Schooling in the Summer - Would You Force It for 14yo?

[goldberry]

DD14 went to public school through 4th grade. So she was used to the normal school schedule, including holidays and summers off. I have brought up at various times doing some work in the summer to make the school year easier, and she would have NONE OF IT. Did not even want to discuss it.

 

I posed awhile back about her being a slow mover and getting overwhelmed easily, then not handling the stress well and melting down. She is now in high school, work load is increasing, and she is still determined to do a Friday co-op thing which is mostly social. Some academics but not useful in reducing the remaining school load, if you know what I mean.

 

So I approached her about doing some math through the summer. Right now, because our math is a 5-lesson per week schedule, and she is at co-op on Fridays, she has to do two lessons on one of the days Mon-Thurs. As the math gets harder, this is becoming more difficult. I didn't even propose to do a full load over the summer. We have a lot of activities and trips going on, so I proposed that on the days we don't have activities/trips, that she do a math lesson each day. That way possibly during the school year, she won't have to double on days.

 

She (drama queen that she is) totally freaked out, cannot imagine anything more miserable, etc. I tried explaining in a rational way that this would actually DECREASE the stress level she will have to deal with. She says no, it would INCREASE, because she would then not have ANY time that she was FREE from school. :glare:

 

She is 14 though, and we are going into 10th. At what point should I let her make that decision, or what point should I say, no, this is what's best and we're doing it? I wish I would have done it younger, but now I'm hesitant because of the hardcore resistance and the age.

 

Thoughts?

[Catwoman]

Realistically, you're the one who needs to make this decision. Of course, she's going to say no -- she doesn't want to do it!

 

Personally, I think your proposition sounds very lenient. It's not like you're making her do a full day of school every day, all summer long.

[Orthodox6]

That is so incredibly mild a request -- math lesson, only, on days without outside activities. Remind her that some families homeschool year-round!

 

People with jobs work year-round, too. I see this is an adult pre-lim thing, as well as you, as her mom, demonstrating great consideration of her overall needs.

[goldberry]

That is so incredibly mild a request -- math lesson, only, on days without outside activities. Remind her that some families homeschool year-round!

 

People with jobs work year-round, too. I see this is an adult pre-lim thing.

 

She has been reminded! She has friends that school year round. She sees that they have free time at other times of the year besides summer. That's why I can't figure out why she is so resistant.

[Excelsior! Academy]

We Homeschool year round. I can post our schedule to make her feel better. She will beg to do yours.

[Tap]

If she is fighting the idea then I wouldn't push it. It is hard to stay motivated to do 'occasional' school. Instead I would give her the option of doing 5 days of cores, or 4 days of cores. If she wants to do Friday school, and if she needs 5 days of cores, then either Saturday or Sunday will have to do. If she can do longer days on a 4 day week, then I would allow Friday school to continue.

 

Highschool comes with more freedom of choices, but it requires sacrafices to make it all happen. Friday school may not serve and educational purpose, but it sounds like it it good for her social education. I wouldn't dismiss it easily unless she absolutely can't make another solution work.

[bettyandbob]

Typical high school around here is 7 credits. Plus, many kids start high school with 1-4 credits of math and foreign language.

 

What credits are you expecting her to have in June? What credits does she need to graduate? What credits does she need to apply to the colleges which interest her (not the minimum they list on their website--you need to ask admissions reps what a typical admitted candidate has).

 

If she will finish the credits she needs to keep herself on track, then she doesn't need to work in the summer. Otherwise, she needs to work in the summer.

 

If you haven't done this already, perhaps you need to look at what her graduation plan is to get perspective on this.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Yes, I would force it. I would try to not make it a big deal because it isn't a big deal. But even in public school, if you don't pass a class, you have to take summer school. Not getting the material done equals not passing the class for me because she won't have gone through all the material. If she wants to do "homework" on Saturdays to avoid having to work during the summer, I would give her that option.

[goldberry]

Typical high school around here is 7 credits. Plus, many kids start high school with 1-4 credits of math and foreign language.

 

What credits are you expecting her to have in June? What credits does she need to graduate? What credits does she need to apply to the colleges which interest her (not the minimum they list on their website--you need to ask admissions reps what a typical admitted candidate has).

 

If she will finish the credits she needs to keep herself on track, then she doesn't need to work in the summer. Otherwise, she needs to work in the summer.

 

If you haven't done this already, perhaps you need to look at what her graduation plan is to get perspective on this.

 

 

DD is a creative type who is not interested in a 4-year degree. She is looking at several two year options at our community college, so there are not very strict admission guidelines. I still have her on about a 6.5 credit per year schedule. She is getting it done, but it is not flowing smoothly. Every so often she has a meltdown over "too much work" and stress. This is a kid that has always preferred a slower schedule, and even when she was young would get rattled if there was too much activity going on.

 

So yes, she can get it done, but no, it is not pleasant.

[AK_Mom4]

Since doing the extra lesson in the four-day week isn't working, I would probably lay it out for her - the tradeoff for Friday Co-op is that she needs to spend 2 days a week math during the summer or else do one math lesson over the weekend. Let her choose - maybe it will make her feel better to have a little bit of control over some of this.

 

 

ETA: "flowing smoothly" may be too much to hope for, lol! You might have to settle for "fits and starts" with these creative types.

[Starr]

I think teens need something to do in the summer. If we don't have other plans we school part days in the summer. Eventually that wears down and no school for a few weeks.

[justasque]

Does it have to be the math? If she is a creative type, summer could be a great time to focus on creative projects, take classes and do camps in her area of interest, and build a portfolio. It's still doing school, in the sense that the work will contribute to her portfolio college apps, and overall resume. But it is not at all the same as doing math, if you see what I mean!

[jhschool]

Your plan sounds very reasonable.

 

There is no reason for you to give in to drama.

 

We now homeschool on weekends and during the summer.

 

(We did take a break over the Christmas holiday.)

 

In order to get everything done, with all the extracurriculars

DC wants to do, we have to homeschool weekends and

summers.

 

Or she could drop the Friday thing (I don't advise it though)

if she wants to have a "normal" schedule.

[elegantlion]

We usually have one subject that requires completion in the summer, ds works slower as well. If she is unwilling to work over the summer, I'd suggest Saturday and/or Sunday. Some subjects are easier to double up and finish. Math seems to need time to absorb.

 

I try to change things up a bit in the summer, maybe change where she's allowed to work, go hang out in the coffee shop, the park.

 

Your request is not out of line. If she wants to continue with one day for social outlet, then academics will take longer.

 

I'd give her these choices and let her decide:

 

1. drop coop and spend Friday on academics

2. work on math on the weekends

3. finish math over the summer.

 

Don't become the fall guy, let it be her decision and help her stick to it.

[Cosmos]

We usually have one subject that requires completion in the summer, ds works slower as well. If she is unwilling to work over the summer, I'd suggest Saturday and/or Sunday. Some subjects are easier to double up and finish. Math seems to need time to absorb.

 

That's what I was going to suggest as an alternative option. Unless she already is doing work on the weekend, one math lesson doesn't seem onerous to add on a Saturday for a high schooler.

[regentrude]

Honestly: even if the coop were not an issue and math did get done five days a week, I'd still require her to do some math over the summer. Ten weeks without math -not a good idea! We do not school year round, but my kids have to keep doing math in the summer, even if they got done with everything that was planned for the school year. (We only take a 2-3 week total break from all school -can't take a math book when you're backpacking .)

[catz]

Last summer for my oldest I said, you have until June 10th (or some date). You need to get to chapter 13 in your current math text. If you do not, you will be working to get to that point through the summer. Your choice. He did end up needing to do some in the summer, but he got it all done in less than a month.

 

My kid started in PS too. I do think a summer break of some kind to focus on other stuff helps rather than harms us. I don't think the learning ever stops. My kids are readers and explorers and we do trips and academic camps, etc. Things that seemed daunting in the spring, suddenly feel easy in the fall for some reason.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

We've always got a little schoolwork left over on the weekend, always a bit left for summer. The trade-off is being able to follow our own schedule. Our breaks don't look like the ps kids' breaks, but our school days don't look like theirs, either.

 

High schoolers, however they are educated, usually have some weekend homework. She can join the rest of 'em and work on the weekend if she'd rather not do two math lessons in one day on Monday through Thursday. :)

[goldberry]

Thanks for the advice. I think I am going to tell her that I am leaning toward the math over summer plan. I am willing to look at how she chooses to handle things over the next 12 weeks until the official end of school. If she can learn to get the work done and handle the stress better (not so many meltdowns and so much complaining) then I might reconsider, but otherwise I will have to make the choice that I believe is in her best interest. I think that will still give her a little control over the situation.

 

I have discussed with her and will discuss again that as you get older work and schedules get busier, and part of growing up is learning to manage that and deal with it in a healthy way. I think it's time to step in until she comes up with a better way to manage on her own.

 

ETA, she treats schoolwork on the weekends the same way as summer, like she's having her toenails ripped out...She loves the Friday thing though, so she's got to make some choices...

[caroljenn]

We Homeschool year round. I can post our schedule to make her feel better. She will beg to do yours.

 

Ours too. Even when dd went to private school, we did Momschool during the summers. Now that she has chronic fatigue and takes a lot of days off or half-days, she knows we are going to have to go through the summer to finish everything, but that's how her summers have always been, to some degree.

[BakersDozen]

She (drama queen that she is) totally freaked out, cannot imagine anything more miserable, etc. I tried explaining in a rational way that this would actually DECREASE the stress level she will have to deal with. She says no, it would INCREASE, because she would then not have ANY time that she was FREE from school. :glare:

 

She is 14 though, and we are going into 10th. At what point should I let her make that decision, or what point should I say, no, this is what's best and we're doing it? I wish I would have done it younger, but now I'm hesitant because of the hardcore resistance and the age.

 

The bolded part is what I would say/do. Especially with a resisting dc and even more so with a drama queen. I just don't do hysterics or drama and I figure by taming the shrew I'm doing her (or him, in my case) a big favor by not giving into their antics. So in this case, my dc would be allowed to participate in the Friday co-op and then have math every day in the summer. If they want to throw a fit then they can do more school. In fact, no activities would happen at all as long as they continued to throw tantrums; immaturity like that doesn't get rewarded and since good decisions are obviously not able to be made by the child, I make the decisions myself without engaging in a verbal battle. If they want to complain that they have no free time then fine, that's what they will experience. This is high school - time for growing up a bit and taking on responsibility both academic and personal.

 

ETA, she treats schoolwork on the weekends the same way as summer, like she's having her toenails ripped out...She loves the Friday thing though, so she's got to make some choices...

Fussing on weekends would mean the removal of co-op the following Friday for us. But again, I don't do tantrums or drama. ;)

 

I'm mean like that. ;) Hopefully someday my dc will thank me, lol.

[Lily_Grace]

Put it in her hands and make her come up with solutions.

 

Math needing to be finished this year is non-negotiable. She needs to find a way to get it done. Have her present a list of options by Friday where you will go over them and discuss each option with her and its viability. If she chooses not to come up with a list she is automatically agreeing to your terms. Make sure she knows that.

 

There's nothing more frustrating for a teen than being told what to do and how to do it. Making them accept the responsibility of it and giving them that small bit of controlled freedom will help her make choices in the future.

[bettyandbob]

 

ETA, she treats schoolwork on the weekends the same way as summer, like she's having her toenails ripped out...She loves the Friday thing though, so she's got to make some choices...

 

She needs to get over that. Public school or private school she'd work on the weekends. What kind of job will she have in real life that doesn't involve ever working weekends? No fun, but stuff has to get done.

 

My neighbor's son got behind on math, refused to do it, fussed. He worked through July that year. He never did that again.

[Night Elf]

I don't know how you are handling high school classes, but if you are following a traditional plan, she has a set of classes that need to be completed in high school. Not finishing classes on time means a late graduation. Would that bother her?

[J-rap]

It's up to you to make that decision. By the time my kids were in high school, I would often have them continue with a class (or two, but that didn't happen too often) over the summer.

 

The only decision I might give them is this: If the entire math book isn't completed by the end of the school year (meaning you might have to do an extra lesson or two on the weekends or at night), then you'll be doing it in the summer.

[Trilliums]

 

 

The only decision I might give them is this: If the entire math book isn't completed by the end of the school year (meaning you might have to do an extra lesson or two on the weekends or at night), then you'll be doing it in the summer.

 

 

This is the approach I'd take.

 

BTW, DS is 14 years old and even though he is not prone to dramatics, he has still had some adjustment to work load for high school. It is a transitional stage and can be tough for all personalities.

:grouphug:

[Julie in CA]

Well, I guess I'm a hard taskmaster. It was never a question at our house. The purpose of high school was not only educating them academically, but preparing them to be adults. With that in mind, during the summers my high schoolers had/have to either be working full time, or doing a combination of part-time work and part-time school, or be doing a close-to-full load of schoolwork. It was never a decision for any of us, it just was (to us) an obvious part of becoming adults. Adults do not expect much time off. A week or two here or there, maybe. If I'd heard any whining about the process of becoming an autonomous adult, I'd remind them that if they weren't ready for adulthood, then freedom to make their own decisions in our house would be seriously curtailed, as it was when they were younger.

 

Honestly though, of bigger concern to me would be helping a kid without good coping mechanisms to find concrete strategies to help them get through life. A fair amount of what I'd require of them would be personal improvement, implemented either with a mentor, a *good* counselor, or with a clearly developed & researched plan of their own. Self-improvement, both in academics, and in areas of personal growth, was and is my goal for my high schoolers.

 

Rereading what I wrote, I'm not sure if it's coming off as abrasive...if it does, I don't mean it that way at all. I just know that drama doesn't usually serve adults well, and I try to avoid having that be a predominant personal characteristic that my kids will carry into adulthood. I don't really want the kids to have that mindset, that their desires must be met, that life owes them a vacation, kwim?