nursing home questions

[Journey]

We might have to put my mom in a nursing home. have any of you gone through this and know things now that you have gone through it, that you wish you knew beforehand? In a perfect world, i would love to bring her home (my dad and my daughter would be there to care for her, my daughter (25) lives with them). She's in a nh now for rehab but has reached a plateau...they say she needs 2 people support at all times. she went to adult daycare 5 days a week before she fell (3 weeks ago), so it would be ideal (if a little bit of wishful thinking) that she could still go to daycare and then have my daughter there for nights and have to get an aide in on the weekends. this is how i wish it could happen

[Unicorn.]

1. They are expensive, and rarely covered by insurance unless medical rehab is involved. Medicaid will take everything they (parents) own, in order to help pay for it.

2. Be extremely vigilant w/ her care- do not assume they will take care of her basic needs. Make sure your presence is felt, and don't be afraid to fight for her care.

3. Doc visits become almost obsolete- once they are in there- they don't get seen unless they take an ambulance ride to the ER, or you have to make appts. and take her, and even then, sometimes it's hard to get a doc to see someone who is in a nursing home- they assume they are being taken care of by the nurses- and it's an insurance issue

4. Explore and exhaust all other options before putting someone in a home, and only do it as a last resort.

5. Decorate her room and try to make it as homey as possible, but don't bring anything you aren't willing to lose due to theft.

 

***** Make sure you are educated on all the insurance requirements, and request regular meetings w/ docs regarding care! *****

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. I hope she can come home.

[Orthodox6]

Feel free to PM me if you want our current experiences with this. (I'm off to skating lesson with dd after I complete this post.) Our experience differs some from that of the previous poster. Much depends upon where you live, too. Currently we are nearly one year into having my 90-year old, frail father living with us, and having my 89-year old mother with advanced Alzheimer's living in a care facility. Best wishes and a hug to you, because this is extremely stressful and emotional for all involved.

[gracesteacher]

Look up all of them and get their ratings from the state and medicare

Go visit during lunch and dinner and see how the staff is with those that need help eating and how organized it is.

Find out the cost

Do not be fooled by a pretty building

Ask about their staff training and turn over rate

Ask about logging drinks and bm if she is unable to get up and take care of those things on her own (in IL they are required however not doing that for my father in law and got a horrible UTI and was impacted)

Do they have therapies on location if pt/ot or st is needed

Do they have a van to take pt to dr appts and the cost

How often the dr is on site and can you make appts to discuss with that dr even if at their office

What is the dr turn over rate?

How many RNs are on site

How often do they do personal care (my FIL wants to be wash down daily he was a two shower a day guy the homes that he has been in only do showers twice a week with hands and face wash "daily"

How often are family meets and can the be done when the family does not have to take off work

Are they accredited

how do they take care of laundry (LABEL everything)

How much freedom do they have? (Eating when they want napping when they want)

If your mom is social do they do things that will keep her need for socializing (bingo crafts this was big for my mom my fil could have cared less)

Can you bring in her hair stylist? How do hair cuts work and the cost?

Does laundry cost extra, depends? What about other personal items

What all is going to be billed?

What life saving equipment do they have and where is it located and how often is the staff trained on it. (AED)

That is all I can think of for now. The big thing for us was stopping by unannounced and walking around during lunch/dinner and then again randomly during the day to see what the staff was doing and what the residents were doing and how it smelled

[magnificent_baby]

Unicorn had great advice, and I agree with all of it.

I would visit all of them in your area to compare, if this is what you end up doing. Where I live, they all have full time social workers to sit down with you and discuss options.
 

[sparrow]

Feel free to PM me if you want our current experiences with this. (I'm off to skating lesson with dd after I complete this post.) Our experience differs some from that of the previous poster. Much depends upon where you live, too. Currently we are nearly one year into having my 90-year old, frail father living with us, and having my 89-year old mother with advanced Alzheimer's living in a care facility. Best wishes and a hug to you, because this is extremely stressful and emotional for all involved.

 

:iagree: My mother has advanced dementia and entered a care facility in March 2012. This was, by far, the best option for her care and safety and our entire family's well-being. Our experience has been excellent, but this decision did not come easily.

 

Quickly, off the top of my head, but feel free to PM:

 

NUMBER ONE:

If you need to hire an attorney regarding getting her financial ducks in a row, hire an attorney that specializes in elder law.

 

The rest is pretty common sense:

Be sure to visit the care facilities you're looking at at all times of day, to see the different shifts.

Ask about their staff turnover rate.

How often do they meet with you to go over care, etc.

 

My dad and I feel so fortunate that we have a local facility that we can trust. The year leading up to my mom's placement was nothing short of hell. I think the general assumption is that ALL nursing homes are horrible, and while I know many are, it's not all.

 

:grouphug: Take care. This is a very stressful time.

[G5052]

Yes, I agree with the others who have posted.

 

Your Area Agency on Aging may be a big help too. When we were weighing this for my MIL, they were extremely helpful by providing checklists and had a database where they could help you narrow down your choices. Then of course you have to go visit. I would go unannounced to get a general view of the facility, and then if they want you to have an appointment with the director and you think it may be OK, do that. Don't waste your time on facilities that immediately strike you as being bad. They're probably even worse up close. We also ate lunch at the three final choices so we could see what the food was like and get a feel for the other residents.

 

When it came time for my mom, there wasn't much of a choice, but it worked out. The Area Agency on Aging there wasn't that helpful that time. She didn't want to go when I was out there, but eventually did go to the one assisted living facility there after multiple health scares. She later went to their dementia unit, and they were incredible there. I couldn't believe how good they were at managing her. There was NO WAY that I could have taken her in. She had to have 24/7 care with trained professionals who knew how to deal with her dementia. At one point they were talking the state mental hospital because she was so hard to work with, but they kept trying different things and were able to keep her even when she needed hospice. Of course they weren't perfect, but from my standpoint they were consistently trying to do their best by her. I don't think that I would have had the resources to do nearly as well.