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Dd's 1st lit analysis essay


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This is an essay type I am not as confident in evaluating as other types of essay. Considering that this is her first real lit essay, I'd like some feedback. The feedback is primarily for me to use in improving my instruction for the next time around. She's worked hard on this and has shown me she is trying to think and process more deeply than she has previously. She is 14 yo and in 9th grade.

 

 

Beyond His Father’s Footsteps

 

Around 800 B.C., the Odyssey, an epic poem attributed to Homer, took the form that it is read in today. The story begins twenty years after the main character, Odysseus, left home to fight in the Trojan War. Telemachus, the baby whom he left behind, is now grown and able to be measured against the Ancient Greek standard of excellent manhood. The ancient Greeks valued men who were pious like Hector in the Iliad, skilled in battle like Achilles, and cunning like Odysseus. These are, in fact, qualities that Telemachus’ father himself possesses in varying degrees. Yet Homer uses Telemachus to indicate that an outstanding man has more than just the qualities embodied by Odysseus.

 

Although Odysseus is pious, Telemachus is the one who is honest. Homer establishes this from the very beginning of the Odyssey. When Athena, disguised as a man, visits Telemachus to encourage him to go look for his father, Telemachus promises to “try...to give†her “a frank answer†to her questions about himself (1.248). This instance does two things. First, it establishes Telemachus as an upright young man, which contrasts him sharply with the corrupt suitors. Second, because this instance follows immediately after Athena tells Telemachus an elaborate lie about her identity, it provides another intriguing contrast. Athena and Odysseus, both sympathetic characters, lie frequently. Unsympathetic characters, however, such as the suitors, also lie. It seems, then, that Homer may not believe that Odysseus is a specimen of a perfect ancient Greek man. It appears that Homer has presented Telemachus’ honesty is a desirable character trait. It is this honesty that, later in the story, reveals Telemachus’ new-found maturity. He and Odysseus are battling with the suitors when Odysseus discovers that someone has left the door to the weapons storage room open. Telemachus, instead of covering up his mistake, admits that “the blame’s all†his (22.164). If he had responded out of character and lied, he would not have proven his maturity to his father and the story would have ended with Telemachus still not grown up. Thus, his honesty reveals not only other characters’ dishonesty, but also his own maturity.

 

Whereas Odysseus is a skilled soldier, Telemachus is an excellent guardian. His protective nature shows his adult understanding of the bigger picture. When Odysseus, disguised as a beggar, comes to his own house for the first time, Telemachus endeavors to protect him, telling him to “sit right thereâ€, that he would “defend†him “from all...these young bucks†(20.290-292). The excuse he uses for giving kindness to this beggar was that he was his “guest†(20.342).Telemachus understands the situation completely. He knows that his father must maintain the guise of a beggar, which could be jeopardized if Telemachus pays him any undue attention. He also knows that the suitors will mistreat his father if he doesn’t intervene. So Telemachus masterfully finds a way to protect his father, using the fact that he is a guest to protect him from the suitors. Telemachus is also able to use his mental grasp on the situation to literally take charge. Just before the test of the bow, after which Telemachus knows there will be slaughter, Telemachus orders his mother to “go back to†her “quarters†and take care of her “own tasks†(21.390). Because he knows that somebody, very possibly he or his father is going to die, he sends his mother away to protect her from the sight. He has the courage to manipulate the situation and augment the plan that he and his father had made in order to protect his family. This was something that Odysseus had not been able to do for the first half of the book, because he was simply not present. Indeed, Odysseus almost never deviates from his own plan, at least on purpose, for any reason whatsoever. Even in this instant, where his beloved wife is in danger of seeing his own slaughter, he does nothing. Homer shows that Telemachus’ protectiveness is an excellent quality which Odysseus does not have.

 

In addition to being clever, Homer reveals that men should be rational. Although Odysseus has a reputation for cleverness, Telemachus is the one who stops to think things through. When Odysseus comes home, makes himself known to Telemachus, and begins to make plans for killing the suitors with Telemachus by his side, Telemachus is the one who stops to ask “How on earth...two men†could “fight so manyâ€(16.275). Telemachus even suggests that his father should find “a friend in arms†to aid them (16.287). This reveals that it is Telemachus who contemplates actions before taking them, an essential quality for a mature man to possess. Odysseus, on the other hand, very frequently acts before thinking. He blurts out his name to Polyphemus the Cyclops, and that causes his troubles for the first half of the story. Telemachus’ quality of clear-headedness, which Odysseus lacks, allows the plan that he and Telemachus had made to succeed. When Odysseus first arrives at his palace in the guise of a beggar, Telemachus tells him “to make the rounds of the suitors†because “bashfulness, for a man in need, is no great friend†(17.380-381). By thinking of this detail, Telemachus averts the suspicion of the suitors. If they had seen a beggar who was not begging, it would have certainly caused doubts. Odysseus simply does not think of things like this, to his cost. Surely, then, Homer does not portray Odysseus as the perfect man. Homer instead shows how level-headedness is needed in addition to cunning.

Growing up is never easy. Telemachus has it worse than most people, with his father absent nearly his entire life. Yet he faces the same choice that everyone else faces. He must choose whether to grow up into a petulant, proud man who cannot do anything for himself, or to become an excellent man. Telemachus chooses to grow up well. So well, in fact, that Homer portrays his traits as very desirable qualities in a man. Young people in this age and culture face the same choice that Telemachus faces. He proves, however, that no matter what is going on in someone’s life they can still choose to be truthful, protective, and rational. They can, like Telemachus, go beyond their father’s footsteps.

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OK - I had to copy it into Word, put it into bigger type that an old lady like myself could read and then critique it!

 

I have two minor edits:

 

 

Around 800 B.C., the Odyssey, an epic poem attributed to Homer, took the form that it is read in today. (the word in seems unnecessary and clunky to me.)

 

It appears that Homer has presented Telemachus’ honesty is a desirable character trait. (should be "as").

 

My only problem with the content of the essay (which is well developed) is that she speaks for Homer. I'm not sure that Homer did use "Telemachus to indicate that an outstanding man has more than just the qualities embodied by Odysseus." Odysseus was still the hero in the Odyssey and Telemachus was a lesser secondary hero. I think she is using the lens of what we think of as heroic and virtuous character traits and is applying that to the ancient Greek culture.

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OK - I had to copy it into Word, put it into bigger type that an old lady like myself could read and then critique it!

 

I have two minor edits:

 

 

Around 800 B.C., the Odyssey, an epic poem attributed to Homer, took the form that it is read in today. (the word in seems unnecessary and clunky to me.)

 

It appears that Homer has presented Telemachus’ honesty is a desirable character trait. (should be "as").

 

My only problem with the content of the essay (which is well developed) is that she speaks for Homer. I'm not sure that Homer did use "Telemachus to indicate that an outstanding man has more than just the qualities embodied by Odysseus." Odysseus was still the hero in the Odyssey and Telemachus was a lesser secondary hero. I think she is using the lens of what we think of as heroic and virtuous character traits and is applying that to the ancient Greek culture.

 

 

This paper is well-done for a first literary analysis. If this were my ninth grader's, I would discuss the importance of avoiding what Jean has touched on above, have him fix that, and then leave it alone for the time being, except that I would ask if "pious" is really the correct term and discuss some alternatives. Attributing thoughts and ideas to the author is a big enough of a lesson to work on that it would be my focus and I would not do further editing until that is fixed. It is a completely age-appropriate mistake, so it is nothing to worry about.

 

I have attached just one of the many comparison and contrast rubrics that are out there to give you an idea of what you are looking for and of course, that may vary by skill level. What I would ask of one of my sons for writing in 9th grade is very different than what I would ask for from the other one.

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Thank you both ... this is very helpful feedback! We did talk about how this would have been interpreted through the ancient Greek worldview lens. She wanted to show that in light of that worldview, it was noteworthy that Homer portrayed Telemachus as a different kind of man than his father and that those differences were both positive and worked in everyone's favor. It was a pretty big topic for a first paper, but she really wanted to do it. I will keep working on helping her not try and put words in an author's mouth. Thanks so much for your feedback!

 

Oh, Lisa, how do I access your attachment? It doesn't show up on the thread display. I will PM you my personal email, if that's OK.

 

Thanks again!

Monica

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