 

[wapiti]

What was it like??  Nothing is magically different about pregnancy in one's 40s.

 

It was just like having a baby in my 30s (#1-4, including twins), except that the deliveries in my 40s (#5 and 6) were faster, thanks to all that prior experience.  The only negative is that postpartum cramping ("afterpains" while nursing) seems to be more painful the more babies one has had.

[SadieMarie]

It was different for me.  I had one in my thirties and one at forty-three, unplanned.   My second pregnancy was more uncomfortable and I had more fatigue.  And I think the fatigue was greater even considering that I already had a child to care for at the time.  She was already seven and in school at the time.  With my first pregnancy I worked through until the last month.   I was a lot more tired that first year.  I think, depending on the person of course, you just need to probably pace yourself a little differently (more slowly lol).  

[trulycrabby]

I gained more weight during the pregnancy in my 40's than when I was thirty, and with a ten year period between children, it was like starting all over again, but in a good way. I have been a more patient, peaceful mother this time around; more willing to just enjoy the moment.

[shawthorne44]

I had my first at 40.  The only difference from what I can tell is that I'd rather not run around.  I am a "Sit-Down" mommy.  Although I do run around with her, but I'd rather not.

[ScoutTN]

NO regrets!!!! Miracle babies after walking the infertility road.  :hurray:  :hurray:  

 

Mine were born when I was 39 and 41, so I don't have a much younger pregnancy/birth experience to compare to.

Both of my pg were normal and uneventful. DD ended up being delivered by C-section because her cord was being crushed between her head and my pelvic bones with each contraction. So DS was a scheduled C-section delivery. I didn't have any trouble with the recovery, but again, no other kind to compare it to.

Easier recovery for me than disc surgery at 36!

 

i have less energy than I would have had years ago, but hopefully more perspective and a tiny bit more wisdom! 

[Tenaj]

I had three in my forties.  I didn't notice any difference from mine in my thirties.  My last was a c-section and that was way different (little stinker turned breech about five days before her due date) with a much longer recovery than my other deliveries but that's the only thing I can think of.

 

I do think I'm a better Mom (more relaxed, more fun) now than I was with my  older kidlets (poor things!)

 

[FloridaLisa]

One at 39 and one at 42  Both were planned and very much wanted!  The doctors tried to put all kinds of statistical fear in me (as part of their informed consent I'm sure), but I wanted these babies and I knew that I don't live by statistics.  Both were completely healthy.  In fact, maybe moreso, because I've learned so much about mothering and pregnancy since having my first at 26. 

 

No regrets at all.  None.  Huge blessings to all of us.

 

Differences? I had more energy with my first babies, but I have more wisdom now. Another difference? Built-in babysitters. That made a huge difference in errands and date night with hubby.  We always took a newborn with us, but leave the babies once they are old enough for juice and solids. 

 

Changes in our family?  Having a newborn always affects the family b/c it means a lot of energy devoted to that little one.  My last two have had less structure as I've taken them along on activities with the olders.  My olders have learned how to really serve the youngers, whether it's helping them get breakfast or bouncing a ball to them outside rather than playing basketball by themselves.  My youngers have amazing relationships with the olders, and it continues to grow now that they can go shopping with the olders or stay at big brother's apartment overnight without mom.  It has made for a full, rich life of multiple relationships and mutual learning to put others' interests ahead of our own. 

 

Lisa

[Seasider]

I agree with Lisa, the biggest difference between delivering in my early thirties and my early forties was that the doctors freaked out about everything - like I was a walking time bomb or something - wanting me to have tests for all sorts of stuff due to that dreaded condition of "advanced maternal age."

 

I cannot imagine life without my last child.

[Starr]

Many months of bedrest with one, taking it easy with the other. And you get a 10 year old when you are 50.  haha :D

[MistiDelaney]

I had an "oops" (a most welcome oops) as I approached fifty. 

 

I would say that the biggest difference was, as Lisa and Seasider said, was the doctors trying to medicalize everything.  It's hard to tell, of course, how much of that was changes in the times, advanced maternal age, or the 18 year gap between my last two pregnancies.

 

My health was much better with my last child, so I actually had a lot more energy than I had with my others, but yes, the increased wisdom made up for being the only grandma with a nursling at the LLL meetings, the doctor's praying through my labour, and all the other circus sideshow that was involved in having a baby so late.  I'm glad he wasn't a first - the doctors would have had me terrified if I hadn't already had children.

[Susan in MO]

I had my 5th child at 42.  It has been wonderful to have her.  She is a joy.  I have loads of willing helpers, which is good because I don't have nearly as much energy as I did with the others.

 

I did have a negative experience with what I think must have been a hormonal issue.  I plunged into a deep depression starting three weeks before I found out I was pregnant, and it lasted until well after she was born.  

 

The doctors did give me the you are a geriatric mom speech, but I had a midwife/nurse practitioner who was very supportive.  Carrying her was difficult, because I was already overweight.  My heart would pound and pound every time I would exert myself.  Delivery was great though.  She is healthy child with no issues.  

 

 

 

 

 

[gardenmom5]

I don't have the best immune system - and pregnancy taxes that.  I ended up with pneumonia starting before I even knew I was pg.  I was more worried about what the major heavy hitter antibiotics (and antiemetic to counter how sick the antibiotics made me) I was taking would do vs risks of my age.  I coughed a loooong time, and was pretty sick.   I also bled until 12 weeks and starting again at 7 mos and he spent his first week in the special care nursery, and feeding was a major production for weeks. and then it started again because he didn't recognize hunger.   he does have aspergers - which has had it's own set of problems.  the major factor is genetic, and we've been addressing that and it has made a difference.  but, he still has his challenges.

 

It was planned in the sense we had wanted one more - but had given up that would happen.  my youngest *was* 12 1/2.  so, he was a surprise in that he was born the year 1dd graduated from college.  for us he's very much been starting over.  the olders had varying degrees of excitement -but they were happy and their relationships are generally good. 1dd was back here by the time he was nine months - and she did lots with him.  to the point it stopped phasing her when people thought he was hers. (the olders have all had at least one person think he was theirs.  they just roll with it.)  the olders all get to play at being parent and take him places to "play" with him - then they get to give him back.  ;p  (I hear grandparents get to do something similar . . . . I wouldn't know.)

 

we've worked to find activities we can do with adults/older-teens and one young child.  it's gotten easier as he's gotten older.  there were also times we'd find him a babysitter - and the rest of us would go to an age inappropriate movie. e.g star trek. (or young child inappropriate restaurant.) 

 

he is effectively an only child - he didn't get to play with the big group of siblings and same age cousins (his cousins have children slightly younger than him.)  the sand pile in which the kids used to dig to china in - has been paved over.  the swingset, torn down before it fell down.  no unfinished basement forts, and teeter-totters, etc.  we don't have as much energy as when we were younger.

 

however, I have more time.  I have more patience.  we have more fiscal stability and resources giving more options for outside things.  more travel options. we still have our 18 gallons of lego (he's now decided he does want it sorted by color so it is easier to find pieces.) - which I dont' think we'll ever get rid of.   dh thinks it is hysterical when he gets to correct people who mistake him for grandpa.  (dh has very little gray for his age, but he's still in his 60's.)

[ajfries]

I had my first at 40.  The only difference from what I can tell is that I'd rather not run around.  I am a "Sit-Down" mommy.  Although I do run around with her, but I'd rather not.

 

I'm a 27 year old "Sit-Down" mommy. :laugh:

[Reefgazer]

I had both of my children in my 40s and although I have no point of reference to compare it to, say, having babies in my 20s, I wouldn't trade my experience for the world.  It was very positive!  I had my first at 40 and my second at 42.  I had plenty of energy both go-rounds, but who knows if I would have had more when I were younger?  I was not ready to have a family any younger; in retrospect, I was selfish, impatient, and unappreciative of the positive things children offered.  My kids changed that and I had more patience, wisdom, money, and appreciation for them in my 40s.  We were also financially stable and had travelled a bit and lived our own lives by that time. 

 

There were three downsides:  1) The incessant worry that my children would be born with a birth defect because of my older age, 2) the inane attempts by doctors to shame and scare me because of my age (and push birth control like a drug pusher after the delivery), and 3) the fact that I kept having miscarriages when I tried to have more in my later-40s because I had just aged-out of the baby business at about the same time I realized I enjoyed and was good at the baby business. 

[freesia]

I had my first at 33, my last at 41. She was planned.

 

My pregnancies were similar, except I was on bed rest with high blood pressure for the first. I had GD for the last. I was no more comfortable or uncomfortable.

 

I didn't notice any difference in my energy level from being in my 40s. I do let things roll more than I did. I do have to remind myself to discipline, though, bc I feel like "didn't I already teach that!" She was also potty trained at 21 months bc I was DONE with diapers (of course, for my friend whose last 2 were born in her 40s, she went the other way and doesn't train until 3 now). I have more long term perspective and confidence than I did before.

 

I had her in an area where pregnancies in 40s aren't rare. There was no age related freaking out about my pregnancy (although, having had the first 3 in Canada, I did find the entire process way more "medicalized" in the States).

[elfgivas]

i had one at 23, one at 26, one at 39 and then one just before i was 41.

 

i had more energy for the first two, more patience and wisdom for the next two.  

 

it isn't easy having teens and toddlers.

 

i'd do it again in a heartbeat.

 

hth,

ann

[ashfern]

I had my first at 28 and my last at 41. I love the extra helpers that I have. The kids love him so much and are always wanting to play with him & hold him. He's the most even tempered of all the kids. I also got the AMA stuff from my OB office. I refused to see the high risk OB just because of age. We decided that if the 20 week scan showed anything abnormal that we would then go to the high risk doc. There are no guarantees in any pregnancy. I have a cousin who is 24 and her baby has something wrong with it's skull formation. They've done the amnio and he doesn't have trisomy 13, 18, or 21. Not sure what's wrong with him. It could be that she didn't have any prenatal care until 30 weeks!

[Tammi K]

I had the youngest of my 6 when I was 40. My pregnancy was the hardest. I was always tired. But, I think that was a combination of other health issues rather than directly related to the pregnancy.

It was not a planned pregnancy, although not an unwelcome surprise. My oldest was 16 and the youngest was 3. i just assumed we wouldn't have any more.

The birth was one of my easier ones and I loved having all the ready helpers among the older kids. The 'baby' is 13 now and he is dearly loved by all his siblings. The were no negatives that I could see, except that the older ones have moved on to their own lives and sadly are not a daily part of his life.

[Myeightkiddies]

It was one of my better (easier) pregnancies.  The doctor treated me as if it wasn't (just based on age) with additional testing (or wanting more tests) including specialist-given ultrasounds periodically.  The delivery was different - requiring my only C-Section; however, I don't consider that related to my age.  I've had issues with baby positioning with every pregnancies, resulting in extremely long and challenging deliveries.  To be honest, I am surprised that I didn't have at least one or two other C-Sections.  With one of the earlier ones, the doctor was prepping for surgery when the baby arrived (caught by my DH in the bed).

 

Recovery was fine.  The afterbirth pains were rough, but they got worse with each passing pregnancy.  I would have had no problem going through it again, except menopause happened, and I do have to deal with autoimmune-related arthritis.

[Lady Florida.]

I had my one and only at 41. We had given up after several failed fertility treatments so it was quite a surprise. The best thing is that I had him at an age where I was comfortable with my choices so I ignored the advice that I didn't like and I didn't feel guilty about it. I also don't think I would have homeschooled if he was born in my younger years. I was a ps teacher who never heard of hs, so it would not have been on our radar.

 

My biggest fear is still a fear - That I won't be around during his adult life as long as I would be (barring any unforeseen illness or accident) if had him when I was younger. 

 

No regrets. None. Even though many of our friends are retiring and we still have a teenager I wouldn't change our life for anything. 

 

I tell people I had one good egg left. :D

[laughing lioness]

I had my last at 40 - also 2 in my 20's, 2 in my 30's. Very easy pregnancy- I lifted weights/worked out throughout and had an easy delivery. Zero regrets, nada, none. We have had a terribly painful and difficult year and a half and dh and I have often said that if it wasn't for our youngest two (last 2 at 37 and 40) we don't know how we would have made it. They bring us so much JOY. 

Our 3 oldest have graduated. I still love homeschooling- maybe more than ever. I told the kids today how thankful I was for how cooperative they'd been this year (I went back to work- mostly working from home) and they both said how much they loved being home, loved homeschooling, loved me :) - they make my heart sing.

 

[shawthorne44]

I liked the extra tests that were done.  As a worrier, I was relieved to get the Amnio results.  I loved the World's Longest Ultrasound that the high risk doc gave us.  He didn't say anything, but we could tell he had just seen a messed up baby in an ultrasound, and looking at our angel was restorative for him.  

[Leah_S]

thanks to you all!

[Joyofsixreboot]

Actually, I had two pregnancies in my 40's, on at 41 and one at 44 almost 45). They were the same as the first five. I'm not a glowing pergola woman. I throw up for 8 months so that part was unpleasant but par for the course. No sugar or bp problems. I did have two m/c in my later 40 's but no problems up until then.

[tabinfl]

We adopted the twins when I was 40 and my bonus baby was born when I was 41.

 

I was far more worried about genetic problems than my OB, and I didn't even get any scary AMA stuff from the perinatologist we saw because of a (thankfully turned out to be nothing) abnormality on an ultrasound. We ended up doing one blood test (triple screen?) due to the u/s result, and it eased my mind greatly as it showed risk numbers far lower than the average for my age. Wouldn't have done an amniocentesis, though.

 

I had foster kids when I was younger, and I definitely had more energy then. Now, however, I have more wisdom, patience, gratitude, and material resources.

[G5052]

I was on the edge of 40 with my firstborn, and over the line with the second.  I married late, and we didn't think we'd have any children. I gestational diabetes with both, but both were full-term, normal-sized (under 8 pounds),and healthy.  No sign of diabetes in me either.

 

My only regret is that now we're struggling with the strong possibility of retirement and college hitting at the same time.  The finances that way are a major concern, but we do have quality choices they can commute to. I'll continue to work various part-time and short-term gigs, but mostly from home.

[Spryte]

...we're struggling with the strong possibility of retirement and college hitting at the same time.

This is my only concern. No regrets otherwise, and I wouldn't call this a regret as much as a concern. We are doing our best to plan for it.

[umsami]

Had our fourth baby when I was 42.  All of my babies happened after 35, though, so I was always advanced maternal age.  Everything was normal, but we talked about what we would do if there were genetic issues, etc.  

 

#4 is a delight…and loved by all.  Yes, we'll be facing college/retirement issues….but that will be for pretty much all of our kids.

[shawthorne44]

I don't see college and retirement happening at the same time to be that much of a drawback.  Income will be considerably less, which means that there will more need-based funds available.  

[Lady Florida.]

 

My only regret is that now we're struggling with the strong possibility of retirement and college hitting at the same time.  The finances that way are a major concern, but we do have quality choices they can commute to. I'll continue to work various part-time and short-term gigs, but mostly from home.

 

Yes, this is an issue. Dh feels he could have retired if not for the fact that college for ds is just a few years away.

[Wildiris]

Last of 4 babies at 40. This child will keep me working long past the age when most will retire. On the flip-side, this child is keeping me young at heart and keeping DH and I physically fit. As far as pregnancy, this was the only baby I opted to have genetic testing done.  So I knew it was going to be a girl early on in the pregnancy.  Pregnancy BP became an issue as the due date approached. It never got so high that it required  medical attention, it just got higher than normal for me. The bounce back took longer.

[Slojo]

If you had a baby in your 40s...I want to hear from you! Tell me about it!

What was this experience like?    What were your thoughts/fears?   Was it planned / unplanned?   How'd it turn out?   Any regrets?   How'd it change your family?

 

I had a baby when I was 41 (last year). Overall, the pregnancy experience was good. It was not as easy as the first (at 34), but not as difficult as the 2nd (age 36). The most difficult part of it was that it came after several miscarriages and a five year wait of off-and-on trying, so I had to deal with more fears that the pregnancy wouldn't work out given that history.  I just re-read something I wrote during that time about how it was harder to get excited until the pregnancy was far enough along that I was pretty sure my child would survive outside the womb. Morbid, I know, but I really did have to take it one day at a time until I got to about 6 1/2 months. Then I started to really move from the mechanics of doing "all the right things" to keep the pregnancy healthy to allowing myself all of the little and even sometimes silly excitements of pregnancy (e.g., I allowed myself to buy a little dress for her that I really liked at the 7 month mark) - especially because this was a girl after two boys, and I thought it would be wonderful to have the experience of parenting a girl.  I don't think that's fully age-related as much as miscarriage related. I think if I were 32 with a history of 3 miscarriages, I'd be the same way (just that it's likely I went through more miscarriages due to advanced age). 

 

So the actual physicality of the pregnancy wasn't that different from the other ones except for weeks 3 - 9 in which I felt super-tired compared to before (like hard to make it through a regular day without feeling mind-crushingly fatigued). After that I felt fine, and as I said, it was the 2nd easiest full term pregnancy I had.  I wish I was psychologically freed up a bit earlier to enjoy the pregnancy (it being my last and all). There was a little hiccup at the very end with a worry about the level of amniotic fluid, but even that was just on the low end of normal, was less of a complicating factor than the hiccup from my 2nd pregnancy when I was almost 6 years younger, and the delivery proceeded as expected with the low intervention approach that I preferred. I went the midwife route, so avoided some of the preemptive (and fear based) medicine that OB GYNs sometimes tend towards. That actually helped, to not have other fears laid on my own "what if the pregnancy doesn't work out" fears. What I needed was medical care for the pregnancy as it was unfolding, not a bunch of extra worries about what might happen because of age.  Though generally speaking, even the OBs around here are pretty thoughtful about how they present all of that. I live in a college town where a high percent of the population has advanced degrees, so most people delay childbearing until well into their 20's and 30's, and a 40 year old pregnant mom is hardly given a 2nd look -- I call it "the land of the grey-haired kindergarten mommas!"

 

She's been a joy - and no regrets!  Her brothers are amazing with her and include her in a lot despite the gap. I have a few more "aches" at the end of a long day, but I still think that's mostly that I don't have a strong, consistent exercise routine.  

 

I do worry a bit about either being really old while she is in the midst of really launching adult life and careering/parenting young kids and just not being energetic enough to directly help her (if she does the delaying childbirth to after 30 thing, then I'll be in my 70's then). My parents have experienced significant health challenges (they are actually relatively young, not yet 70 - but got some bad health breaks in their early 60's), and while they support as much as they can, they just can't fully be the doting grandparents and really can't take my kids for more than a quick store run to get milk (and sometimes, that's hard), so, in some ways, my older sister - who doesn't have kids of her own -- has filled in that part of the "grandparent" role of taking the kids for a weekend, "spoiling them", etc.  But nothing's a guarantee, and I'd rather deal with that when it's time to deal than spend time worrying about something that may or may not unfold. 

 

I do jokingly refer to her as my geriatric baby, but that just me being sarcastic about the forms that noted my "geriatric pregnancy."

[Vida Winter]

I was 43 with my third child and it was by far my easiest pregnancy.