Homeschooling when both parents work

[mamaraby]

We've been mulling this one over a bit. Something like a first shift, second shift arrangement and dh would actually become the primary homeschooler. We would probably have to find child care for 2-3 hours between when he had to leave for work and I got home at night. We also wouldn't have the same days off 3/4 of the year as dh has a rotating schedule. Weekend weekends are only once a quarter. The kids would follow his schedule, I'd be the odd one out.

 

I've been out of the workforce for 9yrs so there's no guarantee I could even get a job (am thinking a temp to hire to start) and we have to wait and see how dh's possible promotion works out so it's still off in the future a bit. We do need to make some changes, but we don't want to give up homeschooling. I'm assuming there are some people here who do something like this. Would you mind telling me about it?

[deerforest]

I think there is every combination of working and homeschooling parents that you can imagine. Our situation isn't going to look like anyone else's, but I can share what we've been doing.

 

DH was a SAHD until 2010, and I was a full-time telecommuter for a high tech company. DD had just turned 6, and my entire department was laid off, and we freaked out. We both started looking for jobs right away. His job skills were 7 years old, but he got a job offer within weeks. I ended up getting a job offer too and a year later I was actually back at my original company. So, fast forward from 2010 til now.

 

Now DD is in 4th grade, and DH still works full time; he's an IT manager, a promotion at the same place he was hired. His job is incredibly flexible because they have multiple sites he has to go between and he can also work from home at pretty much any time of day. I am a full-time telecommuter. I go into an office about 1x per year. I work for a huge global cooperation. This means I sometimes have meetings at 5am; sometimes at midnight; sometimes at 7pm, etc. The bulk of my co-workers are 3 hours behind me. So, most of them don't start work until 11am or so my time.

 

DD and I do school together from about 7am-11am. It's usually never for 4 hours, but it's always within that time. I sometimes get up super early and work a couple of hours first. When we're done, my busy work day starts, and DD completes her independent work.

 

She has an activity most days. So, DH or a friend usually pick her up sometime between 12-2pm. We have to chose activities that allow us to just drop her off, but DH's job's flexibility means that he can work pretty much anywhere, and one of his main sites is right in the middle of all her activities so it's super easy for him to go there to work. DD can also go with him so if she has time in between activities, he just brings her with him and she either runs into friends (DH's company is kinda the hub for this one town), brings a book or assignment, etc.

 

We manage pretty well with this setup. The hardest thing is keeping up with the house. Since I am also responsible for all the schooling, he picks up the slack for cooking and cleaning. I take care of bills. We both do laundry. It's a never ending marathon most days.

 

I think it's worth it most days. We are actually tentatively enrolled in a public school charter school in the fall so we are very closely reevaluating everything right now. I suspect we'll conclude that it's all still worth the effort to keep homeschooling, but some days/weeks, I feel like we all just want to give up!

 

It's really, really hard to basically have multiple full time jobs--mothering, working, and schooling. Not sure I can sugar coat that, but I really do love homeschooling.

[G5052]

I think there is every combination of working and homeschooling parents that you can imagine. Our situation isn't going to look like anyone else's, but I can share what we've been doing.

 

It's really, really hard to basically have multiple full time jobs--mothering, working, and schooling. Not sure I can sugar coat that, but I really do love homeschooling.

 

I couldn't agree more. We've always done it, and it is hectic and crazy. I put myself through my undergraduate degrees and worked full-time through graduate school, so DH always says that it works for us because I don't know any better.  I cobble together part-time and contract work, and have sole responsibility for homeschooling and the house. Thankfully the DC do more and more household stuff though.

 

Most of my work is done from home, which has its own problems.  I work 7 days a week, and family stress and work stress often overlap.  By June I am worn out, but usually I'm either off or have lighter demands in the summer. Last summer I was completely off, and this summer I think I'm going to have one small contract and some light prep work with no deadlines.

 

When mine were little, it was reasonable to work very early in the morning, school after breakfast, and then work during their nap/quiet times.

 

During the middle years, I actually cut back my work because schooling was longer, and they seemed to need me more. We were also dealing with eldercare issues then.

 

Now with them in high school, I can work more, but I need to be home.  This week I signed a contract for more at-home work and turned down one that would have had me away three mornings a week.  One of mine is almost completely independent, the other needs monitoring.

 

So lots of ways of doing it, but it is indeed tough.

[Gil]

Well, I'm a single parent but I work 3 jobs, go to college full time and manage to homeschool. It isn't easy, or ideal, but it is doable. We intend to continue this arrangment until I graduate this December. The boys would like to continue homeschooling even next year.

 

We have a pretty rigid schedule--I have to be out the door by XX:00 so the boys have to be ready. I have dropped my sons off wet at my moms in damp towels with their clothes in a bag because they were dawdling and had to get in the car naked. Sucked to be them.--But all the same, we make it work. Even before we homeschooled, we had a rigid schedule so homeschooling hasn't made a huge impact on how busy our schedule is. The only real change has been that instead of playing for a few hours in the evening, they do their work at the table with me in the evenings. It is no longer playing school with daddy, but serious work that needs to be done and is supervised by daddy.

 

This is our first year homeschooling and we only do the basics--Reading, Writing, Math and Spanish. We keep it simple and no nonsense. We don't use bells and whistles. We don't mix play and work. We enjoy our work, and we do it so that we are good at it which is also pretty fun. Our goal, when we sit down to work/study, is to learn. Period.

Math is our favorite topic by a long shot (we were doing math stuff from toddlerhood, its just something we do) We use Keys to..., Math Mammoth and 2 workbook type supplements. Math Mammoth is our main thing but all of our Math materials are pretty self explanatory--the boys can read and follow the directions well enough but I still will give them lessons 3-5x a week on the  topics that are coming up in their worktexts. Usually takes about 10-45 minutes depending on the topic. My oldest had been stumbling a bit with the stats section in MM so he slowed down a bit when he hit that part. My youngest is just trucking along and hasn't had any serious concerns for a while now. 

For reading the boys read library books.

Writing is covered by maintaining a booklog, a word book, copywork and a weekly 'essay'. I do stipulate that work MUST be neat, I don't accept scrawls/drivel.

We do Spanish using an audio program, Learning Spanish Like Crazy, and use library materials. The boys are enjoying it.

 

The boys stay with their grandma during the day--they carry their work with them and do some of it if they have time/are so inclined. They usually will do some math and a lot of reading at their grandmas. Their grandma is 100% hands off with their school work. They help each other if they get stuck or save the problem for later. I pick them up after my second job. We go home, unwind, have dinner and then we clear the kitchen table and do our work. I sit and do my homework and they sit and do theirs. If they have any questions/comments/concerns I stop and help them. They usually work for anywhere from 1-4 hours, but its at their discretion. We have a dedicated table work time 7days a week--mostly because I study to keep up in school and the boys are inclined to study when I do. But working 7 days instead of 4 or 5 gives them more flexibility for how much to do when.

 

Also, before you get the wrong idea: they will chat and goof around while they work even though I encourage them to focus. I don't stop them unless they are disturbing me. They are eager to finish their math books so they focus more when they do math. So we aren't just slaving away 7days a week. Things get pretty silly around here most times. We have fun, we laugh, learn and live each and every day.

.

In our house we have a rule that at 6 years old you can go to bed whenever you want to, but you have to be up by 6:00am. (I get up at 4:45am) So, staying up super duper late is at your discretion but you will pay for it later. I don't micromanage them, and I probably let a lot more slide than I should but whatever. There are only 24 hours in a day where I come from, I can't do it all.

 

On the weekends, I work at my 3rd job and I will usually take the boys with me because it is so early. They take a backpack full of books and entertain themselves quietly while I work a 6 hour shift on Saturday and an 8 hour shift Sundays. Today their maternal grandma wanted to take them out so she picked them up for breakfast and I'll see them back at the house this evening...

 

 

[laughing lioness]

I work 3/4 time and dh works 4 days a week at 2 different job sites and 1-2 days a week from home. I worked f.t.. did a grad program the first 3 yrs we homeschooled, took a 20 yr break and am back at it. It's been a huge adjustment. The biggest hurdle is the lack of time and energy. I'm old enough that i HAVE to sleep- just blasting through is no longer an option for me. 

 

 I have to be on phones/computer set times M-F but available by skype all day. I try to work with kids in the a.m.- I've noticed if I don't touch base with kids on their trouble subjects, they end up feeling very neglected, touchy and snarl at each other more, so I try to get a quality hour in with them at least every morning. Then they work off a list. I have everything on a list- coded- by DVD, Text, workbook, CD, on-line, computer, etc. They work through the list. There is some silly stuff on there, and some easy stuff, but also challenging things too. I try to do a couple of subjects with them -geography and FFLatin each day. They can sit with me anytime, but they know if I get a call they have to be so quiet it's like they're not here. Also, my job is detailed, and I have 3 reference manuals and do generate paper (tons of notes). It feels like i'm always in process with work. So far, I've been working in our open dining room- open to the entire first floor- but I'm getting to the point where I need to move up to our office- which I hate. Because I'll be in an enclosed room 4-5 hrs a day and away from kids. 11 yo almost had a crisis over that this week. But the space needs re-done. In some ways I think it would be easier to GO somewhere to work because it's a discipline at home to DO work and then DO home and not be doing both ALL THE TIME. 

 

The last couple of weeks we've gotten a ton of school done- you can read about it here:  And I just wrote a 5-day blog series on working and homeschooling. DAy 5 is here and if you click on the Working Woman's Guide in the tags it will get you to the other 5 posts. 

[My3girls]

We started homeschooling last June. I worked from home doing IT help desk, and dh worked 2.5 hours away for the military. He came home on weekends. Working full time and homeschooling on my own was brutal, but we made it work. I lost my job in December, was unemployed for 6 weeks then I started real estate school and became an agent a little over a month ago. This is working out much better because I can dictate my own hours, I still work from home 90% of the time, and most of the time I have to be away from home happens on the weekends when dh is home. It also helps A LOT that dd12 is a certified baby sitter so she can watch her sisters for a few hours if I have an appt during the week.

 

Our typical schedule looks something like this. Monday - Thursday we do school from 9 to 11:30, 11:30-1 the girls have lunch and I make phone calls/send emails, 1-2:30 finish up school, 2:30 - 5:00 work while the girls play outside, girls read before bed. I sometimes work in the evenings after dinner. Friday, I work from 9-1 because of a conference call schedule I have no control over. The girls do their chores and some independent work while I am working. If they get done before I do, they have free time. We then do school from about 1-3 then they go out to play, and I finish up whatever work I have. Saturday, I work midday while dh has the girls, and Sunday I work in the afternoons. Whenever I have classes during the week or we have a field trip planned, we just adjust as we need to or sometimes just take a day off. As my business grows, I am sure we'll have to continually adjust.

[Alice]

We do it. We both work part-time. I work two days a week, Mondays from 1-8pm and Wednesdays from 7-12:30. Dh stays home during those times which means that he works about 30 hours a week. I also round at the hospital every morning. The goal with that is for me to be done by 8:30 at the latest so dh gets to work at a good time. 

 

It's mostly a good thing. We both like being home and we both are glad to stay in our careers. Because we're part-time it's meant we make some sacrifices in our careers: both in salary and in terms of how far we can advance. We're ok with that tradeoff. 

 

The challenges are what most other people have said. It doesn't allow for a lot of buffer. I have to get up early every day which means I have to try and go to bed on time. We can't be as flexible about what we do in our days at home. It means a lot less time for dh and I together as so much of our life seems to be the "hand-off". Figuring out school is also a bit of a challenge as the kids have gotten older. It doesn't really make sense for us both to do the research and planning so it has been primarily me doing that and school. But as our oldest has gotten older we have needed to have him do more school with dh. We've had issues with the boys not really doing what they should with dh because he's much easier than me. But I think we're working out those kinks. 

 

It can also be a bit lonely. I always feel a little odd. I'm the weird doctor in my group who homeschools. And I'm that weird homeschooling Mom who isn't available all the time and who works outside the home in the homeschooling world. I know a lot of other homeschoolers work but it seems like in real life that I rarely meet them. 

 

I think it's definitely doable. My number one piece of advice would be to work on maintaining your relationship with your husband. When we are feeling like a team we function well even when we're both very busy. When we start to forget to take the time to talk about things other than which kid needs to finish math and who will pick up C. at what time and whether or not the laundry needs flipping then we start to function more like two people who are working separately but not really as a team and we both start to feel stressed. I think it works for us because we both genuinely see pretty much all the jobs in our lives as jobs that either of us can do and should do. 

[kiwik]

Well, I'm a single parent but I work 3 jobs, go to college full time and manage to homeschool. It isn't easy, or ideal, but it is doable. We intend to continue this arrangment until I graduate this December. The boys would like to continue homeschooling even next year.

 

We have a pretty rigid schedule--I have to be out the door by XX:00 so the boys have to be ready. I have dropped my sons off wet at my moms in damp towels with their clothes in a bag because they were dawdling and had to get in the car naked. Sucked to be them.--But all the same, we make it work. Even before we homeschooled, we had a rigid schedule so homeschooling hasn't made a huge impact on how busy our schedule is. The only real change has been that instead of playing for a few hours in the evening, they do their work at the table with me in the evenings. It is no longer playing school with daddy, but serious work that needs to be done and is supervised by daddy.

 

This is our first year homeschooling and we only do the basics--Reading, Writing, Math and Spanish. We keep it simple and no nonsense. We don't use bells and whistles. We don't mix play and work. We enjoy our work, and we do it so that we are good at it which is also pretty fun. Our goal, when we sit down to work/study, is to learn. Period.

Math is our favorite topic by a long shot (we were doing math stuff from toddlerhood, its just something we do) We use Keys to..., Math Mammoth and 2 workbook type supplements. Math Mammoth is our main thing but all of our Math materials are pretty self explanatory--the boys can read and follow the directions well enough but I still will give them lessons 3-5x a week on the topics that are coming up in their worktexts. Usually takes about 10-45 minutes depending on the topic. My oldest had been stumbling a bit with the stats section in MM so he slowed down a bit when he hit that part. My youngest is just trucking along and hasn't had any serious concerns for a while now.

For reading the boys read library books.

Writing is covered by maintaining a booklog, a word book, copywork and a weekly 'essay'. I do stipulate that work MUST be neat, I don't accept scrawls/drivel.

We do Spanish using an audio program, Learning Spanish Like Crazy, and use library materials. The boys are enjoying it.

 

The boys stay with their grandma during the day--they carry their work with them and do some of it if they have time/are so inclined. They usually will do some math and a lot of reading at their grandmas. Their grandma is 100% hands off with their school work. They help each other if they get stuck or save the problem for later. I pick them up after my second job. We go home, unwind, have dinner and then we clear the kitchen table and do our work. I sit and do my homework and they sit and do theirs. If they have any questions/comments/concerns I stop and help them. They usually work for anywhere from 1-4 hours, but its at their discretion. We have a dedicated table work time 7days a week--mostly because I study to keep up in school and the boys are inclined to study when I do. But working 7 days instead of 4 or 5 gives them more flexibility for how much to do when.

 

Also, before you get the wrong idea: they will chat and goof around while they work even though I encourage them to focus. I don't stop them unless they are disturbing me. They are eager to finish their math books so they focus more when they do math. So we aren't just slaving away 7days a week. Things get pretty silly around here most times. We have fun, we laugh, learn and live each and every day.

.

In our house we have a rule that at 6 years old you can go to bed whenever you want to, but you have to be up by 6:00am. (I get up at 4:45am) So, staying up super duper late is at your discretion but you will pay for it later. I don't micromanage them, and I probably let a lot more slide than I should but whatever. There are only 24 hours in a day where I come from, I can't do it all.

 

On the weekends, I work at my 3rd job and I will usually take the boys with me because it is so early. They take a backpack full of books and entertain themselves quietly while I work a 6 hour shift on Saturday and an 8 hour shift Sundays. Today their maternal grandma wanted to take them out so she picked them up for breakfast and I'll see them back at the house this evening...

For the purposes of home schooling you are not really a single parent as you have family members available to help whom I assume you don't pay full time childcare rates to.

 

Basically I don't see why two working parents shouldn't home school providing they a) have reasonable employerss, wages and conditions (two minimum income jobs where you get messed about regularly would not work unless you had free back up care) and 2) you are willing to accept that the cost will be you will usually be working different shifts and have less couple time (two reasonable incomes would offset that a bit).

 

I don't home school because my income wouldn't pay childcare and even when my parents retire I just can't imagine asking them to commit to unpaid child care more than once a week. I know heaps of grandparents do but mine want to be free from commitments after a lifetime of work.

 

Actually I do home school i just sent them to school 6 hours a day so i can work.

[CrunchyGirl]

It is hard, brutally hard. But if you have no other options, it can be done. I have a bit of an advantage because it's my company which to be honest is a blessing a curse. My schedule is more 'flexible' but the pressure is exponentially greater. I spend a lot of time when I'm with the kids, glancing at my phone and doing quick consults with my management team. I will say upfront that I cannot fathom doing this long term. I give it 3-5 years at best. And it seriously may kill me in that time.

 

Here's how we do it:

 

DH works 8 am to 5 pm. He works for me part of the time as my tech director and part of the time on educating for his new career which is our next landing point. We're going to switch roles again in a few years and he will be the breadwinner for a while again so I can get a break and focus on mentoring women entrepreneurs, teaching at a university, and educating our children. We may switch again but not likely until our kids are college age. We anticipate our kids being only more time consuming to educate as we move forward.

 

I spend the mornings getting the kid ready for the day, breakfast, and school. The sitter comes at 11 am and I need to be out the door and to work ASAP. I try to leave work at 5 pm. While 3 hours seems like plenty of time for school on paper, it's not. Our oldest isn't a morning person and the ArtsyGirl is becoming more demanding in terms of academics. I spend a lot of time working evenings and weekends although not as much as I used to. I have great people working for me and that has helped reduce my hours.

 

We both get home at 5 pm. We do dinner, clean up, baths, reading books aloud, then get the kids to bed, and either go back to work or spend time prepping school stuff for the week. 

 

It's exhausting. We recently spent some time with no child care--don't make that mistake. Quality, competent child care matters. It makes or breaks the situation. Be clear up front what you need from someone (take the kids for walks, do crafts, read to them, clean the house, etc.--whatever you need to make this work). We are working right now on having a family friend come live with us to function as a third parent. I'm hoping that will relieve some pressure.

 

This is a miserable way to live. Everyone loses. You, your spouse, your kids, the quality of education you can provide, your sanity. I would honestly probably put my kids in school if we could. But we've got academic and health issues the local schools (which are actually quite good) simply can't accommodate and so we are stuck homeschooling for the foreseeable future. I would strongly recommend you re-look at whether you absolutely have to do this. If you do, I wish you the best and empathsize with you. If you don't, truly, it's not worth the few extra dollars. I can't quit until I sell the company. DH can't quit unless I want to do this forever (which truly isn't feasible). We are stuck. Take this as a tale of caution and best wishes to you and your family.

[kiwik]

Being self employed means harder longer work and often lower pay. And you can't leave at the end of the day. I think that would be harder to combine than being an employee.

[Gil]

For the purposes of home schooling you are not really a single parent as you have family members available to help whom I assume you don't pay full time childcare rates to.

You assume wrong.

 

[laughing lioness]

Being self employed means harder longer work and often lower pay. And you can't leave at the end of the day. I think that would be harder to combine than being an employee.

 Dh is self employed and makes very good money. But we do pay outrageous taxes and the paper work is egregious. He gets to work the schedule he wants, where he wants, with the population/people he wants. For him, it's worth it. 

[momto2Cs]

We both work. DH works more than I do, but on a changing schedule -- I am only at work from 8 am to 1 pm on Mondays, and 8 am to noon Tuesday-Friday. I go to class one night a week right now also. We homeschool primarily in the afternoons through early evening.

 

I have always worked outside the home and homeschooled. When the kids were younger, I worked evenings as a grocery clerk, and homeschooled them earlier in the day. This is just how life is for us. It can toally be done, though I do keep finding myself simplifying... less is more! I admit, I am also extremely lucky in that my retired mom lives a mile and a half away, and has the kids two mornings a week. She teaches them practical skills -- cooking, sewing, etc.

[G5052]

Being self employed means harder longer work and often lower pay. And you can't leave at the end of the day. I think that would be harder to combine than being an employee.

 

True, but not always.  I don't make what I used to, but I make double what I would working at Starbucks, Staples, etc.  And the majority of my hours are determined by me.  For me that outweighs the disadvantages of self-employment.

[Reefgazer]

We homeschool our daughter, although I am not a single parent (defined as one who does not have a live-in partner and is solely responsible for their children, not defined simply as someone who has no one to help them with childcare).  I work part-time and my DH works full-time, and it works for us because I have a light part-time load and we work opposite hours, so we do not have to pay a fortune for child care and one of us is available to do some type of schooling (even if informal) most of the day.  It helps that my DH readily picks up whatever needs done, despite the fact that he is the full-time, main bread-winner.  The house in unkempt, but I've decided that's the price for homeschooling and both of us working and I've learned to live with it.

[mamaraby]

I really appreciate all of the responses. I tend to go back and forth on this multiple times a day. I tend to fall more on the gung-ho, "let's go for it side," but have a feeling that's my naiveté speaking. You've definitely tempered my enthusiasm a bit, though since any possibility is probably 9mos to a year out in the future, that may change.

 

We're definitely looking at a first shift/second shift split. I simply do not have the skill set/education that will enable me to realistically pursue free-lance/work from home/self-employment. I did customer service/call center work at home after my oldest was born and hated it so no interest in repeating that. Getting additional education on top of my BA is probably a smarter option for me in the long run, but again not financially possible.

 

Anyway, I appreciate the reality check - especially since you all are so busy. :0)