Encouraging a unwilling/reluctant reader

[ZeeMommy]

My middle munchkin, son age 4, has learned all of his letters, letter sounds, and understands the basic concept that you put the letter sounds together to say the words. But when it comes time to do his reading lesson, he turns into a blob. "Don't want to...my head hurts...my stomach hurts..." There have been a few days when I've found him willing and able, but mostly he's reluctant and resistant. Lesson doesn't last longer than 5 minutes, because I know his attention span is short and if I push him more he will have a meltdown. He is my most stubborn child, generally speaking. We've done some OPG, some 100EL, and some Bob books. He's just not interested in reading. I will get his eyes checked sometime in the immediate future. I'm guessing that he's slightly red-green colorblind, but no other obvious vision problems that would interfere with learning. Any suggestions? THANKS!

[regentrude]

He is four. He is not interested in learning to read and shows this clearly. I would stop all formal reading instruction and just keep reading aloud to him. Try again in a year. In other parts of the world, formal academics are not started until kids are 6 years old.

[ZeeMommy]

Guess part of why his behavior throws me for a loop is because his sister (age 6) took to reading like a fish to water. She reads (skims sometimes in larger books, I think) every day. Obviously he's a different child...I'm just worried that the general stubborness/reluctance will continue with learning in general.

[Mélie]

I agree with regentrude. Unless he begs for reading lessons (one of mine did, one didn't), I would hold off for a year or so.

[Rosie_0801]

That's why we have them for 18 years. They can be stubborn and reluctant to do anything we want them to do, and we'll still have the time to get a lot of it done. :p

[regentrude]

Guess part of why his behavior throws me for a loop is because his sister (age 6) took to reading like a fish to water. She reads (skims sometimes in larger books, I think) every day. Obviously he's a different child...I'm just worried that the general stubborness/reluctance will continue with learning in general.

 

 

A few thoughts:

He is a different child, and he is also a boy. On average, boys tend to be mature and ready for academic work a bit later than girls.

He may be very stubborn, and forcing a strong willed child to do something is rather futile. Ask me how I know. My titanium willed son has never done anything he was not ready to do.

My DD read fluently when she was 5; from blending sounds to thick books in two months.

My DS could read when he was 7, but then did not read voluntarily until he was 9. Now at age 13, he begs to read classics for school and reads 1,000 page books for recreation. So clearly the later start did not matter.

 

Being watchful for learning problems is good and important, but first the child must be developmentally ready to learn. The push for early academics in the US does not translate into any measurable advantage at age 10 when the kids who had been drilled with abc flashcards in preschool are compared with their peers from countries that delay formal academics until age 6 or 7 . Some things will be MUCH easier if you wait till he's ready.

Relax.

[dbmamaz]

yeah, i had a hard time accepting that my third child read much later than my first two. I had his eyes checked, but mostly I just kept reading to him and presenting books he might like to read. but he wasnt ready until well past that. math is his thing - he was doing math with negative numbers before he could reliable read cvc words. he WILL get there!! I tried to remember that i dont want him to read just to make me happy, reading needs to be something he owns, something he does because HE wants to. it will happen.

[boscopup]

My oldest is an accelerated child, and he has done everything academic early (except writing). When he was 4, he resisted anything that even resembled "school". He was not ready for formal learning. I stopped trying to teach him and let him just learn by living life and talking to me. You know what? He was reading at a second grade level by time he turned 5. It was all him. When it interested him to read, he taught himself to read. I had nothing to do with it, and in fact, I believe he read earlier because I backed off.

 

Now at age 8, he is an easy child to teach. He just wasn't ready for formal school at age 4, and that's pretty common for boys especially.

 

At age 4, my kids do school on a "when they ask" basis only. If they don't want a reading lesson, fine. No reading lesson. It won't hurt anything to wait until age 5 (or 6).

 

Let him play starfall, and maybe he'll teach himself like my oldest did. ;)

 

(and btw, all of my boys have been different with the reading thing)

[Motsy802]

I 100% agree with the other posters. I have a 5 year old who I actually do formal lessons with, but I have a 4 year old who doesn't even know the sounds that letters make. She is not all that interested in doing "school," and I'm OK with that. Usually what happens is she says "Mommy, I'm just so tired" so I quit. My son wasn't like that at all so it has definitely been different. I don't worry because I know it will happen. It does not have to happen now at only 4 years old.

[StartingOver]

I would not push a 4 year at all. I would simply ask if they want to do school, before 5 school in my home is on their time or not. Even at 5 very little is required,only the basics in very short lessons.

[bakpak]

I agree with listening to your child. My DD3.5 is an early reader but it is SO OBVIOUS when she's not interested in doing something that I want her to do, as she's gotten very stubborn and turned away from things completely for months in the past. I didn't feel like I was particularly pushing much at all, but it must have felt like that to her because she had been very clear she didn't want to do something and I wasn't listening to her. Also, he may be learning, but just not want to 'perform' on demand.

 

But, if you're determined not to completely let the lessons drop, you could still introduce the material casually, but without expecting any response from your son. Every once in awhile write a fun word on an erase/chalk board and point it out sometime during the day, sounding it out. Be excited about it, but have no expectations from your son (don't ask him to sound it out). Maybe once he sees the pressure is off, it won't be so intimidating. Then whenever he's ready to start up again, it will be obvious (he'll start trying to do it on his own or asking you what something says). Or just sound a 3- or 4-letter word out occasionally while you're reading. No pressure, but he'll probably absorb what you're doing.

 

I mostly do casual "lessons" like this anyway, as they are more interesting, short, and tend to be about whatever we were just talking about. It's similar to how you probably automatically taught your child to count, as the opportunity presented itself.

 

And my DD probably COULD have read a whole BOB book a year before she actually chose to do it on her own, but it was worth waiting until she was ready :)