Cancelling the D&C...again UPDATE 2/8

[BakersDozen]

I'm sorry I keep posting about this. I feel as though I'm under a cloud of bad luck lately (not just the ridiculous course of events with this failed pregnancy but other things in my life as well) and if I go through with the procedure I will come out worse for it. I'm going to continue testing to see what my hcg is doing and am praying it is falling rapidly (given how I'm still feeling, I think it's still up at 3000-4000). I hate waiting, I hate feeling sick and tired, I hate being almost useless to my family, yet the thought of scarring and possible effects like that scare me to death.

 

I want this to be over yet it just won't end. I know there are many women who've had a D&C and been fine, went on to have more children, yet I've also heard the horror stories and those, unfortunately, are having a bigger impact on me right now than the success stories. :(

 

I suppose there is no question I'm asking...I feel so confused and frustrated and alone.

 

UPDATE: Since I'm feeling a lot less nauseous and tired I went in for another hcg level last Thursday. Of course I heard nothing back from my doctor's office (oh, I did call to other doctors in the area and was told there was a 1-2 week wait just to see the doctor; my town sucks). I called today and was told my doctor wants me to come in and discuss the results. Now, I woke up in a bad mood as it was as I am just angry at everything, mostly my stupid body that seems to think I have nothing else to do but wait, so when I heard that I need to carve out over an hour of my day (30 minute drive each way) and pay $20 just to get a number I.went.off. Told the nurse I freaking wanted my freaking level and to tell the freaking doctor to freaking call me back. So freaking there.

 

And so I wait for the phone to ring...again.

 

I swear, if I have my sanity left after this ordeal I will be amazed.

------------

1/29 update: Doctor called...my levels have not come down at all in over 3 weeks. Before I could react she proceeded to tell me how angry her staff is with me for my bad attitude, that they have tried to be patient with me but they are tired of me being angry with them. She brought up the E.R. doctor who said I "stormed out". I listened, stunned, until she was done and then I let.her.have.it. I don't know how much she understood because I was yelling and sobbing at the same time, but I set the record straight: The E.R. LOST me in the system, snapped at me for crying at the news of a blighted ovum, and got annoyed when I declined an unnecessary IV. I left when I heard a baby's heartbeat on doppler in the room by me and a woman sharing how her dd got a baby she didn't want. I was crying so hard when I left the E.R. I could barely find the door. I am angry at how helpless this entire situation has made me feel. My doctor pinned me accurately as someone who needs/wants to be in control and yet guess what happens when I tried to relinquish control, to let go and not take matters into my own hands??? I get 3 weeks of nausea and fatigue and hormone levels that won't drop! I fought the urge to meet my own emotional needs with financial needs and fear of scarring/infertility and this is what I get for trying to do the right thing.

 

I have not cried since New Year's Eve when I was in the E.R. I've sucked it up and tried to be strong for my family, tried to focus on my home and school, tried to not be in charge. What an idiot I was. This could have been done weeks ago. Never again will I wait. Never again will I put myself through this. I can't stop crying...I'm a freaking mess. I feel like everything since Dec. 31 has burst inside me and I can't handle it.

 

I have a call into another doctor - I hope they understood what I was saying because I was crying when I called. They will try to get me in today and see how quickly a D&C can be done. Anesthesia or not, I don't care. I am done. I am so done. I can't do this anymore.

----------

Final Update 2/8: Surgery is over. I'm hurting and not just physically. :( I was ok up until the doors to the operating room opened and then I couldn't stop crying. Memories of an ectopic and the crash c-section flooded in. I did about as terribly waking up as I always have - crying, asking if it was ectopic, asking if the babies were OK. My nurse was less than stellar but thankfully I got a new nurse who was very kind. Finally seeing blood after all this time made me angry...so angry. Why in the h*ll could my stupid body have not done this on its own??? Baby only made it to 5w6d yet this was the miscarriage that just wouldn't happen. Stupid body...stupid, stupid body.

 

So here is the last emotional post from me: I would be at the point of hearing the heartbeat today. I'm not going to have a little one in my arms come August. I'm so sad and I feel empty inside. Fertility is never a guarantee. Getting/staying pg is never a sure thing, no matter how many babies one has. I hear women at my OB's office complaining, I read of others who are less than thrilled to be expecting, and it breaks my heart. I would take their "burden" of being pg right now even if it meant being sick to the point of needing IV fluids, being uncomfortable, being pg during the summer heat...I would take it and gladly so.

 

I'm incredibly thankful for what I have, yet am missing terribly what is not here, what will not be here this summer.

 

So I'm done. Thank you all again for your kindness and support through this ordeal.

 

Oh, one very wonderful thing that I held on to during recovery this morning: Earlier this week I asked my dh all in one blurted out breath if he was OK with ttc again (he's very worried about me and was leaning toward not ttc). Without hesitation he said oh so gently, "Honey, I'm absolutely OK with more children." Oh God, thank you. If that was taken from me as well, I don't know what I would do.

[mom2myboys]

:grouphug:

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

:grouphug:

[Unicorn.]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Try and stay busy and think of anything and everything else. I know it's hard, but if you can make yourself find something to do -take the kids out to the library, park, anything, it will help. Even if only for a few hours or minutes. I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this.

[lattedrinker]

:grouphug: I'm so sorry you're going through this.

[Barb_]

There are plenty of horror stories about miscarrying naturally as well. For that matter, there are plenty of horror stories about giving birth, and you've done that plenty of times. Chances are, you are suffering more by waiting than you would ever be by going through the d&c. I vote for what you seem to need now and let the rest sort itself out.

 

FWIW, I had a d&c to finish a miscarriage and it was a good decision. No horror story here. Also, hugs...I haven't figured out how to do that on the mobile version.

[ashfern]

:grouphug: I had a D&C Oct 1st. I tried waiting but nothing was happening on it's own. The baby stopped growing at 6 weeks and had no heartbeat at 10. My D&C was at 13 weeks. I was feeling lethargic and just wanted it to be over. If I had waitied another week it might have resolved on it's own. The shocker for us was the bill. It was more for the D&C than my last baby born at that hospital!!

[Moxie]

Don't be scared of the D&C. Physically, it really isn't a big deal (huge, emotionally, though). The worst part is the waiting, I promise.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[BakersDozen]

I found some really surprising statistics for uterine scarring and D&Cs - a grandmultipara (many births) has an enormous risk of uterine scarring after a D&C - something like 40% chance! I wouldn't fear the D&C if I didn't want more babies and if I did not have the number of births I've had. The cost is a huge factor as well. If I do this D&C I will have spent almost what I would have with a normal pregnancy (ER visit is included along with multiple u/s). How can I justify spending that kind of $? The waiting is horrible, being sick for no good reason is horrible, yet I don't see how I can go through with this procedure, at least not yet.

 

This stinks. One minute I think I'll just do it and whatever happens, happens. The next minute I'm freaking out and know I can't do it. Really what I want to do is pretend none of this is happening.

[DianeW88]

Were you actually scheduled for a D&C or a D&E? Most miscarriages are handled with a D&E...although everyone says D&C. The procedures are different and if you look them up, just make sure you're looking at the right procedure. I had three D&Es and no problems having a successful pregnancy after the third one.

[Lisa in Jax]

I found some really surprising statistics for uterine scarring and D&Cs - a grandmultipara (many births) has an enormous risk of uterine scarring after a D&C - something like 40% chance! I wouldn't fear the D&C if I didn't want more babies and if I did not have the number of births I've had. The cost is a huge factor as well. If I do this D&C I will have spent almost what I would have with a normal pregnancy (ER visit is included along with multiple u/s). How can I justify spending that kind of $? The waiting is horrible, being sick for no good reason is horrible, yet I don't see how I can go through with this procedure, at least not yet.

 

This stinks. One minute I think I'll just do it and whatever happens, happens. The next minute I'm freaking out and know I can't do it. Really what I want to do is pretend none of this is happening.

 

There is no right answer because both options stink. I understand wanting to pretend none of it is happening.

 

Today, do whatever feels right for you. You can change your mind tomorrow if you want to. Your only "job" for today is to get through today.

 

Hugs,

 

Lisa

[tearose]

I hope that you can come to a decision that you're comfortable with. :grouphug:

[freeindeed]

Hugs to you and I am so sorry. I had two miscarriages between my first and second child. I had a D&C after my first miscarriage. I went on to give birth to two healthy babies-dd12 and ds9. I just want to encourage you that my D&C did not harm my future chances of conception. Again, I am so sorry for what you're facing right now.

[Homemaker]

I miscarried naturally and it did take awhile and it was tough. I bled horribly and had terribly contractions. That being said I am still glad I did it naturally. I felt amazingly better after I had passed everything and it was over. It felt like a cloud had been lifted. Hang in there, I know it stinks right now.

[besroma]

:grouphug:

[Guest]

I am sorry. It is not easy, I'm sure. :grouphug:

[butterflymommy]

I didn't want to have one either but I did, twice. I conceived my 16 month the first full cycle after and we're TTC now after the second one. The way I saw it this time, the d&c will speed up the TTC process since you're not waiting around months to miscarry on your own. I didn't know about my first missed m/c and had developed a high fever, chills, and crushing headaches so going naturally is not necessarily trial free either.

[Moxie]

If you are waiting to feel okay with the D&C, that probably won't happen. I hated every minute of it. I sat in the hospital parking lot at 5 AM and wanted to leave so bad. But as soon as it was done, it was done. No more worry, no pain, just moving forward. You are really torturing yourself right now, googling D&C scarring stats and reading about all the horrible things that can go wrong (I question those stats, BTW. 40% is very high). I've had two babies since. I really think you need to just get it done for your own mental health.

[QuirkyKapers]

:grouphug: :grouphug:

[BakersDozen]

 

I didn't know about my first missed m/c and had developed a high fever, chills, and crushing headaches so going naturally is not necessarily trial free either.

Um...oh dear. I chalked up the headaches and feeling cold to just being pg these last 3 days. Oh dear.

[Miss Peregrine]

:grouphug:

[Impish]

:grouphug:

[justasque]

:grouphug: :grouphug:

Please keep in touch with your doc about how you're feeling, physically and emotionally.

I have no easy answers for you - I wish I did - but only you can decide how you want to handle this, day by day.

You only need to take it one day at a time.

Please do get your chills and headaches checked out though - perhaps give the doc a call to see if they want you to come in.

 

:grouphug:

[DianeW88]

Um...oh dear. I chalked up the headaches and feeling cold to just being pg these last 3 days. Oh dear.

 

If you are having symptoms of physical illness and have not miscarried...you need to get into a doctor and let them do the procedure. You could very quickly find yourself in an emergency situation with a systemic infection. Your symptoms are not those of a pregnancy. You are not pregnant with a live, viable fetus. Sorry if that sounds harsh (and I have personally miscarried four times, so I do understand what that's like), but you are not in a healthy situation mentally, and I'm concerned that it may now cause you physical harm. And if you think complications from a D&C are bad (and they are rare, btw), wait until you see the damage an unchecked infection from necrotic tissue can do to your future fertility

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug:

you are in my thoughts

[happypamama]

Just (((HUGS))) and prayers.

[Barb_]

If you are having symptoms of physical illness and have not miscarried...you need to get into a doctor and let them do the procedure. You could very quickly find yourself in an emergency situation with a systemic infection. Your symptoms are not those of a pregnancy. You are not pregnant with a live, viable fetus. Sorry if that sounds harsh (and I have personally miscarried four times, so I do understand what that's like), but you are not in a healthy situation mentally, and I'm concerned that it may now cause you physical harm. And if you think complications from a D&C are bad (and they are rare, btw), wait until you see the damage an unchecked infection from necrotic tissue can do to your future fertility

 

Yes. Please don't wait.

[celticmom]

:grouphug:

[kwickimom]

I have trouble with anesthesia and have had 2 d&c's and they were fine. I was sick for a week after each due to the drugs, but pain wise it was not bad. I also barely bled afterwards. I did pass all the tissue the second time at home on my own and that was horrendous. Soo much pain, felt just like labor and I was lightheaded and sick the whole time. I still had to get a d&c after so I had to do both. I would opt for a d&c in the future.

As for the money- I finally just paid off my bills. Don't let the money keep you from needed medical care. You sound as if you need this over. You may pass naturally and still need a d&c.

[Moxie]

How are you this morning? Hope you have some peace with whatever you decide!

[unsinkable]

 

 

If you are having symptoms of physical illness and have not miscarried...you need to get into a doctor and let them do the procedure. You could very quickly find yourself in an emergency situation with a systemic infection. Your symptoms are not those of a pregnancy. You are not pregnant with a live, viable fetus. Sorry if that sounds harsh (and I have personally miscarried four times, so I do understand what that's like), but you are not in a healthy situation mentally, and I'm concerned that it may now cause you physical harm. And if you think complications from a D&C are bad (and they are rare, btw), wait until you see the damage an unchecked infection from necrotic tissue can do to your future fertility

 

I agree completely.

 

How long has it been since you talked to a medical professional? What kind of care are you receiving?

 

It seems like you are in a precarious medical situation. Where is your DH in all of this?

 

 

[Twigs]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[BakersDozen]

I have a call in to my doctor - today is her surgery day so I won't hear back from her until late this afternoon. I will be getting my hcg tested again to see where it is. My dh is supportive of whatever decision I make, whether it be to wait this out or get the procedure done. If my levels are dropping steadily then I'd like to wait as I've not actually started passing anything until my levels are under 100 in the past.

 

I appreciate (again) the advice. With all of my losses, not one has been like this and I have to say this has been the worst loss thus far (except for the ectopic). :(

[butterflymommy]

Um...oh dear. I chalked up the headaches and feeling cold to just being pg these last 3 days. Oh dear.

 

 

If you're having chills and severe headache I would really urge you to have the procedure done. We're very blessed to live in a society that has surgical options when they're necessary. If you're in the hands of a competent dr you will be fine and ready to TTC again soon.

[LMD]

I totally understand wanting to wait it out as long as possible, I pushed out waiting for my natural m/c longer than the dr's would have liked... but I was carefully monitoring my health, especially my temperature.

 

But if you're experiencing symptoms of an infection (cold & headaches) then you need to take it seriously! That can go very badly!

 

Would you consider the medication (misoprotol I think? spelling may be off there!) to help the natural miscarriage along?

[BlueTaelon]

It sounds like you need to get it done, its a quick procedure, mine was done totally awake with just 800mg Motrin. The emotional bit was a lot harder then the physical. I was glad to be done with it after dealing with full blown labor every couple days (imagine going though labor 5 times and no baby:( )complete with a transition period. My body just couldn't clean everything out so I had the D&C done on the Dr's lunch break and physically it was much easier then the labor garbage I had been going though. I would had been 16 weeks when it was done but I lost the baby at 8, U/S confirmed it at 10 weeks if I remember right. Its been 7 years or so. I went on to get prego after 1 cycle without a problem:)

[BakersDozen]

mine was done totally awake with just 800mg Motrin

I asked my doctor about not getting anesthesia and she was totally against it. I've had endometrial biopsies and HSG tests done that were not even the slightest bit uncomfortable (seriously, I didn't feel a single thing). Would a D&C be that much worse, really? Not only would I like to avoid the nasty side effects of anesthesia but the cost as well. I could load up on Percoset...that stuff about knocks me out.

 

I have to say this...I FREAKING HATE THIS. Lose a baby...fine. It sucks but hey, I'm no stranger to it. Be told that there is development but oops, now there isn't? Not funny at all. Wait 3 weeks for something to happen for a pregnancy that wasn't that far along? RIDICULOUS!!! This is cruel and mean and it SUCKS.

[BlueTaelon]

I asked my doctor about not getting anesthesia and she was totally against it. I've had endometrial biopsies and HSG tests done that were not even the slightest bit uncomfortable (seriously, I didn't feel a single thing). Would a D&C be that much worse, really? Not only would I like to avoid the nasty side effects of anesthesia but the cost as well. I could load up on Percoset...that stuff about knocks me out.

 

I have to say this...I FREAKING HATE THIS. Lose a baby...fine. It sucks but hey, I'm no stranger to it. Be told that there is development but oops, now there isn't? Not funny at all. Wait 3 weeks for something to happen for a pregnancy that wasn't that far along? RIDICULOUS!!! This is cruel and mean and it SUCKS.

 

 

*hugs* I think the anesthesia rule is purely for the Dr's comfort because I know I cried during the procedure, I was glad to get it over with but I still in some weird way felt like I was aborting even though the baby was long gone, I knew it was the final good bye and it would be over. I'm sure it can't be comfortable for the Dr to have to do this while a patient cries, I wasn't wailing or anything, just tears but I can see where some woman might flip out and you have to stay totally still while they do it plus the Dr's own emotional discomfort of a crying women.

[DianeW88]

I asked my doctor about not getting anesthesia and she was totally against it. I've had endometrial biopsies and HSG tests done that were not even the slightest bit uncomfortable (seriously, I didn't feel a single thing). Would a D&C be that much worse, really? Not only would I like to avoid the nasty side effects of anesthesia but the cost as well. I could load up on Percoset...that stuff about knocks me out.

 

I have to say this...I FREAKING HATE THIS. Lose a baby...fine. It sucks but hey, I'm no stranger to it. Be told that there is development but oops, now there isn't? Not funny at all. Wait 3 weeks for something to happen for a pregnancy that wasn't that far along? RIDICULOUS!!! This is cruel and mean and it SUCKS.

Then find another doctor. Not one of my 3 D&Es was done with anesthesia. Not even the one I had with a twin miscarriage at 12 weeks. It absolutely is NOT medically necessary. The whole procedure takes less than 5 minutes. Tell her you will not agree to a general, and that if she won't do it that way, you'll go somewhere else. The ER will do it for you without one.

[BakersDozen]

I have a call into another doctor to see if they will agree to no anesthesia. After enough research I agree that anesthesia is not necessary. I did not know the ER would do this...but they charge me WAY more than even my own doctor would so I'm not sure that is an option. My bill for an hcg test and seeing the doctor for less than 5 minutes is $3000, not including the u/s or radiologist fees. Lovely, yes? I can only imagine what they would charge me for a D&C - for a doctor actually doing something.

[Hilltop]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I will be praying for you.

[Researcher]

:grouphug: :grouphug:

[unsinkable]

I think you need some help.

 

If you are writing things like "lose a baby...fine" I'm not sure that is healthy. It is painful to read.

 

I really hope things work out for you.

[Tammyla]

:grouphug: Oh, I'm so sorry and praying for you.

[Halftime Hope]

I think you need some help.

 

If you are writing things like "lose a baby...fine" I'm not sure that is healthy. It is painful to read.

 

I really hope things work out for you.

Unsinkable, I'm not sure if you've seen Luvn's backstory. She's lost so many pregnancies, it's like one more episode of something that is out of her control. The "fine" is just resignation talking. Losing the pregnancy is a minor thing in the face of this current huge concern for her own health and for her family's finances. Paragraph break: Hugs for us all...being a woman is so hard at times!

[unsinkable]

 

Unsinkable, I'm not sure if you've seen Luvn's backstory. She's lost so many pregnancies, it's like one more episode of something that is out of her control. The "fine" is just resignation talking. Losing the pregnancy is a minor thing in the face of this current huge concern for her own health and for her family's finances. Paragraph break: Hugs for us all...being a woman is so hard at times!

 

 

I've read all of luvn's threads.

 

It doesn't change my opinion...it is because I've read them all that I wrote what I wrote.

 

Do you disagree with that she needs help?

 

I don't see what your point is?

[BlueTaelon]

Unsinkable, I'm not sure if you've seen Luvn's backstory. She's lost so many pregnancies, it's like one more episode of something that is out of her control. The "fine" is just resignation talking. Losing the pregnancy is a minor thing in the face of this current huge concern for her own health and for her family's finances. Paragraph break: Hugs for us all...being a woman is so hard at times!

 

 

 

I totally agree, I've several losses as well and I know that was very much my POV as well with the last one.

[Halftime Hope]

I've read all of luvn's threads.

 

It doesn't change my opinion...it is because I've read them all that I wrote what I wrote.

 

Do you disagree with that she needs help?

 

I don't see what your point is?

You are right. I agree with you. She does need help. For some reason I read your statement as needing help, like counseling, since it was in the context of her emotional response, and then yours ("it is painful") in response to her. Imho, she needs medical help. To me, the rest is a normal response. My apologies.

[BlueTaelon]

You are right. I agree with you. She does need help. For some reason I read your statement as needing help, like counseling, since it was in the context of her emotional response, and then yours ("it is painful") in response to her. Imho, she needs medical help. To me, the rest is a normal response. My apologies.

 

 

Don't feel bad, I took it the same way.

[BakersDozen]

Bump for absolutely absurd update. I've never drank alcohol before...maybe it's time to start.