lil' maids in a row Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Wow. I am feeling overwhelmed and sad right now. I just got home from my first session with a counsellor to discuss dd 7 's behavior. Before I went, dh and I made a list of the behaviors that we felt were most problematic and occured the most often. I think we were both shocked at the extent of the list :crying: . I suppose I was hoping the counsellor would have a few new time out tricks, or some easy fix in mind for our problems, but ....... unfortunately things don't look so simple. She wants to see dd. The counsellor mentioned that she would like to have dd and I come in together, and then spend some time alone with dd. Is this the normal proceedure? I guess that I had expected to stay with dd. I see the benefits to dd speaking alone with the counsellor ............ but???? Maybe I just need some reassurance. Mostly I am just sad. Deeply, deeply sad. How can this be my child? What have I done wrong? I'm her Mom, I know EVERYTHING about her,I love her..............why can't I fix it? :sad: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Wow. I am feeling overwhelmed and sad right now. I just got home from my first session with a counsellor to discuss dd 7 's behavior. Before I went, dh and I made a list of the behaviors that we felt were most problematic and occured the most often. I think we were both shocked at the extent of the list :crying: . I suppose I was hoping the counsellor would have a few new time out tricks, or some easy fix in mind for our problems, but ....... unfortunately things don't look so simple. She wants to see dd. The counsellor mentioned that she would like to have dd and I come in together, and then spend some time alone with dd. Is this the normal proceedure? I guess that I had expected to stay with dd. I see the benefits to dd speaking alone with the counsellor ............ but???? Maybe I just need some reassurance. Mostly I am just sad. Deeply, deeply sad. How can this be my child? What have I done wrong? I'm her Mom, I know EVERYTHING about her,I love her..............why can't I fix it? :sad: You are not a bad mother simply because your child needs help. In fact, you are more likely to be a GOOD one for seeking it when needed. I wish professional mental health help didn't have a stigma. It shouldn't. {{{hugs}}} Yes, it is common, expected, and evidenced based (meaning back by research) that seeing minors both WITH and without their parents is beneficial. Therapists are trained to help fix the whole problem, not throw isolated, out of context discipline techniques at you. :) Had she done that, another poster would have gotten upset that she paid for therapy and all she got was stuff she could have read out of a book. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Wholeheartedly agree with Joanne. Just because your child has various difficulties doesn't mean you're a bad mom. Good moms seek help because they know they can't fix it on their own. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 :grouphug: s to you and your dd. Keep reminding yourself that you are doing the best you can for your daughter. Getting help is a responsible thing to do. Give yourself a break. You ARE doing a great job! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Yes. My girls had a wonderful therapist for several years. It was SO GOOD. She made me feel like a better parent, not worse. If she's good, it will help *you* more than anything. Hang in there. You are doing the right thing!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I'm a therapist. Most of my practice has been with kids/adolescents and families. Three of my kids have been to therapy. Yes, this is an expected protocol. It is exactly what I have done hundreds of times when working with kids/families. Don't blame yourself. Seeking help is not a weakness, nor does it mean that you have done anything wrong. Life is hard, even for kids. We all need help sometimes. (((hugs))) BTW, kids this age generally truly enjoyed coming to see me as a therapist. Most therapists are skilled in making it a pleasant and non threatening experience for kids. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lil' maids in a row Posted March 21, 2013 Author Share Posted March 21, 2013 Thank you so much everyone. I don't know why this one has hit me so hard. I guess it is just the death of my "she'll grow out of it" fantasy because a third party has confirmed that we have a problem. I liked the therapist. I know that my daughter is eager to talk to someone (she is frusterated by the way she reacts to things). I know that I have done everything that I know to fix the problem on my own. This is a good move, but hard too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Wow. I am feeling overwhelmed and sad right now. I just got home from my first session with a counsellor to discuss dd 7 's behavior. Before I went, dh and I made a list of the behaviors that we felt were most problematic and occured the most often. I think we were both shocked at the extent of the list :crying: . I suppose I was hoping the counsellor would have a few new time out tricks, or some easy fix in mind for our problems, but ....... unfortunately things don't look so simple. She wants to see dd. The counsellor mentioned that she would like to have dd and I come in together, and then spend some time alone with dd. Is this the normal proceedure? I guess that I had expected to stay with dd. I see the benefits to dd speaking alone with the counsellor ............ but???? Maybe I just need some reassurance. Mostly I am just sad. Deeply, deeply sad. How can this be my child? What have I done wrong? I'm her Mom, I know EVERYTHING about her,I love her..............why can't I fix it? :sad: Many counselors are willing to tape the sessions with your permission so you can review and see what happened if the "alone with the counselor" aspect worries you. Congratulations on taking the first step to improving this situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipper Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 My youngest started therapy a month before she turned 8 years old. The first time, I went in there with her for the first part of the session because she was scared to be alone. (I had previously met the therapist and gone over my list of concerns). The therapist now sees her mostly alone other than the last few minutes when I go in and she discusses some of their session. She also emails me and contacts me by phone if I have urgent situations. I look at it this way. If my daughter is upset and doesn't want to tell me something (or have me know about it) and would rather tell someone who is a stranger - in the long run, that benefits my daughter and that's what I want. Also, it's better to start therapy now than wait if there's a problem that needs to be addressed. I think there are too many parents who are afraid of the stigma. You're doing just fine. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.