Hindsight 20/20 - how your perspective has changed.

[xixstar]

How has your perspective changed over time and how often do you wish you could go back in time with the new outlook?

 

I was thinking about some cleaning/decluttering tasks I need to tackle and realized that with just 2 young children that are not-as-needy as they once were - it is probably far easier and more manageable than I was making it out to be. And thinking about the many families here, I thought there were probably more than a few that would think 'I would love to tackle a (house) project with just two content littles about and no schooling (or other obligations) that needs done." It was an encouraging thought for me.

 

Just like I struggled so much when my second was a baby (fyi my oldest was a teen then - so it was like a new first baby), every task was so hard to accomplish it seemed and I was so overwhelmed. And then the third baby came and suddenly every time that I had only the baby, I could do three-times more than when I had them both. Having just the baby was such a cake walk and I would happily go grocery shopping and run errands with her, whereas with her bigger sister was the only baby all those tasks were so hard.

 

So, just an example of considering my situation now and how I'll probably look back at some point and think "oh if only I had realized how much easier it was then, I would tried more and been easier on myself too."

 

Important!!!!! This isn't to judge anyone feeling overwhelmed at any life stage (1 baby, 1 school age child, or any combination of more children) AT ALL, it is not. I've been there and will be there so many more times in feeling overwhelmed and struggling. So please please do not feel judged or like you're not doing enough to hear how other's perspective changed or where it is now.

 

I find small shifts in perspective really helps me and I'd love to hear other's experiences with this. Always be gentle with yourself and others and know whatever the best your doing now is totally good enough.

[Ann.without.an.e]

I think I would do a lot different. Yet, is it those struggles that make it easier for us now? If I was the same person then that I am now then I could have conquered the world with only one or two kids that weren't doing school. At the same time, if I hadn't struggled through those years, would I be who I am now? Sorry to be so philosophical. ;)

[Kim in Appalachia]

I'm with Charleigh. The struggles make us who we are. There isn't a way to seperate the fact that our perspective came from our experiences.

[I.Dup.]

I do laugh sometimes at how dramatic I was about how HARD it was to have 3 children (I'm pregnant with #7). But at the time, it WAS hard. It was all we knew. I was weak because I didn't take very good care of myself during the 2 previous pregnancies, I remember one morning I fell down because I was dizzy and slammed my head on the door frame, waking the baby, I just sat there crying. It WAS hard. It's just so much harder now, lol. But also easier in many ways with the things I have learned.

 

I agree that our struggles are part of life, I wouldn't trade any of the struggles I've had. Okay, maybe some. I wish I wasn't so difficult as a teen.

[LostSurprise]

People live mostly by comparison. It *is* hard until you've gone through it. Learning to read is hard until you've done it for ages. Walking, doing dishes, fractions, having a baby, getting to work on time are all hard until you've actually done them--success and failure and just working hard to improve.

 

Because of this, I always try to respect what others see as their trial right now. Sure, my teen's complaining about the fact that they have a ton of homework tonight is annoying, but its big to them. I don't try to compare where I am and where they are. I compare their present to where they were a few years ago.

 

Since I've worked to do this, I've been a much more sympathetic friend and parent. Its also encouraging to me that where I am now will seem easier in the future.

[Ann.without.an.e]

We mellow with age because we have experienced more hardship. Think about it for a minute ... why does a 2 year old completely melt down when they drop their ice cream or someone takes their toy? It is the worst thing they can remember happening to them. It is TRAGIC to them. Have you ever been around a young child who has faced many medical issues? All of the ones I have met have been mellow fellows. They face needles, pain, etc and they know that losing a toy is NOT the worse thing in life. When you first have little ones, it is all new and it IS all tragic (lol). When you see someone young who is panicked and stressed over tiny things,they are simply facing their "worst moments". Maturity doesn't just come with age, it comes with how much you have faced in life. My ds has had a rough medical diagnosis and some difficult times lately. In 4 months, he has matured 4 years in attitude.

[-M-]

My perspective hasn't changed much.

 

Focus on the moment you're in.

 

It's *still* my mantra.

 

I told myself -- I *tell* myself: There will be moments more difficult and moments easier. Focus on this moment, though. Right here, right now. You won't get a redo.

 

Other mantras include:

 

It's just. not. that. hard. (Said in an inner voice positively grim with determination. Heh, heh, heh.)

 

Put them (and yourself, for that matter!) in situations in which they can succeed.

 

As for "[H]ow often do you wish you could go back in time [...]?" Well, not as often as people might believe. Such "magical thinking" is emotionally perilous. And most days, I am confident I'd do little differently, even knowing what I now know.

[Dandelion]

My perspective has changed exponentially over the years. But like others have already said, I wouldn't have had those shifts without experiencing life and hardships.

 

There are so many ways my perspective has shifted. If I had to sum up the changes into one "meta-change", I would say I've experienced a shift from focusing on the small, trivial things in life to the big, important things. I used to get so bent out of shape about things that are unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Now I just ask myself: "Will this matter one year from now? Or five years from now?" If the answer is "No", I try to let it go.

[Night Elf]

I've had two noticeable big shifts, moments of realization that changed my outlook. I was 33 when I suddenly woke up one day and felt like an adult. And I was 43 when I realized I was effectively in middle age, which I've seen defined as 40 to 65.

 

I would like to revisit myself at age 24 when I had my first baby. I'd talk about looking at things from different angles, not panicking at spilled milk, and to pay attention to being healthy. Those are pretty much my big shifts so far in my life.

 

Age and experience has changed me in lots of little ways, but nothing that I think is important enough to tell my younger self.