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I swear it tears a tiny piece of my heart out every time I see my dad now.

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Posted
Posted

He's so. I don't know.

 

He's dying.

 

But slowly, painfully, tragically.

 

I spent the morning with him. He couldn't keep food down. He kept vomitting.

 

He's home now, but he looks so....

 

What's the word? He looks like death. I don't know how else to put it.

 

He's lost his spark. He told me today, during a quiet moment between us, that he's just tired of being sick.

 

It's so crazy. I can't bear to be away from him, but when I'm with him, it tears me up so see him the way he is.

 

I don't know why I'm posting, I just feel lost. I don't want to lose my dad by dragging it out all horrible like. But then, I don't want to lose him at *all*.

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PachiSusan

PachiSusan

Posted
Posted

I'm so sorry. I don't know what's worse, watching the first man you love degenerate and die or to say goodbye to him in the morning as he goes off to work and he never comes home (which is what happened to me). Either way, I know it's so hard and I will be praying for you! HUGS :grouphug:

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Scarlett

Scarlett

Posted
Posted

He's so. I don't know.

 

He's dying.

 

But slowly, painfully, tragically.

 

I spent the morning with him. He couldn't keep food down. He kept vomitting.

 

He's home now, but he looks so....

 

What's the word? He looks like death. I don't know how else to put it.

 

He's lost his spark. He told me today, during a quiet moment between us, that he's just tired of being sick.

 

It's so crazy. I can't bear to be away from him, but when I'm with him, it tears me up so see him the way he is.

 

I don't know why I'm posting, I just feel lost. I don't want to lose my dad by dragging it out all horrible like. But then, I don't want to lose him at *all*.

 

So sorry dear girl. So sorry.

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jenL

jenL

Posted
Posted

My heart hurts for you, Bethany. I wish there was an easier way, but every moment you have is a blessing even if it is hard to be a part of at the time. Prayers are still being said. You are such an amazing daughter. Imagine dying & knowing you are so loved. I am sure it brings him much joy just having you there even if he is struggling. Many, many hugs.

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kalanamak

kalanamak

Posted
Posted

Would he sign up for hospice? Most hospice people are wonderful.

Would he/could he come and stay with you?

I encourage you to see him and do for him as much as you can. When he dies you will not regret not having done or been there or whatever, and this is HUGE in helping people get on with life after death.

 

:grouphug:

 

P.S. many people in dialysis just decide to refuse it: they have "an out". Follow his lead, no matter your wishes. Our body is the only thing that really belongs to us, and his is his, no matter how sad you are.

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Desert Rat

Desert Rat

Posted
Posted

I know just what you mean. I used to carry a lot of guilt with me. I used to feel very guilty that I wanted it to be 'over'.

 

Over our Christmas break, I caught up on digital scrapbooking. I was a year behind. My dad wasn't in any of the pictures- birthdays, holidays, every days. It took looking at the big picture to see how withdrawn my dad had gotten.

 

He told my mom a few days before he died that he was tired of fighting. We were tired of watching him fight.

 

It's a strange, in-between place you're in right now, Bethany. I miss my dad and wish he were here every day. But, that limbo? That's by far the hardest.

 

Big, giant hugs to you. I'm so sorry your dad is failing again. I still have hope for you. For a better outcome.

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Robin M

Robin M

Posted
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Aw Bethany! We've been there a few times with my mom but so far each time she has pulled through and made it back to good health. If it isn't his time, then don't let him give up.

 

It's hard for you I know because we have to be strong and try to be happy, be optimistic and be there for them. Then leave and fall to pieces, cry on someone's shoulder, then go back and do it all over again. The greatest gift you can give him is to be there for him. The greatest gift your family and kids can give you is to be there for you. Don't be afraid to lean on them as well.

 

:grouphug:

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bzymom

bzymom

Posted
Posted

Unfortunately, many of us have sat in your chair before you. Spend time with him, but also be kind to yourself. It is emotionally exhausting, and often physically exhausting as well, to go through this process with a much-loved parent.

 

There will be peace for him. It is harder for the rest of us, so will keep you in my prayers. :grouphug: :grouphug:

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Harriet Vane

Harriet Vane

Posted
Posted

I walked this road with someone dear to me. She was sick for seven hard years before she passed on (almost exactly two years ago). Visiting her as she lay suffering is one of the hardest paths I have ever walked. I know the look of which you speak. It took all my strength to go there to be with her. Once there, it took all my strength to leave her again. It would take days to recover, and then it was time to visit her again, and it was so hard. Yet, I treasure every moment we had together, and I treasure the closeness in our relationship in those years.

 

I'm sorry it's so hard. May God give you strength to keep walking this path with him. :grouphug:

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