What Sayeth the HIVE?? (Separation & Child Custody Issues)

[tex-mex]

I'm not sure how and why this topic turned.

 

In anycase, the OP read, to me, that the sbtxw expected a lease co-signer and that he'd pay half, distinct from child support.

 

Speculation about where she may be coming from is not going to glean any useful info. Marriages are intensely and inherently private. Though, given the ages of the persons involved, including the child, I'd be curious about how they navigated the transition to parenthood and also if she had PPD.

I agree.

 

And I concur on how strange of a turn this thread has taken. I think the topic brings out our emotional nature, perhaps?

 

 

By the way, Joanne, you are spot on for your guess. The young lady's mom is against her dd divorcing the young man and called to

tell him that there are 2 generations of women who are on SSRIs for good reason. Both the husband and mother-in-law suspect

the wife/young lady has some legitimate (biochemical) issues that are unaddressed. It came up in counseling too, but the young

lady refused to seek help in this area. She seems (to me) to be very self-destructive as a life pattern? Quite sad.

[Scarlett]

 

I agree.

 

And I concur on how strange of a turn this thread has taken. I think the topic brings out our emotional nature, perhaps?

 

 

By the way, Joanne, you are spot on for your guess. The young lady's mom is against her dd divorcing the young man and called to

tell him that there are 2 generations of women who are on SSRIs for good reason. Both the husband and mother-in-law suspect

the wife/young lady has some legitimate (biochemical) issues that are unaddressed. It came up in counseling too, but the young

lady refused to seek help in this area. She seems (to me) to be very self-destructive as a life pattern? Quite sad.

 

Dh and I were just talking about this the other day.....how many women we know who are walking out on marriages....and they seem to be suffering some sort of hormonal shift or imbalance.

[LucyStoner]

She isn't old enough to have given it enough time.

 

I daresay she is in a better position to gauge her reasons for wanting a divorce than any of us are. It's her marriage. If she is old enough to decide to be married she is old enough to decide not to be married.

 

I see a lot of assumptions made on this thread which read way to much into what may or may not be going on here. Statistically 2-5 years after having a child is a peak time for divorce due to the stress of that transition and differences over parenting.

[Scarlett]

 

 

I daresay she is in a better position to gauge her reasons for wanting a divorce than any of us are. It's her marriage. If she is old enough to decide to be married she is old enough to decide not to be married.

 

I see a lot of assumptions made on this thread which read way to much into what may or may not be going on here. Statistically 2-5 years after having a child is a peak time for divorce due to the stress of that transition and differences over parenting.

 

I think it is obvious that we don't know all there is to know. But I dare say that people blow up marriages all of the time for selfish reasons.

 

Surely most reasonable people would think a young couple with no serious problems and parents of a two year old should try to work it out.

[bolt.]

I don't think any person of my wide swathe of friends and acquaintances has ever 'blown up' a marriage for any reason that could remotely be considered 'selfish'. It has always been a tragic, complex, and difficult situation in which levels of suffering peak well off the scale of my measly life challenges. Unless you count the reality that broken marriages cause excruciating personal pain as a "selfish reason" -- no, I don't think anybody is just breezily walking away from the person they truly believed they could spend the rest of their life happily intertwined with.

 

But, yes, most reasonable people would generally consider encouraging young parents in a struggling marriage to try to work it out. It's too bad that wasn't the question the OP was interested in having a discussion about. The OP asked whether a young husband ought to agree to pay rent money to his estranged wife, and what he needed to know about custody issues in Texas. I don't think, "The wife is clearly not trying hard enough, since she's young, and that means she probably didn't try, so that has something to do with rent money and custody, maybe. Anyway, it's sad that some women take their marriages lightly, like this woman, maybe." a relevant answer to the question.

[Mrs Mungo]

I think it is obvious that we don't know all there is to know. But I dare say that people blow up marriages all of the time for selfish reasons.

 

Humans are selfish. This is not a surprise.

 

Surely most reasonable people would think a young couple with no serious problems and parents of a two year old should try to work it out.

 

 

That is not the question at hand. Nobody *really* knows what is going on in a marriage except the two people involved. There are *often* issues that the couple does not go around talking about. I know couples whose marriages have survived swinging, cheating (husband or wife), drug and alcohol abuse, domestic violence, p*rn addiction and so forth. I know couples whose marriages did not survive those things, but most of their friends and acquaintances didn't know about the real problems. In at least two of those cases a husband was in denial about why she left to most of the people he knew, only her good friends knew the real reason. In this case, only one of is even knows the couple at all! So, personally, I am not apt to judge the situation.

[Scarlett]

 

 

Humans are selfish. This is not a surprise.

 

 

 

That is not the question at hand. Nobody *really* knows what is going on in a marriage except the two people involved. There are *often* issues that the couple does not go around talking about. I know couples whose marriages have survived swinging, cheating (husband or wife), drug and alcohol abuse, domestic violence, p*rn addiction and so forth. I know couples whose marriages did not survive those things, but most of their friends and acquaintances didn't know about the real problems. In at least two of those cases a husband was in denial about why she left to most of the people he knew, only her good friends knew the real reason. In this case, only one of is even knows the couple at all! So, personally, I am not apt to judge the situation.

 

I am sure there is a fair amount of that type situation too. All we know about this situation is that the OP knows them well enough to be counseling them and she doesn't believe this is one of those cases. Again he must not be too bad if she is offering 50/50 parenting time.

 

And humans judge all,the time.

[Mrs Mungo]

 

 

I am sure there is a fair amount of that type situation too. All we know about this situation is that the OP knows them well enough to be counseling them and she doesn't believe this is one of those cases. Again he must not be too bad if she is offering 50/50 parenting time.

 

My understanding was that the OP's dh was counseling the husband. I didn't get the vibe that the wife had fostered such an arrangement. I could be wrong, that was just my impression of the posts. There might be information that the husband is not sharing. And lots of people who are good parents are lousy spouses.

 

And humans judge all,the time.

 

Of course, but *I* prefer not to judge a situation in which my knowledge is extremely limited. That is not the same *at all* as saying I never judge.

[LucyStoner]

I think it is obvious that we don't know all there is to know. But I dare say that people blow up marriages all of the time for selfish reasons.

 

Surely most reasonable people would think a young couple with no serious problems and parents of a two year old should try to work it out.

 

 

Surely most reasonable people would agree that no one outside of a marriage is able to really gauge if there are or are not serious problems in said marriage. For whatever reason someone wants a divorce. Divorce is serious by definition. Still it's not your call or place to assume she has someone on the side. All we know if that she is asking for a rent commitment that this young man should not give and that this dude needs a lawyer. She needs one too. Besides that, we know that they reside in Texas, where divorce is perfectly legal and where no fault is needed to obtain a divorce order.

[Scarlett]

 

 

 

Surely most reasonable people would agree that no one outside of a marriage is able to really gauge if there are or are not serious problems in said marriage. For whatever reason someone wants a divorce. Divorce is serious by definition. Still it's not your call or place to assume she has someone on the side. All we know if that she is asking for a rent commitment that this young man should not give and that this dude needs a lawyer. She needs one too. Besides that, we know that they reside in Texas, where divorce is perfectly legal and where no fault is needed to obtain a divorce order.

 

 

OP said they had counseled both kiddos....

 

I fail to see what is so controversial about me having an opinion on the story as presented. It isn't as if my opinion of a couple I have never met or ever wll meet is going to affect them in any way.

 

My advice to the actual question...should he pay half her rent and co sign her lease was the same as almost every one else.