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My wife wants to homeschool our kids.


Guest klou
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My wife has spent countless hours looking at homeschooling websites, Facebook groups, and other internet resources. She has become convinced that this is the way we should go. I am not enthusiastic about this. I want to support her but, I do not feel good about this. Public school worked for me and I don't want my kids to have the "weird" homeschool kid stigma. Looking for comments that support both sides.

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1) This is a homeschooling site, so most of us think the pros outweigh the cons. It's not an unbiased venue.

 

2) Rather than ask us, spend some time reading here to see how homeschooling works in real lives. Do your own research and meet real homeschooling families.

 

3) "Public school worked for me" and "I don't want weird kids" are so completely stereotypical reactions, to the point that I wonder if you really are as uninformed as you say, or whether you have read those concerns already and are parroting them. Or maybe you are researching for an article and are playing the part? Trolling for a debate?

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I agree.  Read on this forum about other people's experiences, read books regarding homeschooling, read blogs, etc.  It is definitely doable but is not an easy road.  Making the decision with a balanced view is an excellent idea.  I am glad you haven't simply said "no" and I am glad that your wife has done a lot of research.  It will help if you can, too.

 

DH and I went to public all our school years.  It was fine.  But it could have been better in all honesty.  I didn't really realize that until we pulled our son out of school mid-year (he was in 2nd) and started homeschooling, then began homeschooling our then 6th grade daughter a few months later.  DH and I both had extreme reservations. Neither one of us wanted to homeschool initially.  Homeschooling wasn't ever even on our radar until we decided we had to do something other than what we were doing...and do it very quickly...to help our kids.  Homeschooling happened to come up as an option and we leaped.  

 

Is it always easy?  No.  Lots of work.  But we are all closer as a family than we have ever been and the kids are learning at the pace and in the style that works for them.  Struggling with an issue/concept/retention?  We slow down until they get it instead of telling them too bad, so sad gotta move on.  Already understand the material?  We move on instead of sorry you have to wait until everyone else catches up.  Want to explore a topic further?  You bet!  Opportunity to go see something amazing during school hours?  Do it!  

 

No longer being bogged down by mounds and mounds of homework is also a huge, huge plus.  We have family time again.  The kids are so much less stressed.

 

Regrets?  

1.  That in our area there aren't that many others homeschooling.  But in other areas there are a ton so we are looking at possibly relocating (for other reasons, too).  At least there is a student council, some co-ops offering a few classes and field trips, dances, a graduation ceremony.  And the kids are still in extra curricular activities where they see other kids, and have time to work at those activities instead of worrying about all those piles of homework.

 

2.  That we didn't know much about it when we leaped in so we made a lot of goofs at first.

 

3.  That we didn't do it sooner.

 

Do I wish we had always homeschooled?  Honestly, yes and no.  The kids had some great early years, met some good friends (so did I) and got some useful instruction from teachers.  But the biggest thing is that, having dealt with a brick and mortar school, good and bad, the kids are very happy homeschooling.  There is no grass is greener attitude.  They know what it was like, have some good memories, but also know that at least for them at this time homeschooling is a much better fit.  I ask them every year and every year they continue to want to homeschool.

 

On the flip side, if I had homeschooled for the early years (and had done enough research to have a clue what i was doing) they might have been able to excel in the areas they were strong while getting the badly needed support and scaffolding they needed before the weaknesses became emotionally undermining issues.  Instead, they tread water in areas that should have been strengths and fell further and further behind in areas they needed more time and some additional support.  And now we are playing catch up....

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Let's assume good faith, OK?

 

Every family has to figure this out for themselves. My personal take is that I have zero doubts about the overall efficacy of homeschool (although, as with everything in life, it can be done well or done poorly), I just don't know if it will always be the exactly right fit for our family. Our finances may change, the kids may change, etc.

 

As mentioned above, the best way to ameliorate your fears about the potential weirdness of homeschool kids is to meet some current and past homeschool kids. Ask your wife if she has found a regular homeschool park day. Take the kids there a few times, and maybe go on some homeschool-organized field trips. See if those are your people.

 

I am NOT a real homeschooler (yet?) but from what I can tell homeschooling is kind of like exploring any school option in your area. Take the tours, read the websites, go to the open house, gossip with people at the supermarket, and then just close your eyes and jump. 

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Public school is not the same as it was when you were a kid.  What are the negatives of your local ps?  How would you deal with these if they went to ps? 

 

 

"Weird" stigma is what YOU make of it.  Be respectful to all people and your dc will likely follow your example.  The sheer numbers of HSers today makes finding a social circle of other HSing families pretty easy.  Then there are outside activities...sports, music, volunteering, etc...

 

 

Check out the materials your wife is researching.  Imagine what the school year would look like if you guys take the plunge and HS.  Compare what your wife can offer the kids to what the PS can offer.  Your wife is offering to sacrifice YEARS of her life to give your children a private tutor.  That's huge.  She probably didn't come to that offer lightly.

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Another way to look into this is to go to a homeschooling convention.  Some are better than others but you can go to workshops, talk to other homeschoolers, actually look at curriculum in person, etc.  Really, really helped DH and I our first year out....

 

And as others have said, look for local homeschooling groups.  Meet up for park play dates, see what they have to offer, what they say about homeschooling in your area, etc.

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Klou -- I've been on both sides of the school fence.  Both of my kids started in public school, then we pulled both of them out to homeschool for a few years.  My oldest was homeschooled for four years and the youngest for seven.  And then they both chose to go back to public school for high school.  Why did we do it?  Because at each change we decided that particular choice was the best one academically for our kids at that particular time.

 

So I guess my opinion on that matter is that there are pros and cons for each, and the pros and cons can change year by year.  The pros and cons for your family will depend a LOT on the public schools in your area.  Some are really good, and some aren't.

 

There are plenty of stereotypes that go along with either choice.  With public school everybody thinks about bullying and massively dumbing down of classes.  I suppose homeschooled kids may have a weird stereotype attached to them, but there's also the stereotype of the wickedly smart homeschooled kid who could academically blow many (most?) public schooled kids out of the water.  I personally wouldn't put a lot of stock in any of the stereotypes, as they have little to nothing to do with any individual child.

 

I'd recommend you hang out on these boards. There are parents here who've homeschooled their kids all the way through, parents who've homeschooled part of the way and had their kids in public or private school the rest of the time, and there are parents here who've only had their kids in public or private schools.  So you get lots of experiences and opinions on all different situations.

 

I don't think there's any one "right" answer for everyone across the board.  Only what is right for any given child and family at any given time.

 

Good luck with your decision.

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I guess we are weird.......our kids are polite, hardworking, and just nice people. They are self-motivated, articulate, and high achieving. They are well-educated. Our oldest is highly respected employee. I doubt anyone has a clue he was ever homeschooled. All they know is that he is a good chemE.

If that is weird, I'll embrace it.

Check out the college board list of college acceptances this yr and see how these teens have fared.
http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/504380-class-of-2014-lists-only-acceptances-by-school-and-board-names/

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OP, assuming you're not a troll,  I disagree with your approach to this.  I don't think a parent should say, "It worked for me, convince me otherwise."  That's a passive mindest that questions nothing and is content in (usuing the most literal dictionary definition of the following word)  ignorance: lacking knowledge.  I think anything as important as an education should be looked at from a "What are my options?  What is the best possible option available to my children?" kind of mindset.  It requires being active in mind and active in action.  That's the kind of person I want each of my children to be, so our approach to educating them included and includes an active approach to learning including research, questioning assumptions and formal logic. What everybody else does or what some know nothings might assume and label homeschoolers as being, is certainly not something I would make important life decisions on. That's how tweens think-not adults.  Neither would I want my children to decide things that way.

As a parent who has graduated homeschooled from the beginning kids now in college, I will tell you that more than one professor has told them to tell us we did an outstanding job because the typical ps student with a high school diploma is badly prepared for college. Most are apathetic and passive most of the time.  Not my older girls.  Also, they learned far more of value in far less time than their peers because most public schools move along with low quality content at a slower pace.  What a waste for children who could do so much  more.

This is what I give new homeschoolers.  Consider it a homeschooling orientation.

 

2014 Homeschooling Packet

 

 

Choosing Homeschool Approach and Curriculum with Confidence by Evaluating Your Own Education

 

Without knowing what you want your curriculum to accomplish, it will be hard to evaluate if a particular curriculum or approach will meet your needs.  It’s very helpful to articulate what you want and why, not only for choosing materials, but also in responding to criticism from others.  It can clear up potential friction between spouses who may have different ideas on the subject.

 

The tremendous amount of homeschooling materials available today can be overwhelming to new homeschoolers. Beginning with a basic idea about what you want and what you don’t want can make the process of selecting easier.

 

Since homeschoolers vary widely in their views, it’s important each couple focus first on their own motivations and goals first then they can consider the motivations and goals of others and whether or not they would like to add them to their own goals.

 

 

To help parents new to homeschooling define their goals and choose a homeschooling method, couples can try the following exercises either verbally or on paper or a combination of the two. It will likely require several conversations and lead to other discussions-that’s a good thing.

 

 

1. List everything you learned in your K-12 education that was good and useful.

 

2. List everything in your K-12 education that was not good or not useful.

 

3. List everything you wish had been included in your K-12 education that would have been good or useful.

 

4. Describe in as much detail as possible the ideal education in the areas of academics, relationships, and life skills. Include not only general abstract ideals (like well-rounded and rigorous for example) but also specific subjects and skills that make up the abstract ideals (like Classic Literature, Formal Logic, etc.)

 

 5. What are the main reasons you want to homeschool your children?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Three Homeschooling Mindsets

 

I am forced to generalize.  It should be understood that the 1-2 million homeschoolers in the US do not fit neatly into categories.  Many are represented in more than one of these mindsets to varying degrees.  All three groups are represented in today’s homeschool community.

 

First Wave Homeschoolers

 

In the early 1980s before the public schools were, on the whole, viewed as performing poorly and safety was not generally an issue, two groups of people emerged creating the modern homeschooling movement.

 

The first were largely conservative Christians who wanted what they called a “Christ Centered Education†for their children.   Their goal is to integrate family relationships, life skills, academics, and religious training in equal proportions along with what they call a “Biblical Worldview†into the education of their children.  They believe that God had a particular plan for each child’s life, and it is the job of the parent to prepare their children as individuals for that purpose.  They believe that children are designed to learn best in a family situation and that institutional educational environments are for adults. They are strong proponents of individualized learning. So, in essence, they define education as including more than just academics.

 

Meanwhile a mix of secular and religious parents, many inspired by John Holt’s writings, decided that keeping their children at home and customizing an education to suit their individual talents and interests emerged.  They believe real life and academics should be integrated to give a greater understanding of the world. They see institutional settings and modern education methods as artificial, detached, and too compartmentalized to fuel the natural love of learning in children.  They are also concerned that much of modern education is not relevant to the real world adults live in. They too have different definition of education.

 

Both groups have different motivations, but some of their educational philosophy is very similar.  Most practice some variation of tutorial style education.  It fits with their views of customizing education to the individual student.  Apprenticeships, internships, and life experiences, in conjunction with academics are often common between them.  Neither group likes the standard scope and sequence or fill in the blank workbook approach that is characteristic of most institutional settings.

 

In general they share the conviction that institutional settings are bad for children, so of course, homeschooling is the only acceptable option that meets their goals.

 

These two groups are primarily responsible for the legal battles legalizing homeschooling in each state.  They currently fight to deregulate homeschooling nationwide.

 

Second Wave Homeschoolers

 

In the early 1990s several studies on academic performance revealed that homeschoolers were outperforming children in government schools on standardized tests.  A group of parents took notice because academic performance was their number one priority.  They began homeschooling their children and enjoyed combination of a flexible lifestyle and accelerated academics that homeschooling provided.

 

The do not have convictions that institutional settings are categorically bad for children, and many can afford private/religious education, but their children are thriving in the homeschooling environment so that’s where they stay.  This group has a large mix of very religious and secular people, and everyone in between. 

 

They are primarily responsible for taking homeschooling into the mainstream.

 

 

 

 

Third Wave Homeschoolers

 

By the late 1990s and after the turn of the new millennium public schools were getting bad press specifically about negative social issues and poor academic performance.  The floodgates of homeschooling opened and a new group of parents poured into the homeschool community. 

 

They are refugees fleeing what they see as a bad situation.  They do not like or have access to charter schools or cannot afford a private/religious institutional setting, so they choose to homeschool.  Some left because they see government schools as indoctrinating their children into secularism and socialism.  Some have children that are above or below average and want something more specific to their children’s individual needs.  Others are very unhappy with the social norms in public schools.  Many are very concerned about what they see as a decrease in academic standards and performance in American public education.

 

This group has helped fuel the current debate about school choice nationwide.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8 Different Approaches to Homeschooling
 

 

Most homeschoolers use a combination of two or more of these approaches.  Homeschooling is inherently flexible, so these approaches can be adapted and modified in any way the parent chooses. This is a bird's eye view making very broad generalizations. Popular curricula, websites, and authors detailing these approaches are listed.  Let me know of others and I will gladly add them to the lists.

 

 

 

===Traditional School Approach ===

Typically uses prepackaged curriculum with a Scope and Sequence educational philosophy.  Their daily and yearly schedules usually follow the 6 hour days of institutional settings and a 180 day school year with the summer off, but many allow their children to work at their own pace and finish early.  Grading systems like those used in traditional school settings are the norm and aged grades mimic schools. Textbooks and workbooks are their primary texts. Fill in the blank and multiple choice answers are characteristic of this crowd. Children are generally taught the same information around the same age and proceed along the same path, although some may do so faster or slower.

 

Think institutional school.

 

Abeka

BJU

Alpha Omega

Apologia

Christian Liberty Press

ACE PACEs

 

=== Unschooling Approaches A and B===

This is a broad term that applies to two distinct groups.

 

Group  A

 

Generally believes children are wired for learning, and their job as teachers is to avoid interfering with the learning process.  Their job is also to provide access to learning (books, lab equipment, etc.) guided by the child’s interests.  They do not necessarily think children need to be “taught†outside of answering a child's questions.  Real life, hands-on projects and applied learning experiences are strongly preferred to other methods of instruction. Some will allow children to take classes of interest in an institutional setting-usually college.

 

Think Thomas Edison and John Holt.

 

Christian Unschooling (website)

Learning without Schooling Magazine

John Holt’s Books

Free Child Project (lots of links and resources)

 

 

Group B

 

 These parents design every learning experience to answer the question, “When am I going to use this in real life?†by actually using almost exclusively real life, hands on, applied situations and projects.  Only the real world here.  They tend to be systematic and adult directed but are very careful to take additional time to follow a child’s interests some too.

 

No known packaged curriculum, websites, or magazines that address only this approach to homeschooling.

 

 

===Unit Study Approach ===

Typically these people integrate studies based on an era, historical event, person, character trait, technological development, or historical person.  For example, if the Depression is the core of the unit study, Math (if possible), Literature, Science (if possible), History, Economics, and Writing will hinge on different elements of the Great Depression. This gives the student a multidimensional understanding.  Each child in the family is given different assignments based on ability, but all study the same core theme.

 

 

Learning through History Magazine

Konos

Learning Adventures

Moving Beyond the Page

Trail Guides to Learning

Unit Studies by Amanda Bennett

All Through the Ages

Timetables of History

 

===Living Books Approach ===

Only the best literature and writings on each subject are used.  Think of it this way, instead of reading from a distilled over simplified textbook on the Civil War, these parents have their students read several of the books about the Civil War that an author of a textbook would read preparing to write the textbook.  Now, think of doing that for Science, History, Economics, Literature, Art, etc.  This crowd is also known for

nature studies, narration, and dictation.

 

Heart of Dakota 

Charlotte Mason

Karen Andreola

My Father’s World

Sonlight

Greenleaf Press

All Through the Ages

Robinson’s Curriculum

 

 

===Classical Education===

Classical education has at least three distinct camps. They can be integrated as much as the parent prefers. They all have a strong preference for first source materials and use primarily Western Classics (Also called the Western Canon, or the Common Book of the Western World.) Some can include the study of "dead" languages (Hebrew, Classical or Biblical Greek, and Latin) although some are content with good English translations of Classic works while others opt for studies of Latin and Greek Roots in English.

 

Group A

 

 Characterized by the Trivium.  The 3 stages have many terms: 

 

  1. Stage 1 Grammar (facts)
  2. Stage 2 Logic (cause and effect) All stages of formal Logic inductive, deductive, material, etc. 
  3. Stage 3 Rhetoric (application and persuasion) Formal argumentation is studied.

 

Formal Logic and Rhetoric are studied specifically. History is usually studied chronologically. Logic is studied formally, and Science is studied with experimentation, biographies, and original writings of the greatest minds. Classic works from masters throughout Western Civilization in all eras are studied. Some integrate History, Geography, Science and Literature into a more unit study approach.

 

Think Dorothy Sayers.

 

Tapestry of Grace

Classical Conversations

Memoria Press

Veritas Press

Teaching the Trivium

The Well Trained Mind

The Circe Institute

 

Group B

 

Characterized by the Mentor Model and sometimes called a "Statesmen" education. Morals, virtue, and character are emphasized above all.

 

  1. In the early years children are allowed to follow their interests and learn good moral character while developing a strong work ethic.
  2. The middle years are when the parent begins inspiring students by reading classic works by the best minds on the subjects and entering into apprenticeship situations with masters of certain skills. 
  3. The later years the students are mentored in apprenticeships in entrepreneurial situations for their future leadership roles and professional pursuits.

 

Think Thomas Jefferson.

 

A Thomas Jefferson education by DeMille

A Thomas Jefferson Companion

 

Group C

 

 Also known as the Principle Approach.  This is a method often attributed to how many of the Founders were educated.

 

  1. Research the topic by looking up ideas

 

a. first source materials (original writings, documents, autobiographies, first hand historical accounts, etc.)

 

b. look up terms in dictionary (keeping in mind dictionaries that are specific to the era)

 

c. look up terms in your sacred writings or other sources related to your beliefs (Christians-Bible)

 

  1. Reason through the material looking for the underlying principles.

 

  1. Relate the information you have found through research and reason and apply it to your life.

 

  1. Record your findings in a logical, systematic, and persuasive format.

 

Think James Madison.

 

www.principleapproach.org

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Preschool and Early Elementary Decisions

 The way to reduce insecurity is to know what your choices are and why you chose one over the others. That means homework up front and taking an active rather than passive role but it spares you the endless shifting sands of blindly accepting recommendations, experimenting with them, and then repeating the process over and over until you finally find something that works.  It saves time, money and energy in the long run and creates a more satisfying, cohesive homeschooling experience for you, your spouse and your children.

 It also gives you something intelligent to say when people question your decision to homeschool.  If you're not able to articulate what you're doing and why you're doing it the way you are, you're going to be very insecure when someone brings up the subject. 

 Since you're beginning at the beginning, you can take a deep breath and rest easy.  These are the early elementary issues that come up.  Focus on those first THEN look at curriculum. 

I would consider people pushing academics for any child under the age 6 in the same category (assuming their children didn't beg daily to learn academics.)

 There are 2 uses of the word preschool:

 

1) the time in a child's life BEFORE a child learns reading, writing, and arithmetic-usually under the age of 6 in our culture

 

2) a time when a child under 6 is learning reading, writing and arithmetic

 

There are different schools of thought on which is best for children in general and for individual children.  I suggest any parent starting out familiarize herself with the arguments for and against both and decide for herself what she thinks is best for her family and each of her individual children.

How much academics does she want for her kids? What kind of academics? How much exploring their interest? How much creative play?  How much free play? How much group play?  How much exploring nature? How much physical play?

 

Whether you choose academic preschool or not, I strongly suggest any parent (regardless of how they plan on having their child educated) start a read aloud routine.  There are plenty of excellent resources out there for finding quality books at the library and at book sellers.  Here are good books to help you find good books:

 

1) Honey for A Child's Heart

 

2) Books the Build Character

 

3) A Thomas Jefferson Education (the book lists for different age groups in the back is excellent)

 

You can also google award winning children's books for book lists.

 

My husband and I read aloud to our kids from preschool-high school about 2 hours a day (not all in one sitting.)   Search this website [The Well Trained Mind Forums] for read aloud information, suggestions, and book recordings. It's one of the most important and neglected aspects of education in America-even among many homeschoolers. There are book recordings for parents who want someone else to help read aloud to their kids and for kids who aren't reading fluently yet but want to be read to constantly.

 

There are a couple of categories for teaching reading.

 

1) Look Say (often mislabeled whole language) which is memorizing each word by how it looks

 

2) Phonics which is memorizing the sound each letter and each letter combination so each word is sounded out enough times until a child memorizes it by sight.

 

Familiarize yourself with both schools of thought and decide for yourself which you want to do and why. The vast majority of homeschoolers choose Phonics. Different Phonics curricula vary to some degree.  The most immediate difference is whether the letter names are taught first or only the letter sounds (and the names aren't mentioned.) Ruth Beechick explains why letter sounds first are preferable (both in the short and long term) in her book A Homestart in Reading.  Most other phonics approaches choose to do the letter names first. The other huge difference is how many sight words are taught in the Phonics program.

 

Having a good solid grasp of the two approaches will make you a more savvy shopper.

 

Different children are ready to learn to read at different ages.  My oldest (17 and in college now) learned to read fluently between the ages of 4 and 5. By her 5th birthday she could read any of the books in the house like an adult.  My middle child (15 and in college now) wasn't ready to learn to read until she was almost 8.  We got out the phonics when she was 6, did 2 short 10 minute sessions per day for a couple of weeks.  Nothing stuck.  We put it away for 2-3 months and repeated the process until it did stick. By the time she was 11 she could read fluently like an adult.  My youngest (now 8) was ready when she was 6.  She is a very strong reader, but not fluent like an adult yet. She'll get there when she gets there because we're voracious readers around here.

 

When it comes to math there are different approaches out there:

 

1) Most people learned to do math in a very symbolic way (counting pictures or on their fingers and adding written out numbers.) This approach emphasizes wrote memorization more.

 

2) Others incorporate a concrete representation of what's written on the paper with what are called "manipulatives."  Read about why and how they're used and decide if it's for you or not.  There are variations in curricula that use manipulatives and some also add in drawing some sort of representation of the thought process going on (putting groups of things together, taking a larger group and making them smaller groups, etc.) First they emphasize the concrete representation until it's mastered, then they focus on memorizing math facts for speed.

 

Decide for yourself which you prefer and why then you won't have to waste your time looking into curriculum that is clearly not a good fit. You can look into the different curricula that do things the way you know you prefer. 

 

Writing has different schools of thought and styles and priorities when it comes to the mechanics of writing.  Some start earlier and some later because of their views on brain development and the development of fine motor skills.  Then you have to decide which style of handwriting you want.  What is your goal?  Beauty?  Legibility?  Speed? Easier transitions between print and cursive/italic script?

 

When it comes to writing in the sense of putting ideas on paper in understandable ways, there are two approaches:

 

1) Narration based writing.  Children listen to something read, then they put into their own spoken words what they remember.  In the early stages a parent writes down what the child said out loud and the child copies it on paper.  Later the child does all of it on their own.

 

2) Not narration based. There are lots of different approaches with different techniques and priorities.  Some are more formulated than others. 

Narration is a skill developed over time with practice.  Look into what it is and how it's done. Decide if it's something you want to do.  Decide if you want to do it exclusively or in combination other approaches. Do you want formulated writing?

 

School at home or not?

 

There are roughly to two big categories of homeschoolers:

 

1) People who mimic school with pre-packaged curriculum like institutional schools use.  All subjects are segregated, they use grade levels, they use workbooks/textbooks that require the child to fill in the blanks, write short answers to questions at the back of the chapter, answer multiple choice questions, do a test at the end of the week, etc.  They tend to have their children doing seat work several hours a day, etc. They usually follow a schedule like the local schools do during the day and throughout the year. This type of person is usually doing a grading system of percentages and letter grades.

 

2) People who don't do school at home.  They use other types of materials, they often avoid any sort of grade level mindset at all (most consider it a way to slow children down) and assign different kinds of assignments that require different levels of thinking.  They have a tendency to look for approaches and materials that are more customizable and that are more flexible in nature. They tend to prefer what they call "living" or "real" books over workbook/textbooks.  They sometimes integrate subjects together.  Sometimes they do subjects, like formal logic, not done in most packaged curriculum. They often have multiple children at different developmental levels studying the same core content at the same time, but doing different levels of study and assignments. Some focus more than others on their children's individual interests and build an education around it.

 

What do you think of the typical education in America? (Or wherever you live.) Are you interested in doing the same at home or do you want to do something different?  Do you want to do a mix of the two? If you're interested in different, what kinds of different do you want and what kinds don't you want?

 

General Questions

 

What are your priorities for your children's education?  What are your goals for them by the time they're done with High School?  How structured do you want to be?  How hands on?  How much flexibility do you want built in?  How much of your child's interests do you want to include? How much of their childhood do want them sitting in a seat?  How much in the the field? What does your spouse say about these things?

 

Having a general idea about these kinds of things makes choosing what to buy and what to do much easier to decide. It also helps you ask better questions when looking into your options.

 

 

 

 

 

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As with a lot of other choices we make in our lifetime, it simply becomes what you make of it.  If you choose to homeschool, you can make it a great experience for your children and your whole family.   There are pros and cons to everything, but if you concentrate on the best way to make the "pros" the best that they can be, then you are doing it well.

 

Our kids started out in public school and then we homeschooled them from about 3rd grade (5th for our two oldest) on, with a mix in high school (though still the majority of their high school courses were homeschool).  My kids were told that they were "so normal, no one would ever guess they were homeschooled" -- whatever.   We taught what we believed was important to instill in our children in an environment that was loving and supportive.  We also had a blast doing it. 

 

I feel that our children have grown up to be very creative, confident, independent thinkers.  I guess I'll never know how they would have turned out if they went through the entire school system, but that's okay. 

 

We've absolutely loved homeschooling, but there is no "right" answer.

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Do you have any opportunities to meet teenagers and young adults of YOUR SOCIAL CLASS that were homeschooled?

 

I'm saying this because my boys were raised strictly blue collar, and my oldest son became the poster child for blue collar dads hopping on board to homeschool. Obviously men from other social classes were less impressed, and some even looked at his childhood as neglectful instead of man building.

 

My oldest was very socially precocious. Being out in the workforce with men all day sweating and in pain, instead of comfortably locked away with other children and mostly females, meant he became more and more different from his peers and more like the grown men he worked with. The type of men who worked out on the docks. No one called him weird, but he was different. That is for sure. The type of different that really impressed blue collar men.

 

At 19 years old he had earned a 2 year business degree, was debt free, and moved to Las Vegas. He's 27 now, is happily married and has owned a nice home for 3 1/3 years. He put himself through college even paying his own health insurance and managed to still save the $5,000.00 he need to move to Las Vegas. My total contribution to his college bills was a red 33 cent notebook, that I had bought for his brother, but that he asked me if he could have.

 

My youngest acted the stereotypical homeschooler, but he had been acting that way BEFORE he started homeschooling in the 5th grade. And at least with homeschooling he became less angry and maybe we averted yet another school shooting. He was a touch autistic and highly to profoundly gifted. Some people homeschool atypical children, and being home actually TEMPERS the characteristics you find so unacceptable.

 

I know you are scared. All parents are scared. Doing nothing is still making a choice. Doing what is easy is making a choice. Doing what is familiar is making a choice. Keeping the children in public school is making a choice. Make sure you make the right choice, even though you are scared.

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PS worked for you. That's cool. It works for probably 60% of kids. The trick, though, is that each kid is a different person. You can read all you want about other people's kids and where/how they learn, but who are your children? What do they need?

 

Please know that if your kids do tend to be a little weird, they are going to be targets all through school in most schools. My DH was. As someone on another board put it, "Some kids are like that because they're homeschooled... but some kids are homeschooled because they're like that." On the other hand, most homeschooled kids are perfectly ordinary socially--perhaps a bit more at ease with people of different ages, since they're not kept only with age-mates all the time. When I (also public-schooled) joined the workforce, I was intimidated at being surrounded by people a generation older.

 

And the other trick is that each school is different as well. Can the PS your kids would attend provide what they need? If your wife could do it better, what is worth more to you--that they have what others have or that they have the best you can give them?

 

As someone else said, this board is going to give some biased answers. I homeschool because I know my kid, I know my local schools, and I know what we can do at home. We don't know your kids or your schools, though. You do. It sounds like your wife is willing to do the research to make homeschooling work, but you have to do your own thinking and determine what you believe is best for the particular children you have.

 

Good luck. Remember that you could try either choice for a year and change your mind if you think the other option might be better.

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I think you should participate in your wife's research. I recommend reading The Well Adjusted Child with her. http://www.amazon.com/The-Well-Adjusted-Child-Benefits-Homeschooling/dp/1600651070/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1398106543&sr=8-1&keywords=Homeschool+socialization

 

Public school also "worked" for me. I was a straight A student, graduated with honors, went on to college and had a master's degree at 23. I had a great social life too. Sounds great on the surface. But I was a memorize and regurgitate for the test student, successful on all measures save authentic interest and learning. I want more for my kids.

 

And "weird" kids are everywhere. I knew plenty in school. Now I realize how much happier they could have been at home.

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I don't think the OP is a troll.

 

A zillion families are considering homeschooling in response to dissatisfaction with public schools. It would stand to reason that many couples would not be entirely on the same page about it, at least through the initial research phase! She's gung-ho, he's reluctant, so he comes here to start a conversation about his fears.

I don't have a problem with that.

Klou, most of my sons are nearly-grown teens. I can give you a totally biased snapshot of the reaction the world seems to have to them:

Their friends ask me to homeschool them, not because my boys live in pajamas and play video games all day (they don't) but because my boys know things, especially about politics, literature, and history, that their friends KNOW they should be learning in school but they aren't.

The adult leaders in their organizations and activities don't think my boys are weird -- they think they are educated, respectful, hardworking, and competent. Their employers are impressed with them and they get more hours than any other teens at their jobs, which is no small approbation in my community where it's hard for teens to find jobs in the first place!

My curriculum and methods have been confirmed by the test scores my boys are receiving as we look at the college admissions process. My boys' leadership skills have been noticed and they have advanced in organizations such as Civil Air Patrol with honor and recognition for their contribution.

They aren't weird. They good relationships with adults, peers, employers, coaches, community leaders, neighbors, clergy, relatives, and friends.

My boys aren't perfect. Raising children? That's a messy proposition, no matter how they spend their school day. (I have the gray hairs to prove it. And I think I spend as much time on my knees as I do on my feet, these days.) But am I happy with their growth in the areas of academics, socialization, leadership, life skills, relationships, character, and faith? YES.

We got here through homeschooling, the ultimate hands-on parenting solution.

The mere fact that people homeschool means nothing, though. It's the commitment over years that does it. The tremendous love, sacrifice, grace, courage, and above all WORK that parents put into educating their children at home -- that's what brings the good fruit.

It's not for everybody, but when it's right for family it can be really, really, really right.

Welcome to the forums.

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Well public school "worked" for me as well in some instances. But there are things homeschooling has taught *me.*

 

1 The importance of learning even a little bit of Latin. I've been reading *about* teaching and learning Latin (and not just roots based vocab) for some time and I'm ready to make the plunge. Honestly, if my kids were in ps or I didn't have kids at all...I would care less about anything to do with Latin.

 

2 I have found a new appreciation for the spoken and written word ( through my use of bravewriter, mostly). I have always loved to write, but homeschooling has made me learn how to write and how to teach writing in a way that I never got in ps. 

 

3 Logic and critical thinking. I want to know it, learn it, and be able to explain it and teach it. When I have been failing again and again at finding a book for this that I liked for my kids, I gave up and bought a couple of used college texts that are really well done and I've made it my summer mission to teach my self first. If I were not homeschooling...I likely wouldn't care.

 

4 That I am actually really good at doing and understanding mathematics. Public school destroyed my confidence in math. I could get through it and pass it, but I dreaded every anxiety ridden moment. It wasn't until I took on the challenge to teach math to my children, and I started reading and learning  how to go about it, that I realized it wasn't some fault in me, it was a fault of the way it was taught to me in an institution. I enjoy math now, and haven't had the panicky math anxiety feeling that I usually had in the past since I started teaching it to my children. Basically, even though I passed math classes in high school and college, I feel cheated of about 12-15 years of self confidence.

 

5 I read books  that I wonder if I would have ever considered if I wasn't homeschooling. 

 

6 I sometimes am more versed in educationese and school code laws than even tenured teachers I know.

 

Homeschooling my kids means I'm more educated.

 

Oh there's benefits to the kids too. :)

 

 

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As others have said, homeschooling is a very personal decision. You don't give us very many details. How old are your kids? What are your wife's reasons for wanting to homeschool? There are lots of factors here to consider. We're not going to *convince* you to homeschool because that's your decision to make.

 

Before our dd went to kindergarten, my husband and I considered homeschooling. We decided to send her to public school for a variety of reasons, not the least of which were my dh's objections, which were very similar to yours. Both he and I were educated in public schools all the way through. Both of his parents were public school teachers; his grandfather was a public school superintendent.

 

Our dd did well in school, and I believe she learned a lot of valuable things. But I still felt like we could do better. We revisited the idea of homeschooling last summer, when she was finishing up the second grade. I told him I felt that her education was *fine* but that we could do better than *fine*. I shared with him all of the research I had done. He considered my opinion with an open mind and agreed to give it a try for one year.

 

Out of curiosity, I asked him how he would respond to your questions. Here's what he said:

 

 

The "weird" stigma is not the problem you think it is. Homeschooling is not without its challenges, but this is not one of them. More and more people are choosing to homeschool and it doesn't carry the stigma that it once did. Even if it did, this is your kids' education and life here -- you need to check your personal hang-ups at the door. Worrying that somebody might think you're "weird" is not really a good basis for any decision.

 

Since we have been homeschooling, our daughter is much more advanced academically than she would be if she had stayed in school. She has one-on-one attention and my wife can customize her lessons to her needs. She is learning about real life because she is being exposed to real life experiences instead of being isolated in a classroom. And she is safer, which is one of my primary concerns. It seems every day we hear about kids shooting up their schools, or committing suicide because they were being bullied. I am not one to over protect my kids. But I do intend to protect them.

 

You owe it to your wife to at least listen to her ideas with an open mind. She's done the research, you can at least listen. Or do some research yourself. If you are not convinced, consider trying it for a year. You don't have to decide the next 13 years today. Your kids can always go back to school if it doesn't work out. I was skeptical too, but given the choice I would never go back.

 

 

 

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My wife has spent countless hours looking at homeschooling websites, Facebook groups, and other internet resources. She has become convinced that this is the way we should go. I am not enthusiastic about this. I want to support her but, I do not feel good about this. Public school worked for me and I don't want my kids to have the "weird" homeschool kid stigma. Looking for comments that support both sides.

Take a few days off work and go visit the public schools your kids would/do attend. Shadow a teacher and see how the classes and the lunchroom go. Look at the amount of homework that will have to be done *after* they get home. Find a homeschool family you can visit and observe or go to a local park day. Meet some homeschool dads for lunch and ask them questions. THEN re-evaluate.

 

I think moms often come up with the homeschool idea first and dads have a bit harder time with it. (How's that for a stereotype?) BUT, I think it's only fair for dads to do their own in-person research to match the on-line research they expect their wives to have done. Then both of you will be speaking from experience and facts, not just emotion. Works a LOT better that way!!

 

My husband went to our first homeschool convention with me (when our kids were 5, 3, and 1), which led to a *shared* decision...and he has happily stayed out of the mix -- except for math & science experiments -- ever since. He trust me...both to order materials and to teach them, AND to come to him with challenges and puzzles. I trust him to listen, foot the bills, and share some of the teaching load. It's worked well...as a mutuality, NOT as a "wife's idea on trial, I am duh judge" setup. *shared* *shared* *shared*

 

YMMV

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My wife has spent countless hours looking at homeschooling websites, Facebook groups, and other internet resources. She has become convinced that this is the way we should go. I am not enthusiastic about this. I want to support her but, I do not feel good about this. Public school worked for me and I don't want my kids to have the "weird" homeschool kid stigma.

 

Previous posters have given you good information about the realities and what to expect if you choose to homeschool. And they have given you great comments and advice for researching the facts and options for yourself and questions to ask about not just homeschooling but what kind of education you want for your children, and how to go about that -- rather than basing your decision to accept or reject homeschooling on "not feeling good about this". :)

 

I just want to comment that we started homeschooling our two DSs in 2000, and graduated them in 2011 and 2012, and never ran into any "weird" homeschool kid stigma. If anything, people were very interested — or even a little wistful or envious. We never had any "weird homeschool kid stigma here, and DSs participated in a number of community and public high school extracurriculars that were not homeschool-based.

 

Gently, I'd say that the "weird homeschooler" stereotype is very outdated. If anything, homeschooling seems to be the new "hip" fad in education, with so many people homeschooling for so very many reasons. ;)

 

BEST of luck as you research and discuss with your wife to make the best educational decisions for your children. Warmest regards, Lori D.

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I appreciate the opinions on here, my wife will be happy that I reached out on this to learn more. Someone mentioned social circles.. where I work, when I brought up the idea to one of the executives I work with during a social conversation, they frowned on the idea. 

 

Many of my siblings are very critical of the idea and while my wife is very enthusiastic, I am experiencing some pretty strong social pressures against it. I get that for many people it is the best option and I am still struggling with the idea.

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I appreciate the opinions on here, my wife will be happy that I reached out on this to learn more. Someone mentioned social circles.. where I work, when I brought up the idea to one of the executives I work with during a social conversation, they frowned on the idea. 

 

Many of my siblings are very critical of the idea and while my wife is very enthusiastic, I am experiencing some pretty strong social pressures against it. I get that for many people it is the best option and I am still struggling with the idea.

 

There's always strong pressure towards conformity, whether it's the best choice for your individual situation or not. Please remember that you & your wife make choices for your kids; your siblings make choices for *their* kids, not yours. 

 

Again, you haven't said your kids ages. When we started, our oldest was kindergarten age, but K is NOT mandatory and I considered it our trial year. I was working p/t from home and wanted to see if I could fit that in around the edges of my primary mission -- the best education situation for my kids. It worked and we've never looked back, although homeschooling has certainly looked different every year, as the kids' needs and the family constellation flexed. We started because we had a very shy early reader who wouldn't have progressed at a 60% ESL elementary school, and we couldn't afford private school tuition. We wanted to have our family time instead of having homework time (and if you're doing most of the teaching in homework time, why not do it at the beginning of your day and have the end left over for daddy time?). We've continued on for so many additional reasons.

 

FWIW, homeschooling is widely accepted at many colleges. The profs who helped start the homeschool portfolio admission track at UCR were Ph.D'd homeschool dads in the hard sciences who've learned to respect the quality and commitment of college-bound homeschool kids that don't fit "in the box." There are so many, many success stories. But if you have littles, that's down the road a bit. Learning at home with little kids let you include every learning opportunity in your community...any day can be field trip day because early elementary school academics don't take that much time and often can happen on the road.

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I appreciate the opinions on here, my wife will be happy that I reached out on this to learn more. Someone mentioned social circles.. where I work, when I brought up the idea to one of the executives I work with during a social conversation, they frowned on the idea. 

 

Many of my siblings are very critical of the idea and while my wife is very enthusiastic, I am experiencing some pretty strong social pressures against it. I get that for many people it is the best option and I am still struggling with the idea.

 

:grouphug:  That is often the hardest part of homeschooling -- deciding for yourselves what is best for your children's education and for your family's goals and values. There will always be people eager to tell you that your choices are "wrong" or inferior to their own -- whether it is your choice of diet, bedtime, discipline, movie-viewing, or even clothing…

 

Most families run into these issues at some point with in-laws or co-workers somehow feeling they have a "right" to comment on your choices or give unsolicited advice. Whatever the topic is (homeschooling or child-rearing), many of us have come to the place of "pass the bean dip" -- in other words, unsolicited comments (like conversation in which co-workers or bosses "frown on the idea") -- you smile, say "Thanks so much for your concerns for our family. That's very kind of you. My wife and I will discuss that and take it into consideration as we make the decision for what's best for our family. Hey, how about those White Sox…"

 

It is wonderful that you are supporting your wife in researching homeschooling to be able to come to a good decision for your family. BEST wishes to you and your wife in reaching that decision! Warmest regards, Lori D.

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Previous posters have given you good information about the realities and what to expect if you choose to homeschool. And they have given you great comments and advice for researching the facts and options for yourself and questions to ask about not just homeschooling but what kind of education you want for your children, and how to go about that -- rather than basing your decision to accept or reject homeschooling on "not feeling good about this". :)

 

I just want to comment that we started homeschooling our two DSs in 2000, and graduated them in 2011 and 2012, and never ran into any "weird" homeschool kid stigma. If anything, people were very interested — or even a little wistful or envious. We never had any "weird homeschool kid stigma here, and DSs participated in a number of community and public high school extracurriculars that were not homeschool-based.

 

Gently, I'd say that the "weird homeschooler" stereotype is very outdated. If anything, homeschooling seems to be the new "hip" fad in education, with so many people homeschooling for so very many reasons. ;)

 

BEST of luck as you research and discuss with your wife to make the best educational decisions for your children. Warmest regards, Lori D.

 

LOL, Lori. I remember when my always-homeschooled ds hit community college at 16. His first english comp class they read John Taylor Gatto's "Dumbing Us Down" and discussed the failures of public school education. Quite ironic, really. He agreed with all the failures and suddenly realized he *had* had it pretty good at home after all. He is fiercely committed to making sure his kids (somewhere off in the distant future with some imaginary wife) WILL be homeschooled...but it was Gatto who convinced him of it, not me. LOL.

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When I started homeschooling my youngest (5th grade) it was the mid 1990s. My husband had only met one homeschooling family and that wasn't helpful! The dad was a very conservative Christian and Harvard graduate, a despised "college boy" and "sheep" combined.

 

My husband worried about things like would his son know how to fart in public the "right" way. He knew he had the farting thing down well enough for a 5th grader, but I guess maybe there are more advanced skills that our son hadn't quite mastered yet. I don't know. You men have your own worries that we women cannot understand. And vice versa.

 

Truly, the only reason my husband allowed our son to "quit school" was because he was lazy and not very involved with his children. I was SO tired of dealing with the school that I told him "This one is yours!" for the latest problem. He didn't want to deal with it, so he let our son "quit".

 

My mom was fine with me homeschooling as she knew a LOT of homeschooling families from her church.

 

Surprisingly, my father-in-law was totally on board, as he had a LOT of trust in me as a parent, and wished he had had a similar opportunity as a child. My father-in-law was a LOT like my son, and the one I turned to for advice. It really helped that my husband's father told him that he should let our son homeschool. And it was my father-in-law that really played the role of homeschool dad, actually looking over the math book I chose and talking to my son about what he was learning.

 

Everyone else was HORRIFIED. And I mean HORRIFIED.

 

I don't think my husband really discussed homeschooling with his coworkers and peers as many of them didn't even know he had kids at all. He was not a hands-on dad at all. I was the parent. He was the breadwinner.

 

We didn't pull out the older son till the end of his 7th grade year. It was only supposed to be for one year, due to some problems going on at the local junior high. When it came time to start high school though, my son was 1/2 way through the 10th grade and had a job he loved and didn't "have time for school". After just one year of homeschooling my oldest, everyone we knew was on board. He just THRIVED. Socially especially. It was like he grew 10-15 years in one year. People who hadn't seen him in a year would just gape and gape and gape. At parties people would say, "What happened to … ?" And others would say, "He's homeschooled now." And that was that.

 

The younger was still a horrid little geek, but one that made us all howl with laughter at his audacity. And he was actually getting a little nicer because he was happier. He also had the highest test scores in our town for his age, despite having had only average scores while he had been in school. My husband HATED that his son had scored so highly, though. He flung the test papers across the room, and yelled, "You made him into a freak!" Whatever!

 

But all of a sudden EVERYONE was on board. Yes, it's easier when those around you are on board, but…that can't be part of the decision making process. Our children deserve more than that.

 

After the first few years, the only problems we had after that was from other homeschoolers. My older was breaking every child labor law known to man. I'm told we were reported at least once to the school board but they just didn't care. They did NOT want my younger son back in school, and didn't want to know ANYTHING about what was going on with ANY of the children in the family.

 

I was the one that said it's important to make contact with others of your social class. Okay, those nearest and dearest to you either know very little about homeschooling, or don't approve. Spread your net out to others of your social class that you don't know, who DO homeschool. Meet THOSE families. Don't judge the results of homeschooling on families outside your social class. You probably don't agree with their lifestyle so you won't be impressed with how they school.

 

The last two years before my son left for Las Vegas, people were coming out of the woodwork wanting to talk to my husband. They had met our son and wanted to know how he had been raised. My husband just sent them to me, telling them he had no idea, as he hadn't been around. I did the best I could talking to these men.

 

These were blue-collar men. Their worries were not those of white-collar men. Many of them had gifted and learning disabled children that were miserable in school, and wives that wanted to homeschool. These dads had flat out said, "No!" until they met my son or heard about my son. It didn't help that these men had met wealthier and more Christian families. Meeting those families didn't alleviate their fears. They needed to feel my son's strong handshake, and have him look them directly in the eye, and be able to converse with him man to man about taxes and politics and current events, despite him still being in his teens. They needed to meet their version of success. A homeschool graduate that was like THEM.

 

We would talk about my younger and academics a bit, but what these men really wanted to know about was the social stuff. And how do boys grow to be men when "hanging around mommy all day".

 

Good luck! Hang around a bit.

 

If you tell us more about yourself and your family, we can recommend some books you might like. I have the feeling The Well Trained Mind is NOT the book for YOU. :lol:

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I appreciate the opinions on here, my wife will be happy that I reached out on this to learn more. Someone mentioned social circles.. where I work, when I brought up the idea to one of the executives I work with during a social conversation, they frowned on the idea.

 

Many of my siblings are very critical of the idea and while my wife is very enthusiastic, I am experiencing some pretty strong social pressures against it. I get that for many people it is the best option and I am still struggling with the idea.

The question that needs to asked is why are they critical of the idea? Most of the time people are critical bc they don't really understand what it means and believe that it limits options. For my own kids, they would not be academically as successful in any environment other than homeschooling.

 

I'll use my current high schoolers as examples. My 12th grader is dyslexic. He did not read on grade level until late 4th/early 5th. Conversely, he is incredibly gifted in math. In school he would have failed math bc he couldn't have read the problems. I read him his math problems up through 5th grade. By that pt he was taking algebra. By the time he finished 8th grade, he had completed alg, geo, alg 2, intermediate alg (through an online math provider geared toward gifted math students..... http://www.artofproblemsolving.com if your wife wants to investigate), counting and probability. As a high school sr, he will be graduating with credit for calculus 1, 2, multivariable cal, diffEQ, linear alg, cal-based physics 1&2, modern, mechanics 1& 2 (upper level physics if you aren't aware of what they are). If he had been in a ps, he would have been labeled with LDs and no one would have recognized just how gifted in math he is. And as far as reading, etc, he has not only "caught up", but he is beyond 12th grade there as well. He will be attending college in the fall full-ride with merit scholarships, in the university's honor college, etc.

 

Our 9th grader is equally advanced but without LDs. She is studying 3 different languages (French 4, Latin 3, and Russian 1). She has completed alg, geo, and alg 2. Her literature courses are complex. Last yr as an 8th grader her favorite piece was Paradise Lost. (Not on your avg 8th grader's reading list ;) )

 

Homeschooling allows complete freedom to meet your kids educationally where they are. Not a school out there can provide them the same level of individualized attention and slow down and speed up when they need to.

 

And if you didn't look at the college acceptance thread I linked earlier, I really suggest you do. Over the yrs kids whose parents post on this forum have had kids attended some of the top schools in the country, won many awards, been selected for unique internships, won countless scholarships, etc. even being weird and everything else...... ;)

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I appreciate the opinions on here, my wife will be happy that I reached out on this to learn more. Someone mentioned social circles.. where I work, when I brought up the idea to one of the executives I work with during a social conversation, they frowned on the idea.

 

Many of my siblings are very critical of the idea and while my wife is very enthusiastic, I am experiencing some pretty strong social pressures against it. I get that for many people it is the best option and I am still struggling with the idea.

My husband was/is very sensitive to some of the social pressures you're talking about. His mom still isn't supportive of homeschooling AT ALL (and that's the only one of our parenting decisions she seems to have real opinions about), and I do get the feeling that his siblings think it's a little weird. He has been open with his coworkers (he works in DC with people who went to fancy prep schools and Ivy League universities), and they have all been surprisingly and positively intrigued by the idea, if not totally supportive of it. It helps that he sees some of the benefits and has developed a bit of his own confidence in the decision.

 

Homeschooling is a topic that definitely elicits opinions, one way or the other. I know very few people with lukewarm feelings about it. It seems a lot of people get defensive (I guess they assume that my choice to homeschool my own children is an automatic judgment against them for not homeschooling?). You have to be comfortable saying, at least to yourself, that it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks. These aren't their kids, they don't have the same responsibility to the kids as you do, they aren't thinking through the pros and cons as thoroughly as you are, etc. Most importantly, they don't know your kids and your kids' needs, interests, strengths, and weaknesses as well as you do. You just have to let go of what they think and have confidence in whatever choice you and your wife arrive at.

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I appreciate the opinions on here, my wife will be happy that I reached out on this to learn more. Someone mentioned social circles.. where I work, when I brought up the idea to one of the executives I work with during a social conversation, they frowned on the idea. 

 

Many of my siblings are very critical of the idea and while my wife is very enthusiastic, I am experiencing some pretty strong social pressures against it. I get that for many people it is the best option and I am still struggling with the idea.

 

 

First, welcome! :seeya:

 

Second, the simple fact that you are both willing to consider your wife's request and do your own research as well says that you are a man who cares about what is best for his family. :thumbup1:  That's a point for you, as it were.

 

However, I really don't think that the people you work with should be making decisions for your family. Their opinions are irrelevant to this discussion.

 

Your family (having obviously not had a lot of exposure to successfully homeschooled kids), will probably be vocally oppositional until your oldest graduates and gets accepted to college, lol. When my mother homeschooled us in the 80's, that's how her family treated her. Now we are successful and successfully homeschooling our own kids.

 

I think that this is a good place to start, but, as another poster mentioned up-thread, you'll not get an unbiased opinion here. We're all pretty much in for the long haul (that is, through high school) with homeschooling.

 

Homeschooled kids are successful. They do go on to good jobs and have good families. They're not weird. They get plenty of socialization (usually with a much broader peer base, age and viewpoint related) than their public school classmates.

 

All that being said, only two people can make this decision for your family: you and your wife. Take the time to listen to her ideas, her reasons, her plans, and then decide if they fit with your vision for your family. You may not homeschool (and your kids will be okay), but you may decide to give it a try (and your kids will still be okay). Just don't let anyone pressure you to a decision that is not your own.

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I appreciate the opinions on here, my wife will be happy that I reached out on this to learn more. Someone mentioned social circles.. where I work, when I brought up the idea to one of the executives I work with during a social conversation, they frowned on the idea.

 

Many of my siblings are very critical of the idea and while my wife is very enthusiastic, I am experiencing some pretty strong social pressures against it. I get that for many people it is the best option and I am still struggling with the idea.

Why did you bring it up in social conversation with an executive? And why do you care if they frown or not? If your wife wanted to change the family diet and become vegetarian, would you check with an executive then?

 

I think you should discuss (with your wife, not executives or siblings) the goals you have for your kids and map out a plan of how to get there. Maybe it is homeschooling, maybe not, but without a vision or a goal to shoot for, you will simply be swept along with everybody else.

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In addition to the suggestions above to read The Well-Trained Mind, I suggested reading The Well-Educated Mind. It's for high schoolers/adults who are interested in giving themselves the education they never had. It's pretty eye opening once you see the deficiencies in your own education....

 

Good luck in your decision!

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I appreciate the opinions on here, my wife will be happy that I reached out on this to learn more. Someone mentioned social circles.. where I work, when I brought up the idea to one of the executives I work with during a social conversation, they frowned on the idea.

 

Many of my siblings are very critical of the idea and while my wife is very enthusiastic, I am experiencing some pretty strong social pressures against it. I get that for many people it is the best option and I am still struggling with the idea.

I probably wouldn't bother mentioning it too much right now. It's a decision for you and your wife to make and you guys should be free to do that without pressure one way or the other.

 

It really shouldn't be about homeschooling vs. Public school. Instead, think about what would work for your family. Once it's reframed that way t you can look at the specific options you're family has. Many public schools are excellent but is your local school excellent? I like Laurel's suggestions regarding that.

 

I'm going to echo everyone else regarding getting out and meeting the local homeschooling community and lurking here to get an idea of what homeschooling might look like for you guys.

 

You could also just try it for a year. I'm assuming you're child is young so there's little risk to homeschooling kindergarten to see if it agrees you guys. It makes it easy to deal with pressure as well, "we're just trying kindergarten at home this year," instead having to go into a big explanation. People tend to be much less judgemental, or at least quieter about their disagreement, when you are already doing something as opposed to considering it and asking their opinion.

 

But be fearless about this.:) You're looking for the best path for your family, not what other people approve of.

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I appreciate the opinions on here, my wife will be happy that I reached out on this to learn more. Someone mentioned social circles.. where I work, when I brought up the idea to one of the executives I work with during a social conversation, they frowned on the idea. 

 

Many of my siblings are very critical of the idea and while my wife is very enthusiastic, I am experiencing some pretty strong social pressures against it. I get that for many people it is the best option and I am still struggling with the idea.

 

 

My dh has experienced some *very* strong social pressure to ps, and sometimes it has migrated into the "If you want this job...." kind of pressure b/c he has a very social job and there is a great pull to CONFORM.  But - conform with what?

 

Really ask yourself what you want for your kids.  Then look with a critical eye at all of their schooling options.  HSing is not a perfect choice.  There are NO perfect choices, but if you and your wife can be at peace together with whatever choice you make the kids will benefit.

 

 

YOU have the right to be the critical one here...(you and your wife)...these are YOUR kids we are talking about.  When your coworkers and siblings want to PAY for their college, then maybe they might get a say in the matter.  Until then...

 

 

Really, it's good that you are questioning this now rather than just going along with your wife without caring.  HSing is hard work.  She will need your support b/c she will feel that same critical spirit against her among her friends and family.  Support each other.

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I haven't read any of the other comments, yet, but I just wanted to say that public school is nothing at all like it was when you attended.  Nothing.  

 

Secondly, I suggest you read some homeschooling books, like The Well Trained Mind, to get an idea of what your child's education could look like.

 

Thirdly, check out all the activities and opportunities for homeschoolers in your local area.  Just last week, my kids went to co-op on Tuesday, a homeschool meet up at a trampoline place on Wednesday, and went to a homeschool egg hunt on Thursday.  All the museums, metro parks, and libraries in my area have homeschool programs.  I bet you will find there is more to homeschooling than what you have imagined.

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Okay, just read through some more, and see that you are concerned about other people's opinions.  

 

If you want, you can do a search of some of my very first posts on this forum many years ago, when I was the one excitedly researching homeschooling, and my husband was the one with all the doubts you're having.  Four years later, he can't find a bad thing to say about homeschooling, and neither can most other people who know my children.  They are bright, articulate, polite young men, who are no more weird than the next 9 & 11 year olds.  

 

You will always have people asking questions about homeschooling.  My husband now chats it up with other parents about how awesome it has been for us.  You will always have people questioning the socialization, the friends, the ability to get into college, yada, yada, yada . . .  Guess what?  Those people are not in charge of your kids.  You and your wife are.  You need to work together to do what is best for your entire family.  The other people can rear their own children and keep their noses out of your business.  You don't have to answer to them.

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Most social pressures comes from those who think of homeschooling in terms of uninformed stereotypes they've either heard or come up with.  This stems mostly from lack of any real experience, knowledge or exposure to homeschooling and homeschool families.  *Different* is thought to be strange simply because it's not what one grew up with.  That criteria is not a very strong case to base decisions upon on versus using higher level reasoning based on facts.  But even so it is somewhat understandable from a purely human nature perspective.  

 

As you learn more about homeschooling including outcomes I think you will at least understand why your wife is considering it vs. just following a fad or something else.  Look at the overall numbers as the results speak for themselves.  In addition keep in mind that homeschooling takes many forms which can span from highly structured to more loose format (unschooling).  Once at the High School level quite a few homeschool kids attend college at least part-time.  Others will take AP courses online or through other venues.  There are a lot of options.  Most of us parents who homeschool our kids went through public schools ourselves.

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I appreciate the opinions on here, my wife will be happy that I reached out on this to learn more. Someone mentioned social circles.. where I work, when I brought up the idea to one of the executives I work with during a social conversation, they frowned on the idea. 

 

Many of my siblings are very critical of the idea and while my wife is very enthusiastic, I am experiencing some pretty strong social pressures against it. I get that for many people it is the best option and I am still struggling with the idea.

 

I work part time in a professional job and it not always well received to mention I was/am a stay-at-home mom of a large family much less a homeschooling one.  It's a combination of the specific profession plus part of the country where we live. 

 

Shrug.

 

I handle it by not advertising the information but also not withholding it either if someone is genuinely curious.  Some of the most interesting conversation are with people who might spout off in ignorance but are also intrigued because they have never seen it in action. 

 

My encouragement to you and your wife is to thoughtfully define how you want to live. 

 

Then go do it.

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I would be curious to know from the OP why his wife thinks homeschooling would be such a great option for their family? What are the benefits she sees to their kids, educationally and otherwise?

 

Interestingly, I know several parents in executive positions at large corporations in our city who have homeschooled their children for at least a portion of their schooling. But, they are fairly independent-thinking individuals all the way around. We also have a neighbor where the son-in-law is a professor at a top-tier university in town and he and his wife are homeschooling their two children. In the homeschool circles I run in, the moms/teachers are symphony level musicians, lawyers, statisticians, accounts, gifted education teachers and other types of professionals. And that's just the moms. I suspect part of that is because they have all gravitated to a more classical model, but homeschooling is big enough to attract all types at this point in its history.

 

You, however, will have to get over your concern about social pressures if you're going to be a happy homeschooler. People will say things. Just like they will say things about anything you do with your kids that extraordinary.

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I'll tell you what to do, klou.

 

Download the Core Knowledge K-8 Sequence which is free from the Core Knowledge website. Look through it to familiarize yourself with what children should be learning to become well educated.

 

Then send your kids to public school. I don't think you would need any further convincing.

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My wife has spent countless hours looking at homeschooling websites, Facebook groups, and other internet resources. She has become convinced that this is the way we should go. I am not enthusiastic about this. I want to support her but, I do not feel good about this. Public school worked for me and I don't want my kids to have the "weird" homeschool kid stigma. Looking for comments that support both sides.

 

I think you should trust your wife.

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My wife has spent countless hours looking at homeschooling websites, Facebook groups, and other internet resources. She has become convinced that this is the way we should go. I am not enthusiastic about this. I want to support her but, I do not feel good about this. Public school worked for me and I don't want my kids to have the "weird" homeschool kid stigma. Looking for comments that support both sides.

 

This sounds like my DH and I when I was beginning to get the itch to homeschool; he wasn't on board (oh, he is now) for so many reasons.  But it was me who had done all the research on the local middle schools and what was available and how they operated, and it was me who had done research on homeschool styles, options, and curricula, and it was me who had done the research on what exactly it means to be educated.  Anyway, in order to have an intelligent conversation with your wife, you need to do the same research, to satisfy your own curiosity and to talk intelligently about the subject.  You've come to a great place for advice and information, so that is a start.  The best resource for me has been this board and the Well Trained Mind book.    

 

I can't add a whole lot to what others have posted; I've only been homeschooling a year and there are decades-long homeschoolers on here.  I will make a few points that served me well when I began this journey, though:

 

1.  Educate yourself.  On everything.  On current public school policies, on current trends in public education, on curricula, on methods of homeschooling, on options for your personal homeschool, on what you want your homeschool to be and to accomplish, and mostly, what you want for your child.

 

2.  Stop talking to co-workers and friends and family.  That doesn't mean stop gathering information; it does mean that this decision should be made by you and your wife and not by your entire extended family and friends network.  There are too many agendas in families and friend relationships for you to be able to count on getting neutral and disinterested opinions and information from them.  We ran into this when we were considering homeschooling.  I found that most public educators I talked with were universally against homeschooling (I think they think so badly of homeschooling because any homeschooler who fails to educate their child dumps their kid back at their doorstep).  I found higher-income executive types in my 'hood automatically thought we were opting for an inferior method of education (because homeschooling was all so Ellis Island and why *wouldn't* I opt for private school, anyway?), and friends with children in the public school felt compelled to defend their choices as *oh, so perfect* because well, that's where they put their kid.  Tune it out and make your decisions as a team and in private.  Do gather information, but gather it from reliable, disinterested parties who have no personal stake in your children (the internet, other homeschoolers, books, information sessions like conventions).  One other thing to realize is that you need to observe/read about more than one type of homeschooling family, because while one family might unschool, that may not be your style.  Another may be very "schooly" and that may not suit your either.  You'll need to decide how you want to school and then tweak that if necessary. 

 

3.  Keep this in mind:  It isn't permanent.  You can return your child to school at any time, for any reason, and you are not going to ruin your child if you homeschool her for year and it doesn't work out as you planned.  That was the deal we made; we would homeschool for a year and if it didn't work out, we always left the door open to returning to school.  You will have hardships that first year, but adjust as necessary and carry on.  At the end of the year, assess and make a decision for the upcoming year.

 

4.  I'm weird, so it follows that my kids will be weird (on the hypothesis that the apple won't fall far from the tree), and because they are homeschooled, they are now "those weird homeschool kids".  If they were in public school, they would be "those weird public school kids.  *Shrug*  This is important?

 

Good luck with your choices.  

 

ETA:  I am in my 50s and public school worked "OK" for me also.  I got myself through school, got undergraduate and graduate degrees in a STEM field, and by all outward appearances, I am "successful".  But public education in 2014 in the urban area where we now live is not public education in rural upstate NY in 1969, the national landscape for public education has degrade badly in the past few decades (indeed, in the past 6 years since my daughter first entered public Kindergarten), and now that I am homeschooling our daughter, I realize I that my education was middling and could easily have been better.  The quote that appears somewhere in the Well Trained Mind book or on this forum (can't remember where I saw it) that says "The education you wish you'd had" is spot-on.

 

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