Please post CAP Fable assignments on this thread

[Roadrunner]

I am hoping there is some interest in sharing written work for the new CAP program. We are working through week 2 with my 8 year old 3rd grader and I would love to have some feedback on his work as well as see how others are doing. This is his first year homeschooling.

Following is Week 1 assignment where he had to rewrite the fable using a mouse as a weak character. Thoughts?

 

A tired mouse was sleeping on his couch. Suddenly he woke up to the sound of approaching footsteps. Growling at the intruder, the mouse charged in all directions. The intruder was an ant, a tiny ant scared to die. The mouse laughed thinking it was impossible for a mouse to be saved by an ant, but he let the ant go. One day a cat trapped the mouse. The terrified mouse screamed for help. The ant heard the call and rushed to save the helpless mouse. The ant kept biting the cat. The cat ran away feeling he got shot by a thousand arrows. Now the mouse learned that the weak animals can sometimes help much stronger ones.

[Chrysalis Academy]

His writing is really vivid! I love two of his sentences in particular: "The intruder was an ant, a tiny ant scared to die." It's an unusual structure for a kid to use, I think, but it really works, tacking on the amplified description of the ant to the end of the sentence.  I also really like the image of the cat feeling he "got shot by a thousand arrows."  I would give my writer lots of encouragement and praise for such vivid and interesting descriptions.

 

His grammar and mechanics look fine too.

 

What I would point out to him is that he leaves a piece out of the narrative at the beginning:  what makes the mouse even consider being saved by an ant? Does the ant beg for freedom and offer his help in the future (which is how it is handled in the original fable) or something else?  As it stands, there is a logic gap there, I think . . . 

 

But he's doing great!  I'd be encouraged if I were you!

[Roadrunner]

His writing is really vivid! I love two of his sentences in particular: "The intruder was an ant, a tiny ant scared to die." It's an unusual structure for a kid to use, I think, but it really works, tacking on the amplified description of the ant to the end of the sentence.  I also really like the image of the cat feeling he "got shot by a thousand arrows."  I would give my writer lots of encouragement and praise for such vivid and interesting descriptions.

 

His grammar and mechanics look fine too.

 

What I would point out to him is that he leaves a piece out of the narrative at the beginning:  what makes the mouse even consider being saved by an ant? Does the ant beg for freedom and offer his help in the future (which is how it is handled in the original fable) or something else?  As it stands, there is a logic gap there, I think . . . 

 

But he's doing great!  I'd be encouraged if I were you!

Thank you for feedback! He isn't a natural writer, but he is trying really hard to use what he has learned in Killgallon (that's where his sentence structure is coming from). He is sitting right now and rewriting his Week 2 assignment. Yes, logical sequence is often broken :) I think I am going to have to work orally with him before he letting him loose on paper. How do you approach writing assignments? I don't want to do too much handholding, but without direction he isn't going to improve.

[Gentlemommy]

I'll post dd's first assignment! I'd love any feedback, because while I can appreciate good writing, I don't honestly know how to TEACH it.

I scribe for her, because she has a lot of trouble writing. This is also the second draft, the first one I simply wrote what she said word for word as she was thinking aloud. I didn't include punctuation in the first draft, and she came up with the punctuation for this draft.

 

As a mouse lay asleep, a little ant in its hurry to get away from the mouse, stumbled over her tail, waking her. In the mouses anger to get him back, she wrapped her tail around the ant. The ant asked her not to hurt him, for he would repay her some day. Two days later, the mouse was trying to get a piece of cheese from a mouse trap. She knew that if she made one wrong move, she would get caught, so she was very careful. She had quite good hearing and heard birds tweeting outside, which distracted her and she stumbled. As fast as her little legs could carry her, she ran, but the mouse trap was a bit too quick for her and caught her tail. Meanwhile, the ant was taking a breadcrumb to his tower. He heard the mouse wailing and quickly dropped what he was doing, and ran as fast as he could inside to where the mouse lay trapped. When he saw what happened, he told every other ant in his colony. Then he showed them the way to where the mouse lay. They worked together to lift the trap and set the mouse free. She was so happy that she said to the ant "You were right." and she saw how foolish she had been.

 

I know there are improvements to be made...some of the sentences sound, choppy? I don't know. I feel like at times she gets caught up in trying to tell me every last detail, but I'm not sure how to help her figure out how much is enough, kwim?

[Roadrunner]

Gentlemommomy, I think her writing is very, very good. This is a third grader, correct? I love that she came up with details and included it. I wish I could get my boy to be more creative. You can get her to make some improvements (combine sentences, or improve sentence structure....). For example, you can ask her to change "As fast as her little legs could carry her, she ran, but the mouse trap was a bit too quick for her and caught her tail" to "She ran as fast as her little legs could carry her, but the mouse trap was a bit too quick for her and caught her tail.' Is it necessary to further improve upon what is already a very good writing in my opinion (my opinion counts for little, remember we just got started :D)? I don't think so. I would let it be as is. I am hoping some of the more experienced homeschoolers will chime in. I personally let my boy move on after his second draft even though his writing was faaaaaaar from perfect.

My plan is to have DS write a first draft on his own and work with him on the second one. I feel like without a rewrite, there is not much of a learning process. I am not sure what the author intended, but I would love to hear how others approach writing assignments.

If I were you, I would go get her a Friday ice cream for writing well done!

[Chrysalis Academy]

Thank you for feedback! He isn't a natural writer, but he is trying really hard to use what he has learned in Killgallon (that's where his sentence structure is coming from). He is sitting right now and rewriting his Week 2 assignment. Yes, logical sequence is often broken :) I think I am going to have to work orally with him before he letting him loose on paper. How do you approach writing assignments? I don't want to do too much handholding, but without direction he isn't going to improve.

 

Well, that's inspiring to see Killgallon affecting his writing style even at this stage! I'm definitely planning on incorporating that more with both my dds.

 

Roadrunner, have you ever looked at Bravewriter/The Writer's Jungle?  I don't personally find it usable in terms of a day-to-day curriculum - I find that my girls are ready to do more than it suggests, and I don't want to hold them back - but I find it very helpful philosophically, for me as a teaching aid, and it has changed the way I approach writing assignments.  I'm pretty driven and achievement oriented and her more relaxed approach to writing instruction has been a very nice philosophical counterbalance to my natural style.  You can go to their website and sign up to get "Julie's Daily Writing Tips" in your email - I read them religiously, and often find that they remind me to slow down, take a deep breath, and not turn every writing assignment into a Supreme Court brief, KWIM?  So, you choose one thing about each assignment to suggest for improvement, and let the rest go.  You don't require that every single assignment be perfected.  You fix the one thing you've chosen to focus on, then you move on.  There will be many further opportunities to work on other issues in the future.

 

Another way that BW has changed my approach to teaching writing is the whole idea of "partnership writing."  I used to feel like it was a bad thing to help too much - I should be making dd do it all  on her own.  What I've realized, from the combo of BW and SWB's instruction to never make a kid do two hard/new things at the same time is that it is ok to help you kid when they are doing something new!  My dd is writing a real live research essay, with a real thesis, pulling info from several sources, for the first time, and you bet I am helping her with it! So what if I helped her refine/define her amorphous idea into a real thesis?  Now she understands the difference between a topic and a thesis!  So what if I help her figure out how to outline effectively so her paper makes logical sense?  Now she has improved/refined this skill!  The finished result won't be 100% her work, but who cares? It's the result of a caring teacher working with her student to meet her where she is and bring her up one step.   The next time, I'll expect her to do a little more independently, then we'll take the next step together.

 

Anyway, I don't know if these philosophical ramblings are helpful, but that's kind of how I'm approaching writing assignments at the moment:  don't try to critique/perfect every single thing in the same assignment, and don't be afraid to help the student with a new skill the first time you are expecting them to use it.

[Chrysalis Academy]

I'll post dd's first assignment! I'd love any feedback, because while I can appreciate good writing, I don't honestly know how to TEACH it.

I scribe for her, because she has a lot of trouble writing. This is also the second draft, the first one I simply wrote what she said word for word as she was thinking aloud. I didn't include punctuation in the first draft, and she came up with the punctuation for this draft.

 

As a mouse lay asleep, a little ant in its hurry to get away from the mouse, stumbled over her tail, waking her. In the mouses anger to get him back, she wrapped her tail around the ant. The ant asked her not to hurt him, for he would repay her some day. Two days later, the mouse was trying to get a piece of cheese from a mouse trap. She knew that if she made one wrong move, she would get caught, so she was very careful. She had quite good hearing and heard birds tweeting outside, which distracted her and she stumbled. As fast as her little legs could carry her, she ran, but the mouse trap was a bit too quick for her and caught her tail. Meanwhile, the ant was taking a breadcrumb to his tower. He heard the mouse wailing and quickly dropped what he was doing, and ran as fast as he could inside to where the mouse lay trapped. When he saw what happened, he told every other ant in his colony. Then he showed them the way to where the mouse lay. They worked together to lift the trap and set the mouse free. She was so happy that she said to the ant "You were right." and she saw how foolish she had been.

 

I know there are improvements to be made...some of the sentences sound, choppy? I don't know. I feel like at times she gets caught up in trying to tell me every last detail, but I'm not sure how to help her figure out how much is enough, kwim?

 

Gentlemommy, I would praise this piece of writing for its really well worked-out logical structure.  Nothing is missing! You know exactly why each thing happened in its sequence.  The details are superb - of course a little ant might not be able to help alone, but with his whole colony, look what he can do!  I think it's a lovely story.

 

I think where it could be improved would be to streamline some of the sentences.  So in the first sentence, you could delete "from the mouse" from the second clause and it would flow better.  There might be phrases like that you could go through and delete together - so, not reducing detail, but reducing repetition where necessary.

 

Has she worked on paragraphing at all?  You might go through this with her and ask her where a new idea is being introduced, and hence where a new paragraph might be appropriate (i.e. "Meanwhile" could start a new paragraph.)  If this isn't something you've ever worked on together, I might not worry about it.

[Roadrunner]

Well, that's inspiring to see Killgallon affecting his writing style even at this stage! I'm definitely planning on incorporating that more with both my dds.

 

Roadrunner, have you ever looked at Bravewriter/The Writer's Jungle? I don't personally find it usable in terms of a day-to-day curriculum - I find that my girls are ready to do more than it suggests, and I don't want to hold them back - but I find it very helpful philosophically, for me as a teaching aid, and it has changed the way I approach writing assignments. I'm pretty driven and achievement oriented and her more relaxed approach to writing instruction has been a very nice philosophical counterbalance to my natural style. You can go to their website and sign up to get "Julie's Daily Writing Tips" in your email - I read them religiously, and often find that they remind me to slow down, take a deep breath, and not turn every writing assignment into a Supreme Court brief, KWIM? So, you choose one thing about each assignment to suggest for improvement, and let the rest go. You don't require that every single assignment be perfected. You fix the one thing you've chosen to focus on, then you move on. There will be many further opportunities to work on other issues in the future.

 

Another way that BW has changed my approach to teaching writing is the whole idea of "partnership writing." I used to feel like it was a bad thing to help too much - I should be making dd do it all on her own. What I've realized, from the combo of BW and SWB's instruction to never make a kid do two hard/new things at the same time is that it is ok to help you kid when they are doing something new! My dd is writing a real live research essay, with a real thesis, pulling info from several sources, for the first time, and you bet I am helping her with it! So what if I helped her refine/define her amorphous idea into a real thesis? Now she understands the difference between a topic and a thesis! So what if I help her figure out how to outline effectively so her paper makes logical sense? Now she has improved/refined this skill! The finished result won't be 100% her work, but who cares? It's the result of a caring teacher working with her student to meet her where she is and bring her up one step. The next time, I'll expect her to do a little more independently, then we'll take the next step together.

 

Anyway, I don't know if these philosophical ramblings are helpful, but that's kind of how I'm approaching writing assignments at the moment: don't try to critique/perfect every single thing in the same assignment, and don't be afraid to help the student with a new skill the first time you are expecting them to use it.

Rose, thank you for this advice. It's precisely what I needed to hear. I do get Bravewriter tips in the email and I will be more diligent about reading them from now on. :)

I am thinking to concentrate on logical sequencing in writing over the next month, letting other aspects slide a little. I know it's a bit overwhelming for him right now to go from a star student with zero challenges at his PS to "your writing is incoherent" at home.

I will post his second assignment later if I have time. Got to run cook some dinner :)

[Roadrunner]

O.K. here comes Week 2 amplification exercise. This one is without any help (he wanted to finish up and go play ball. It's Friday!) and contains all his mistakes.

 

In an open prarie, a flock of Doves spotted a pile of tomato seeds. The king of the flock begged not to go there, because it might be a trap. The flock didn't listen because their hunger forced them to keep going to the seeds. Laughing at the flock, a hunter grabbed his net and hid in a bush. When the flock started to eat, the hunter threw his net over them. The birds were sorry they didn't listen to their king. The flock kept punching the net, but they never tried to work together. The king told them to grab a net and flap their wings. The flock did what he said and they trew the net on a tree. Moral: In unity is strength.

 

 

[Chrysalis Academy]

Wow! When I read his writing, it is really hard to believe he is only 8!  I can see the influence of Kilgallon in this story, too.  There are a few tiny word choices I might ask him to reconsider, (i.e. "punching the net"  but overall I think this is great.

[Chelli]

O.K. here comes Week 2 amplification exercise. This one is without any help (he wanted to finish up and go play ball. It's Friday!) and contains all his mistakes.

 

In an open prarie, a flock of Doves spotted a pile of tomato seeds. The king of the flock begged not to go there, because it might be a trap. The flock didn't listen because their hunger forced them to keep going to the seeds. Laughing at the flock, a hunter grabbed his net and hid in a bush. When the flock started to eat, the hunter threw his net over them. The birds were sorry they didn't listen to their king. The flock kept punching the net, but they never tried to work together. The king told them to grab a net and flap their wings. The flock did what he said and they trew the net on a tree. Moral: In unity is strength.

 

I think that your son's work is wonderful! He does a great job of adding in detail and making it interesting. Well done!

 

My dd9 has been doing WWE for so long that a lot of the descriptive details she used to naturally put in her writing have been lost because I'm always telling her: Just the main ideas. Not all the details. It's supposed to be a summary.

 

Due to your recommendation in the other CAP thread I purchased Kilgallon today for her. I think it will be perfect to use in the off weeks along with our mechanics book. Thanks so much.

[Gentlemommy]

Roadrunner-thank you for those kind words!

Chrysalis-we have done no formal writing or grammar yet. So I haven't introduced sentence structure, paragraphs, or anything. I plan to this year. Part of what's held us back was always the physical aspect. She literally can NOT write and think. She's learning to type, which I'm hopeful will help. I also scribe for her, just trying to keep up with her stream of speaking. Then we go through together to insert punctuation. I printed KISS grammar, any other suggestions? I'll have to look into killagon...

[Roadrunner]

Wow! When I read his writing, it is really hard to believe he is only 8!  I can see the influence of Kilgallon in this story, too.  There are a few tiny word choices I might ask him to reconsider, (i.e. "punching the net"  but overall I think this is great.

So hard to know what is age appropriate. I am tempted to sign him up for IEW online writing course next year just so we could get an outside feedback. Thanks Rose!

 

I think that your son's work is wonderful! He does a great job of adding in detail and making it interesting. Well done!

 

My dd9 has been doing WWE for so long that a lot of the descriptive details she used to naturally put in her writing have been lost because I'm always telling her: Just the main ideas. Not all the details. It's supposed to be a summary.

 

Due to your recommendation in the other CAP thread I purchased Kilgallon today for her. I think it will be perfect to use in the off weeks along with our mechanics book. Thanks so much.

Killgallon is the only resource where I can see immediate results (Thanks Crimson Wife!) and we are only half way through the elementary book. I am going to keep up with this series and devote 3-4 months every year to improving sentence structure. I really hope higher level books cover even more complex sentence construction. i don't think WWE is enough and beginning in third grade I believe SWB recommends Writing Strands in addition to WWE. We also write history summaries (once or twice a week) and science copywork (once a week),  I assign writing outside of WWE and CAP program as well. Before we started CAP he did two MCT lit assignments. Next week we are starting Greece in history and he is going to have to write a simple essay (think super simple here :D )  about Lycurgus and Solon ( I am going to really help him with this one).  

[Gentlemommy]

Roadrunner-I'm really impressed by your sons writing. My dd is 8 as well, and there is no way she could write so much!!! Great job! His stories are really good, descriptive and engaging. I'm putting Killgallon in my amazon cart now thanks to you!

[Gentlemommy]

Here are week 2 assignments from dd(8). Any critiques are most appreciated!!!

 

 

 

 

Summary of The Lion and the Three Bulls

 

A lion wanted to eat three bulls. He couldn't, because the bulls worked together to form a circle with their horns on the outside. One day, the bulls got into a terrible fight, and when the Lion saw them, he found that they were in separate corners of the field. It was now easy for the Lion to eat them, and so he did.

 

 

 

Amplification of The Doves and the Hunter

 

Once there were a flock of doves flying through the forest. They spotted some sunflower seeds on the ground. The King Dove, who was the largest, flew down first and tasted one. They tasted quite sweet unlike other sunflower seeds. He cooed to the rest of his flock, telling them to come and eat the seeds. 

Meanwhile, a Hunter was watching them through the trees. He thought to himself, "Boy am I lucky I brought my net. Those birds will be a fine gift for the Chief". He tossed the net very carefully over the birds so as to catch every single one of them. 

The King was the only one that kept his head and didn't panic and tried to figure out an escape. Then he had a bright idea and told every bird to fly upward and in the same direction. The net was finally lifted up into the air and the Hunter was quite surprised.

Moral-Working together is stronger than any other power.

[Roadrunner]

Here are week 2 assignments from dd(8). Any critiques are most appreciated!!!

 

 

 

 

Summary of The Lion and the Three Bulls

 

A lion wanted to eat three bulls. He couldn't, because the bulls worked together to form a circle with their horns on the outside. One day, the bulls got into a terrible fight, and when the Lion saw them, he found that they were in separate corners of the field. It was now easy for the Lion to eat them, and so he did.

 

 

 

Amplification of The Doves and the Hunter

 

Once there were a flock of doves flying through the forest. They spotted some sunflower seeds on the ground. The King Dove, who was the largest, flew down first and tasted one. They tasted quite sweet unlike other sunflower seeds. He cooed to the rest of his flock, telling them to come and eat the seeds. 

Meanwhile, a Hunter was watching them through the trees. He thought to himself, "Boy am I lucky I brought my net. Those birds will be a fine gift for the Chief". He tossed the net very carefully over the birds so as to catch every single one of them. 

The King was the only one that kept his head and didn't panic and tried to figure out an escape. Then he had a bright idea and told every bird to fly upward and in the same direction. The net was finally lifted up into the air and the Hunter was quite surprised.

Moral-Working together is stronger than any other power.

Your daughter's writing seems to flow effortlessly to me. There is no choppiness to the story. Her sentence structure is varied. I don't know what else you could ask from her. Is this program challenging to her? Honestly, I think she is beyond those exercises!

[Gentlemommy]

Wow, thank you for your kind words and encouragement! Seriously, teaching writing has been one of the hardest things about homeschooling for me. In fact, it has been so hard for me to determine method and execution, that we haven't done anything until now. :-0 I think because she has such a hard time physically writing, I never felt like she was ready to compose...it wasn't until I took the physical act of writing out of the picture that she felt she was able to compose a story. Currently I scribe for her, but she is learning how to type, so hopefully we will transition to her typing her own work completely by the end of the year. I really really love CAP writing, it has been truly the perfect curriculum for us...classical in method, and a little creativity. Scripted for me, but not weirdly so, lol. I'm excited to see what this next week will be, and how we will progress throughout the year.

[Roadrunner]

I really really love CAP writing, it has been truly the perfect curriculum for us...classical in method, and a little creativity. Scripted for me, but not weirdly so, lol. I'm excited to see what this next week will be, and how we will progress throughout the year.

That's how I feel! We haven't completely gotten away from WWE (My younger DS is doing WWE and we still use WWE dictation), but I am so glad we took a plunge into CAP. Love SWB, but WWE isn't the best fit for this family.

My DS is working on a small essay this week (we need variety around here :) ). I will post more of his writing later in the week.

[bpskowski]

I'd like to join in on this thread as well.  We've been doing WWE all along and it's difficult for my ds.  But this year I am seeing much improvement.  However, thanks to some thread here I found out about CAP's W&R.  We did the first free lesson and he liked it well enough, much better than WWE.  I ordered the books and they arrived last week.  We seem to be taking two weeks to do each lesson.  The physical aspect of writing has ds frustrated.  I really like the program and how I am able to help understand the parts of writing.  But I still like the idea of WWE.  Anyway, this is his first rewrite:

 

The Mouse and the Bee

A Mouse was nibbling some berries when a Bee came along and got stuck in a spider web.  The Mouse helped the Bee get off the web.  The Bee said, "Thank you for your kindness, some day I shall repay you."  The mouse laughed squeakily saying, "How can a bug like you help me?"  The next day the Mouse was nibbling some more berries, when a cat pounced on him!  The Mouse cried for help.  The Bee heard the Mouse.  He stung the cat so the Mouse could get away.  "You see even a small Bee can help a mighty Mouse."

 

And his summary in lesson 2:

A Lion tried to attack three Bulls, but they kept together.  He was no match for three Bulls.  One day the Bulls quarreled.  When the Lion came back the Bulls were in separate corners of the field.  The the Lion attacked them one at a time.

 

Tomorrow, he does the amplification of the Hunter and the Doves.

 

Thanks

[Gentlemommy]

This is week three. We haven't done the summary yet.

 

Amplification of The Crow and The Pitcher

 

Once there was a crow, who lived in the northern part of the savannah. She had plenty of water and plenty of food, and was so happy in how she lived. It rained quite a lot where she lived. But one day it stopped raining. Her and her friends were so thirsty that day. One of them said, I am about to have a baby, and I do not think she will make it! So the crow set out to find some water, which all of her friends did as well. She went as far a s possible, until she came to a small village. She flew right down and started to scan the area. She saw a small pitcher of water on someone's porch and dove straight down. However hard she tried, she could not reach the water. So she sat and thought, then she had a splendid idea. She gathered a pile of pebbles and one by one dropped them into the pitcher. Each time one plopped to the bottom the water rose. Eventually the water was high enough for her to reach it. 

Moral-whenever you are in trouble, keep your head. Don't panic, think of a way to help yourself. 

[Roadrunner]

I have no constructive criticism. Honestly, I think for elementary elementary school, it sounds very good. We haven't finished last week's assignment, focusing instead on a mini essay.

[Wonder]

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[Wonder]

 

 (post removed)

[Gentlemommy]

Roadrunner, that's what we do. Her first draft is her just going and going, and me typing it in the iPad. Then she reads it over, makes changes, I help with punctuation if she asks (we haven't officially covered grammar yet, but she seems to intuitively understand...we are doing KIsS grammar this year) and then we rewrite her final draft. I'm mostly doing it that way because she can be very perfectionistic, and has a hard time accepting that it's OK to make mistakes, realize you could have done better or differently, and do things a second/third/fourth time.

[Roadrunner]

We are working through chapter 5 today. If he manages to put together a draft, I will post it.

How is everybody else doing?

All the writing threads lit a fire in my head :).

[Gentlemommy]

We didn't do any this week. :-0 We had a majorly busy week-fair and gymnastics on Monday, library and gymnastics Tuesday, gymnastics, ballet, and awana Wednesday, coop and gymnastics Thursday, riding lesson and corn maze Friday. I. Am. Wiped!!! We stuck to the basics-math, spelling, handwriting, reading, and history this week. Did some grammar, so all is not lost in the writing department, I just didn't pull out CAP.

[Chelli]

It was our week off from CAP this week.

 

I need to get caught up posting dd's assignments, but the stellar work you guys' 2nd and 3rd graders are turning out makes me a little embarrassed to post dd9's rewrites.  :blushing:  :tongue_smilie:

[Roadrunner]

We didn't finish it either. We will probably wrap up the lesson on Monday and then take some time off from CAP to work on "partnership writing" for a week or two.

[boscopup]

We are working through chapter 5 today. If he manages to put together a draft, I will post it.

How is everybody else doing?

All the writing threads lit a fire in my head :).

 

We started Lesson 5 yesterday. My son did a great job giving an oral narration. That was the best one he's done in a while. He even added some interesting phrases that would have fit the style of writing but weren't in the original story. Woohoo!

 

It was our week off from CAP this week.

 

I need to get caught up posting dd's assignments, but the stellar work you guys' 2nd and 3rd graders are turning out makes me a little embarrassed to post dd9's rewrites.  :blushing:  :tongue_smilie:

 

I'll try to remember to post my 9 year old's assignment for this week. It should make you feel better. :lol: It's amplification, and that's like pulling teeth to my "man of few words". :D

[bpskowski]

 

I'll try to remember to post my 9 year old's assignment for this week. It should make you feel better. :lol: It's amplification, and that's like pulling teeth to my "man of few words". :D

 

Here's another from my 9 year old "man of few words."  It's from lesson 4, the rewrite of The Fox and the Grapes.  He considers himself an animal.

 

As Christopher was walking past a mountain he spied a tree on it and on that tree was a giant pile of books.  "They look like the most exciting books in the whole world," he said.  Instinctively he tried to climb to them but he failed.  He tried again but failed yet again.  So he walked away thinking, "Those books were probably boring anyway."

 

His rewrite of the fable is much closer to his summary of the fable than to the original fable.  Here's his summary:

 

A Fox saw some grapes.  But he couldn't reach them.  He jumped, but still couldn't reach.  So he walked away thinking they were sour anyway.

 

Hmmm?  Maybe tomorrow, I could work with him in adding details and following the original fable more closely.  It's odd because he loves a good story.  He loves words, vocabulary and grammar are fun for him!  But, he is enjoying this program.  

[Roadrunner]

We were on break for little over a week and started back up yesterday. We are going to devote a week or two to Killgallon before circling back to CAP.

[Aloha2U]

Lesson 12: My Own Fable, Part 1

This is how the lesson began. It was a challenging one for my little man, but he persevered and excitedly handed me "The Bee and the Bear" to read.

Once again the Bee looked out of his hive, and once again he saw the same old Bear sitting lazily against the tree in which the Bee's hive was built. The Bees disliked the Bear very much, because every time they had made a new batch of honey, the bear stole it and ate it before the Bees could stop him. One day, while the Bear was taking a nap, the Queen Bee and her followers went to the Empress Bee's Grand Hive, but they left a bee behind to take care o the larva. When the Bear finally woke up, he was hungry, but instead of going to the nearby river to catch fish, he looked into the hive. He was very happy when he saw only one bee in the hive. "Now I can eat all the honey I want without the bees knowing!" He thought to himself. So he started to tear into the hive and eat the honey, but as soon as the started to do so, the little Bee flew off as fast as he could to tell the Queen. The Bear had already half destroyed the hive before the Queen and her army had returned. They began to swarm him and sting him. They chased him all of the way to the river, where he slipped on a rock and fell in. All afternoon he lay in the middle of the river, moaning and groaning, feeling sorry for himself, for his swells were large. Moral: "Hard work pays off."

Daddy also read it, and then the three of conferenced, discussing our favorite parts and such. We congratulated him on his efforts, but unfortunately had to point out the fact that the story didn't exactly support the moral lesson we was trying to convey. It made him a bit sad at first but ultimately he agreed, and we concluded that we'd tackle the problem with it's solution the next day.

Before he put pencil to paper a second time, we reassessed the situation. First, I gave him three options; he could add to his story, modify it, or change the moral to one that was more fitting. As you may guess, he chose the latter. So the new moral of the above fable is "Laziness never pays." However, that being done, I told him that he now gets to write a new fable which supports the moral lesson he initially chose. I also encouraged him to take this opportunity to amplify his fable as well.

The following is his second attempt at "The Bee and the Bear". He really took his time with it, until he reached a point when he looked over and asked me, "When will we be eating?" I responded with, "When you've finished writing." (He had completed 2 3/4 pages at that point.) His pencil was sharpened, and then, within a matter of minutes—another 1/2 page later, he was done. I'll note where the lead change occurs, and see if you chuckle, as I did, at the abrupt ending.

Many years ago there was a Bee that lived in a small hive with some friends. One day he was sitting on a branch near his hive, enjoying a drop of honey, when he noticed what seemed to be, to him anyway, a giant brown bear, and he trembled for he had heard of how the Queen's hive had been destroyed. After watching him for a long while, he decided that he was harmless enough. He flew up to him and said, "Hello." "G-r-r-r-r!" Grumbled the Bear's stomach, but the Bee thought that it was the Bear himself who grumbled. "G-g-g-good morning," he said, backing off a little but saying it a little louder than his first greeting. "Oh, hello," the bear said sadly, turning his head toward the Bee. "What's wrong?" The Bee asked, still not sure of the Bear's present nature. "I am very hungry," the Bear said. But remembering that his hive was at the top of a very high tree, the Bee said, "Then why don't you go to the river by the Great Oak and try to catch a fish, or make your own food like I do?" "Too much work," the Bear mumbled. "Well," the Bee began, "I might have some extra honey in my hive. Let me go check." And with that, he was off like a flash. He was back very soon, and said that he was sorry, but they were, at the moment, counting how many cells of honey that they had—which is a very long process, and that they couldn't spare any honey until they new how much they had. The Bear thanked the Bee and headed off to the river. "I guess I could try to catch fish," he sighed. So he waded out into the middle [pencil sharpened] and tried to catch a fish, but after only a short while, he went back to the shore and lay down on the bank for such a long time that he died of hunger while the Bee, being hard-working until his last days, lived a long and prosperous life with his friends. Moral: "Hard work pays off."

So what do you think? Any feedback would be appreciated.

[boscopup]

Lesson 5 Amplification. He did a *little* amplifying. This is before editing (we went through and he found his misspelled words and punctuation errors - he actually did know how to spell all but "stubborn", which was in the original summary, but oh well :tongue_smilie:).

 

---

One day a blue, and stubern ass wanted to take the shortest way by going over cat Clif. His green Driver stopped him and said, "you will braick your neck!" Then a brown cat jumped up, and said, "you will kill yourself!" And jumped down, and the Driver said, "Go your own way you silly beist." So the ass fell to his deth.

 

MORAL: Listen to good advice and avoivd the road to disaster

---

 

It *is* amplified a bit. We talked about some areas that he could have gone into more detail, and how he could have added more to the cat part. :) I didn't make him rewrite it though. We're still easing into this amplification thing.

 

We also did a MCT-style analysis of the first sentence to work on grammar. I kind of got stumped on the "by going over Cat Cliff" part, but I finally figured that by is a preposition, and going over is a participial phrase modifying Cat Cliff. Am I right? :lurk5:

[Chrysalis Academy]

Lesson 5 Amplification. He did a *little* amplifying. This is before editing (we went through and he found his misspelled words and punctuation errors - he actually did know how to spell all but "stubborn", which was in the original summary, but oh well :tongue_smilie:).

 

---

One day a blue, and stubern ass wanted to take the shortest way by going over cat Clif. His green Driver stopped him and said, "you will braick your neck!" Then a brown cat jumped up, and said, "you will kill yourself!" And jumped down, and the Driver said, "Go your own way you silly beist." So the ass fell to his deth.

 

MORAL: Listen to good advice and avoivd the road to disaster

---

 

It *is* amplified a bit. We talked about some areas that he could have gone into more detail, and how he could have added more to the cat part. :) I didn't make him rewrite it though. We're still easing into this amplification thing.

 

We also did a MCT-style analysis of the first sentence to work on grammar. I kind of got stumped on the "by going over Cat Cliff" part, but I finally figured that by is a preposition, and going over is a participial phrase modifying Cat Cliff. Am I right? :lurk5:

 

 

Man, I hope someone will chime in with an answer to this.  Weirdly, I have been thinking about it all day!   :bigear:

[boscopup]

Man, I hope someone will chime in with an answer to this.  Weirdly, I have been thinking about it all day!   :bigear:

 

:lol: Yeah, I was totally thrown by it at first. I'm glad the kid can write sentences that stump me though! :D

 

[Aloha2U]

Lesson 13: My Own Fable, Part 2  (My little man chose to use a moral from a previous lesson.)

 

"The Peacocks and the Fox"

 

Once there was a muster of peacocks that lived in a very fertile rainforest, whose king was old in age. When the king of the pride died, the other peacocks panicked, because he had no heir. When the Fox heard of this he was happy. For now, he thought, he could take over, and he would be able to eat them without the rest of the birds running away. So the next day he went to the peacocks and said, "I will be your king." A few of the birds were hesitant, but the other peacocks said, "Look at his beautiful tail and his bright orange fur! Surely we want such an animal for our king!" Finally, they all agreed, and the Fox was anointed as their king. The next morning they found that one of the king's noblemen was missing, and every day afterwards a peacock went missing. So they went to the king to see what he thought should be done, but when they got to the king's palace, they found him with many foxes that quickly surrounded them. They surrendered, and ever after that, the Fox taxed them heavily and made them make him a robe out of their feathers.

 

Moral: "When the wicked rule, the people groan." (Proverbs 29:2)

[Chrysalis Academy]

I really like it.  It's very creative, and the language is vivid.  I think I might point out that "old in age" is redundant, and ask him if a group of peacocks should be called a "muster" or a "pride" and then pick one term and stick with it . . . but other than that I think it looks great!

[Roadrunner]

Is this the first draft? I think it's impressive from creative and technical standpoints (spelling.....). Great work!

 

 

We still haven't gotten to it. I am having LA scheduling crisis, but hopefully we will pick back up next week.

[Aloha2U]

Thank you, ladies! 

 

Is this the first draft? I think it's impressive from creative and technical standpoints (spelling.....). Great work!


We still haven't gotten to it. I am having LA scheduling crisis, but hopefully we will pick back up next week.

 

 

Yes, this is his first and only draft per se. However, the title initially started out as "The Peacock and the Fox", and the first sentence began as "Once there was a peacock that lived...". He knew this before he brought his completed work to us (me and daddy) to read, so that after collectively noting the flaw, he quickly made the necessary changes—essentially, making both plural, since it had to be done. Ha!

 

Spelling errors were "heir" instead of heir, and "paniced" instead of panicked. When I asked him to double check his spelling on those, he corrected the errors without hesitation. Unfortunately, I must confess that I sought to correct "anointed" as "annointed" (with two n's, right?), only to be told that I was wrong. 

 

Other than that, there was an instance of a grammatical error. He needed to replace the comma in his second quote with an exclamation point and, therefore, capitalize the first word—Surely—at the beginning of the next sentence.  

 

I really like it.  It's very creative, and the language is vivid.  I think I might point out that "old in age" is redundant, and ask him if a group of peacocks should be called a "muster" or a "pride" and then pick one term and stick with it . . . but other than that I think it looks great!

 

 

It's funny you should mention those talking points, because they're exactly the two other major things we discussed. That being said, I had him keep "old in age" because this reflects an old world style (for a lack of better terms) within his story telling that he's so fond of using, and I didn't feel that it took away from the story in anyway but, in fact, added to it.

 

As for muster vs. pride, either would be correct to our understanding, but he actually intended to use muster for both. I suggested that the story is perhaps too short to use the same term so close together and felt that muster/muster or pride/pride may be a bit redundant. LOL! Ultimately, I gave him the option to use whatever he preferred when he went back to fix the peacock vs. peacocks issue. 

 

Thanks again, ladies! I truly appreciate the feedback.

[Aloha2U]

Lesson 14: Changing Point of View

 

"The Ants and the Grasshopper"

 

First-person point of view as the lazy Grasshopper #1* - One bright day in late autumn, a family of ants was bustling about in the warm sunshine, drying out the grain that they had stored up during the summer, when I, fiddle in hand, humbly asked for a bite to eat. "What?!?" they cried. "Why didn't you store up any food for winter?!?" they asked in synchrony. Whiningly I answered them saying, "I didn't have enough time to store any food. I was so busy making sweet music that before I knew it the hot season was gone!" "Making music were you? Very well, then play yourself another tune!" And with that, they turned back to their work and ignored my song.

 

Moral: "There's a time for work and a time for play."

 

 

First-person point of view as the hard-working Ant** - One day we—a family of ants—were bustling about in the warm sunshine when a Grasshopper came up to us and humbly begged for a bite to eat. "What!?!" we all cried. "Haven't you stored up any food for the winter at all?!? "No," he replied whining, "I didn't have any time to store up food. I was so busy making sweet music that before I knew it the hot season was gone!" "Making music were you?" we said. "Very well then, now dance!" And with that, we turned back to our work and ignored his song.

 

Moral: "There's a time for work and a time for play."

 

 

First-person point of view as the lazy Grasshopper #2*** (amplified) - "Oh! My stomach is growling like a lion! I haven't eaten since the first frost, but it's too late to go and gather grain, so I've decided to to go out and see if anyone will let me have a bit of there food. Ooo! I see an anthill! I'm sure they have enough food to spare! They saw me, and a few are coming over.""Hello, I am the king of this anthill." "Oh, king, I humbly beg a meal for the day, please." "I am shocked at the asking of this favor. Have you not stored any food for the snow season?!" "Dear king, I play the violin for the Buggy Band Classical Orchestra, and recently I had learned a new song. I so busied myself with playing the beautiful tune that I didn't have enough time to harvest food." "Ah, very well then, you can dance all winter long to keep yourself warm!" "Boy, I sure didn't expect that reaction."

 

Moral: "There's a time for work and a time for play."

 

 

Mistakes he fixed (in red): *changed "Whinely" to "Whiningly", ***changed "to" to "too".

[kirstenhill]

Jumping in with my DD's  (age 9.5, 4th grade) fable from lesson 11 (writing a new fable using the model, but changing the characters into animals).  I fixed the spelling mistakes here, but left punctuation, capitalization, etc as is:

 

The animals choose a queen

 

One day the animals went to anoint a queen.  First they went to the cat. They asked Will you be our queen? But she said Why should I give up my claws so powerful that kill so many mice? So then they went to the horse.  They asked her Come be our queen? But she said, why should I give up my strength that pulls plows and tractors across the field to rule over the animals? So then they went to the Aardvark. They asked come be our queen?  But she answered: Why should I give up my ability to dig holes that make homes for so many animals? So then they went to the coral snake. They asked come be our queen.  But the coral snake said if you really want to anoint me queen then come take refuge in my den. But if not let my venom kill all the animals.

 

 

-------

This is a 1st draft.  I asked her to write it yesterday and she completely drew a blank on where to begin.  I helped her make an "outline" of the story -- asking her to think of all four animals and what they would say in response to being asked to be the queen.  Then with that outline in hand she was able to write it today.  But she totally missed the boat on the punctuation for the dialog, even though that was covered earlier this week.  She also wrote it as one long block of text -- no semblance of paragraphs or indents at all. 

 

This is the first formal writing program we've really done (We've also done some Write On! this year on "off weeks" and toward the end of last year), and I feel like she still, even though we are at lesson 11, has no idea what a "paragraph" truly is.  Every time she writes something it just appears as one long block of text.  Do you guys think that CAP is going to address this more explicitly at some point, or should I be addressing paragraph construction with other resources?  We are going to continue with book 2 after 1 is finished, but I don't have it in hand yet to see what is covered.

 

Any other feedback? 

 

[Aloha2U]

This is the first formal writing program we've really done (We've also done some Write On! this year on "off weeks" and toward the end of last year), and I feel like she still, even though we are at lesson 11, has no idea what a "paragraph" truly is.  Every time she writes something it just appears as one long block of text.  Do you guys think that CAP is going to address this more explicitly at some point, or should I be addressing paragraph construction with other resources?  We are going to continue with book 2 after 1 is finished, but I don't have it in hand yet to see what is covered.

 

Any other feedback? 

 

The Introduction section (on page XIV), of both Book 1: Fable and Book 2: Narrative Teacher's Editions, lists the Objectives for each. W&R will not teach the skeleton or structure of a paragraph per se.

 

In our experience, this—among other things—is where WWE, MCT, and the "writing" portion of R&S English (6) came into play. In short, MCT provides a big picture perspective of paragraphs and such, WWE got my little man to actually begin "writing" via 1-narration of model passages, 2-retaining bulk info in his head through dictation in order to then be able to 3-organize his own thoughts and write a summary in an informal paragraph format, and R&S gives practice with the formal skeleton or framework for structuring outlines and paragraphs, which lead to compositions and such.

 

For us, W&R takes WWE to the next level, but I wouldn't have wanted to start W&R prior to WWE/MCT. R&S alongside W&R is complementary. We're currently in Lesson 3 of Book 2: Narrative 1.

[kirstenhill]

The Introduction section (on page XIV), of both Book 1: Fable and Book 2: Narrative Teacher's Editions, lists the Objectives for each. W&R will not teach the skeleton or structure of a paragraph per se.

 

In our experience, this—among other things—is where WWE, MCT, and the "writing" portion of R&S English (6) came into play. In short, MCT provides a big picture perspective of paragraphs and such, WWE got my little man to actually begin "writing" via 1-narration of model passages, 2-retaining bulk info in his head through dictation in order to then be able to 3-organize his own thoughts and write a summary in an informal paragraph format, and R&S gives practice with the formal skeleton or framework for structuring outlines and paragraphs, which lead to compositions and such.

 

For us, W&R takes WWE to the next level, but I wouldn't have wanted to start W&R prior to WWE/MCT. R&S alongside W&R is complementary. We're currently in Lesson 3 of Book 2: Narrative 1.

 

Thanks, that makes sense.  I looked at WWE a couple years ago, but it just wasn't our cup of tea.  DD picked up on some great dictation skills via our spelling program, and even though I have never had her formally do narrations or retellings before CAP Fable, she is pretty good at that also in the Fable assignments. 

 

i think something with explicit instruction on paragraph composition and mechanics will be a good fit for DD along with W&R.  Even though she did the copywork exercises about using quote marks with dialog, when I asked her to revise her lesson 11 fable, she acted like she was completely clueless about what I could possibly be talking about in regards to quote marks...LOL.  

 

[kagmypts]

There are some very talented writers in this thread!  For my knowledge, what is CAP?  Thank you!

[Chrysalis Academy]

http://classicalacademicpress.com/writing-rhetoric-1/

 

Classical Academic Press.  That's a link to the writing curriculum we are discussing on this thread.  It's great!

[kagmypts]

http://classicalacademicpress.com/writing-rhetoric-1/

 

Classical Academic Press.  That's a link to the writing curriculum we are discussing on this thread.  It's great!

 

  Thank you.  I am going to look at it in a few minutes.

[ByGrace3]

Well we took the plunge and started CAP Fable this week. So far so good! I feel like writing has been an area we have slacked a bit in...we dropped WWE 2 midway because it brought tears and while we have been using BW some this year..I never felt like we were doing "enough." I would love some input on my dd's (8, third grade) first rewrite. I always feel like my expectations are off and I don't want to over or under correct. ;) (I did address a couple of spelling issues, but overall she spells well.)

 

The Mouse and the Fly

 

The mouse lay in its hole resting when a fly was lying around him. The fly woke the mouse right up. The mouse wanted to eat him right up, but then the fly said, "don't eat me, please, please don't. I will help you too. I was just looking for food," said the fly. The fly left. One day while the mouse was out looking for food, some mouse hunters caught him in a mouse trap. The fly saw him. The fly saved him by having all his friends join together to open up the trap.

[Cindyz]

I love this thread.  There is a LOT of really great writing and input.  Maybe we should start a group where we can make separate posts for each lesson.  That way when we get to that lesson, we can post our child's examples and feedback there so we don't have to scan through a long thread for examples from the lesson we're currently working on.

 

Here's my son's from lesson 1.  He's 3rd grade.  So far we've done WWE 1 & 2.  We just started IEW Geography Based Writing (we're on lesson 3).  We'll no longer be using WWE.  W&R will replace WWE as I think doing both would be redundant and W&R fits more of what I'm looking for right now.  I would definitely describe him as a reluctant writer.  Are we supposed to edit for spelling, punctuation, etc.?  Or is this just about getting words down on paper?

 

The Mouse and the Ladybug

 

A mouse lay asleep, full of food, in his den.  A ladybug with no spots spotted a piece of cheese.  Thinking it was spots, she dashed towards the crumb.  At that, the mouse awoke.  "What are you doing?  Stealing??"  Squecked the mouse.  "No no," said the ladybug.  I'm only looking for spots.  Help me and I can repay you."  So the mouse stole some black paint and painted spots on the ladybug.  "Thank you," said the ladybug.  A few days later the mouse was caught by a cat.  "You'll make a great meal," said the cat.  The ladybug saw it and so she made a big stink.  The cat yeowled as it let go of the mouse and ran from the room.  "I told you I would repay you," said the ladybug.

 

 

[Chrysalis Academy]

Ok, here is Morgan's Lesson 1 fable rewrite.  She's in 2nd grade, and I've held off on starting her with this program because she's not up to writing her own full stories yet, although she can do all the rest of the lessons fine.  So I scribed this for her.  I'm not sure how I feel about doing this, maybe it's not a good idea - but she needed a break from WWS 2, so I decided to try a few of these lessons.   She's really having fun with it so far.  Here is her composition - scribed by me:

 

The Mouse and the Ant

 

A mouse is in her hole at the base of a tree, enjoying a huge hunk of cheese.  An ant comes in and takes a rather large crumb.  The mouse angrily takes back the cheese and threatens to squish the ant.  The ant says, "Spare me, and I will save you some day, if you give me the cheese."  Mouse laughs so hard that the tree shakes.  But, she is a generous mouse, so she lets the ant go and gives her the cheese.  

 

Later that day, the mouse is in a house scrounging for cheese.  She sees some cheese in a mousetrap, and gets the cheese out of the trap, but as she runs away, her tail gets caught in the trap.  Ant is also in the house with her friends, looking for cheese.  She hears the mouse squeal, and gets her friends to help free the mouse.  She says, "Even though you laughed at me when I said I'd save you, now you know that even an ant can save a mouse."  They became friends from then on, and shared cheese.

 

Can you tell that my kid really likes cheese?   :lol:

[momofabcd]

My dd is in 3rd grade. Until this point, she has only been doing written narrations once a week along with daily oral narrations.

Here is her first re-write in Fable. We discussed using describing words, and I helped her with punctuation and some sentence structure.

 

The Mouse and the Cricket

 

One day a mouse was sleeping in a grassy meadow. A joyful cricket, bounding and singing, came across the mouse's tail. Awoken from his nap, the mouse grabbed the cricket with his claws. As the mouse brought the cricket near his mouth, the cricket cried, "Stop! Let me Down and some day I will save you." The mouse laughed so hard that the frogs hopped away. But in his kindness, he let the cricket go.

A couple days later, while the mouse was hunting for cheese, he got caught by a hungry cat. The mouse squeaked his loudest squeak. The cricket heard his squeak and came to help him. The cricket sang so loudly in the cat's ear that the cat ran away. "You laughed when I said I will save you. Even a cricket can help a mouse."