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Does the instinct to mock people come with being a young teen???


Janie Grace
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Dd is 13 and she's our oldest, so this is new territory for us. She has always been really sweet, sensitive, etc. Suddenly she has started mocking strangers. Not in a really brash way, but still. It's not nice. There was a lady sharing how Jesus changed her life at a church sporting event recently. The lady was crying and very emotional in the way she was communicating... I caught dd pass her eyes towards her brother/dad to see if they were amused. When Beyonce was singing the National Anthem yesterday, she sang a certain note in a very embellished way and dd made a snarky, mocking comment. The rest of us were just standing around the kitchen, quietly watching. I told her "that's enough" because, like hearing someone share from their heart about a religious journey, I feel like the National Anthem at the Inauguration (or anytime) is a moment for respect. I have also read emails between her and her friends where they are (gently) mocking their co-op teachers.

 

I really don't like this. I don't know if I'm overreacting and this is "par for the course" or if it's something to be addressed and nipped in the bud. It's just so different from how she has ever been before. Insight, anyone?

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I don't know if it is typical or not, since my dd has been somewhat snarky her whole life, BUT....

 

I think your dd definitely needs some reprimands if her sense of humor is inappropriate. I don't think it's necessary to jump all over her (yet) but reminding her about putting yourself in other people's shoes and being kind might be in line. I don't think I would just ignore it.

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She's starting to evaluate things based on her own standards. I would ask her later, "How do you think that people should sincerely share their faith?" And let her have her own answer even if she is more definite in her opinions than you are. Teach her how to express those opinions in a way that is not mocking. Same for vocal technique.

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Hopefully it's an age-related phase or a sign she's trying to fit in with a cooler crowd of friends (and has to make snarky comments about others to prove her social status). In the same vein it could be a TV show or book or other media she's been exposed to & has decided is cool. But sometimes sudden snarkiness is because something awful happened, something abusive. I would gently talk to her and see where her sudden condecention and anger is coming from, and explain what is appropriate and what is not. And then, trust your instinct.

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I really don't like this. I don't know if I'm overreacting and this is "par for the course" or if it's something to be addressed and nipped in the bud. It's just so different from how she has ever been before. Insight, anyone?

 

 

I think this is why the teen years can be difficult for parents. The fact is, teens will reject various concepts and beliefs that their parents want them to hang on to, and that can trigger some feelings of anxiety.

 

If you want to nip in the bud her inappropriate expression of what she finds ridiculous, then I would encourage you to remind her that her expression of such ideas can be hurtful to others, and then help her learn how to read the company she's keeping to know if she should share something or not. Also, if you talk with her about what it is she finds ridiculous, you might find out what she thinks deep down.

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Dd is 13 and she's our oldest, so this is new territory for us. She has always been really sweet, sensitive, etc. Suddenly she has started mocking strangers. Not in a really brash way, but still. It's not nice. There was a lady sharing how Jesus changed her life at a church sporting event recently. The lady was crying and very emotional in the way she was communicating... I caught dd pass her eyes towards her brother/dad to see if they were amused. When Beyonce was singing the National Anthem yesterday, she sang a certain note in a very embellished way and dd made a snarky, mocking comment. The rest of us were just standing around the kitchen, quietly watching. I told her "that's enough" because, like hearing someone share from their heart about a religious journey, I feel like the National Anthem at the Inauguration (or anytime) is a moment for respect. I have also read emails between her and her friends where they are (gently) mocking their co-op teachers.

 

I really don't like this. I don't know if I'm overreacting and this is "par for the course" or if it's something to be addressed and nipped in the bud. It's just so different from how she has ever been before. Insight, anyone?

Yes it is par for the course and yes it needs to be addressed. I respond as my mother did she dished right back. Example:Oh I did not realize you were a superb singer please do all of us the kindness of singing the National Anthem at the top of your lungs. I usually would mumble an apology and quickly learned that mockery and derision were not tolerated especially once one hits the college years. That carp will not fly for a moment. However, I did not permit my daughter to socialize with any groups of girls her age as that is something I think inherently destructive. One or two and the attitude seems fine more than that and you have sociopathic behaviour encouraged, vindicated and rewarded. Flame away but this VERY liberal lady agrees whole heartedly with the oft cited proposition that groups of age related peers are inherently a waste of time and destructive. I know this is a minority and fringe belief but that is what I believe and have experienced. Our daughter has friends who are all ages but mostly 35-65 years old as the belly dance community and Jewish community are where most of her friendships are forged. Mean girls only grow in a the medium where that behaviour is rewarded and that medium is age group peers. YMMV of course.

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That is a very "middle school girl" attitude. God forbid anyone show anything resembling enthusiasm. Middle school girls love the word "weird."

 

"Ugh, Mom that sweater is so WEIRD."

 

"Oh my gosh, Mrs H. was so excited about tadpoles...she was going on and on..wasn't it WEIIIIIRD?! (giggle, snicker)"

 

"Wow, did you see the way her voice did that weird thing in the middle? What was she thinking with that?"

 

It's like by drawing attention to others' differences they can hide how different and out of place they feel. I remember doing it and I'm not proud of that fact. When I see my girls developing it (some are more prone than others by nature), I definitely do nip it in the bud. I tell them that it's bullying behavior and everyone deserves the freedom to be exactly who they are going to be without outside commentary. I think it's important to acknowledge the fact that everyone has these thoughts in private and that they are normal, but when they are shared and giggle about with peers it's just a hurtful way of trying to elevate oneself at the expense of others. Each human being has his or her own set of annoying behaviors and character flaws. I explain that I am perfectly happy to help them work on their own issues and teach them to be the best person they can be. I make it clear that I won't tolerate them absorbing other's annoying behaviors and bringing them home for me to deal with. If they can hang out with their friends and remain the same kids, then I'm happy to allow them the room to associate with anyone of their choosing, but if they begin to turn into someone else, I have no problem ending the relationship. That way the onus in on the child to decide which behaviors are acceptable and which are destructive.

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