If you have let a boyfriend/girlfriend go on vacation with you....how did it go?

[Tap]

We go to a house in the mountains a few times a year.  DD15 wants me to consider letting her boyfriend go with us next time we go.  It will be for a 2-3 day trip and is 4 hours from home. It is a full 3 bedroom, 3000 sqft house with an open floor plan.  I don't know how his parents feel about it, as he doesn't want to ask unless I say he can go...but I expect that they will be ok with it. he gets along great with everyone in our family, and is like another son to me.  

 

I am not worried at all about the day time....honestly it will be just like at home. They already spend almost every waking hour together so I doubt they will get tired of each other or start having issues.  My concern is night time when we are all asleep and the temptation for them to sneak around.  DD feels like she and I could share the master bedroom, my husband could sleep in the middle bedroom with dd8 , and boyfriend could sleep in the far bedroom.  I am a light sleeper, but wouldn't say that I would absolutely wake up if she would get out of bed.  I have been honest with them about my concern. They acknowledge that it would be tempting but knowing that it would wipe out all my trust for them, and the ramifications of losing my trust would be a big enough consequence for them to be able to handle the temptation. Ugggh.  If it was summer, I could make him sleep out side.....LOL  don't think that would work in the foot of snow they already have.  lol 

 

If you have allowed co-ed vacations....how did it go?  So far I have told her "No, but I will continue to consider it". 

 

DH is fine with it.

DS19 isn't going but says "nope, bad idea"

 

[Wheres Toto]

It sounds like they are willing to work with you on making you comfortable with the situation and making sure they maintain your trust.  Is there something special going to happen on the trip that they will enjoy sharing together, or is it just a few days away from home and they don't want to be apart?

 

If it's the former I'd probably allow it with continued talks about how things are going to be handled.  If the latter, I would probably be tempted to let them have a few days apart.

 

 

[Mommyfaithe]

I have had girlfriends and boyfriends on trips with us. We have always had the friend sleep in the same room as the same sex siblings or in a common open room like the living room. Built in spy system.

 

Seriously, if teens are going to mess around, they are not going to wait for vacation. I think it is good for getting to know the boy or girl and having them in the context of family.

 

Have a great vacation!

[bettyandbob]

I'm curious about your ds. Does he know the boyfriend besides seeing him around your house (soccer team, same gym, work, young adult church activity) Does his experience with boyfriend give him this gut reaction. So, he knows the boyfriend in ways differently from you and he has this reaction. He may or may not be able to pin point exact reasons. OR is his response just a general "even though I know nothing and haven't met this guy because I no longer live at home, it's just a bad idea."

 

If ds does know boyfriend from other experiences, I'd be inclined to explore a little where his reaction is coming from. He might have some insight you don't have.

[FaithManor]

Here is how I would feel about it. I do believe that if teens are determined to fool around, they'll find a way and that includes day to day interactions. So, that would not necessarily be my first concern and especially since you have appropriate sleeping arrangements, and they are aware that the violation of your family rules would constitute unpleasant consequences that would ruin their vacation and get their time together restricted. My real concern is that family time is valuable and in this hectic society, we parents often have a hard time carving out those special moments to spend with out kids. If boyfriend is along, there is an excellent likelihood that not only will your dd not want to interact with her you because of the boyfriend, but she also may not want to spend any time with her little sister. At 15, the years are counting down that you have time together as a family unit and moments to forge closeness amongst the sibs. In three years, she'll either go to trade school, college, or work and being only 18, that work is not likely to include vacation days.

 

After I turned 18, I never took another vacation with my family ever again. Well, not until dh and I were married and after several years, moved back to my home state and could schedule such a thing with them. The dynamic changes. I had a sister 13, almost 14 years younger then me, and she would get so lonely for me on family vacations. Our older brother was married and gone...she was the last one. Though I'm sure that at the time I was not necessarily pleased that my parents never let my high school boyfriend go with us on vacation/road trips, I can look back now and see that those were such special times for us and especially for that younger sib of mine who would never really have a lot of years with all of us under one roof.

 

Since this is not a long distance relationship with the boyfriend and according to your post they are together some nearly every day, if I were in your position, I would be inclined to say no, and then preface that by gently explaining you have nothing against him, you just want less distractions so you can function together as a family unit.

 

Also, I had a friend whose boyfriends went on numerous VERY special vacations with her family. End of senior year, they broke up and it was NOT pretty. She expressed great angst that when her mother went to scrapbook their family vacation photos, he was in almost every.single.picture. While I am aware that there are definitely people who married their high school sweethearts, this represents a minority. Most high school relationships do not end with the significant other becoming a part of the family, and it is something to consider in the long run. Definitely, if you choose to take him with you, make sure you get plenty of photos of her and her sister, or all of you in the family without him in the pose. Hand him the camera and say, "Can you take a picture?" It gives him something important to do and makes sure you have plenty of family shots if their relationship later tanks.

 

Betty is right also, I'd want to know exactly what basis my 19 year old boy had for his objections. It might just simply the temptation, he remembers back to that age and thinks, "Yowza! I'd have had a tough time with that." Or it could be something else that he suspects about the young man's character.

 

Faith

[Ottakee]

I think I would opt for not taking him. The "they spend almost every waking hour together" thing really worries me when you are talking about a 15 year old. As you know,not even marriage is like that once you get back from the honeymoon.

 

The point was well made that this could be great family time for her to spend time with her sister and parents without boyfriend along. 3 days isn't that long to be apart and in any relationship, a bit of space can be helpful.

 

I saw friend in highschool that spent ALL of their time together, to the exclusion of other friends and family and later broke up and they really missed out on lots of great opportunities and friendships.

 

If you really want dd to bring a friend along, have her chose a girlfriend to take along.

[Mom0012]

Ughhh.  I don't even want to think about having to deal with such things. :001_smile:

 

Seriously, for me, it would have nothing to do with worries about inappropriate behavior and far more to do with having someone else cutting into the precious family time we have.  Even though we homeschool, so much of it is about SCHOOL.  I do not feel that we do enough fun things together as a family now that my kids are older since school has really ramped up and my husband now works very long hours.

[Miss Mousie]

Given that he has already forged a great relationship with you and other family members, I think I'd be inclined to allow it. 

 

If you are really that concerned about sneaking around, hang some sleigh bells on the bedroom doorknob.  ;)

 

Is the boyfriend also 15?  I'd probably be more concerned if he were significantly older, like 17+.  I am kind of wondering, too, what level of affection they show each other when you are around - do they hug, hold hands, snuggle on the couch during movie time?  Or is it more of a "mom is looking, sit on your hands!" level of discomfort?  My thinking here is that, if they are afraid to even smile at each other when you're in the room, there would be more chance for sneaking when you turn away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[sassenach]

No, for the same reason I won't bring my daughter's BFF with us- it's family time and soon there will be precious little of it. Plus, if they're spending all day everyday together, it might be REALLY good for your dd to have to function without him for a few days and get some head space of her own (even if she doesn't think she needs or wants it).

 

Also, I'm sorry, but I LIKE sleeping with my dh at night. If bringing bf meant I couldn't sleep next to dh, then that would be the end of that conversation.

 

It's not going to kill them to be apart for a few days.

[KungFuPanda]

I wouldn't. If Dd is so attached that 2-3 days apart is too difficult for her, then that's a bit of a problem. It's a l g weekend, not a summer-long separation. It 'shouldn't' be a big deal to either of them. Also, I wouldn't miss sleeping with my husband during vacation over this. :-/

[Scarlett]

I wouldn't let my 15 yo have a boyfriend. How old is he? I think it is a bad idea for them to be spending all of their time together, so a break will do them good.

 

oh, and I wouldn't sleep apart from husband.

[Murphy101]

I wouldn't let my 15 yo have a boyfriend. How old is he? I think it is a bad idea for them to be spending all of their time together, so a break will do them good.

 

oh, and I wouldn't sleep apart from husband.

Exactly so here too.

[Tap]

Thanks everyone!  

 

I will try to answer all the questions in one post instead of individual quotes.

 

Ds19 has only spent about 5 hours with the boyfriend (mainly playing video games) and only really knows what I have told him about the boy.  I ask my son questions like about parenting and teens, because he is a youth pastor and works with teens a lot.  He is very logical and while he is profoundly religious, he doesn't expect others to be.  He didn't really have a specific reason, other than it sets a bad precedent.  He likes the kid and is okay with him being around.

 

DD always has a friend on the trip. If boyfriend doesn't go, someone else will.  She and dd7 Do Not Get Along.  DD7 is always picking fights so DD15 wouldn't be spending time with her no matter what.  I do require that DD15 play with DD7 for one hour each day on vacation, but honestly the boyfriend is amazing with DD7 so if anything, having him there will make things easier not harder. 

 

As far as activities....If if snows enough between now and then I will take dd and the boyfriend snowboarding.  He has never been before and dd usually skis so I will just toss them both in snowboarding lessons.  The ski lodge is only 15-30 minutes from the house so it is easy to drive them back and forth.   The big thing about going to the house is that while it is a house, it has limited electronics.  One main TV in the living room, no internet, no cable, cell phones work but that is about it.  We spend out time playing games after dd7 goes to bed (aspie doesn't handle learning games or the frustration of losing) hanging out by the fire, a big puzzle going in the dining room, cooking amazing food, playing in the snow or going for walks, and just relaxing. It is time to decompress from living in the city and just let nature overwhelm you.  This is one of DD15s favorite places and that is why she wants to share it with him.

 

They already spend time cuddling and being curled up watching movies. I don't think this trip will change anything physically between them.  The boyfriend is Very open with me about his feeling and and we talk often about being a teen and the feelings that go along with that (both emotional and physical).  When I pick up or drop off dd at his house, I usually have to plan an extra hour because he will jump in the car and we end up talking for an hour. He calls me mom but I think I have become more of a verbal catharsis for him.  He talks a lot about his past and growing up (he has had a rough start in life).  I feel like I have a pretty good read on him and her and where their boundaries lie.  They see each other a lot right now but that is because they both play sports and right now is just a down time for both of them before Cheer restarts for her (he takes the winter off).  Sports will limit their time coming up after Thanksgiving. 

 

 

Boyfriend is almost 15.

 

Dh and I always sleep apart so that doesn't affect anything.  He snores (sleep study finally just waiting approval from insurance ;0)  )  and I have a back issue which maks me move a lot at night so we don't sleep well together. 

 

They can spend the time apart that isn't really the issue.  When I ask her, which friend do you want to take with you...she says 'him' :0) .  LOL  He doesn't get to take trips like this with his family so it would be a first for him.  She just wants to share this particular trip with him. 

 

 

 

 

 

[DianeW88]

I wouldn't let my 15 yo have a boyfriend. How old is he? I think it is a bad idea for them to be spending all of their time together, so a break will do them good.

 

oh, and I wouldn't sleep apart from husband.

 

Yep.  This.

 

[JudoMom]

I wouldn't do it.  I agree with your son, and I also agree that it would be good for them to have some time apart.  IMO, 15 is too young to be this invested in a relationship.  

[Tangerine]

Your attitude and the way you talk about their relationship (like it is real and special to her) is sweet and refreshing. It made me smile.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Thanks everyone!  

 

I will try to answer all the questions in one post instead of individual quotes.

 

Ds19 has only spent about 5 hours with the boyfriend (mainly playing video games) and only really knows what I have told him about the boy.  I ask my son questions like about parenting and teens, because he is a youth pastor and works with teens a lot.  He is very logical and while he is profoundly religious, he doesn't expect others to be.  He didn't really have a specific reason, other than it sets a bad precedent.  He likes the kid and is okay with him being around.

 

DD always has a friend on the trip. If boyfriend doesn't go, someone else will.  She and dd7 Do Not Get Along.  DD7 is always picking fights so DD15 wouldn't be spending time with her no matter what.  I do require that DD15 play with DD7 for one hour each day on vacation, but honestly the boyfriend is amazing with DD7 so if anything, having him there will make things easier not harder. 

 

As far as activities....If if snows enough between now and then I will take dd and the boyfriend snowboarding.  He has never been before and dd usually skis so I will just toss them both in snowboarding lessons.  The ski lodge is only 15-30 minutes from the house so it is easy to drive them back and forth.   The big thing about going to the house is that while it is a house, it has limited electronics.  One main TV in the living room, no internet, no cable, cell phones work but that is about it.  We spend out time playing games after dd7 goes to bed (aspie doesn't handle learning games or the frustration of losing) hanging out by the fire, a big puzzle going in the dining room, cooking amazing food, playing in the snow or going for walks, and just relaxing. It is time to decompress from living in the city and just let nature overwhelm you.  This is one of DD15s favorite places and that is why she wants to share it with him.

 

They already spend time cuddling and being curled up watching movies. I don't think this trip will change anything physically between them.  The boyfriend is Very open with me about his feeling and and we talk often about being a teen and the feelings that go along with that (both emotional and physical).  When I pick up or drop off dd at his house, I usually have to plan an extra hour because he will jump in the car and we end up talking for an hour. He calls me mom but I think I have become more of a verbal catharsis for him.  He talks a lot about his past and growing up (he has had a rough start in life).  I feel like I have a pretty good read on him and her and where their boundaries lie.  They see each other a lot right now but that is because they both play sports and right now is just a down time for both of them before Cheer restarts for her (he takes the winter off).  Sports will limit their time coming up after Thanksgiving. 

 

 

Boyfriend is almost 15.

 

Dh and I always sleep apart so that doesn't affect anything.  He snores (sleep study finally just waiting approval from insurance ;0)  )  and I have a back issue which maks me move a lot at night so we don't sleep well together. 

 

They can spend the time apart that isn't really the issue.  When I ask her, which friend do you want to take with you...she says 'him' :0) .  LOL  He doesn't get to take trips like this with his family so it would be a first for him.  She just wants to share this particular trip with him. 

With this information, yes I would bring him along.  

[LostSurprise]

IMO, 15 is young enough where it shouldn't be necessary to bring the SO.

 

I would say, 'sweetheart, I think you could handle it, but we have just so many years with you. Now that you're growing up we have less and less time alone with you. In a few years Dad and I will re-evaluate this, ok? He's a lovely young man and I look forward to integrating him in our family more each year as you two get closer."

[Mommyfaithe]

Your attitude and the way you talk about their relationship (like it is real and special to her) is sweet and refreshing. It made me smile.

Me too. And I would definitely bring him. Dd's best friend is a boy. I know they are probably going to end up together. We love him. He is part of our family and would be invited to come with us if she wanted him to.

[FeFe]

We have allowed our son to travel to Cancun with his girlfriend's family and she has traveled with us as well. They met just after turning 13. These vacations happened at 15/16.

 

Side note: I wish that my kids wouldn't be interested in the opposite sex until they're 27 -or at least have control to not entertain the interest -but that hasn't happened yet. We chose to walk along side our children and coach them through these years and situations. Other people will judge you. I've learned to accept it and know that all of us are raising our kids the way we feel is best. Not a one of us has a guarantee of success. We won't even agree on how to define successful parenting.

 

For Cancun, parents in one room, girls in one, my son and their 19 year old son in another. There's a mutual desire to remain pure until marriage. There's a protective older brother. There was lots and lots of family time. Not fool proof but the vacation was enjoyed by all.

 

We took her on Spring Break to visit our family. This was a little easier because there were two houses on the property. He stayed in one with siblings and my parents and she stayed in one with us and shared a room with our daughter. Again, great vacation. Even though we knew her well already (because they've hung out since 13 they're only option of seeing each other was always with each others family) it was great to get to know her even more. They are not the type to cling to each other and think only of each other and be together all the time. They each have they're own interests and friends. When my son went to sleepover at friends house (we moved out of state but he's maintained friendships) or go hang out with the boys for a while, she was perfectly content to work on a school project or hang out with us.

 

I wouldn't do this for just any boy/girlfriend. I know her family, I know they're morals and I saw how our kids try to make each other a better person. They're not at all obsessive with each other (like I was when I was they're age). Not perfect by any means and I'm aware that one day they could make a choice that will forever change they're lives. That's possible for any one.

 

It's a tough decision. 

[Cera]

My kid are too young for this to be an issue but my dh's sister is significantly younger than him and I saw how his parents handled it when she was in high school.  They allowed her boyfriend to join them on trips.  He slept in one room, sisters in another, dh and I in another and parents in the fourth.  

 

Given all the information you have provided I would allow it.  If things are going to go in a direction you don't like it can just as easily happen during the day at home as on this trip.

[PeachyDoodle]

I have a slightly different perspective. DH and I started dating at 15, and he went on lots of vacations with my family. Like you describe, he was AMAZING with my younger sisters (one of whom was only 6 at the time). He usually slept in a public area (living room) since I didn't have any brothers. My parents were very strict, so looking back it's kind of strange that they didn't have a problem with him tagging along, but they really didn't. I only remember one time, the Christmas before we were married, that my mom requested that we do something "just our family" since it was the last Christmas that was just the 5 of us.

 

I agree with the person above who commented on how wonderful it is that you see that this relationship is real and special to your dd. DH and I knew from the very beginning that we were meant to be together; we never broke up and are still going strong 20 years later. We also believed strongly that sex is meant for marriage, and we waited 6 years until our wedding night. Not all teenagers are ticking time bombs (although I agree that certain safeguards are prudent). Your dd and her boyfriend sound very mature. Of course, you know them best, but if you believe they are trustworthy, I don't see the harm in letting him come along.

[kroe1]

Sorry, I did not read the other posts, but my vote is on the wisdom of your DS19.

[T'smom]

Thanks everyone!

 

I will try to answer all the questions in one post instead of individual quotes.

 

Ds19 has only spent about 5 hours with the boyfriend (mainly playing video games) and only really knows what I have told him about the boy. I ask my son questions like about parenting and teens, because he is a youth pastor and works with teens a lot. He is very logical and while he is profoundly religious, he doesn't expect others to be. He didn't really have a specific reason, other than it sets a bad precedent. He likes the kid and is okay with him being around.

 

DD always has a friend on the trip. If boyfriend doesn't go, someone else will. She and dd7 Do Not Get Along. DD7 is always picking fights so DD15 wouldn't be spending time with her no matter what. I do require that DD15 play with DD7 for one hour each day on vacation, but honestly the boyfriend is amazing with DD7 so if anything, having him there will make things easier not harder.

 

As far as activities....If if snows enough between now and then I will take dd and the boyfriend snowboarding. He has never been before and dd usually skis so I will just toss them both in snowboarding lessons. The ski lodge is only 15-30 minutes from the house so it is easy to drive them back and forth. The big thing about going to the house is that while it is a house, it has limited electronics. One main TV in the living room, no internet, no cable, cell phones work but that is about it. We spend out time playing games after dd7 goes to bed (aspie doesn't handle learning games or the frustration of losing) hanging out by the fire, a big puzzle going in the dining room, cooking amazing food, playing in the snow or going for walks, and just relaxing. It is time to decompress from living in the city and just let nature overwhelm you. This is one of DD15s favorite places and that is why she wants to share it with him.

 

They already spend time cuddling and being curled up watching movies. I don't think this trip will change anything physically between them. The boyfriend is Very open with me about his feeling and and we talk often about being a teen and the feelings that go along with that (both emotional and physical). When I pick up or drop off dd at his house, I usually have to plan an extra hour because he will jump in the car and we end up talking for an hour. He calls me mom but I think I have become more of a verbal catharsis for him. He talks a lot about his past and growing up (he has had a rough start in life). I feel like I have a pretty good read on him and her and where their boundaries lie. They see each other a lot right now but that is because they both play sports and right now is just a down time for both of them before Cheer restarts for her (he takes the winter off). Sports will limit their time coming up after Thanksgiving.

 

 

Boyfriend is almost 15.

 

Dh and I always sleep apart so that doesn't affect anything. He snores (sleep study finally just waiting approval from insurance ;0) ) and I have a back issue which maks me move a lot at night so we don't sleep well together.

 

They can spend the time apart that isn't really the issue. When I ask her, which friend do you want to take with you...she says 'him' :0) . LOL He doesn't get to take trips like this with his family so it would be a first for him. She just wants to share this particular trip with him.

With this info, I'd take him!

[UmMusa]

To me, travelling with a love interest should be a privilege for married people or those over 18 (since I realize you guys are probably a different religion than I am).  Since that's my personal opinion, I couldn't imagine having a boyfriend come with us on a family vacation. To me, that is a 'grown-up' perk and not something teenagers really need to experience.  Sure it would be great fun for them, but I would save it for a different age. 

 

 

[Guest submarines]

In your situation, I'd take him without hesitation. Sounds like he's a great kid and a pleasure to be around. 

[Kari C in SC]

Your attitude and the way you talk about their relationship (like it is real and special to her) is sweet and refreshing. It made me smile.

 

 

 

I agree, but of course,  I met my husband when I was 14 and he was 15... so I tend to believe that people can really meet their soul mate when they are young.  AND even if he is not the one, I believe that if you treat teens with love and respect - you both win.  

 

I would be worried about sneaking off at night, but I think the sleeping arrangements you laid out would work well.  If it were me, I would take him.  

[nd293]

Given all then information you've shared, I'd definitely take him along as her 'friend' for the trip. Although I'm not there yet with dd, looking back, boyfriends and girlfriends were often included on our annual extended family vacations when I was growing up. I think the point is that because there was this inclusiveness from the start, people never 'left the family' when they started dating or got married - the family always just grew bigger. Some of these relationships lasted, some didn't but they are part of our collective family history. I would be very sad to think that dd might stop taking family vacations with us when whe turns 18, and I think that starting to be open and inclusive to partners early would be a first step in making sure this doesn't happen.

[Wheres Toto]

Given the detailed information you gave - I would bring him.  It sounds like they aren't just boyfriend/girlfriend - they are also good friends. 

[happypamama]

Especially with the additional info you posted, I would probably bring him. My DH and I have been together since I was 14 and he 16. I did go on vacation with them a couple of times, for short trips, and a couple of times they took me along when they went to visit him at college (which, looking back on it, was incredibly gracious of them, but I suppose it beat having him moping for the weekend if they hadn't brought me). I always shared a room with his sister, his only sibling; she's four years younger than I am. I think we were good about not ignoring her; I don't really remember spending a lot of time alone, just the two of us, anyway, when we were on trips. I do, however, remember a lot of family time -- doing touristy stuff near his college, going fishing as a family, exploring museums and small towns, lots of good conversation and laughter over meals, etc. (At the same time, they are still very young; I don't think I went away with DH and his family until we'd been dating several years. He was very disappointed that he couldn't bring me along when they went on vacation spring break of his senior year of high school, but in retrospect, his mom probably appreciated one last vacation with him, and anyway, five years later, he took me there for our honeymoon. ;) )

 

It sounds like your family is a lot the same as my family or my ILs, and it sounds like this young man fits in well and gets along with all of you, without being possessive of your DD. I think it would be okay to bring him once and see how it goes. In the event that they do stay together, you'll have built a good foundation with him, but if not, it does sound like he and she are very friends, and she wants to bring Johnny this time, same as she wanted to bring Susie last time. There just happens to be a romantic component to this relationship in addition to the friendship. Since there's not a precedent for it being a family-only trip, I think it would be fine to bring him.

[NicAnn]

Well...no I would not bring him at all. My boyfriend and I were just like you described. I still consider him a great dear friend. We were pretty decent kids, maybe on the rebel side at that age. But yes, we totally fooled around at his parents lake house, and our relationship continued to escalate from that point on. We were 15 and 16. Obviously this is just one story, but I would be very hesitant to allow a 15 year old to have such an intimate relationship. It's a very big responsibility.

[jewellsmommy]

Thanks everyone!  

 

I will try to answer all the questions in one post instead of individual quotes.

 

Ds19 has only spent about 5 hours with the boyfriend (mainly playing video games) and only really knows what I have told him about the boy.  I ask my son questions like about parenting and teens, because he is a youth pastor and works with teens a lot.  He is very logical and while he is profoundly religious, he doesn't expect others to be.  He didn't really have a specific reason, other than it sets a bad precedent.  He likes the kid and is okay with him being around.

 

DD always has a friend on the trip. If boyfriend doesn't go, someone else will.  She and dd7 Do Not Get Along.  DD7 is always picking fights so DD15 wouldn't be spending time with her no matter what.  I do require that DD15 play with DD7 for one hour each day on vacation, but honestly the boyfriend is amazing with DD7 so if anything, having him there will make things easier not harder. 

 

As far as activities....If if snows enough between now and then I will take dd and the boyfriend snowboarding.  He has never been before and dd usually skis so I will just toss them both in snowboarding lessons.  The ski lodge is only 15-30 minutes from the house so it is easy to drive them back and forth.   The big thing about going to the house is that while it is a house, it has limited electronics.  One main TV in the living room, no internet, no cable, cell phones work but that is about it.  We spend out time playing games after dd7 goes to bed (aspie doesn't handle learning games or the frustration of losing) hanging out by the fire, a big puzzle going in the dining room, cooking amazing food, playing in the snow or going for walks, and just relaxing. It is time to decompress from living in the city and just let nature overwhelm you.  This is one of DD15s favorite places and that is why she wants to share it with him.

 

They already spend time cuddling and being curled up watching movies. I don't think this trip will change anything physically between them.  The boyfriend is Very open with me about his feeling and and we talk often about being a teen and the feelings that go along with that (both emotional and physical).  When I pick up or drop off dd at his house, I usually have to plan an extra hour because he will jump in the car and we end up talking for an hour. He calls me mom but I think I have become more of a verbal catharsis for him.  He talks a lot about his past and growing up (he has had a rough start in life).  I feel like I have a pretty good read on him and her and where their boundaries lie.  They see each other a lot right now but that is because they both play sports and right now is just a down time for both of them before Cheer restarts for her (he takes the winter off).  Sports will limit their time coming up after Thanksgiving. 

 

 

Boyfriend is almost 15.

 

Dh and I always sleep apart so that doesn't affect anything.  He snores (sleep study finally just waiting approval from insurance ;0)  )  and I have a back issue which maks me move a lot at night so we don't sleep well together. 

 

They can spend the time apart that isn't really the issue.  When I ask her, which friend do you want to take with you...she says 'him' :0) .  LOL  He doesn't get to take trips like this with his family so it would be a first for him.  She just wants to share this particular trip with him. 

 

After reading all this, I would probably do it. Plus, I think you already want to ;) .

 

I would be very vigilant and open about my concern and vigilance so that there is no surprise and it is all agreed upon and understood up front.

 

[Tap]

Thank you all for helping me think it through.  I have told them, that he can go.... :0)  He now needs just needs to get his family's permission.  I am happy that it is a quick trip and we can try it out before we go for a week or so at Christmas.  This will be a Friday night to Sunday night trip and that makes it a little easier to allow him to go, so we can try it out without such a long commitment.  

 

 

Thanks again :0) 

~Tap

 

[Catwoman]

I hope everything goes well and that everyone has a great time. He sounds like a nice boy. :)

[Hot Lava Mama]

DS19 isn't going but says "nope, bad idea"

 

There is a warning in this!  Boys can sense out other boys!  It's a bit different with sisters not liking a brother's girlfriend, as girls tend to be more catty.  But if a brother doesn't like a boyfriend, you should really be wary. 

 

My husband is one of 10 kids.  5 are boys.  Every single time one of the girls came home with a boyfriend (or in one case, a husband) that the boys didn't like, the boy turned out to be a jerk.  Somehow, they pick up on things.

 

If you son thinks it is a bad idea (even though you have agreed), I would just be on my toes.

 

Hope it goes well!

:)

 

[Tap]

There is a warning in this! Boys can sense out other boys! It's a bit different with sisters not liking a brother's girlfriend, as girls tend to be more catty. But if a brother doesn't like a boyfriend, you should really be wary.

 

My husband is one of 10 kids. 5 are boys. Every single time one of the girls came home with a boyfriend (or in one case, a husband) that the boys didn't like, the boy turned out to be a jerk. Somehow, they pick up on things.

 

If you son thinks it is a bad idea (even though you have agreed), I would just be on my toes.

 

Hope it goes well!

:)

[Tap]

 

There is a warning in this! Boys can sense out other boys! It's a bit different with sisters not liking a brother's girlfriend, as girls tend to be more catty. But if a brother doesn't like a boyfriend, you should really be wary.

 

My husband is one of 10 kids. 5 are boys. Every single time one of the girls came home with a boyfriend (or in one case, a husband) that the boys didn't like, the boy turned out to be a jerk. Somehow, they pick up on things.

 

If you son thinks it is a bad idea (even though you have agreed), I would just be on my toes.

 

Hope it goes well!

:)

I agree! And that is why I ask him. If he had a reason for his answer I would have listened to it but he kind of dismissed the idea without having a reason to back it up. We have talked a lot about her relationship and some other things around her. And so far he thinks she is make good decisions and likes him.

[Heatherwith4]

I see you've already decided, but I just wanted to say that yes, I would allow him to come. She already brings a friend anyway, and he seems to mesh with your family well.

 

IMO, older brothers are not good judges of character when it comes to their sister's boyfriends. ;)

[Catwoman]

Reported Hannahjo, our new troll.

 

DO NOT CLICK ON THE BLUE "family vacation" IN HER POST. IT'S SPAM!