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#1 ABQmom

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Posted 04 August 2008 - 08:26 PM

I'm looking for creative ways to handle to discipline issues during our school day. I don't have huge, glaring discipline problems. I know what I need to do to get my dc in line and to get them to finish their work, but I'd like to know what everyone else is doing.

I'm mainly wanting to keep better track of the bad attitudes that arise in our day. I tend to gloss over those in my business, and before the day is over, I realize that I lectured all day long for bad attitudes instead of disciplining for them. As a result, I haven't gotten to my children's heart issues, and the bad attitudes continue.

How do you discipline for bad attitudes? Do you have a positive reward system in place? My dc who need work on their attitudes are ages 12, 10, and 7---some days Momma needs to work on her attitude as well. :)

#2 Hebrews3:13

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Posted 04 August 2008 - 09:25 PM

Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp? I find it deals very well with this subject. We can discipline all day for outward behavior, but if we never deal with the heart we have accomplished nothing. If their heart is right, the rest will follow suit.

This is a big issue for me, as I do not want children who just mindlessly obey to "get through" until they are grown and can do as they please. I want to foster genuine character and love.

This book is great and there is a workbook to help along the way.

For what its worth, it takes patience and time when you are starting later. I speak from experience here.

HTH,
Laurie

#3 skimerinkydo

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Posted 05 August 2008 - 01:40 AM

Does the attitude involve not working? For my ds if he won't do his schoolwork I allow him to clean house such as mop the floor or clean the bathroom because if he doesn't do well in school he will end up scrubbing toilets at mcdonalds.

#4 Lovedtodeath

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Posted 05 August 2008 - 06:27 AM

Does the attitude involve not working? For my ds if he won't do his schoolwork I allow him to clean house such as mop the floor or clean the bathroom because if he doesn't do well in school he will end up scrubbing toilets at mcdonalds.


LOL! But isn't that teaching him that if he has a good education he won't have to clean house? (Well, I guess he could pay someone.) Enough men think it is the wife's job and we don't want to feed into that.

#5 Country Mouse

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Posted 05 August 2008 - 06:31 AM

We have been using a book called the Nurtured Heart Approach which is really designed more for kids like my ds who have intensity issues but it can work for anyone.
This book teaches parents to spend their energy encouraging and reinforcing the child's positive behaviors and good qualities rather than making a big deal of the negatives. The negative behaviors have consequences, just no big reactions.
This, in my experience, is easier said than done. :D We are doing our best!
To that end, the book recommends a reward system that we have implemented in our house. Each day ds gets points for following rules that we have listed on a board and for doing his basic responsibilities. We emphasize what is important to us by assigning it point values. Each day at the end of the day we have a "points ceremony" in which he is awarded the points he earned through good behavior/following rules. We focus on those things that he did do properly and talk about how he could get more points but don't rehash the days problems. Once the points are his they cannot be taken away. He can spend them and we have a list of things he can get and the number of points needed. These things range from "30 min. of screen time", "camp in the backyard with dad" to a "a trip to the movies" to "$1 per 100 points".
I guess I am mentioning this whole process because it could easily be used just for "school" time if you wanted.
I did think long and hard before implementing a reward system in our house. I do think a child should behave right and not be compelled to do so because he might "get something." On the flip side, though, we were doing a lot of punishing/yelling and being unhappy (all around) and this system has brought a lot more harmony into our home. By focusing on the positives we have bolstered our ds's confidence in himself and we now have much more pleasant exchanges.
We won't do this forever but it is working for us right now.

#6 ABQmom

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Posted 05 August 2008 - 12:22 PM

This, in my experience, is easier said than done. :D We are doing our best!
To that end, the book recommends a reward system that we have implemented in our house. Each day ds gets points for following rules that we have listed on a board and for doing his basic responsibilities. We emphasize what is important to us by assigning it point values. Each day at the end of the day we have a "points ceremony" in which he is awarded the points he earned through good behavior/following rules. We focus on those things that he did do properly and talk about how he could get more points but don't rehash the days problems. Once the points are his they cannot be taken away. He can spend them and we have a list of things he can get and the number of points needed. These things range from "30 min. of screen time", "camp in the backyard with dad" to a "a trip to the movies" to "$1 per 100 points".


Thank you. This is the kind of ideas I was wanting. Keep them coming.

#7 obiandelismom

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Posted 05 August 2008 - 01:36 PM

We've been doing something similar to the points idea, above, but (since our main problem was bickering between our two boys) we made the points a group acheivement instead of an individual one.

We have a bowl of peanuts on the kitchen table, and a measuring cup beside it. Each time any of us catches another member of the family being kind, the "catcher" can put a peanut in the measuring cup to acknowledge the good deed. When we get to a full cup of peanuts, we're going to all go to Chuck E Cheese. :tongue_smilie:

Our rules are:

You can't put in your own peanut
You can't ASK for a peanut directly (but you can mention a good thing you've done, if you think it went unnoticed)
You can't get a peanut for something that was already expected of you, or something that you were asked to do.

We've been doing this for a couple of weeks (should end up with the CEC trip at the end of the month), and I think on the whole it's been positive. It hasn't at all been a consequence for bad behavior, but it has encouraged some good behavior. And it's encouraged us all to notice and appreciate one another - I had not even realized how grumpy and unappreciative we had started getting with one another!

It's also encouraged teamwork between the boys, which was one of my big goals with it, so I'm happy. Well, except for the time I walked into the kitchen and found them standing over the peanut bowl saying,

"That was so nice of you to give me a peanut! I'm going to give you one too, because it was so nice!"
"Thank you! That was so nice of you to give me a peanut! I think I'll give you one as well!"
"Oh, thank you! How nice! I think that deserves a peanut!"

etc... :glare:

#8 ABQmom

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Posted 05 August 2008 - 02:16 PM

It's also encouraged teamwork between the boys, which was one of my big goals with it, so I'm happy. Well, except for the time I walked into the kitchen and found them standing over the peanut bowl saying,

"That was so nice of you to give me a peanut! I'm going to give you one too, because it was so nice!"
"Thank you! That was so nice of you to give me a peanut! I think I'll give you one as well!"
"Oh, thank you! How nice! I think that deserves a peanut!"

etc... :glare:


That is hilarious! Thank you for sharing.

#9 eksargent

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Posted 05 August 2008 - 02:41 PM

I love this, too. Do you give each child a # of peanuts they can give out in a day? What was your "peanut intervention plan" to keep them from filling up the jar giving each other peanuts? I may have to buy some peanuts...before I go nuts myself!!!

#10 Mama2Three

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Posted 05 August 2008 - 02:48 PM

I love this thread!

:bigear: :bigear: :bigear:

#11 Osaubi

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Posted 05 August 2008 - 02:58 PM

I have been thinking about this also....I will be keeping my eye on this thread!

#12 NevadaRabbit

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Posted 05 August 2008 - 02:59 PM

How do you discipline for bad attitudes? Do you have a positive reward system in place? My dc who need work on their attitudes are ages 12, 10, and 7---some days Momma needs to work on her attitude as well. :)


I don't know if this speaks to the normal human inclination to adapt to constancy, or to a woeful lack of commitment on my part - but we've found that "systems" tend to peter out. We'll be gung-ho to start with then it just fizzles. So, I think it helps to have certain very specific parameters established, rather than some all-encompassing "be good get a reward" plan.

I've chosen a specific "bad attitude" that needs work in each child. I've also chosen specific good behaviors that need reinforcing. Those behaviors are tied to the reward system, which for us right now is the bean jar. Each child has an empty jar, and I've got a big bowl full of dried bean mix (a soup mix I never used!). Doing the good behavior gets a tsp-measure of beans; doing the bad one means you lose a tsp. Fill your jar, get a Webkinz. Right now, dd is getting tsps of beans for each page of a math review book she is working through, and losing a tsp if she is gloomy/martyring herself over it. DS is getting tsps of beans for his math review pages too, but he loses tsps for outbursts of temper or for complaining. I also give out random "caught ya being nice" bean rewards.

In a month or two, we'll have a different set of behaviors and a different reward system to keep it fresh and specific. For us, prayer is an integral part of the process, and we address outright disobedience differently.

#13 thundersweet

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Posted 05 August 2008 - 04:27 PM

Yes, please keep them coming. My kids (4 and 7) are bickering all the time and it drives me crazy!!

Sandy

#14 obiandelismom

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Posted 05 August 2008 - 05:05 PM

I love this, too. Do you give each child a # of peanuts they can give out in a day? What was your "peanut intervention plan" to keep them from filling up the jar giving each other peanuts? I may have to buy some peanuts...before I go nuts myself!!!


No, I laughed and told them they were too smart for their own good, and then I ate a handful of the peanuts & we called it good. :D

#15 Lovedtodeath

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Posted 05 August 2008 - 06:16 PM

I have a system set up where she does her school work or a chore and gets x minutes of TV. Then if she does not get a time out that day, she gets a sticker for the day and she is saving for a Nintendo DS. Once she has the DS, we will regulate her time on that too.

#16 ABQmom

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Posted 05 August 2008 - 07:20 PM

You all have given some ideas to get me thinking. Thank you.

Does anyone have ideas for some smaller rewards, or rewards that don't cost money? I can't reward 3 children with a Nintendo DS or anything big. The only thing I can think of right now is computer time.

#17 oakmom

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Posted 05 August 2008 - 07:43 PM

Here are some ideas for "free" rewards:

playtime with a friend or an overnight

parent doing child's chore

a later bedtime

breakfast in bed

eat dessert first

watch a movie

go to the beach or pool or...

play game or do puzzle with a parent

backrub

#18 Tiramisu

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Posted 05 August 2008 - 07:53 PM

I heard that people love this book so I bought it but it always seemed like the author's techniques would require me to be mentally clear enough and have sufficient energy to think up some "creative" response and implement it at just the right time to deal with my children's bad behavior. It just isn't going to happen here. :confused:

I do much better if I can establish situations that naturally avoid opportunities for acting out to occur. That's not always possible though.

I find myself making threats out of frustration even though I know positive reinforcement is much more effective.

#19 kalanamak

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Posted 05 August 2008 - 08:58 PM

The crux of it, for me, is to not respond in kind. I get stern, but it is serious rather than hacked off.

"I think that is enough of the sarcasm. If you don't improve your attitude, I don't see why I should bother to get a dessert for you tonight [he marches on his stomach]."
Or
"Do you need some time alone to think over how you are acting?"
"If you keep dawdling, I'm going to have to assume you don't really want to go to the park, and I will take off my coat and find something else to do." (This is usually answered with NO and the thunder of feet while he runs to get his coat).
"If you would pay attention, we would be through this already, and you'd be on your way to the park. Shall we resume?" (I have been known to affect a booming British accent for this.)

I also find the general advise in Raising a Thinking Child is effective. It turns the problem over to the child, and lets them think of what to do differently.

#20 mom31257

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Posted 05 August 2008 - 09:03 PM

Okay, I know this is probably weird...but my dd has been reading the Jedi Apprentice series books and Jedi Quest series books. We are all big Star Wars fans LOL!! Tonight we had an incident where she potentially ruined something here at my sister's house. I told her that she would have to pay for it if it couldn't be repaired (she has plenty because she is a huge saver). She was very upset because it was an accident and got an attitude about it. I was able to fix it. When I showed it to her, I saw her physically calm herself down, swallow her pride, and thank me for helping.

I was amazed! In just a few minutes, she told me it was because of reading the books. She said they are really teaching you that anger, hate, rebellion, fear...all lead to the "dark side", and she doesn't want to be like that. So far, she has also had much better attitudes about her school work this year (we started in July).

As far as creative consequences, I think it depends on what's most important to your kids. I've heard of a discipline wheel where you make a spinner and kids have to spin to get their punishment. Deciding ahead of times takes the pressure off you when it happens. I haven't tried it because I know certain things that my kids don't want taken away and will usually ward off any severe behavior.

#21 Lovedtodeath

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Posted 06 August 2008 - 08:11 AM

As far as creative consequences, I think it depends on what's most important to your kids. I've heard of a discipline wheel where you make a spinner and kids have to spin to get their punishment. Deciding ahead of times takes the pressure off you when it happens. I haven't tried it because I know certain things that my kids don't want taken away and will usually ward off any severe behavior.


Yes, it is so individual! I tried time-outs, taking allowance away, putting toys up, and even spanking.... 2 things have made all the difference. Grounding from TV, and realizing that she is a drama queen and I should not take her seriously. She will say she just wants to die, she hates her life, etc. I was at my wits end telling my mom about it and she just laughed and said "she's a drama queen". Once I realized not to take it personal, or to worry about her mental health, I got much more sane, and things calmed down a bit. And I had to find her individual punishment. TV is the only thing she fears losing. Hope this helps someone.

Oh, one free incentive that seems to work for us is a trip to the animal shelter to play with the animals.

I am thinking of getting some of these books and resources that have been mentioned. Great thread!

#22 jen210

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Posted 06 August 2008 - 09:45 AM

Fun thread to read:

Some other cheap/free rewards is to have a jar (you could decorate and label the jar something like the Reward jar or something else) with all these different ideas in them and child gets to choose from the jar:

tickle fight with dad
pillow fight
stay up 15 extra minutes
watch extra tv show
choose the cereal at the grocery
choose the radio station in the car
choose bedtime story
50 cents extra allowance
choose movie for movie night
pick a board game for family to play
dessert before dinner
date with dad
date with mom

I've got a lot more but they're downstairs. I'll try to get them later and post some more. We did this a few years ago and my kids still ask to do it. It was fun.

#23 gratefulmother

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Posted 06 August 2008 - 03:46 PM

I printed a "Weekly Reflection" sheet off of a teacher's website and have used it for the past two years. It has things like "does neat, quality work" and "Waits until others are finished to begin talking". All of the work habits and behaviors applied to us. I put it in a folder with their work from the week and they show it to my husband each Friday. It has been good all around to keep them accountable for their attitudes about working and to keep my husband in the loop about what we are doing in school.

#24 Lovedtodeath

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Posted 06 August 2008 - 03:48 PM

I printed a "Weekly Reflection" sheet off of a teacher's website and have used it for the past two years. It has things like "does neat, quality work" and "Waits until others are finished to begin talking". All of the work habits and behaviors applied to us. I put it in a folder with their work from the week and they show it to my husband each Friday. It has been good all around to keep them accountable for their attitudes about working and to keep my husband in the loop about what we are doing in school.


This sounds like exactly what I need. I am going to search for that right now!

#25 Saille

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Posted 06 August 2008 - 04:12 PM

We've been doing something similar to the points idea, above, but (since our main problem was bickering between our two boys) we made the points a group acheivement instead of an individual one.

We have a bowl of peanuts on the kitchen table, and a measuring cup beside it. Each time any of us catches another member of the family being kind, the "catcher" can put a peanut in the measuring cup to acknowledge the good deed. When we get to a full cup of peanuts, we're going to all go to Chuck E Cheese. :tongue_smilie:

Our rules are:

You can't put in your own peanut
You can't ASK for a peanut directly (but you can mention a good thing you've done, if you think it went unnoticed)
You can't get a peanut for something that was already expected of you, or something that you were asked to do.

We've been doing this for a couple of weeks (should end up with the CEC trip at the end of the month), and I think on the whole it's been positive. It hasn't at all been a consequence for bad behavior, but it has encouraged some good behavior. And it's encouraged us all to notice and appreciate one another - I had not even realized how grumpy and unappreciative we had started getting with one another!

It's also encouraged teamwork between the boys, which was one of my big goals with it, so I'm happy. Well, except for the time I walked into the kitchen and found them standing over the peanut bowl saying,

"That was so nice of you to give me a peanut! I'm going to give you one too, because it was so nice!"
"Thank you! That was so nice of you to give me a peanut! I think I'll give you one as well!"
"Oh, thank you! How nice! I think that deserves a peanut!"

etc... :glare:


OMM, that is the best idea! I'm doing it, right away!

#26 JennyB

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Posted 06 August 2008 - 04:33 PM

This is what works the best for us for several years now. Everyone has their own jar that they decorated. I have a great big vase that is full of those marbley different colored flat stone thingys in the craft dept. You get house points for doing a good job. Because we are Harry Potter fans, most things have a 5 house point limit. If you have a great attitude and do your subject well the first time then you get 5, any complaints and its 4 and so on. We also have a Slytherin jar and house points that they take out go into that jar. No one in my house wants Slytherin to win so they try to work on their behavior. The reasons that I really like this is it requires very little from me. All I have to say after each subject is good job and they go put 5 house points in. It also allows me to reward each individual childs behavior that I am working on. For example, I have one son that is working on controlling his temper. If I see him control it I can immediatly reward with 10 or 20 house points so that he sees immediate reward. The kids can also reward each other with house points. As for rewards the younger kids just putting the house points in the jar is the reward. (It's also math!) We have varied our rewards from money to video time. (games, tv, computer) That is really important to them right now so they like to add up the house points. I like a previous posters idea of the free rewards. Just put up a list and assign them points and then they can earn them.

We add up our points once a week during family council. We also set up a chart and a goal that we earned as a family for a big ticket item a trampoline that we were all working together. This helped everyone to encourage each other to get all the points that they could to go to the family goal.

Another thing that we started doing a couple of months ago and has helped with some attitudes is we started a secret service jar. Put 1 marble in a jar for each family member. Make them all the same color except for 1. Then secretly draw out the marbles. Whomever gets the different color marble is then the one that is the secret service person the next day. That night we all try and guess who it was. The kids LOVE to try and trick us adults into guessing the wrong person. :lol: I put this in a pretty jar that sits on our mantlepiece to remind us all day about it.

Hope these ideas help someone. We have absolutley loved them and it has made such a differnce for me to not have to keep track of anything.

Love this thread and the ideas.

#27 apond

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Posted 06 August 2008 - 04:51 PM

I have been dealing with this issue with my dd8 for the past year. Then I attended a confernce entitled Teaching Self Government. It is a very simple approach to teaching your children self government. I would highly recomded you check out the website www.teachingselfgovernment.com. Here is what we do. Anytime a child does a negative behavior (fighting with a sibbling, complaining about a chore, whining etc) they atomatically earn an extra chore. If they complain about the consequence they have to do some problem solving exercises and if they continue to complain they loose all privalages for 24 hours( no tv, no friends and they spend the time doing chores and sodas for the full 24 hours) This is a very simplified explanation of this. I will have to say that in the last for months each of my children have had to do 1 or 2 sodas and my daughter lost her privaliages once and that was enough for all my children to decide that they didn't want to earn that.

My kids have done much better. Not perfect all the time but I will admit I look forward to them earning an extra chore because then I don't have to do it. Good Luck

Annmarie

#28 Misty

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Posted 06 August 2008 - 05:50 PM

I generally don't go for reward systems, but when things get bad around here (once or twice a year) I will usually pull out our dragon tear system. Dragon tears are those little decorative glass rock-sized things that people put in the bottom of vases and fish tanks. Each of my daughters have their own little glass vase for the dragon tears that they collect. They can use the dragon tears to buy priveledges such as a camp-out, or 30 min. on the computer, etc. but we do not include treats such as candy or toys (I think this is important!).

Take some time and think on a system that would work with the dragon tears based on what your family needs at this time. We have done many different things with them... I've used them to simply "gauge" behavior... Meaning, if your vase is full, then you can plainly see that you have been doing well lately. If your vase is empty, then you need to work a little harder.

I have also done it this way... I printed out a chart of all behaviors that is expected of them (i.e. completed chores in a timely manner, completed chores cheerfully, cleared my dishes from the table, completed school work in a timely manner, listened to mom at bedtime, Was not disrespectful today, etc. etc.). Each thing got a check-mark as it was accomplished. Then the following morning, dragon tears would be passed out for each check mark. They LOVE collecting the dragon tears and they have really learned how to budget them. Because if 30 minutes of computer time costs 15 dragon tears, then they better be careful about how much time they want to spend on the computer if they are saving up for, say, a camp-out on the trampoline, or a slumber party with sisters, or to invite a friend over (these things cost quite a bit more!)

I think it's important to keep it positive as well... Instead of taking dragon tears away for bad behavior, give dragon tears for good behavior.

Like I said, I don't generally like reward systems and I am aware of the "dangers" of them. We are not currently using this system.. I tend to only pull it out when things are not going well around here and I need help getting us back on track. I also think it can be a good tool for establishing habits, and then after the habits are in place, slowly wean off of the reward system or alter it somehow so that it isn't such a big influence. I also think that yelling/hitting, etc. can do far more damage than any reward system (we don't hit, but I have been known to yell on occassion).

I did not read all of the responses in this thread, but I did read the peanut response and I think that method would work well with the dragon tears. You can find dragon tears at any hobby/craft or home decor store.

#29 ABQmom

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Posted 06 August 2008 - 06:21 PM

Another thing that we started doing a couple of months ago and has helped with some attitudes is we started a secret service jar. Put 1 marble in a jar for each family member. Make them all the same color except for 1. Then secretly draw out the marbles. Whomever gets the different color marble is then the one that is the secret service person the next day. That night we all try and guess who it was. The kids LOVE to try and trick us adults into guessing the wrong person. :lol: I put this in a pretty jar that sits on our mantlepiece to remind us all day about it.


I love your ideas, but I don't understand the above. What does the secret service person do?

#30 JennyB

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Posted 06 August 2008 - 06:33 PM

The secret service person is just extra nice. Doesn't engage in arguing, tries to help others. Goes out of their way to serve the family. We started it as a way to encourage everyone to not react to situations. To realize that they can choose how to act. We had fallen into the habit of negativity and this was a way to remind us to be kind. All it takes is for someone to say "Well I guess that you don't have the clear marble." And we stop and think. Like I said earlier the kids have started to try and "trick" us into guessing the wrong person by being extra nice when they don't have the clear marble. :D We have found it to be a win, win situation for everyone. Any more questions, feel free to holler.

#31 Lovedtodeath

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Posted 06 August 2008 - 06:58 PM

Does anyone have a positive spin for "Did something other than jump on furniture and try to wrestle people?":lol: I am serious though... do you?

#32 Lovedtodeath

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Posted 08 August 2008 - 07:11 PM

I have given this a lot of thought and I think one of our problems is the lack of grades in homeschool. She had a report card for Preschool and it was a good motivator (Daddy usually rewarded good grades). So here is my "report card"... let me know what you think.




Attribute

Arrives for lessons promptly, prepared to start.
Completes chores in a timely, cheerful manner.
Completes schoolwork in a timely, cheerful manner.
Listens to instruction and readings in class.
Works independently.
Speaks in a calm, low voice.
Uses bathroom independently.
Eats simple meals provided without fighting.
Obeys in a timely manner without questioning.
Plays creatively.
Is pleasant when playing with others.
Waits until others are finished before speaking.
Seeks out and looks at a person while speaking. (not yelling over a distance)

This is in a table with a column for every day of the week containing a score of 1-10 which counts for a grade A,B,D....

#33 Kisa in CA

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Posted 08 August 2008 - 08:48 PM

When things are complicated, I don't do them. So I keep it simple. We do positive and negative.

POSITIVE
Good attitude, kindness, working hard on a subject will earn you a star. When you get 10 stars you get to pick from a jar with "Pick a priviledge" tokens in it. Each token says something like, pick a cereal of your choice, choose the next rental movie, date with Mom, Mom does your chores for a day, new book, etc. The kids LOVE the anticipation of choosing. At the beginning of the year I am very generous with the stars. As they get better I require more stars. Also, when a child does something really exceptional I can say, "Go pick a priviledge straight from the jar."

CONSEQUENCES
I use the PEGS board for chores and consequences, only it's simplified. Each child starts the day with 3 priviledges. Mine are TV/Electronics, Friends (since my kids daily have friends coming over wanting to play,) and Toys. Bad behavior = losing a priviledge for the day. PEGS system has a circle token with a line through it to put over the priviledge which is lost. If all consequences are full they go to their room for the day. I choose which priviledge is lost, so I can choose the one dearest to them or least felt, depending on the offense.

If a child does a job poorly, they get to pick a new one from the "Pick a chore jar". These are odd ball chores like, sweep the front porch, organize the DVD's, clean the french doors, dust the living room etc. I'm not too good about enforcing this one.

Hope that helps someone!
Kisa

#34 ABQmom

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Posted 09 August 2008 - 02:40 PM

I have given this a lot of thought and I think one of our problems is the lack of grades in homeschool. She had a report card for Preschool and it was a good motivator (Daddy usually rewarded good grades). So here is my "report card"... let me know what you think.


A report card has helped in our house for sure. I started doing one a few years ago because my oldest needed some accountability for what she was doing in school. Now, all the kids, except my 4 year old, get a report card every 9 weeks. I give them grades in their subjects, and I give them scores for behavior things---attitude, keep work area clean, respects others in the household, etc. They can get E for excellent, S for satisfactory, N for needs improvement, or U for unsatisfactory. The report card has to be seen by daddy, and he gives praise or consequences for their grades and scores.

For some children, this might not be a helpful thing, but it has worked wonders for our dc. I started this thread though because we need to work more on the attitudes portion of our day! Thanks for the input.

#35 jabuford

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Posted 19 August 2008 - 07:16 PM

Kevin Leman's Have a new kid by Friday
and Making Kids Mind Without Losing Yours.
I came looking for something on discipline and found this thread. Thanks for starting it.

#36 AudreyTN

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Posted 19 August 2008 - 09:32 PM

I try to get a little creative sometimes, but mostly I try to think of something they absolutely HATE to do.

For instance, if I think my child needs spanked I try to wait until I'm not angry anymore. My ds5 did whatever and I made him sit down (I think I was on here reading something) and he says, "Can't you just spank me?" I said, "Why would you want a spanking?" "So I can finish playing."

So for him Time Outs are really what's been working.

#37 swellmomma

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Posted 19 August 2008 - 10:22 PM

I don't use a reward system here, but have come up with some different ways of handling bad behaviours that helped me keep my cool when dealing with them. For example, my oldest son is currently going through a phase of swearing to look cool. Swearing gets him scooping the neighbors dog poop or scrubbing toilets. I tell him if you want to use potty talk you can do potty chores. Fighting with a sibling means having to sit holding hands with that sibling or doing something nice for them such as one of their chores. I do have award certificates that say things like good attitude award and caught being good, that I give as a surprise if I catch them being particularily good. But they don't work towards earning those, I just like surprising them with them.

#38 mama jewel

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Posted 20 August 2008 - 12:29 AM

We use the spinner. I took an old spinner from a game & put numbers on the colored pie spaces. Then I have a sheet of paper in a plastic sheet with those #'s. One one side are consequences & the other is treats. I have on half the sheet, the things that will "earn" themselves a spin at the ol' "wheel.of.consequences" (cue applause tract:hurray:). Conversely, if they're remembering their chores, showing great attitude, etc., they get a spin at the "wheel of rewards" (the other side of the sheet has #s corresponding with things that I know they like). This helps me to pretty much not get emotionally frazzled & having to come up with the punishment to fit the crime. And, they get frustrated at what THEY spun (oddly enough removing me as the bad guy. pretty ingenious, huh :thumbup:.

#39 Rhonda in TX

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Posted 20 August 2008 - 06:03 AM

I'm having a problem with bad attitudes, goofing off, and a general feeling of screen time entitlement issues. Each day, I give my kids 6 poker chips. For each infraction (goofing off, complaining, arguing), they lose a chip. The first two are warning chips. After that, they start losing screen time. Each of the last 4 chips are worth 15 minutes of screen time. So, if they have 3 chips left at the end of the day, they get 45 minutes of screen time (computer, tv, but no video games - those are only for the weekend). I plan on coming up with some sort of reward if they keep all 6 chips for several days.

I only started this this week, but so far, so good.

#40 Laura Corin

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Posted 20 August 2008 - 09:54 AM

I gather my boys to me, hug them, remind them that we all should be kind to each other. Cuddle them back into the family. Then expect them to follow through with good attitudes and behaviour.

Laura

#41 angela in ohio

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Posted 20 August 2008 - 10:02 AM

We don't use a system. I explain our expectations up front, and when they are not followed, it is treated as disobedience, which is disciplined the very first time. This saves me from having to spend the day nagging or keeping track or yelling, and I can focus on having a great relationship with dc. If they know that the first incidence will be unpleasant, they don't even start disobeying. We also have nightly time to tell them in a positive way WHY we expect certain behaviors (not our rules, they are God's.)

#42 jabuford

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Posted 23 August 2008 - 06:48 PM

keep them coming. I like this thread. Thanks


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