Does hs'ing cause burnout for other teaching/leadership roles?

[athena1277]

We are in our 5th official year of hs. My kids have always been at home, no preschool, daycare, etc. I don't mind hs'ing them, although I admit I can't wail until our summer break. For at least a year now, I just do not want to teach or take on any leadership roles elsewhere. The church we attend is small-ish, so I get asked to teach Bible class every so often. I just started teaching 2-4 year olds after a 6 month break. I just can't get anywhere near excited about it. I just do not want to teach. I don't want to be a unit leader in dd's AHG troop (thankfully they haven't asked me to). I'm signed up to be "team mom" on ds' soccer team (hs league, adults must help in some way). I don't think it will be as bad because the coaches will be the "in charge" people, but I will have times where I will be in charge, such as sign-out.

 

Do any of you feel this way? How do you get excited about teaching again?

[Lara in Colo]

Not for me, in fact quite the opposite. I find that I have to stay out of my children's Sunday school classrooms, because I tend to want to take over. I KNOW I could do a better job of explaining the lesson, or I could find a better curriculum, I spend the whole time biting my tongue. So I choose to stay out of stuff, otherwise my children would never have other people's insights and I would never have any friends.

[Incognito]

It does for me. My patience gets used up during the day and I find it hard to be the fun, engaging teacher I know is needed in volunteer leadership positions. I think part of it is the ages of my kids right now, and the fact that I am worn out.

[PineFarmMom]

Comforting thread. I feel the same way...every time I volunteer for something, I find myself dreading the work of it. I am considering just saying no to everything until I get my youngest to the age of about 10 or so. I don't have a bunch of preschoolers or anything, just one, but I have 3 children under 10, and find I don't get done what they need when I volunteer too much outside of the home.

[sassenach]

_{Not for me. However, I'm quite bossy and almost always end up in charge of something or another. When my kids were little, I didn't have the bandwidth for volunteering. Now that they're older, I often think of something I would like to see happen in my life, and then I start it. I run kids ministry at church (the Lord told me to do that one, I really didn't want to), I started a homeschool co-op 3 years ago and still teach art and run the co-op (though we now have a board), I really wanted to see more connections between the moms in our church, so I started a monthly mom's breakfast and bible study.... I also volunteer for my kids' sports, but with that I do the bare minimum required. Nobody can be a maximum volunteer in everything. I'm a maximum in some things, minimum in others.}

[Lily_Grace]

Different seasons in life bring different challenges and needs to be met.

 

I'm mostly an introvert but I've started to thrive in leadership positions. They give me a chance to be me, a person, and not just mom/teacher/wife. But I have time and energy for them *right now*. A few years ago, not so much.

[Matryoshka]

It did and didn't. For years I avoided teaching Sunday School at church for this very reason. After teaching my own kids all week, I had no energy or desire to do more on Sunday mornings. I did have lots of energy to teach or otherwise volunteer for homeschool classes/coops when they were younger, but I guess that could be considered part of homeschooling. I cofounded, organized and taught a number of those over quite a few years. As they got older, I got a bit burnt out on the coop organizing piece, but then I found I had more desire to teach Sunday School - but that may be in part of the middle school curriculum at my church - I felt I had more to contribute at that point than I had in the elementary years. And speaking to the control-freak part, I also didn't feel a good job was being done and I could improve it. So after completely avoiding volunteering to teach at church from K-5, I'm on my third year of middle school, and will continue another two till my youngest is done. But by then I wasn't so heavily involved at the management level of coops, any group teaching stuff I did was small groups and didn't involve as much of that kind of energy, so maybe it just got freed up...

 

I also volunteered a lot (it was a bit mandatory to do so) at one dd's ballet performances, but then managed to totally avoid getting roped into doing anything at her orchestra - you just can't do everything all at once.

[FaithManor]

I've learned over many years that my first area of giving is my own kids. When they were small, I didn't do much outside of the home. Now that I'm down to two, I have more time to be the team photographer, Committee Chair and District Advancement Chair for Scouts (I'm in charge of all Eagle candidates from Grand Junction to Durango--it's a lot of travel), seamstress, driver, fundraiser, etc. I tried doing the Sunday School thing and it worked when I only had two, but when the littles came along, I quit. People begged and I said no. When we switched churches I was hassled about it--one reason I don't actually belong to the church. I'll bake and I'll drive, but I'm not going to run the Christmas play. Know what? We didn't have one this year because I said no to me doing it. Christmas still came. The kids played and sang and that was good enough. I have another kid to get into college this next year (academies) and that takes up all my time. My job is HIM, not everyone elses' kids. I've found that a good answer to "can you do this" is "Let me check my calendar". It's SO much easier to say no when the person isn't right in your face. And when I say yes without checking, I end up with conflicts. I'm not the mentor for Order of the Arrow's Conclave's program chair. I said I would do the med form check, but that was it. So, I'm home today, not running around wasting 8 hours in nonsensical meetings!

 

 

This is the way I feel. We are 4-H leaders of a STEM club because it really benefits the boys. I have to admit to enjoying the other kids too. We also mentor the rocket team that the three boys are on.

 

However, I do not teach at church, at homeschool co-ops, etc. With two boys prepping for college and one barking at their heels, I would end up having to put something important for them on the back burner to make it happen. We would not make it through JAVA programming and the AP exam, or ACT prep, or whatever. Something would give that I would regret later. So I expend my teaching energy on my kids. I do not get involved in ANYTHING at church that requires a committee meeting. I play two Sundays per month. They'd prefer I played 52 Sundays per year. Not happening right now!

 

I do love to teach and I think there is a high likelihood that I will go back to the Lutheran School that I used to teach in when the boys were tiny. But, not while I'm getting them through high school and off to college. I would be pulled in too many directions.

 

Faith

[dirty ethel rackham]

Yes and no. Mostly, I just don't enjoy teaching other people's children especially when those kids (and/or parents) don't appreciate it. I enjoy leading the clubs my kids are involved in, but that is because the other families are hand-picked homeschool families that I trust will pull their weight and be appreciative of my efforts. When I was a catechist, I felt like an unpaid servant. Parents acted like it was a big bother to do their twice a year parent volunteer job, but God-forbid I go over by 2 minutes and make their precious snowflake late for football practice. I didn't like helping with scouts because there were way too many well-caffeinated, well-sugared kids who didn't have a lick of discipline. Why should I volunteer my time to corral your PITA kid when you can't be bothered to return phone calls or show up on time or respond when your kid misbehaves so badly that we nearly lost our charter from the church? (Most parents weren't that bad, but there were a few.)

 

Mostly, I am an introvert, so I try to be selective and choose leadership activities that will not overly stress me out. Otherwise, my family suffers when I have to enter introvert cave for 3 days.

[Lilaclady]

For me too yes and no. I find ways to get involved with my kids activities but not in a direct teaching role right now as I expend a lot of energy in that its my kids. I do not teach in children's church but volunteer there in the hospitality area.

[DarlaS]

Yes. There is a limited amount of patience and self-control. You have to decide how you're going to spend it.

 

That said, I am in introvert and have decided to teach two co-op classes next year. In a situation where everyone need to pitch in and occasionally take a leadership or teaching role, it can help to be prepared. I feel less stressed about things I'm ready to handle. I'm planning to uber prep for both of these classes before fall so I can coast along a bit (when February hits :tongue_smilie: ).

[athena1277]

Thanks for the honest feedback. I think I'm just going to have to do my best to finish what I have committed to and then learn to say no for a while.

[tabinfl]

Me too. I try to find other areas in which I can help, that don't involve lesson plans or much advance work on my part at all. I tried last year, and I had the same problem. What enthusiasm I could muster seemed to detract from what my children got at home. Plus, in a group setting, their behavior is actually worse when I'm teaching than if I'm not even in the room. I decided a couple of years ago that leadership positions in any organization would be out of the question for a while, I just don't have the time or energy. I decline with the explanation that I don't want to commit to anything that I feel I won't be able to give the attention it deserves. Most who know our situation (homeschooling 3 little ones + chronic illness) are very understanding.

 

For example, at our church's Wednesday evening children's program, I am the music assistant. I don't have to do any planning or teaching, just things like hand out & collect instruments, hand out stickers, etc. For VBS, I'm a craft room helper. At a co-op, I'm handling our Achievement Night schedule (something I find easy, collecting info & putting it into a spreadsheet for the event organizers). I still have some interaction with my kids, but I don't feel like it's things that are taking anything away from our homeschooling.

 

I agree with finishing out commitments, but in the future remember that advice for the ages: "No." is a complete sentence!

[linders]

For me, after being around kiddos (even mine) all day, every day, I really don't want to deal with other kiddos. I do get a lot of "other kiddos" because I'm a scout leader, but I've turned down SS and VBS positions.

[LMD]

Sort of. I used to teach Sunday School and a Religious Education class each week, and I loved them. Then I had my own kids and it was like the love I had for these roles fell out! I just had zero desire to do anything like that. It's been 8 years and I've not gone back.

 

However, I have taken on teaching just a couple of girls piano, one on one. I love it. I think I work better with just one or a couple of students that I can understand and connect with. If I had to teach a full class of kids after teaching my 2 (& dealing with Mr. Toddler) all week, my head might just explode.

[mytwomonkeys]

my kids have always been with me too. we did not do preschool or anything either. i've always served at church, but definitely with boundaries in place after my kids were born. also, it has looked very different throughout the years. i now serve every week as a small group leader for 4th grade girls (an hour a week - we use a lovely curriculum that is easy to implement). i love it & do not find it draining. i also help with powerpoint thursday nights, baking for funerals or special events, etc. i'm really much more available now & my kids love being at church - so it is really good for them too. with them being older now, i am able to really do much more than before and i really find joy in it. i also feel comfortable saying no though. when i can't do something or don't want too, i feel comfortable politely declining & i do not feel badly about it. also, there are other places to serve and things to do that are outside the realm of children :grouphug:

[Amy in NH]

No, I find that other opportunities to volunteer and use my leadership skills offer me the ability to work with other adults and keep me energized.

[T'smom]

I think it's just parenting that burned me out on teaching other people's kids. I just expend so much emptional energy on mine that I just don't have it for others. I can't blame it on hsing.... My oldest is only a Ker! I do have some volunteer stuff that is with adults and I like that. It's just kids I can't do. Before I had kids I was a teacher and I did tons of teaching stuff at church. I would never have imagined that I would stop, but it did. I thought that as my kids got older, I might have more room in my life for that stuff again.....but with all these responses from high school parents I'm a little worried!

[raceNzanesmom]

Not from hs'ing. I teach 1st-2nd grade girls at church and love it. I did give up my nursery spot after 12 years. I have 4 little ones here 4 days a week and they use up my "young child" patience.

[ElizabethB]

Not from hs'ing. I teach 1st-2nd grade girls at church and love it. I did give up my nursery spot after 12 years. I have 4 little ones here 4 days a week and they use up my "young child" patience.

 

When mine were younger, I had very little young child patience.

 

Now that they are older, I can do more. I still enjoy older children best, although I don't mind well behaved small children in small doses. Large groups of them still are very draining for me.

 

I enjoy teaching phonics both one-on-one and to groups as much as when I started tutoring 19 years ago. Actually, I enjoy it more now that I have Webster's Speller! It is exciting to see someone reading well after years of struggle, and with Webster's Speller, I now have a lot more students who are at or above grade level after remediation.

[Soror]

I tried to teach religious ed last year and couldn't stand it. I really enjoy teaching my own but don't want to teach others. Right now, with the new baby around, I have no patience for doing much of anything else except concentrating on my own family. I am however a co-Unit Leader at AHG, treasurer for AHG, assistant to dh who is Cubmaster, and on our HS'ing Co-Op committee. I do however limit what I do and I'm not a big fan of doing for others what they can do for themselves.

[Laura Corin]

It did with me. I was asked to help out with scouts at the end of my seven years of home educating and I found myself almost in tears at the prospect. I backed out.

 

I could do something now, but this is more than two years after ending HE.

 

Laura

[QueenCat]

I don't think homeschooling itself burns me out... but being overextended does. I try to find some way to help in whatever my kids are involved in but it is not always in the leadership/teaching capacity. In groups that depend on parent involvement, I feel like I need to do something to contribute.

[Dmmetler]

I think I'm starting to get burned out because of the parents. In my area, it seems like "New, Cool, Shiny" and "Costs money" all get more priority over a volunteer anything-no matter how good. So I'll offer a class to meet my DD's needs, and it starts strong, but if someone offers a for pay class in the same time slot, I'll lose 3/4 of the kids, often with no notice. I'm sick of it.

[Ting Tang]

This is our 2nd year of homeschooling.  I do not take on commitments because with four children, it was hard enough before homeschooling came into the picture.  Now I find it hard for my kids to even do activities that require heavy parental involvement.  My daughter was really good at this one thing, but I just found it harder and harder to practice with her, and she needs my help. Breaks my heart. My daughter's current extracurricular allows me to drop her off and sit in the car for 45 minutes---that's what I am able to do, and sometimes I don't even feel like doing that. 

Homeschooling wears me out.  I know many do it and enjoy flexibility.  I am just not there yet.  I haven't figured it out.  It's school....then whatever time is left over, that's for housework and unwinding.  

My husband is starting a leadership position tomorrow, chairman of our local planning commission.  I honestly didn't think it was a great idea.  He'll be fine at it, but I just don't like the idea of being known to others in that way, lol.  I personally will never volunteer myself for any ongoing commitment. Not while I am homeschooling. 

 

[Ting Tang]

Well, this is weird. My computer took me to this page, and I thought it was current. Oops!

[fairfarmhand]

Yup. I never teach children’s classes at church and never did when my kids were small. 
 

I can teach adults.

I do teach a few homeschool specific classes—drama and such-/but I don’t volunteer much in the kid’s department t church.

[Grace Hopper]

For me it wasn’t about burnout so much as it was lack of time. I tried it for a while and realized it was a recipe for exhaustion. 

[Dmmetler]

I never really stopped teaching, but I tended to confine my paid out of house teaching to summer when I wasn't doing co-op, homeschool clubs, and more direct homeschooling. I started doing more teaching again once L was doing a lot of CC classes because I didn't feel like I got to teach anyone. 

[Wheres Toto]

This is a really old thread so some of you might want to see what you answered before. 😉 

I'm the opposite of the OP.  Back when we went to church, I taught Sunday School for years.   I've been a 4-H Leader since my kids were barely old enough to participate.   I've owned a business offering science classes to homeschoolers for almost 5 years now.  

I originally started because of I have kids that aren't NT and it was very hard to find classes they could do.  Most of the coops weren't really welcoming to "quirky" kids, and we had mixed results from more casual activities. 

[Ting Tang]

4 minutes ago, Wheres Toto said:

This is a really old thread so some of you might want to see what you answered before. 😉 

I'm the opposite of the OP.  Back when we went to church, I taught Sunday School for years.   I've been a 4-H Leader since my kids were barely old enough to participate.   I've owned a business offering science classes to homeschoolers for almost 5 years now.  

I originally started because of I have kids that aren't NT and it was very hard to find classes they could do.  Most of the coops weren't really welcoming to "quirky" kids, and we had mixed results from more casual activities. 

Somehow in trying to come to this forum, the Internet must've taken me to this page and this post called out to me, lol.

[vonfirmath]

On 3/16/2013 at 1:01 PM, athena1277 said:

We are in our 5th official year of hs. My kids have always been at home, no preschool, daycare, etc. I don't mind hs'ing them, although I admit I can't wail until our summer break. For at least a year now, I just do not want to teach or take on any leadership roles elsewhere. The church we attend is small-ish, so I get asked to teach Bible class every so often. I just started teaching 2-4 year olds after a 6 month break. I just can't get anywhere near excited about it. I just do not want to teach. I don't want to be a unit leader in dd's AHG troop (thankfully they haven't asked me to). I'm signed up to be "team mom" on ds' soccer team (hs league, adults must help in some way). I don't think it will be as bad because the coaches will be the "in charge" people, but I will have times where I will be in charge, such as sign-out.

 

Do any of you feel this way? How do you get excited about teaching again?

I don't homeschool but I do work full time and I still end up tapped out with the various volunteering I do -- Vice Coordinator of my daughter's AHG troop, volunteer in Sparks, backup at church, etc.  BUT--I want my kids to have these activities and they don't happen without volunteers.  And usually I end up glad I participated even if also totally dreading it ahead of time and exhausted after the meetings.

 

Edited January 31, 2022 by vonfirmath

[Arcadia]

I never liked teaching because of the classroom management aspect. I prefer one to one (or two if siblings) tutoring even if I am doing for free. 
I’m an extrovert and do like leadership roles especially coordination and delegation of tasks. Its more of a personality thing and not affected by homeschooling. 
However, anything to do with education advocacy and I would probably not volunteer. The politics involved in the school board is something I rather not be directly involved in.

[HS Mom in NC]

Yes.  I started my 22nd consecutive year of homeschooling and can say I have no interest in being in charge of anything other than myself ever again.  Might that change?  Sure, anything's possible, but after years of volunteering and leading things for other people I'm ready to retire from all of it.  I didn't have any terrible experiences, so it's not bitterness, it's just that homeschooling 3 kids K-12, the last couple of years being coordinating outsourced things for youngest, I.am.done.  I enjoyed it at the time and now I'm pretty sure that chapter of my life is permanently ended.

[Starr]

I preferred one off events when I was home schooling not the every week prep.

[Clarita]

I can teach my own kids. With other people's kids well I'm pretty good at teaching professionals and toddlers. I know I can't stand teaching preK through college based on my tutoring and helping my peers experience. 

[Elizabeth86]

Oh yes and one step past not wanting to teach, I can’t stand other people’s kids anymore. 😬I used to love working with kids, but now I only like mine.

[Faith-manor]

Old thread, but update for us. We continued with 4H for an extended period after our boys were into college, and we kept mentoring competitive rocket teams. The pandemic gutted our program (it did not have to be that way but both county, regional, and state leadership made some spectacularly bad choices), and we are now retired. 

Until that moment, I die not realize how burned out DH and I were. We just kept running like energized bunnies for the sake of the students in the area who were a part of our 4H club. We had begun planning for another Introduction to the World of Engineering class -.4 hrs per week, 32 weeks a year - rocket team 8 hrs a week, 32 weeks a year - and the once per month STEM project with 30 kids not in the engineering class or on the rocket team. And all the years we have done this, dh has worked a very demanding well more than 40 hour a week job. Pausing for a few months while waiting for 4H to sort itself out - which it never did - allowed us to stop long enough to feel the bone tired exhaustion we were ignoring while continuing to push through on pure adrenalin and sense of duty.

Tendering our resignation was one of those terrible moments in life. There was sadness, regret, maybe a little guilt, definitely sorrow knowing 12 years of program building had come to an end, and yet an utter sense of relief and mental/physical burden lifted, and freedom from something that on top of homeschooling had dominated our lives for so long.

After our two year retirement/hiatus, we are back at it, but not with 4H and never will return to that program. Instead, we are involved in mentoring a couple of university rocket teams. It is so much fun working at this level. No hand holding, no parents, no middle school emotional drama, no piles of 4H paperwork. We are also working as volunteers to help pull off three major rocketry events.

I don't see us going back to teaching/mentoring young kids while dh is still working. We have just reached a place that despite our passion for education, it isn't sustainable. But our grandsons will be 10.5 and 6 when dh retires, and they are being homeschooled. We will be moving permanently at that point to be near them, so I have a feeling we will be involved in education again. And I think when the eldest is old enough to be on an American Rocketry Challenge team, we will be mentoring middle and high school ages again. I am sure we will be well rested by then.

In the mean time, I was able to take two courses necessary to complete the general sciences minor I just narrowly missed when I graduated with my B.A. way back in the mists of time, and began taking engineering and space tech college coursework. Most of it has been easy because I used to teach it, but by having the college credits, it formalized the knowledge. Eventually, I would like to judge documentation and presentations for IREC so this just helps build my resume for that.

I do think teaching full time, including homeschooling, can very much burn people out. I know a ton of public school teachers who refuse to teach outside of schools, work with kids in church or in community groups, or take leadership positions in volunteer work because they need that weekend down time from being constantly in that mental teaching and prepping mode.

Edited January 31, 2022 by Faith-manor

[ScoutTN]

It can. Depends on so many variables.
 

When I led children’s ministry at my church, I never asked homeschool moms or school teachers to serve, knowing they needed time to recharge. But some did anyway; teaching energized them. I have often seen people choose to teach a completely different demographic - homeschool mom with younger kids leading a Bible study for college women or teaching English to immigrants.

I think it can also depend on one’s natural gifting. Some hs moms are teachers by nature and others not. If not, they probably choose something different for a volunteer role. I have a friend who is artistic. She works on decorations for VBS snd helps with set design for her kids’ musicals. More teaching would be drudgery for her -she needs to express the artist in herself.

It also depends on life circumstances and resources. Some seasons are just overwhelming and there is no extra energy available. Other times, an extra curricular teaching role is easily incorporated. Health, age of one’s kids, temperament of kids, finances, other EC commitments, drive time, support from spouse and/or extended family….so many variables!

[fairfarmhand]

6 hours ago, Elizabeth86 said:

Oh yes and one step past not wanting to teach, I can’t stand other people’s kids anymore. 😬I used to love working with kids, but now I only like mine.

Me too, at least school aged kids. I like middle schoolers, love teens. But tolerate babies and toddlers (I can do a stint in church nursery for an hour every 8 weeks and cuddle and be sweet but it’s not my favorite) 

 

 

[KungFuPanda]

I am SOOOO tired. After homeschooling for 18 years, leading scouts for 7 years, and teaching dance classes for 12 I am burned out. The pandemic has given me a long break and I’m still not ready. I always thought I’d return to teaching public school at this phase of my life, but I can’t stomach it . . . not when I could be exerting less effort for more reward elsewhere. My brain has only now been entertaining the possibility of resuming dance classes for adults, but I may have hit my lifetime limit for managing groups of children.